Bullying, damaging or helpful?

[Northern Dominus]

Interesting. I've participated in several psychological studies (both for academic credit and for money) at my university, and some of them involved rudimentary psychotherapy. I believe very strongly in the power of the subconscious, and agree with you on its feasibility as a form of therapy. Although, obviously, since psychotherapists often take larger leaps to reach their conclusions, I think development as a field of study, as well as mainstream approval, will be slow.

Plus there's always some small but vocal minority that will decry that kind of therapy as some sort of brainwashing or some other nonsense.
Which is another form of bullying actually: mob rule bullying.

[Northern Dominus]

Well, every field in the known universe has been decried as something negative as some point in time or another. It's the nature of existing in a galaxy with so many conflicting opinions.

Yeah well opinions and a certain sphincter in the human body, everybody's got em...

[Northern Dominus]

Bullying isn't the root problem honestly. The root of the problem is the dog eat dog nature of capitalism itself. In order to fix the problem we'd have to totally revamp our economic system and getting people to do that is nearly impossible.

Would you please explain how this causes kids who don't even know what capitalism is to become bullies?

I was looking at that and scratching my head as well.

I'm no expert, so I don't know exactly what causes bullying. Maybe it's a psychological need to dominate others rooted in our primeval insticnts. Maybe it's a lack of socialization regarding acceptable interaction with peers courtesy of bad parenting.

I have doubts that a sociology-political ideology is the root of all bullying. I've seen animals that have bullying characteristics and they have no idea what the word means.

[Northern Dominus]

We live in a culture dominated by women. A culture where being a grown man watching shows made for 8 year old little girls is acceptable in some circles. More than 70% of teachers are female. Those females are in position of power, and have become many of our role models rather than men also not forgetting that many young men are raised by single mothers. The real problem here I believe is not with bullying, but with feminization of males. Which is a symptom of our increasingly liberal for lack of a better word society.

A man needs to defend himself, and to stand up for himself against bullies. When some one disrespects his honor a man should raise to the occasion fully prepared to fight. How can he though learn these skills from a female? Most females are compassionate and caring. Rarely do females concern themselves with the testosterone driven behaviors of men.

We are told "be nice" when it is to no consequence of ourselves. Then when we're defending our honor or defending ourselves on the playground we are punished. What were these fists made for if not the defense of honor and self? These manly fists.

The biggest criminal here through all of this though is public schooling. It forces children into school regardless of their whims. It oppresses and neuters many young men. I wish for boys to some day work besides other men, and to be influenced by and develop male role models.

ITT any male brought up without a male role model in his life is doomed to fail.

So where did you get your degree in psychology?

Where did you get yours?

[Northern Dominus]

Constructive criticism and bullying are diametrically opposed. One is done with the intent of ultimately helping the other guy. The other is done purely out of malice.

Exactly. Constrictive criticism, when given correctly, serves to not only address a persons' perceived faults but bolster their good ones as well.

Bullying just brings out the bad in everyone in one form or another.

[Northern Dominus]

Last time I checked young men weren't being raised in the halls of congress.



See this is what I mean. It doesn't it matter if it's sexist or full of bigotry when your ideology is conflicting to many young growing men. Are boys suppose to choose a guy a grown male I might add as a role model who watches shows about ponies or wears skinny jeans in public?



It's not about just fighting, but it's also about being prepared to stand up for yourself and fighting if you just might have to. It works I know it works just watch Gordon Ramsay in action.



No, those are our palms. You can't hold stuff with your fists.



Most of them are women though!

edit* Also I'm just noting the disposition that women have towards nurturing

Would it be asking too much for citations and sources? Again from neutral or official sites, not propaganda machines slanted in one direction or the other.

[Northern Dominus]

I honestly can't find anything in my prior post that would need citing...

Let's see here...

Our fists were made so that we could hold stuff. You must have the education of a 2 year old.

That

Most of them are women though!

And that.

[Northern Dominus]

In my opinion people usually get bullied through no fault other than their own.

At least you qualified it as an opinion.

You're wrong of course:
http://www.livescience.com/6032-studies ... ected.html
http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/02/03 ... 11191.html

[Northern Dominus]

SERIOUSLY?!? WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?? Kids, at such young ages, know nothing of what capitalism is. They don't learn that until high school, so while your argument would make sense when talking about 16-18 year olds...how the FRAK does it measure up to kids 5-8 years old?

It doesn't matter if they know what it is or isn't. They emulate what they see in society. Watch a movie or read a book, almost all of them have some reference to economics. Often the bad guy in kids movies is some rich guy, but he has a lot of power. Kids see this as if they become the bad guy they will be powerful. Simple logic really.

Since you missed it on the last page... once more, this time with footnotes and hopefully no waffling.

Would you please explain how this causes kids who don't even know what capitalism is to become bullies?

I was looking at that and scratching my head as well.

I'm no expert, so I don't know exactly what causes bullying. Maybe it's a psychological need to dominate others rooted in our primeval insticnts. Maybe it's a lack of socialization regarding acceptable interaction with peers courtesy of bad parenting.

I have doubts that a sociology-political ideology is the root of all bullying. I've seen animals that have bullying characteristics and they have no idea what the word means.

[Northern Dominus]

Since you missed it on the last page... once more, this time with footnotes and hopefully no waffling.

This I may have missed. The fact of the matter is humans adapt to the society they are in. Animals do the same. If an animal is in an overtly hostile environment it becomes more hostile no? Humans do the same thing. As children learn from what they see around them they often notice that the "best" are looked up to while the average is not. This makes then try to set themselves apart somehow. They do so in different ways such as becoming popular or becoming a bully or simply keeping to themselves. While it is not the root problem it is one of the main problems, they wanted a fixable problem. One cannot fix human and animal nature, therefore if I had used that it would not be a valid argument.

But you simply argued against your own logic then! Capitalism isn't a cause of bullying and you just said as much. Possibly some of it is down to nature and a desire for dominance but the possibility exists that a lot of it, again, comes down to parental conditioning.

[Not Kony Run Uganda]

I can't believe this is actually a subject of debate. In my opinion, bullying stays with you and forces you to accept it. In my younger years, I was bullyed, what it made me do was steal one of my bullies phones, drink, urged me to use pain killers, lash out, and made me feel suicidal. Sure it sould toughen you up for your later years but some can't handle it. Me? I got over it, but can still remember the insults and abuse I endured. I'm not making anyone try to feel bad for me, I just want people to know that it does damage much more than help.

[Novograd IV]

It's harmful to the victim, undoubtedly, but there can be some unexpected outcomes depending on your reaction.

I remember being held up by the neck in front of what couldn't have been less than 50 students and even a few teachers, multiple times. I kept a completely indifferent face until eventually he made me have a small breakdown, to everyone else it looked like I was laughing at him. He had me pretty shook at the time, especially when I saw some of the teachers just observing it. In the end, someone did step in. A lot of other people just dropped bullying me after that because 'I just don't give a fuck' according to them.

That said, I was quite paranoid that it would happen again, seeing as he wasn't excluded or anything. I saw him the next day, with the warning that I'd "better watch myself".

Yaaaaay, I got to tell part of my life story, can I have a cookie?

[Nui-ta]

I got a lot of bullying done at me when I was a kid.

Does it toughen you up? Yes. It gave me a side that is more no-nonsense. It made me get really tough right around 10th and 11th grade.

But...uh...it also coincided with some nervous habits. Not to mention that I was diagnosed and still suffer from acute paranoia. I doubt the bulling helped that.

[Numer]

Bullying is neither helpful nor harmful...it's hilarious.

^Kidding, but in all seriousness, recent data suggests that most students/adolescents do not identify themselves as the bullies or victims-rather an overlap of both. An overwhelming majority said that they had said hurtful things to another peer, but had also had hurtful things said to them, both situations happening on multiple occasions. So technically it is hard to solve "bullying" as a problem when nearly everyone's doing it to each other. On a personal note, I was picked on in my school, but I made the rights friends, tried to better the flaws that people made fun of me for and...I'll admit it...deflected some of the abuse I had received on other peers. It's called growing up, and I can't believe our society makes such a big deal over these things when other children are starving to death, children who would do anything to be in the bullying "victim's" situation.

[Numer]

Bullying is neither helpful nor harmful...it's hilarious.

^Kidding, but in all seriousness, recent data suggests that most students/adolescents do not identify themselves as the bullies or victims-rather an overlap of both. An overwhelming majority said that they had said hurtful things to another peer, but had also had hurtful things said to them, both situations happening on multiple occasions. So technically it is hard to solve "bullying" as a problem when nearly everyone's doing it to each other. On a personal note, I was picked on in my school, but I made the rights friends, tried to better the flaws that people made fun of me for and...I'll admit it...deflected some of the abuse I had received on other peers. It's called growing up, and I can't believe our society makes such a big deal over these things when other children are starving to death, children who would do anything to be in the bullying "victim's" situation.

That's not "bullying" as we're defining it here. Everyone gets teased, and everyone occasionally gets into spats with other people. That's not the issue.

The kind of bullying we're talking about is a completely one-sided campaign of psychological abuse. Two people who both hate each other and each give as well as they get are not "bullying" each other. A bully has power over the victim in some way or another that the victim cannot compensate for to fight him on equal terms.

In the situation you described, I never understand why the victim doesn't adjust themselves to make themselves less vulnerable to a psychological abuse. They can laugh at the bully's jest and then say something equally hurtful back (yeah I know it's vicious, but it works), Let's say the person is fitting the stereotype of a "nerd" or "geek" they can try to be more social and garner more friends and support in another way (joining a sports team). The victim doesn't necessarily need to fight back to the bully directly, they only need to adjust the balances of social power so that the bully can move onto "weaker prey" (also sounds really bad, but in my experience this method works best).

[Numer]

In the situation you described, I never understand why the victim doesn't adjust themselves to make themselves less vulnerable to a psychological abuse. They can laugh at the bully's jest and then say something equally hurtful back (yeah I know it's vicious, but it works), Let's say the person is fitting the stereotype of a "nerd" or "geek" they can try to be more social and garner more friends and support in another way (joining a sports team). The victim doesn't necessarily need to fight back to the bully directly, they only need to adjust the balances of social power so that the bully can move onto "weaker prey" (also sounds really bad, but in my experience this method works best).

I call BS....and here's why...
I only showed interest in sports ONCE.....back in junior high, I tried out for basketball. I was all set to get into sports until I learned the cost in equipment, uniforms, and travel fees my parents would have to incur just so I could play. I backed out of it right then. Now, during that 6 week period in which I tried out, nothing changed. I was STILL being bullied. So, "adjusting the balances of social power" did nothing for me. THAT is why I call BS on your statement.

Well, sorry to be an asshole but...you didn't make it. At every tryout there's kids who everyone knows have no chance, while the kids themselves are oblivious to their lack of skill. I am not saying that you were one of them, but until you are on the team, proving that you are good, you're situation isn't supposed to change yet because guess what... your not on the team yet!

[Numer]

TAKE DRUGS. KILL A BEAR.

COVER YOURSELF IN DEER PISS SO HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR SCENT.

START EATING THE CUBS IN FRONT OF HIM. AND YES, YOU'RE EATING THE CUBS ALIVE.

[Oliver the Mediocre]

Bullying, damaging or helpful?

I was rather relentlessly bullied in emotional and social senses in gradeschool (my bullies usually didn't bother with physical things, but that doesn't mean it wasn't bad).. it made me a stronger person in some ways.

But I would never, ever want somebody to go through that, for any reason, no matter how much stronger it made me for suffering through it.

[President Mathias]

I'm gonna have to support him on this. I was bullied quite a bit myself. I was considered an idiot by my teachers, fellow students, and even the administration. They didn't want to deal with me. They wanted me gone. The kids bullied me. The teachers turned a blind eye. Now? Now I'll have my A.A. out of high school. I can't say that the bullying inspired me to make myself better. I probably could have done better in my earlier education (I had quite low grades in elementary school). I do think I came out a stronger person because of bullying, thought I am much quieter than I was before.

I was an extrovert when I was young, never one to shy away from something new. Now I'm an introvert. Could be because of bullying or just growing up, but I just wanted to state it for the record.

In response to that guy who said:

Anybody who thinks that bullying is helpful is likely a bully themselves.

Excuse me a moment. *walks away and laughs his ass off* I'm sorry, but what? As I stated above I was bullied for years, yet I think it can be helpful. The only time I could conceivably be called a bully was the one time this kid pushed me too far and I knocked his teeth out.

[R Ev0lution]

I'd like to share my opinion, especially since most of the anecdotes we've heard so far were from victims (who either "toughened up" or didn't). I think it might add a lot to the conversation if you heard from somebody who himself used to be a bully.

First, let me say that I was a bully until I was 12 or 13, and that I sincerely regret doing what I did. If I met the people who I used to push around, I doubt I'd even muster up the courage to apologize and ask for their forgiveness. In the beginning, I enjoyed bullying because it gave me a sense of power and dominance over people who I perceived as "weaker." However, over time, I realized how ridiculous I was being. Bullying is all about establishing your place in a social hierarchy through violence and psychological warfare.

For those of you who argue that being a victim of bullying "toughens people up," let me say that it doesn't. People react in one of two ways: they escalate or they defer. They don't "toughen up." Bullying is a relentless assault -- 24/7/365 -- of warfare. There's no evading it. It is a form of propaganda intended to strip a person of their power, self-esteem, and willpower. Some, such as the OP, "escalate," and respond by attempting a hard show of toughness. As a bully, I never took this as a sign to "stay away," it merely meant that I needed to get a few of my friends, and pound my victim into the ground until he got the message -- "I can do anything I want to you, and nothing you do will change that." The only form of escalation that would've stopped me at that age was if somebody got fed up with me, got a gun, and killed me, a la Columbine. And deferring isn't much better -- it's a show of what I perceived as weakness. In essence, whatever people did was merely an invitation to continue. The ones who "got tougher" were the just the uncooperative ones who needed extra attention.

If you still think you "toughened up" because of your bullies, or if you view victims of bullying as sissies or weaklings, let me say that everybody has a breaking point. A threshold where they simply can't take it anymore. If your bully never managed to push you to that point, good for you. Consider yourself lucky. But don't lie to yourself. Everybody has buttons that can be pushed, and, if you think you "toughened up," then that just means that whoever bullied you either didn't push the right buttons, or didn't push them hard enough. Being a victim of bullying is like being a victim of the Holocaust -- you're either a survivor or a casualty. Nobody got "tougher" because they were in a concentration camp.

Finally, there is no such thing as bullying "improving self-esteem" or "preparing you for harsh realities." Self-esteem is achieved through success, and preparation for reality is achieved through failure. True, constant success leads to over-confidence, which will rock you when you finally fail. On the other hand, constant failure makes people feel helpless. Bullying is an attempt at sabotaging an individual's psychology, making every failure and shortcoming seem insurmountable, while undermining every meager victory. As somebody who has tutored, coached, and counseled both peers and youth, I can tell from firsthand experience: If you want to build a successful person, you don't bully them. You encourage them to rise to challenges, learn from their failures, and show them that victory is an attainable goal. Bullying does not do this -- it merely oppresses, robs, and breaks. It does not "push" you, but, rather, it "pushes around."

If you are currently a victim of bullying or have been bullied, please feel free to send me a PM/Telegram, or to open up to an understanding friend. There is no shame, disgrace, or weakness in seeking solace, sanctuary, protection, or sympathy from something this serious. If you approach me as a victim of bullying seeking help, I will respect your privacy and your situation, and offer you my wholehearted support.

[R Ev0lution]

I'd like to share my opinion, especially since most of the anecdotes we've heard so far were from victims (who either "toughened up" or didn't). I think it might add a lot to the conversation if you heard from somebody who himself used to be a bully.

First off, thank you for lending your perspective and experience to this problem, especially in light of the fact that a disturbing number of people apparently think bullying is beneficial in some way.

I'm curious what you make of this recent rise in teen suicide rates related to bullying, especially the ones regarding a young person's sexual orientation. Does the advent of the internet and communications technology. Does that constant access increase the intensity of that 24/7/365 assault you referenced?
Also, in light of this escalating suicide rate who is to blame? Do the bullies have everything laid squarely at their feet and on their shoulders or does society at large have a part in the blame for not proactively taking on the bullies and standing up for their victims, seemingly leaving the task to a small few willing to intervene?

Honestly, I'm not sure what's causing the recent rise in teen suicides. Without a doubt, many cultures (and people within those cultures) are homophobic without realizing it. For instance, people who use "gay" or "fag" as a derogatory term: imagine hearing that every single day in the hallway, the locker room, on the Internet -- it could drive you crazy. It's an insult that's not even directed at you, but still gives you every reason to be ashamed of your sexuality, which is (especially in your teen years) a very core part of your identity. I believe that people who use "gay" as a pejorative adjective are bullies, even if they don't realize it, because they're still actively contributing to a pervasive system of thought and psychology that teaches youngsters to be ashamed of who they are. That being said, I don't know what's causing the recent upswing in suicides. Certainly, homophobia is nothing new in society, so there has to be some sort of other trigger. Perhaps this has been going on for a while, and the media is only now beginning to lend its attention?

With respect to the Internet and communications technology, yes, it is definitely a medium through which bullying can be achieved. I don't think the Internet is inherently a bad thing. But, for the bully, it does add a whole new dimension and a whole new set of tools to be used. Now, you can harass, insult, and sabotage somebody's life through cyber-space, anonymously. Before, there were places where a bully simply could not get to you. How can a bully attack you in your own room? How can a bully get you while you're watching TV with your dad? The home was a sacred place, which is why the stereotype is that the bullied nerd stays at home playing video-games all day. Now, all that's thrown out the window, because we live in a society where it's almost required to be constantly "plugged in." So, now, unless the victim chooses to utterly close himself off, the bully has 24/7/365 access to his victim. His job becomes simpler and easier.

Finally, let me get something out of the way before I answer your last question. What I will say is that, as a child, neither of my parents were very good at their familial responsibilities. I feel like my father resorted to physical violence more than he needed to, and my mother flip-flopped between stifling affection and blatant neglect. I suspect that this is a large part of the reason I resorted to bullying as soon as I was old enough to go to school -- I needed the respect, affection, and acceptance of my peers, and my own father had done this by being a bit of a brutish ass. Thus, this was the language I knew, and the one which I spoke and understood: power and violence. I don't think I was inherently malignant from birth; I was just deeply insecure about my ability to command the respect, affection, and acceptance of other people. This, perhaps, reveals a deeper insight into the psyche of a bully. I don't speak for all bullies, but I have a strong suspicion that many people bully others because they're insecure about how they fit into the social hierarchy -- in the same way that an overprotective girlfriend is insecure about how she fits into her boyfriend's life, and about her ability to maintain healthy, trusting relationships. Often, these insecurities stem from some form of victimization -- parental neglect, childhood abuse, deep insecurity, or even their own experiences with being victims of bullying. It's important not to mark bullies as some universal evil, but to understand the psychology behind the bully, so that we can challenge the elements of our society that teach people to become bullies.

At the same time, though, I think society fails to deal with bullying in a proactive fashion. Often, teachers turn a blind eye, and parents are usually no better. What we need to understand is that the support system is critical in a war against bullying. The bully seeks to divide and conquer. His power comes through his ability to ostracize victims, to make them feel powerless and weak and (especially) alone and friendless. Bullies often struggle to target "popular" kids because their support systems are stronger and more diverse. If you physically attack, they often have friends who can defend or retaliate. If you verbally harass, they have friends who can essentially provide moral support and undermine your efforts. The bully has to produce a separation between the victim and the rest of the community before striking. And when he strikes, he tends to highlight this "friendless loner" status. When you don't have friends to protect you and watch your back, it's very easy to start believing what you're told if you're constantly bombarded with it. So, while, without a doubt, it's true that bullies are guilty of the act itself, it's equally true that members of certain communities (esp. at a young age) fail to look out for each other, and simply let things happen. That's not how a community is supposed to work, but, unfortunately, that's how our schooling system works.

If you're still in school, and you see a loner who gets bullied a lot, or who might be a very easy target for bullying, don't be afraid to sit next to him and make a new friend. When bullies smell social outcasts, it's like a shark smelling blood. A person with a solid group of friends is harder to manipulate, harass, and mess around with. Likewise, when somebody is getting crap from all directions, just having one person occasionally sit next to them to chat without treating them like vermin can make a World of difference.

[R Ev0lution]

1. Honestly, I'm not sure what's causing the recent rise in teen suicides. Without a doubt, many cultures (and people within those cultures) are homophobic without realizing it. For instance, people who use "gay" or "fag" as a derogatory term: imagine hearing that every single day in the hallway, the locker room, on the Internet -- it could drive you crazy. It's an insult that's not even directed at you, but still gives you every reason to be ashamed of your sexuality, which is (especially in your teen years) a very core part of your identity. I believe that people who use "gay" as a pejorative adjective are bullies, even if they don't realize it, because they're still actively contributing to a pervasive system of thought and psychology that teaches youngsters to be ashamed of who they are. That being said, I don't know what's causing the recent upswing in suicides. Certainly, homophobia is nothing new in society, so there has to be some sort of other trigger. Perhaps this has been going on for a while, and the media is only now beginning to lend its attention?

2. With respect to the Internet and communications technology, yes, it is definitely a medium through which bullying can be achieved. I don't think the Internet is inherently a bad thing. But, for the bully, it does add a whole new dimension and a whole new set of tools to be used. Now, you can harass, insult, and sabotage somebody's life through cyber-space, anonymously. Before, there were places where a bully simply could not get to you. How can a bully attack you in your own room? How can a bully get you while you're watching TV with your dad? The home was a sacred place, which is why the stereotype is that the bullied nerd stays at home playing video-games all day. Now, all that's thrown out the window, because we live in a society where it's almost required to be constantly "plugged in." So, now, unless the victim chooses to utterly close himself off, the bully has 24/7/365 access to his victim. His job becomes simpler and easier.

Finally, let me get something out of the way before I answer your last question. What I will say is that, as a child, neither of my parents were very good at their familial responsibilities. I feel like my father resorted to physical violence more than he needed to, and my mother flip-flopped between stifling affection and blatant neglect. I suspect that this is a large part of the reason I resorted to bullying as soon as I was old enough to go to school -- I needed the respect, affection, and acceptance of my peers, and my own father had done this by being a bit of a brutish ass. Thus, this was the language I knew, and the one which I spoke and understood: power and violence. I don't think I was inherently malignant from birth; I was just deeply insecure about my ability to command the respect, affection, and acceptance of other people. This, perhaps, reveals a deeper insight into the psyche of a bully. I don't speak for all bullies, but I have a strong suspicion that many people bully others because they're insecure about how they fit into the social hierarchy -- in the same way that an overprotective girlfriend is insecure about how she fits into her boyfriend's life, and about her ability to maintain healthy, trusting relationships. Often, these insecurities stem from some form of victimization -- parental neglect, childhood abuse, deep insecurity, or even their own experiences with being victims of bullying. It's important not to mark bullies as some universal evil, but to understand the psychology behind the bully, so that we can challenge the elements of our society that teach people to become bullies.

At the same time, though, I think society fails to deal with bullying in a proactive fashion. Often, teachers turn a blind eye, and parents are usually no better. What we need to understand is that the support system is critical in a war against bullying. The bully seeks to divide and conquer. His power comes through his ability to ostracize victims, to make them feel powerless and weak and (especially) alone and friendless. Bullies often struggle to target "popular" kids because their support systems are stronger and more diverse. If you physically attack, they often have friends who can defend or retaliate. If you verbally harass, they have friends who can essentially provide moral support and undermine your efforts. The bully has to produce a separation between the victim and the rest of the community before striking. And when he strikes, he tends to highlight this "friendless loner" status. When you don't have friends to protect you and watch your back, it's very easy to start believing what you're told if you're constantly bombarded with it. So, while, without a doubt, it's true that bullies are guilty of the act itself, it's equally true that members of certain communities (esp. at a young age) fail to look out for each other, and simply let things happen. That's not how a community is supposed to work, but, unfortunately, that's how our schooling system works.

3. If you're still in school, and you see a loner who gets bullied a lot, or who might be a very easy target for bullying, don't be afraid to sit next to him and make a new friend. When bullies smell social outcasts, it's like a shark smelling blood. A person with a solid group of friends is harder to manipulate, harass, and mess around with. Likewise, when somebody is getting crap from all directions, just having one person occasionally sit next to them to chat without treating them like vermin can make a World of difference.

1. I feel I have something to contribute, as somebody who has been on both sides. I went to a Baptist-run school from 6th grade through 10th grade. Often, me and my friends would jokingly call each other 'fags'. Hell, even some of our female friends would join in. But if somebody from outside my social circle called me anything along those lines, there would be hell to pay. Once, I got into a fight with somebody because I merely thought I heard somebody call me gay.

Around the end of my freshman year, I finally realized that I was bi. And I instantly became more comfortable with myself. Of course, I stayed in the closet (and did such a good job, that apparently some of the people I went to that school with think I'm just screwing with everybody), and after the fight, people tended to be less serious when they called me those names anyways.

But still, I deeply regret the things I said when I was in denial. The fact that I don't know who out of the people I knew there are LGBT only makes it worse. The thought that I could contribute to lowering somebody's self-esteem based on their sexual orientation/gender identity pisses me off.

I wish I could take back all those things I said, even if everybody there was totally straight.

2. Conversely, sometimes the internet can be positive. For a little over a year until last October, I was in a rather shitty family environment. I won't go into the details (nothing illegal, though it certainly did straddle a fine line, which I think is almost as bad as actual abuse), but it felt like a form of bullying itself. Intimidation and manipulation were the tools of those people. I was rather severely depressed, to the point of not giving a fuck about living or dying.

But the community on here kept me sane. NSG was my lifeline. If it wasn't for them, I would either be dead, in prison, or a mental institution.

3. Recently, I, a high school junior, made the slight mistake of being open about my sexual orientation at my bus stop. I have gotten a lot of shit for it, but not from my fellow high-schoolers. Rather, from fucking middle schoolers (yes, you all read that correctly). Most of it was more harassment, than bullying per se, as the worst that happened to me and my friends who stuck up for me was getting pelted by erasers and paper balls. And you are right. It does make a world of difference to not be alone. Though, sometimes, it still doesn't seem to do enough good. Less than a month after I moved up to TN in November, a friend of my older sister's killed himself, due to being bullied for being gay. I never met him, but from what I gathered, he did have some very good friends. But it wasn't enough.

From what I gathered from your first post, you are a school counselor, right, R Ev0lution?

Thank you for contributing, Grenartia. It's always refreshing to hear new perspectives. I'm sorry to hear that your sister's friend passed away.

To answer your question, I am not a "school counselor," per se. I am currently a second-year undergraduate at university. However, I spent several months working for my university as a peer-counselor for students who were struggling to stay focused on their coursework for one reason or another. I also have background coaching athletes and tutoring students of various ages.

[R Ev0lution]

You sound like a BAMF, bro. Perhaps you've psychologically damaged yourself through your own bullying...

Who?

[R Ev0lution]

When I saw people getting constantly physically bullied, I would always befriend them and protect them. Needless to say, they didn't get bullied much after that.

I don't care much for verbal bullying, though. Anyone who can't take words on the chin is not ready for the world yet. And god forbid they ever use the internet. Words cannot hurt, I have been called many "hurtful" things throughout my lifetime, but it doesn't matter, because I realise that words cannot damage me.

Physical bullying does hurt;
Words do not.

Yes, they do. For instance, a person who receives frequent hate mail, is getting blackmailed, or has a stalker isn't getting physically beaten. But he's probably not going to sleep well, is going to have more stress in his daily life, and could develop psychological conditions as a result, such as paranoia or depression.

I guess it depends on your definition of "hurt," but there are consequences to verbal bullying which manifest themselves physically.

[R Ev0lution]

I was being sarcastic to show that you apparently don't understand the psychological impacts of repeated negative stimuli that are used for a prolonged period of time in a systematic manner.
TL;DR: Words hurt. They can cause major psychological problems that require counseling.

I can just as easily say only the weak allow themselves to be beaten, or stabbed, or bleed. It is not true. You cannot fault the victim for being victimized.

Well that's not true, because when you get stabbed or beaten, nocieptors activate sending a chemical message to your brain, causing you to feel pain. Everyone has these. That is why everyone is hurt from being beaten or stabbed. Pain tolerance is a different thing, though. Only the weak can't tolerate small amounts of pain.
Bleeding happens because when the skin is pierced, the blood is no longer contained and it comes out. Everyone experiences this. Both weak and strong.

Small vibrations in the air, last time I checked, do not walk up to you and beat you, or stab you, or make you bleed. Thus, your analogy is flawed.

Only the weak allow certain tiny vibrations in the air to cause them pain.

Hypothetical question, Itanica:

If, as a youth, your parents did an excellent job of feeding you, keeping you sheltered, and funding your education, but named you "Dipshit," told you that you were worthless scum every time you sat down at the dinner table, and never in your entire life said a single verbal word of encouragement, support, or advice to help you through a difficult situation, would you really say that you would turn out the same person?

Words matter, and they can hurt if wielded a certain way.