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The NSG Bulwer-Lytton competition: WINNER ANNOUNCED!

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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Forsher wrote:
I know. Which is why my second statement.


This is gonna get really meta if we keep going... :?


I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:37 am

Forsher wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
This is gonna get really meta if we keep going... :?


I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.


And down the rabbit hole we go...

Yaltabaoth stared with horror into Forsher's eyes, eyes that had grown cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child... cold as a line he'd already used in a previous post in the same thread...
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:39 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:45 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Forsher wrote:
I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.


And down the rabbit hole we go...

Yaltabaoth stared with horror into Forsher's eyes, eyes that had grown cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child... cold as the reference he'd already made in a previous post in the same thread...


Forsher flew like a bird bouyed by the pleasant thoughts of a rabbbit pie that awaited him on his return to the sprawling, consuming slums of the Thread... where a dark confrontation awaited him in the form of Yaltabaoth the Alluder.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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The Archregimancy
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Founded: Aug 01, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby The Archregimancy » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:56 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )


I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know. :)

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.
Last edited by The Archregimancy on Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

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The Archregimancy
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Founded: Aug 01, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby The Archregimancy » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:59 am

Mindhar wrote:Although I suspect this might be closer to Lyttle Lytton (apart from being far too long for it) since it's less puns and silly analogies and more just an absolutely ridiculous opening line.


That counts too - length isn't always everything.

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Blouman Empire
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Father Knows Best State

Postby Blouman Empire » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:01 am

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.
You know you've made it on NSG when you have a whole thread created around what you said.
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Ariddia
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Ariddia » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:02 am

"Drop your caribou", the man on television had said, somewhat cryptically perhaps, and Joe pondered the deeper meaning of that sentence as he descended -another form of depth- deep down towards the underground train station, which contained a distinct lack of caribou, but which did enable him to think about them, as he idled without purpose -except waiting for his train- on the platform.
Last edited by Ariddia on Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:04 am

The Archregimancy wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )


I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know.

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.


Twas a joke, Mein Fuhrer, merely a joke. As is this ;)

And since when did Mods sleep? I thought you were all transformed into trans-dimensional overlords upon your ascendency to Modhood, and eschewed such feeble human notions as sleep.

Edit: damn you auto-correct, I meant to type "mein", I really did
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:06 am

The Archregimancy wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )


I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know. :)

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.


At the ability of Generalites to create bad opening sentences?

On that note, a large bug appeared and shat in the protagonists face; which was me so as you can tell, I, Claudia am exceedingly unlucky.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:06 am

Blouman Empire wrote:Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.


Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...

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Blouman Empire
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Father Knows Best State

Postby Blouman Empire » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:15 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Blouman Empire wrote:Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.


Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...


Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG
You know you've made it on NSG when you have a whole thread created around what you said.
On the American/United Statesian matter "I'd suggest Americans go to their nation settings and change their nation prefix to something cooler." - The Kangaroo Republic
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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:17 am

Blouman Empire wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...


Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG


I read Jennifer Government... And I have a feeling that quote before as I haven't heard of Company.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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NERVUN
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Founded: Mar 24, 2005
Ex-Nation

Postby NERVUN » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:17 am

Blouman Empire wrote:Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him... :p
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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:34 am

Blouman Empire wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...


Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG


I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.

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Blouman Empire
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Founded: Sep 05, 2007
Father Knows Best State

Postby Blouman Empire » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:36 am

NERVUN wrote:
Blouman Empire wrote:Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him... :p


All I can offer is that I get on my knees and beg for clemency oh and shine his shoes he will be able to shave using his shoe as a mirror once I'm done.
You know you've made it on NSG when you have a whole thread created around what you said.
On the American/United Statesian matter "I'd suggest Americans go to their nation settings and change their nation prefix to something cooler." - The Kangaroo Republic
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Blouman Empire
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Father Knows Best State

Postby Blouman Empire » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:37 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Blouman Empire wrote:
Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG


I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.


I read Jennifer Government because I was on Nationstates and figured I might as well read the book. Since then I have bought and read everyone of his books since.
You know you've made it on NSG when you have a whole thread created around what you said.
On the American/United Statesian matter "I'd suggest Americans go to their nation settings and change their nation prefix to something cooler." - The Kangaroo Republic
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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:40 am

Blouman Empire wrote:
NERVUN wrote:So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him... :p


All I can offer is that I get on my knees and beg for clemency oh and shine his shoes he will be able to shave using his shoe as a mirror once I'm done.


If you'd really shined his shoes, he'd be able to use them as his razor. Amateurs...

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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:01 am

Blouman Empire wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.


I read Jennifer Government because I was on Nationstates and figured I might as well read the book. Since then I have bought and read everyone of his books since.


I read Jennifer Gvernment for exactly the same reason.

New entry.

Once upon a time on there was a prince whose story, aside from a select few deatails, resembled that of the Princess and the Pea which was the source of much teasing and humiliation from his fellow princes who were all born in raging storms to mothers and cursed by evil witches, but this prince, the Huge Prince Rupert, eventually got over this.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:02 am

The candle before him flickered and danced like an attention-seeking whore, and he felt his disgust rise within him… the thought that this candleflame could attract him, tempt him, even degrade him by her mere presence was intolerable, and he resolved to end her waxy flickering life before events got any more out of control.
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Forsher
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Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:09 am

It was awful.

With a something number entry to accompany it.

Like a butterfly in full flight, the moth darted from light to light, each warm orange glow distorted by the uneven wingbeat and stutter of a drunk moving in a straight line to the fridge, seeking a knowledge that a mere insect should not desire and, indeed, this was no ordinary insect, this was an Übermotte.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Dumb Ideologies
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Mother Knows Best State

Postby Dumb Ideologies » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:27 am

Of all the impudences, impertinences, phenomena with distinctly insolent anger-making properties, the meager saliferous unpalatableness of these accursed, confounded, monstrous, diabolical, infernal hypermarket-acquired twenty-pence custard creams verily was the zenith of the real and figurative taking of the biscuit.
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¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸ Use Culture War Snake Oil on all your stubborn political stains - if it doesn't work just add more! ¸„¤*˜*¤„¸„¤*˜*¤„¸
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Yaltabaoth
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Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:33 am

Dumb Ideologies wrote:Of all the impudences, impertinences, phenomena with distinctly insolent anger-making properties, the meager saliferous unpalatableness of these accursed, confounded, monstrous, diabolical, infernal hypermarket-acquired twenty-pence custard creams verily was the zenith of the real and figurative taking of the biscuit.


My eyes, my eeeyyyyyeeessssssss...!!![edit]one
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Salvarity
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Salvarity » Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:54 am

Alicia woke up in a frightful daze "Where is jimmy my pet koala" With that she went downstairs to he dungeon to play with Jimmy II her new koala.
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Aethyopea
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Ex-Nation

Postby Aethyopea » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:13 am

"50 to 60 words"

"The earth's rotation was in such a way, that the place on earth that I was on wasn't looking at the sun (not that places on earth could look at the sun, unless you think people are places on earth and they are looking at the sun, which you really shouldn't do for too long or you'll go blind!) there were clouds over the sky (so I couldn't have looked at the sun even if I wanted to and the place on earth that I was on was, in fact, looking at the sun which it wasn't) and storms filled the sky (no lightning though, so I couldn't have used the light from the lightning to look at the sun even if I wanted to and the earth wasn't turned the wrong way and there weren't clouds in the way though since I once read in some book somewhere that you can't have lightning without clouds that seems impossible unles you're, like, Storm from the X-Men or something, in which case looking at the sun seems like lame way to use your lightning powers and it wouldn't work anyway since the earth's being all coy and stuff and turned the wrong way) and it was dark, and we were in London."


Since one definition of the word 'beyond' is
4. superior to; surpassing; above: wise beyond all others.
(from dictionary.com)
and this quote isn't above '50 to 60 words' and you didn't say what definition of 'beyond' I have to use, it's technically not against the rules.
Last edited by Aethyopea on Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:34 am, edited 5 times in total.
POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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•"The Catholic and the Communist are alike in assuming that an opponent cannot be both honest and intelligent."
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Rambhutan
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Ex-Nation

Postby Rambhutan » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:14 am

Geddes was a tall man, a tall man dressed in a tweed suit nearly as tall as he was.
Last edited by Rambhutan on Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:29 am, edited 2 times in total.
Are we there yet?

Overherelandistan wrote: I chalange you to find a better one that isnt even worse

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