The NSG Bulwer-Lytton competition: WINNER ANNOUNCED!

[Norstal]

It was a sunny bright morning when Sunny discovered that her breakfast was composed of balut, a duck fetus boiled to perfection in 100 degrees Celsius hydrogen dioxide inside a spherical protein-encased shell, sipping what happened to be coffee imported from the finest middle-eastern terrorist cell, when she read the newspaper to discover more astonishing thingies.


Clocked in at 56 words.

[Norstal]

Alexander cha-chaed elegantly into the bar, proceeding thus to ascend upon the tender tender's moobs and receive a swift kick to the genital regions; this ritual he oft repeated, for Azabulzugagar with not even six years having passed had come to him and ordained it in exchange for the life of his darling Holka, whose hairy mole sent tingles down his abdomen every time he became cognizant of its proximity.

That's hilarious, so my vote goes for you.

Vote Astrolinium.

[Nationstatelandsville]

"S-word!" shouted the young bartender as the cold, damp glass of beer slipped from her hands and was pulled down by gravity, a force which was extensively researched by scientists Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) and Issac Newton (1642-1727), towards the wooden and gum-covered floor, much like a glass of a drink similar to beer but not quite beer would, for the glass was filled with beer and thus would be very much like a glass filled with a beer-like substance that was not exactly like beer, for two substances can never truly be alike, unless they are.

[Yaltabaoth]

Jack awoke, turgid with fright, at the terrible sound that woke him.

[Yaltabaoth]

It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.

This made me laugh. Awesome.

[Yaltabaoth]

It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.

This made me laugh. Awesome.

Thank you. I'm currently reading the full list of past winners, and I'm struggling to breathe through my laughter. I am but an amateur.

[New Rogernomics]

A discreetly ambivalent vessel, wintered by overturning flows of a blue tempest, scattered across the globe, spraying divisible signs of despairing impartiality over the tea. Then came the castration.

[Yaltabaoth]

Holding his breath, he slowly and cautiously approached the door and listened intently… there was a shuffling sound from within the darkened room, and he felt his spine grow cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child… they HAD planned a surprise birthday party for him after all.

[New Rogernomics]

The giant frog fish, held my cookies, eating my fibrous breakfast with disgust, as I hid under the desk. Awaiting me, the lord called to me, 'my precioussss' said the table, and I ate the paper, its scent bringing me to Kansas, after I sniffed three times, there I stood at Adolf Hitlers fetus farm, with Stalin spying at child porn through the window.

[Forsher]

The deluded self knows nothing of the delusions of sanity, this was a thought that occured to Rudolph as his nose blinded him for the twentieth time that morning.

[Yaltabaoth]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

[Forsher]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?

[New Rogernomics]

There was a cat, that was very big. It coughed fur-balls over the carpet, and ate all the tuna; then came the one eyed dog; the biscuit held its spectacles aghast.

[Yaltabaoth]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?

Which sentence? Be more specific please.

[New Amerik]

Though the dim and slitted eyes, weary and blind with the bleary fluorescent light of the computer screen saw and the gnarled, key-blunted and oil greased fingers one by one clicked their way in response and call to some turgid battle of the web, even the grottoed, mishapen brain of the morbidly hunched husk of the computer user flinched and shut down in mortal terror on sight of the blood-specked, forever desolate beast known as the Nationstates General Sub-Forum.

[Forsher]

This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?

Which sentence? Be more specific please.

The first.

[Yaltabaoth]

As the sky darkened, and the thunder rolled, and the world's teeth gnashed in unison, and the alien spaceships moved into position above all the great deserts of the world, I pondered to myself, "why the deserts, do they actually know what they're doing?"

[Yaltabaoth]

Which sentence? Be more specific please.

The first.

I was kidding

[Forsher]

The first.

I was kidding

I know. Which is why my second statement.

[Meowfoundland]

As the city slept, the inhabitants of the aforementioned city conducted business that was typical of the inhabitants of a city at night, in that they slept also, but not all slept, and one of these people who did not sleep, although he usually slept at night, realised that the stars, being not there any more, had disappeared.

[Yaltabaoth]

"What do you mean "What's my motivation?"" the director roared at the young actress, "you're an utterly bland teen girl who is inexplicably the love interest of both a vampire (who sparkles) and a werewolf, clearly your motivation is… uh okay, you might have a point."

[Yaltabaoth]

I was kidding

I know. Which is why my second statement.

This is gonna get really meta if we keep going...

[New Amerik]

The ambitious plan to enjoin both the "Project: Fledermaus" and "Project: Aphrodite" secret weapons projects during World War 2 was ingenious but, alas, doomed to failure upon the first practical test run where, it was discovered shortly after releasing the bats after dousing them with the sex pheremones, the flying mammals were in fact blowing each other up rather than the enemy.

[Ariddia]

The morning was bright, bright as the sun which caused it to be so, shining through the shifting shimmering clouds which drifted aimlessly like lost fluffy sheep untethered in a vast open sky, contrasting sharply with the darkness of the night which had just come to a natural close as it did every morning; but as Thomas Tumblemac slept in that morning, like every morning, until early afternoon, that is not where our story begins.