NATION

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The NSG Bulwer-Lytton competition: WINNER ANNOUNCED!

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

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Norstal
Post Czar
 
Posts: 41460
Founded: Mar 07, 2008
Ex-Nation

Postby Norstal » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:13 pm

It was a sunny bright morning when Sunny discovered that her breakfast was composed of balut, a duck fetus boiled to perfection in 100 degrees Celsius hydrogen dioxide inside a spherical protein-encased shell, sipping what happened to be coffee imported from the finest middle-eastern terrorist cell, when she read the newspaper to discover more astonishing thingies.


Clocked in at 56 words.
Toronto Sun wrote:Best poster ever. ★★★★★


New York Times wrote:No one can beat him in debates. 5/5.


IGN wrote:Literally the best game I've ever played. 10/10


NSG Public wrote:What a fucking douchebag.



Supreme Chairman for Life of the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee

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Norstal
Post Czar
 
Posts: 41460
Founded: Mar 07, 2008
Ex-Nation

Postby Norstal » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:16 pm

Astrolinium wrote:Alexander cha-chaed elegantly into the bar, proceeding thus to ascend upon the tender tender's moobs and receive a swift kick to the genital regions; this ritual he oft repeated, for Azabulzugagar with not even six years having passed had come to him and ordained it in exchange for the life of his darling Holka, whose hairy mole sent tingles down his abdomen every time he became cognizant of its proximity.

That's hilarious, so my vote goes for you.

Vote Astrolinium.
Toronto Sun wrote:Best poster ever. ★★★★★


New York Times wrote:No one can beat him in debates. 5/5.


IGN wrote:Literally the best game I've ever played. 10/10


NSG Public wrote:What a fucking douchebag.



Supreme Chairman for Life of the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee

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Nationstatelandsville
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 70969
Founded: Apr 27, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Nationstatelandsville » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:30 pm

"S-word!" shouted the young bartender as the cold, damp glass of beer slipped from her hands and was pulled down by gravity, a force which was extensively researched by scientists Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) and Issac Newton (1642-1727), towards the wooden and gum-covered floor, much like a glass of a drink similar to beer but not quite beer would, for the glass was filled with beer and thus would be very much like a glass filled with a beer-like substance that was not exactly like beer, for two substances can never truly be alike, unless they are.
"Then I was fertilized and grew wise;
From a word to a word I was led to a word,
From a work to a work I was led to a work."
- Odin, Hávamál 138-141, the Poetic Edda, as translated by Dan McCoy.

I enjoy meta-humor and self-deprecation. Annoying, right?

Goodbye.

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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:44 pm

Jack awoke, turgid with fright, at the terrible sound that woke him.

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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:58 pm

It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.

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Nanatsu no Tsuki
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 192687
Founded: Feb 10, 2008
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:05 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.


This made me laugh. Awesome. :lol:
Code name: Ratatouille Strychnine
Also: THERNSY!!
Your story isn't over;֍Help save transgender people's lives֍Help for feral cats
Cat with internet access||Heartless, ''transgendered non-binary kawaii Chan'', & a d*ck.||No TGs
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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:12 am

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:It would be a night she would never forget - not because of the giant eagles they flew upon, or the beautiful hand-wrought septum jewelry he gifted to her, or even the trained koala servants that brought them their meal - but because of the herpes.


This made me laugh. Awesome. :lol:


Thank you. I'm currently reading the full list of past winners, and I'm struggling to breathe through my laughter. I am but an amateur. :blush:

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New Rogernomics
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9144
Founded: Aug 22, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby New Rogernomics » Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:35 am

A discreetly ambivalent vessel, wintered by overturning flows of a blue tempest, scattered across the globe, spraying divisible signs of despairing impartiality over the tea. Then came the castration.
Last edited by New Rogernomics on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Join the Lazarus Reform Club for healthy discussion on Lazarus.

Holds silly opinions on some things, and likes animals of all kinds, including the scary ones.
Pro: Individualism, Humanism, Human Rights, Internationalism & Free Markets, Democracy, Decentralization, Treaty of Sèvres, Free Hong Kong.
Against: Social Conservatism, Religious Extremism, Extreme Nationalism, Racism, Homo/Trans phobia, Authoritarianism.

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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:41 am

Holding his breath, he slowly and cautiously approached the door and listened intently… there was a shuffling sound from within the darkened room, and he felt his spine grow cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child… they HAD planned a surprise birthday party for him after all.
Last edited by Yaltabaoth on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

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New Rogernomics
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9144
Founded: Aug 22, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby New Rogernomics » Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:47 am

The giant frog fish, held my cookies, eating my fibrous breakfast with disgust, as I hid under the desk. Awaiting me, the lord called to me, 'my precioussss' said the table, and I ate the paper, its scent bringing me to Kansas, after I sniffed three times, there I stood at Adolf Hitlers fetus farm, with Stalin spying at child porn through the window.

Join the Lazarus Reform Club for healthy discussion on Lazarus.

Holds silly opinions on some things, and likes animals of all kinds, including the scary ones.
Pro: Individualism, Humanism, Human Rights, Internationalism & Free Markets, Democracy, Decentralization, Treaty of Sèvres, Free Hong Kong.
Against: Social Conservatism, Religious Extremism, Extreme Nationalism, Racism, Homo/Trans phobia, Authoritarianism.

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:18 am

The deluded self knows nothing of the delusions of sanity, this was a thought that occured to Rudolph as his nose blinded him for the twentieth time that morning.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:24 am

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:28 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )


This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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New Rogernomics
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9144
Founded: Aug 22, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby New Rogernomics » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:35 am

There was a cat, that was very big. It coughed fur-balls over the carpet, and ate all the tuna; then came the one eyed dog; the biscuit held its spectacles aghast.

Join the Lazarus Reform Club for healthy discussion on Lazarus.

Holds silly opinions on some things, and likes animals of all kinds, including the scary ones.
Pro: Individualism, Humanism, Human Rights, Internationalism & Free Markets, Democracy, Decentralization, Treaty of Sèvres, Free Hong Kong.
Against: Social Conservatism, Religious Extremism, Extreme Nationalism, Racism, Homo/Trans phobia, Authoritarianism.

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Yaltabaoth
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Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:38 am

Forsher wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off... :roll:

(Just kidding Archy :p )


This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?


Which sentence? Be more specific please.

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New Amerik
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8801
Founded: Feb 08, 2010
Benevolent Dictatorship

Postby New Amerik » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:43 am

Though the dim and slitted eyes, weary and blind with the bleary fluorescent light of the computer screen saw and the gnarled, key-blunted and oil greased fingers one by one clicked their way in response and call to some turgid battle of the web, even the grottoed, mishapen brain of the morbidly hunched husk of the computer user flinched and shut down in mortal terror on sight of the blood-specked, forever desolate beast known as the Nationstates General Sub-Forum.
The Basics of New Amerik
Factbook | Portfolio | Resurrection Offered (Storefront) | Embassy
Founder of the ROUS
*NALOW 5 = Open Peace
NALOW 4 =
NALOW 3 = Defensive Actions
NALOW 2 = Open War
NALOW 1 = Total War
NALOW 0 = Blackout

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:43 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Forsher wrote:
This has my vote.

Or isn't it an entry?


Which sentence? Be more specific please.


The first.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:44 am

As the sky darkened, and the thunder rolled, and the world's teeth gnashed in unison, and the alien spaceships moved into position above all the great deserts of the world, I pondered to myself, "why the deserts, do they actually know what they're doing?"

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Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:45 am

Forsher wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
Which sentence? Be more specific please.


The first.


I was kidding ;)

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Forsher
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17160
Founded: Jan 30, 2012
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Forsher » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:48 am

Yaltabaoth wrote:
Forsher wrote:
The first.


I was kidding ;)


I know. Which is why my second statement.
That it Could be What it Is, Is What it Is

Stop making shit up, though. Links, or it's a God-damn lie and you know it.

The normie life is heteronormie

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Meowfoundland
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5962
Founded: Mar 01, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Meowfoundland » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:55 am

As the city slept, the inhabitants of the aforementioned city conducted business that was typical of the inhabitants of a city at night, in that they slept also, but not all slept, and one of these people who did not sleep, although he usually slept at night, realised that the stars, being not there any more, had disappeared.
Last edited by Meowfoundland on Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
This was formerly a signature. One day, it may return to its splendid past. In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of my cats.

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Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:56 am

"What do you mean "What's my motivation?"" the director roared at the young actress, "you're an utterly bland teen girl who is inexplicably the love interest of both a vampire (who sparkles) and a werewolf, clearly your motivation is… uh okay, you might have a point."

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Yaltabaoth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1477
Founded: Dec 07, 2006
Ex-Nation

Postby Yaltabaoth » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:58 am

Forsher wrote:
Yaltabaoth wrote:
I was kidding ;)


I know. Which is why my second statement.


This is gonna get really meta if we keep going... :?

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New Amerik
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8801
Founded: Feb 08, 2010
Benevolent Dictatorship

Postby New Amerik » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:06 am

The ambitious plan to enjoin both the "Project: Fledermaus" and "Project: Aphrodite" secret weapons projects during World War 2 was ingenious but, alas, doomed to failure upon the first practical test run where, it was discovered shortly after releasing the bats after dousing them with the sex pheremones, the flying mammals were in fact blowing each other up rather than the enemy.
The Basics of New Amerik
Factbook | Portfolio | Resurrection Offered (Storefront) | Embassy
Founder of the ROUS
*NALOW 5 = Open Peace
NALOW 4 =
NALOW 3 = Defensive Actions
NALOW 2 = Open War
NALOW 1 = Total War
NALOW 0 = Blackout

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Ariddia
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 437
Founded: Antiquity
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Ariddia » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:23 am

The morning was bright, bright as the sun which caused it to be so, shining through the shifting shimmering clouds which drifted aimlessly like lost fluffy sheep untethered in a vast open sky, contrasting sharply with the darkness of the night which had just come to a natural close as it did every morning; but as Thomas Tumblemac slept in that morning, like every morning, until early afternoon, that is not where our story begins.
Ariddia: land of islands, forests, grapefruit, and founder of the World Cup.

How Ariddia is governed now.

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