Your worst self-caused injury

[Horsefish]

6 people on a trampoline+my lack of balance+drinking+someone double bouncing me=me doing a superman jump from about 8 ft headfirst into a patch of stinging nettles.

Trampolines are fucking deathtraps. If stinging nettles were a factor on your mind in the pain you probably got off extra lucky.

I couldn't feel anything which I suppose is the benefit of drinking. My head made a fucking massive crater on the ground and my glasses were pretty fucked afterwards though, but thinking about I was quite lucky.

[Ostroeuropa]

Woke up, saw the time.
Sprang out of bed to open the door.
Woke up on the floor with a sore head and a bloodmark on the door's edge, noticed the time was about 3 hours later.
What i guess happened is i opened the door too quickly and...
So in my urgency to be on time, i ended up 3 hours late and injured.

[Gamhound]

two years ago when I licked a disposable camera circuit board for half a bag of skittles. Felt like I got punched in the face. Then the guy ate most of the skittles so I only got three. Duech

[Theseonia]

I don't know that i ever caused myself serious injury. I've never broken a bone or seriously sprained a muscle. I have however caused myself considerable pain by eating things i shouldn't have.

For example a few months ago I ate cheese that had a bit of green mold on it. I cut the mold off thinking i'd be fine, not the first time i'd done such a thing, except this time it led to a massive indigestion that was so painful i actually went to the hospital because i thought this might have been appendicitis. I've had digestion problems all my life so i know stomach pain, but this was beyond the scale of what i'd experienced before. Eventually i vomited for like 2 hours and was fine after about 6.

And then there's those times when i buya big bag of peanuts, eat the whole thing and then get really bad stomach pain from constipation. I do that probably once every two months because everytime i think "surely this time i can NOT eat the whole thing in one go". But then i do.

[Bafuria]

I forgot about the time when I was doing dips at the gym while using a sling.
I bent my knees for some reason, big mistake.

The sling slapped me in the face, leaving a red line and causing a temporary loss of vision on my right eye.

[Waspeaters]

Stubbed my little toe. Dear god that killed

I sympathise. I once broke my toe after walking into a wall.

[Katganistan]

I don't know that i ever caused myself serious injury. I've never broken a bone or seriously sprained a muscle. I have however caused myself considerable pain by eating things i shouldn't have.

For example a few months ago I ate cheese that had a bit of green mold on it. I cut the mold off thinking i'd be fine, not the first time i'd done such a thing, except this time it led to a massive indigestion that was so painful i actually went to the hospital because i thought this might have been appendicitis. I've had digestion problems all my life so i know stomach pain, but this was beyond the scale of what i'd experienced before. Eventually i vomited for like 2 hours and was fine after about 6.

And then there's those times when i buya big bag of peanuts, eat the whole thing and then get really bad stomach pain from constipation. I do that probably once every two months because everytime i think "surely this time i can NOT eat the whole thing in one go". But then i do.

Put a PORTION in a bowl. Put the rest in the cupboard.
Problem solved.

[Unilisia]

Just remembered one time in high school.

Sitting in class, right next to the teacher. Already finished my test (don't remember my subject, believe it was world history), so I was sitting there spinning the globe on his desk. He gives me a death stare to stop. I start spinning it faster. He whacks it closer to me on the desk, so I whack it back, my fist breaks through the seam around the equator and gets trapped around pieces of wood cutting into my wrist.

I'm sitting here staring at blood like wondering how the fuck this is happening, then he has no idea so he pushed it again, the globe like pushes up my arm to my elbow and scrapes the entire way, so my whole arm has these series of bloody scrapes leaking into the globe. At this point I'm like so I slam my arm down on the desk and the globe broke all over the place.

Afterwards I went to the nurse and wrapped up my arm with bandages. Still have scars

[The Blaatschapen]

I don't know that i ever caused myself serious injury. I've never broken a bone or seriously sprained a muscle. I have however caused myself considerable pain by eating things i shouldn't have.

For example a few months ago I ate cheese that had a bit of green mold on it. I cut the mold off thinking i'd be fine, not the first time i'd done such a thing, except this time it led to a massive indigestion that was so painful i actually went to the hospital because i thought this might have been appendicitis. I've had digestion problems all my life so i know stomach pain, but this was beyond the scale of what i'd experienced before. Eventually i vomited for like 2 hours and was fine after about 6.

And then there's those times when i buya big bag of peanuts, eat the whole thing and then get really bad stomach pain from constipation. I do that probably once every two months because everytime i think "surely this time i can NOT eat the whole thing in one go". But then i do.

Put a PORTION in a bowl. Put the rest in the cupboard.
Problem solved.

But two months later there will be a bit of mold on the peanuts. And he will think he can just scrape it off...

[The Blaatschapen]

Just remembered one time in high school.

Sitting in class, right next to the teacher. Already finished my test (don't remember my subject, believe it was world history), so I was sitting there spinning the globe on his desk. He gives me a death stare to stop. I start spinning it faster. He whacks it closer to me on the desk, so I whack it back, my fist breaks through the seam around the equator and gets trapped around pieces of wood cutting into my wrist.

I'm sitting here staring at blood like wondering how the fuck this is happening, then he has no idea so he pushed it again, the globe like pushes up my arm to my elbow and scrapes the entire way, so my whole arm has these series of bloody scrapes leaking into the globe. At this point I'm like so I slam my arm down on the desk and the globe broke all over the place.

Afterwards I went to the nurse and wrapped up my arm with bandages. Still have scars

You were in for a world of hurt.

[Coffee Cakes]

My worst self inflicted injury is a sprained ankle I got when I was 16. I was jogging backwards and tripped...

[Ovisterra]

Ran along a polished wood floor in socks. Skidded. Hit a doorstop. Hit a table. Had to have head glued closed. Still have scar 7 years later.

Screwed up my thumb bad too in October playing football. Maybe sprained? I dunno. I strapped it up and it was fine after about 2 weeks.

[Arcturus Novus]

Running+being 2 years old+wall+toddlers' inability to walk straight= seven stitches in my forehead for ripping the dermis underneath my actual skin. Internal bleeding probably sucked.

[The Rich Port]

I remember walking in front of my dad when he was trimming the lawn. I have an adorable scar on my lip, but I'm not sure if that counts.

The next worse thing is that I dislocated both of my big toes when I started to outgrow my shoes. I would trip a lot, and eventually I tripped and twisted my right big toe beyond recognition. They're still a little stiff whenever I try to wiggle my toes.

[Ovisterra]

Well damn. I've read like 2 posts and realised that my incidents are puny.

[Sorratsin]

When I was ten or so I watched a TV documentary on Asian martial arts. Being young and impressionable I ended up putting my face through a glass coffee table not long after. The only cuts I got were on my feet and legs, but I also fractured my eye orbit mildly.

[Ovisterra]

When I was ten or so I watched a TV documentary on Asian martial arts. Being young and impressionable I ended up putting my face through a glass coffee table not long after. The only cuts I got were on my feet and legs, but I also fractured my eye orbit mildly.

Ouch! TV combined with impressionability claims another victim.

[The Blaatschapen]

When I was ten or so I watched a TV documentary on Asian martial arts. Being young and impressionable I ended up putting my face through a glass coffee table not long after. The only cuts I got were on my feet and legs, but I also fractured my eye orbit mildly.

Ouch! TV combined with impressionability claims another victim.

I recommend watching Tom&Jerry *nods*

[Sorratsin]

When I was ten or so I watched a TV documentary on Asian martial arts. Being young and impressionable I ended up putting my face through a glass coffee table not long after. The only cuts I got were on my feet and legs, but I also fractured my eye orbit mildly.

Ouch! TV combined with impressionability claims another victim.

At least I hit puberty before mythbusters or jackass went on air, I'd be dead or in jail otherwise.

[Luziyca]

Worst injury was tripping. Gashed part of my lip, but did not need stitches. Protip: Tie your shoes.

[Dagnia]

Some of the details leading up to this are a little sketchy, but I will not forget the actual event or the things in he hours afterward. When I was 9, I was helping my mother in the back garden. We had just cleaned out a fish tank and it was now laying empty in the back yard. I picked something up, backed up and notice my heel hurt very badly. I had backed it into the tank.
My mother took a look and said we were going to have to go to the Army hospital. We were living on Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii at the time and (I don't remember the reason) the emergency room was at that Army hospital around Honolulu. For some reason, the name of it alone inspired dread in us (not mentioning the name, if it is a mostly good hospital, I don't want a few bad experiences poorly remembered anyway painting a bad picture of a military hospital). My younger brother once cut himself with an Exacto knife while building a model airplane, and it was like nothing to him, but then he heard the name of that hospital and started screaming. When I heard it this time, I wasn't exactly thrilled either.
After some waiting, I got to see a nurse, a Japanese woman who mistook my mother for some woman who had thrown up on her some time earlier, who looked at it. She said it may require butterfly tape or stitches. A doctor came in and looked at it. Then the nurse came back. I got two shots up my heel apparently to numb it for the stitches. A third person came in and I was sent home without stitches.
I never completely understood what was going on, but when I told a friend of a similar political stripe as me, he said it sounded like a hospital run in the same way as a DMV or Post Office.

[Qazox]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.

So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

Just throwing my main portion back up the the newest page.

[Bafuria]

When I was ten or so I watched a TV documentary on Asian martial arts. Being young and impressionable I ended up putting my face through a glass coffee table not long after. The only cuts I got were on my feet and legs, but I also fractured my eye orbit mildly.

But hey, you intentionally broke a glass table with your head. That's kinda cool, albeit stupid.

[Unilisia]

Just remembered one time in high school.

Sitting in class, right next to the teacher. Already finished my test (don't remember my subject, believe it was world history), so I was sitting there spinning the globe on his desk. He gives me a death stare to stop. I start spinning it faster. He whacks it closer to me on the desk, so I whack it back, my fist breaks through the seam around the equator and gets trapped around pieces of wood cutting into my wrist.

I'm sitting here staring at blood like wondering how the fuck this is happening, then he has no idea so he pushed it again, the globe like pushes up my arm to my elbow and scrapes the entire way, so my whole arm has these series of bloody scrapes leaking into the globe. At this point I'm like so I slam my arm down on the desk and the globe broke all over the place.

Afterwards I went to the nurse and wrapped up my arm with bandages. Still have scars

You were in for a world of hurt.

wat

[The Blaatschapen]

You were in for a world of hurt.

wat

Bad joke from me.