Your worst self-caused injury

[Maurepas]

A few years ago I was being driven home from a friend's house where our band was practicing. One of them opened the door and jokingly start going, "Tuck and roll man!"

Well, I, being an idiot, figured I'd go for a laugh, just wait for the car to slow down and just stumble out. It'd be hilarious.

Predictably, I misjudged the speed of the car and came out at like 25-30MPH and ripped apart my heel gashed up my back. When I got up my friends were all, "Holy shit, are you alright dude?" and I'm like, "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" cause I honestly didn't feel anything.

Wasn't until I hobbled back in the house and realized I was trailing a massive amount of blood across the floor that I realized something was wrong.

They gave me crutches, but I've never managed to get the hang of crutches so I generally just hobbled along on one foot most everywhere I went.

To this day the occasional bit of asphalt makes it's way out of the scar tissue on my foot.

[Lackadaisical2]

A few years ago I was being driven home from a friend's house where our band was practicing. One of them opened the door and jokingly start going, "Tuck and roll man!"

Well, I, being an idiot, figured I'd go for a laugh, just wait for the car to slow down and just stumble out. It'd be hilarious.

Predictably, I misjudged the speed of the car and came out at like 25-30MPH and ripped apart my heel gashed up my back. When I got up my friends were all, "Holy shit, are you alright dude?" and I'm like, "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" cause I honestly didn't feel anything.

Wasn't until I hobbled back in the house and realized I was trailing a massive amount of blood across the floor that I realized something was wrong.

They gave me crutches, but I've never managed to get the hang of crutches so I generally just hobbled along on one foot most everywhere I went.

To this day the occasional bit of asphalt makes it's way out of the scar tissue on my foot.

Nice, sounds like something I'd do while drunk...

[Maurepas]

A few years ago I was being driven home from a friend's house where our band was practicing. One of them opened the door and jokingly start going, "Tuck and roll man!"

Well, I, being an idiot, figured I'd go for a laugh, just wait for the car to slow down and just stumble out. It'd be hilarious.

Predictably, I misjudged the speed of the car and came out at like 25-30MPH and ripped apart my heel gashed up my back. When I got up my friends were all, "Holy shit, are you alright dude?" and I'm like, "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" cause I honestly didn't feel anything.

Wasn't until I hobbled back in the house and realized I was trailing a massive amount of blood across the floor that I realized something was wrong.

They gave me crutches, but I've never managed to get the hang of crutches so I generally just hobbled along on one foot most everywhere I went.

To this day the occasional bit of asphalt makes it's way out of the scar tissue on my foot.

Nice, sounds like something I'd do while drunk...

Oddly enough, I was in High School and completely sober, lol.

It was the Naughts, everyone was angsty enough to do stupid shit like that,

[Yaltabaoth]

About 10 years ago, I got both my nipples pierced at the same time.

The next day was scorchingly hot, and my flatmate and I decided to brave the heat to get some beer.
Our local supermarket had a walk-in refrigerated room for alcohol, which we rushed in to, to get a break from the heat.
At which point, both of my nipples contracted from the cold - which hurt like a bastard, as they'd just been pierced the day before.
I staggered out of the cold room doubled over in pain, as my flatmate collapsed with laughter.

While not my worst self-inflicted injury, I do think it's my funniest.

A couple of months later, I was running late for a tram, and I realised I'd forgotten something.
Running back into the house I threw a hallway door open, which bounced off my flatmate's running shoe and rebounded straight into my (recently pierced) left nipple.
I spent about 10 minutes curled up in a ball writhing in pain... and missed my tram, of course.

[Lackadaisical2]

Nice, sounds like something I'd do while drunk...

Oddly enough, I was in High School and completely sober, lol.

It was the Naughts, everyone was angsty enough to do stupid shit like that,

So true.

[Unilisia]

About 10 years ago, I got both my nipples pierced at the same time.

The next day was scorchingly hot, and my flatmate and I decided to brave the heat to get some beer.
Our local supermarket had a walk-in refrigerated room for alcohol, which we rushed in to, to get a break from the heat.
At which point, both of my nipples contracted from the cold - which hurt like a bastard, as they'd just been pierced the day before.
I staggered out of the cold room doubled over in pain, as my flatmate collapsed with laughter.

While not my worst self-inflicted injury, I do think it's my funniest.

A couple of months later, I was running late for a tram, and I realised I'd forgotten something.
Running back into the house I threw a hallway door open, which bounced off my flatmate's running shoe and rebounded straight into my (recently pierced) left nipple.
I spent about 10 minutes curled up in a ball writhing in pain... and missed my tram, of course.

Dude... when I got mine pierced I completely avoided anything that could possibly affect them. Even gusts of air hitting my shirt hurt incredibly.

Feel you pain.jpg

[Qazox]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.


So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

[Unilisia]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.


So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

[Lackadaisical2]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.


So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

If it shocked Uni, I know I don't want to read it.

You win.

[Unilisia]

If it shocked Uni, I know I don't want to read it.

You win.

Sigged.

[Yaltabaoth]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.


So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

You win.

Edit: shakes fist at Lackey

[Yaltabaoth]

Dude... when I got mine pierced I completely avoided anything that could possibly affect them. Even gusts of air hitting my shirt hurt incredibly.

Feel you pain.jpg

The ridiculous thing is that I'd already had both pierced (horizontally), I was getting a second piercing in each (vertically) when I got the two-at-once.
So I already knew what to expect, and I still just dumbly walked into a refrigerated room from a really hot environment.

Your sympathy is appreciated though

[Unilisia]

Dude... when I got mine pierced I completely avoided anything that could possibly affect them. Even gusts of air hitting my shirt hurt incredibly.

Feel you pain.jpg

The ridiculous thing is that I'd already had both pierced (horizontally), I was getting a second piercing in each (vertically) when I got the two-at-once.
So I already knew what to expect, and I still just dumbly walked into a refrigerated room from a really hot environment.

Your sympathy is appreciated though

I have horizontal piercings. Less painful, me thinks.

[Qazox]

Feburary 11, 2011-- Had a boil on my stomach lanced and was medded up for 2 weeks due to the pain. How'd I get the boil in the first place? Had a piece of rotting wood lodge itself about an inch left of my navel and never cleaned it out completely. It got infected, and instead of going outwards, went inside and stated attacking my fat cells. Waited 3 days after it first appeared (2/8/11) and started to hurt bad enough that i couldn't breathe or do anything w/o it feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach. Doctor told me if I had waited another 36-48 hours before i came in I would have gone septic and would likely have had renal failure.

December 15th, 2010-- Was buring brush in the back yard using gasoline. There was a light wind, but nothing we (my brothers and I) haven't had to deal with. A strong gust of wind blew a big flaming ember right on top of the gas can and set it on fire. Tried to kick it into the firepit and splashed burning gas onto my right leg. Our dog, for some reason saw this and was trying to get close to me and I semi-stupidly kicked at the dog with my burning leg, fanning the falmes. Had a 2nd degree burn on my leg from 5" above my ankle to the mid-shin and it was about 6 inchesfrom side to side. Worst part was, had no car to get to doctor, so had to use just Neosporin, gauze and duct-tape to prevent my leg from getting infected. (Why didn't I go to the doctor afte car came abck, had no $$ and I wasn't in pain)

April 1st, 2008-- (Not an April Fool's Joke either) Tried to squish a fly in my room near the window with my left hand. Got the fly, and broke the win, necessitating 17 staples in my left thumb. (YES STAPLES). Couldn't use my left hand for about a month without either popping a staple or tearing at the repairing muscle. Luckily I missed the big vein and artery in the thumb by about 1/4 inch.

August 9, 2001-- Was working in a warehouse. Using a forklift i was getting a big heavy package off a set of racks in the far back storeroom. Unbeknownst to me, mostly beacuse the forklift was blocking the view, while manuovering the lift into place, i banged the rack, knocking over a few boxes next to the rack. After getting the package off the rack and starting to lower it, i heard the boxes being crushed. So I stopped the lift, raised the forks up and went to go see what was the problem. While getting out of the forklift, my left foot got caught on the seatbelt and I was hanging in the air, with my right leg hovering about 3 feet off of the ground. As soon as i twisted myself around to get my left foot unstuck, it unstuck itself and I landed hard on my right foot. I t hurt for a second, then nothing. I walked around on it, and it hurt while I walked, but thought i'd just sprained it. 3 weeks later, my foot overnight swelled up and it felt like someone was using my ankle as a dartboard. Went to the hospital and found out... I had multiple hair-line fractures. Good news? They were almost healed. Bad News? They weren't healing in the original postition, and now my ankle cracks every time I walk.

October 26th, 2000-- Was eating some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, when I got a sharp sudden pain in my jaw. Tried to finish the ice cream, but my jaw hurt too much. Went to the hospital, and found out that I broke 4 teeth on a chunk of Cookie Dough. Yep. Probably the one person in the world whose broken their teeth on ice cream. No it wasn't the spoon, as i was using a plastic spoon to eat it and we know those things could barely hurt a fly.

And those are my most recent 5 major injuries... let's see here:

I've had my right index fingertip almost sliced off my a soup can lid.
Got a 2" deep gash from a brokwn window that almost severed a major nerve bundle in my right hand.
About 7 or 8 other deep cuts from various other broken windows (Yes I liked punching windows as a kid when I was angry).
Broke my left wrist in 3 places, 1st break occured when I fell head over handlebars on my bike on a patch of black ice; the other two breaks occured when the bike flipped over me and landed on my wrist.
Broke 3 knuckles on my right hand puching a brick wall.
Got a 1" deep cut just missing my artery on my right wrist from blocking a knife someone tried to stab me with.
Lost my right middle fingernail when I was 7 by accidently slamming it into a heavy metal door.
Almost tore BOTH knees playing tackle football and walked home 3 miles afterwards; next day I felt like my knees were torn to shreds and couldn't walk for 3 days.
Fell off a chain fence and slammed my forehead onto solid concrete.
Got kicked in the upper thigh by a horse when I was 8.
Broke my left thumb after being shot by a paintball gun.
Accidently fired a nail from a nail-gun into my left foot (thank god I was wearing steel-toed boots).
Burned my left hand when I was 16 months old on the stove.
Got knocked unconcious for 5 minutes after I hit a parked car on a bike, trying to swerve away from a car that didn't see me.


So Do I win the "Held together with Duct-Tape, Band-aids and Gauze" award?

Forgot a few from when I was a kid.

When I was 8, I had a pencil lead driven into my right hand by tripping over myself while hold a mechanical pencil. The lead broke off and pooped a few blood vessels. 29 years later, the spot where it burst the vessels is still barely visible. Haven't used a mechanical pencil since.

Was pushed into a cactus by a girl who didn't like me for some reason face first and had over 2,500 spines removed from my face, forearms and neck. That was a very uncomfortable 4 hours, escpecially when you're 6 years old and the spines are making you itchy everywhere. Got that little bitch back a couple of weeks later by tripping her into a water fountain. It was worth the 3-day suspension and seeing her for the rest of the year with a missing front tooth.

Stung on the tongue by a wasp when I was 9. No, I wasn't trying to eat live wasps . Was playing kickball at summer camp and I just kicked a really good ball and was whooping it up rounding the bases. When I rounded 2nd base, i got stung about 5 times by a wasp, that was disturbed by us playing near its' nest (Didn't know at the time wasps could have nests in the ground). I started screaming, and everyone thought I was still whooping it up. I touched home plate and continued running towards the medical hall, with everyone wondering what I was doing. Luckily for me, I'm not allergic or else odds are i'd of died. but my tongue swelled up to twice it's normal size and couldn't eat anything for about a week. Had tons of ice cream, popcicles, and soup.

[Unilisia]

Forgot a few from when I was a kid.

When I was 8, I had a pencil lead driven into my right hand by tripping over myself while hold a mechanical pencil. The lead broke off and pooped a few blood vessels. 29 years later, the spot where it burst the vessels is still barely visible. Haven't used a mechanical pencil since.

Was pushed into a cactus by a girl who didn't like me for some reason face first and had over 2,500 spines removed from my face, forearms and neck. That was a very uncomfortable 4 hours, escpecially when you're 6 years old and the spines are making you itchy everywhere. Got that little bitch back a couple of weeks later by tripping her into a water fountain. It was worth the 3-day suspension and seeing her for the rest of the year with a missing front tooth.

Stung on the tongue by a wasp when I was 9. No, I wasn't trying to eat live wasps . Was playing kickball at summer camp and I just kicked a really good ball and was whooping it up rounding the bases. When I rounded 2nd base, i got stung about 5 times by a wasp, that was disturbed by us playing near its' nest (Didn't know at the time wasps could have nests in the ground). I started screaming, and everyone thought I was still whooping it up. I touched home plate and continued running towards the medical hall, with everyone wondering what I was doing. Luckily for me, I'm not allergic or else odds are i'd of died. but my tongue swelled up to twice it's normal size and couldn't eat anything for about a week. Had tons of ice cream, popcicles, and soup.

Dude... like..... how are you living right now from all of this stuff ?

[Qazox]

Forgot a few from when I was a kid.

When I was 8, I had a pencil lead driven into my right hand by tripping over myself while hold a mechanical pencil. The lead broke off and pooped a few blood vessels. 29 years later, the spot where it burst the vessels is still barely visible. Haven't used a mechanical pencil since.

Was pushed into a cactus by a girl who didn't like me for some reason face first and had over 2,500 spines removed from my face, forearms and neck. That was a very uncomfortable 4 hours, escpecially when you're 6 years old and the spines are making you itchy everywhere. Got that little bitch back a couple of weeks later by tripping her into a water fountain. It was worth the 3-day suspension and seeing her for the rest of the year with a missing front tooth.

Stung on the tongue by a wasp when I was 9. No, I wasn't trying to eat live wasps . Was playing kickball at summer camp and I just kicked a really good ball and was whooping it up rounding the bases. When I rounded 2nd base, i got stung about 5 times by a wasp, that was disturbed by us playing near its' nest (Didn't know at the time wasps could have nests in the ground). I started screaming, and everyone thought I was still whooping it up. I touched home plate and continued running towards the medical hall, with everyone wondering what I was doing. Luckily for me, I'm not allergic or else odds are i'd of died. but my tongue swelled up to twice it's normal size and couldn't eat anything for about a week. Had tons of ice cream, popcicles, and soup.

Dude... like..... how are you living right now from all of this stuff ?

I heal fast. The Broken arm was healed in about 3 weeks instead of 6-8; other than the leg burn; i've gotten over most everything quicker than "normal". I had the chicken pox as a kid for just 3 days. Got it on Monday, Tuesday I was covered in pox, Wednesday I was over it.

[Yaltabaoth]

I have horizontal piercings. Less painful, me thinks.

Actually (and at the risk of getting off-topic) I don't think the orientation of the piercing made any difference.

[Ambiguitsville]

I chopped off about a centimeter of my left Pointer finger.
I was using a paper cutter for like 20 minuets, and got careless. (I was looking behind me as I was cutting something.. I know right?)
tiny scar... and you cant really tell a piece of my finger is gone so that is cool, but a scare for my trouble would be nice also

[Olffrick]

I can think of two.

My dumbest/funniest worst self-caused injury involved a strapping young 9 year old me, deciding to try to get rid of a hornet's nest in our front yard. I picked up a whiffle-ball bat and thankfully missed hitting the nest, but not far enough way to not attract attention. Naturally, a hornet came along and chased me around the parameter of my house three times. Finally back out in the front yard for the third time, I dived to the ground thinking I had outwitted the hornet, and it proceeded to give me the worst sting of my life.

My most painful worst self-caused injury involved a less experienced and naively curious 7 year old me. This would have been around 1994-95 back in the days when apparently you could still find a car with a cigarette lighter in the backseat of all places. Mind you this car was old for its time so it was probably built sometime in the 80's. I do not know for sure. Anyway curious at what I had been playing with instead of asking I stuck my thumb onto the orange coils essentially branding myself.

To be honest I'm not sure which is worse. The one that hurt the most or the one that made me look like the biggest idiot.

[Yaltabaoth]

Now I remember, i once slashed my wrist by accident while working as a shelf-stocker in a supermarket.
I was chatting to a mate who was filling the other side of the aisle, and wasn't paying attention as I cut the plastic wrap off the cans of dog food I was refilling the shelf with.
I managed to cut just deep enough that blood was spurting, but still shallow enough to hold it closed until it could get a stitch.
That was the funniest thing about it, it only required one single stitch.

[Antilon]

Around Oct. in my university I sustained contusions on both of my feet. I was racing my friends to the vending machines and I thought it would be a great idea to leap over the railing and drop ~18 ft. I did stick the landing though.

I had to go the ER (funny thing, because I dropped 15+ ft., the paramedics had to put a cast on my neck because of protocol, even though there was obviously nothing wrong with my spine. Oh, I also played Mortal Kombat while waiting for the ambulance to arrive, much to the amusement of my roommates. And the RA on duty tried to write me up.) I arrived at the hospital around 2:00 AM, had to explain the story a couple of times (and without fail, everyone said something to the effect of "You're an idiot, you know that?"). I got discharged at around 7:00 AM that same morning. Since there were no fractures or serious internal injuries, they pretty much told me to suck it up and walk on crutches with my left foot (which was better since I landed with my right foot first).

I lived on the third floor of my dorm so I had to drag myself up the stairs, then sleep on the floor of my common room because my bed was lofted. I couldn't walk for 3 days and pretty much was confined to my room, relying on my roommates to get me food. I got quite the reception when I showed up at (Chinese) class the week after, and I was given the nickname "Gimp." One of my classmates is an RA around my dorm and she was surprised to find out I was "that guy."

All in all, it's a really fun story. And I also appreciate my feet much better now.

[Teddy Bear Republic]

Step 1: Saw stairs.
Step 2: Wondered if I could jump over them.
Step 3: Jump.
Step 4: Twist an ankle.

Happened when I was around 7. Poor, naiive TBRE ...

[Boltonian]

I GOT STUCK INBETWEEN A METAL FENCE AND I WAS DANGLING ON IT LIKE A SPIDER FOR HALF AN HOUR ON THE MAIN ROAD IN MY HOME TOWN BOLTON THEN GOT CRAMPS AND AFTER ALL THAT I GOT FRICTION MARKS WHICH LASTED FOR A WEEK

[San Leggera]

I GOT STUCK INBETWEEN A METAL FENCE AND I WAS DANGLING ON IT LIKE A SPIDER FOR HALF AN HOUR ON THE MAIN ROAD IN MY HOME TOWN BOLTON THEN GOT CRAMPS AND AFTER ALL THAT I GOT FRICTION MARKS WHICH LASTED FOR A WEEK

WHY ARE YOU TALKING IN ALL CAPS?

And how did you get out?

[Dumb Ideologies]

I once headbutted the lowered ceiling on the stairs round my grandparents house and then proceeded to fall down a flight of stairs.

No serious injuries, but I get into a lot of scrapes from being hopelessly clumsy and having an undeveloped sense of the world around me.