Girlfriends' dads

[Genivaria]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

You're a female? Shit lol I thought you were a dude for the longest time but that's pretty cool

Nazi FLOWER power kinda tipped me off a while ago.

[Wolny Kraj]

all it means when a dad doesn't let his daughter go out with some guy is that he loves her and doesn't want her to get used etc. I would however be pretty offended if a dad told me I couldn't date his daughter (I'm a 15 year old boy) because I'm a gentleman to women and treat them respectfully.

[Theseonia]

I don't have father in law problem with my partner, her parents died a bit more than a year before i met her.

In the past i've had a two year relationship when i've never met either parents, our whole relationship was kept secret from them, they were first generation chinese and didn't agree with her dating non-chinese... i had to drop her two street corners away from her home.

I've had a three years relationship with a girl whose dad left when she was 8 and her mom never remarried so again, never had to deal with the dad.

I've had a 7 months relationship in which i met the mom but never the dad.

And then there was another 2 years relationship in which i had a lot of interaction with the dad but knew he saw me as a worthless loser. I didn't hate him though, I respected him and felt sorry for him too, he had been drafted in college and went to vietnam, it ruined a lot of opportunities for him.And despite that i knew how he felt about me, he was always alright with me when i was there.

So basically that's my whole relationships history and looking back, I've only had to deal with a gf's dad once.

[Hallistar]

You're a female? Shit lol I thought you were a dude for the longest time but that's pretty cool

Nazi FLOWER power kinda tipped me off a while ago.

So? I thought It was just a name joke to get around the whole nazi restrictions thing or to parody it..which is why I also was never sure if nazi flower power was really a nazi lol

[Esternial]

My girlfriends' dad isn't your typical father.

But that's a good thing, really

[Yewhohohopia]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

Incredibly relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYuoOazvbyM

[Flameswroth]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

It seems to me that the only real significant time this happens is during the earlier years, when a daughter still lives at home with her dad. A sixteen year old man is intimidated by the older man in the cute girl's life. That man could make his life very miserable if he pissed him off, with anything from punishing his daughter for seeing him by grounding her to getting the other parents involved. To be in a position where the girl's dad doesn't like you in that scenario is pretty detrimental to potential romance.

As for me, the one girl I proposed to (multiple times, getting a "not yet" each time until I finally said "screw it" and gave up), I did not ask permission about first. I recall she kept me extremely segregated from her family life, to the degree that her parents only thought we were good friends, when we had been hot and heavy dating all through university. As such, I do not think she would expect me to ask her dad first, as she seemed to go to great lengths to not let her dad know about me at all!

So really it depends on the specific conditions. If a girl makes it plain from the get-go that her family is everything to her, and is a real daddy's little girl, then it doesn't hurt your chances to hedge your bet and make sure you're in like Flynn with her dad.

In general, I view the 'asking' situation as more of a job interview of sorts. It's a way to sit down with the dad one on one and really get into the nitty gritty of things to help assuage any worries he has. Sure, as you date, he gets to ask you questions with the daughter and mother around, but in that solo scenario he gets a chance to know you as more than the dude that cuddles his daughter on the couch while watching Titanic. He can learn your life goals and get a feel for you as a person, which can give him an idea about whether you really mesh with his daughter.

His ultimate opinion is not a make-or-break thing. He may say, "No, my daughter's not marrying an artist!" or "A black man marry MY daughter? Hells no," and I feel that's really useful to know before getting married. You can say "love conquers all" as much as you want, but that isn't 100% true. Displeased in-laws can make marriages incredibly unpleasant, especially if/when grandkids come along. In the end if the kids really want to marry they don't NEED his blessing...but it makes things more pleasant.

Why this is not commonly seen with mothers' opinions as well is certainly sexist in origin, but I think that a father gleans more understanding of another man than a mother does. We're all mysteries to each other initially, but a common bond even as sexist as gender can go a long way in opening doors. A father shares an intimate bond with a mother, and reassurance can be shared by that avenue, rather than directly between the man proposing and the future mother-in-law.

[Kobeanare]

It's natural to be more protective of daughters because it's easier for a guy to take advantage of a girl than for a girl to take advantage of a guy.

Rubbish.

Facing goddamn facts is not sexism. The same is true for women serving in the army. It's not sexism to say "women should not have combat positions". Women are not as strong as men and when you need to drag a comrade to safety that is the difference between living and fucking dying.

You do realise they don't just let in anyone who wants to be involved, right?

[Kalaspia-Shimarata]

Now, I am a 16 year old male...

What I don't understand is the sexism here. How come men are free to date who ever they want but women can't. By the way, that post was from age 14+.
Btw, in some countries IRL, 16 is a legal adult!

Well, mothers do have a lot to say about who their sons date. But also it isn't "sexism", it's just a difference of genders.

Yea, exactly. If you have a double standard for males and females, it is sexist 1950s mentality

What is the girl going to do to my son?

Gold Diggers, bitches, people who munipulate and what not

and... legal adult? "If thou dost liveth under mine roof, thou shalt follow mine edicts."

Do you allow her to leave? Because if you don't let her move out of home, then it surely that can't count

[Genivaria]

Now, I am a 16 year old male...

Yea, exactly. If you have a double standard for males and females, it is sexist 1950s mentality

Gold Diggers, bitches, people who munipulate and what not

Do you allow her to leave? Because if you don't let her move out of home, then it surely that can't count

"If thou dost liveth under mine roof, thou shalt follow mine edicts."
Who the hell talks like that? Stop it.

[The Black Plains]

It's natural to be more protective of daughters because it's easier for a guy to take advantage of a girl than for a girl to take advantage of a guy.

Rubbish.

What are you talking about "rubbish"? What is the worst that a girl could do to my son? The only thing I'd have to be worried about in regard to his physical well-being is if she was some sort of homicidal maniac and that's an unrealistic fear to have. Guys can do things that take advantage of the fact that they are physically stronger than females. That is called rape and it happens. What if they're out drinking and he has too much? What if he wants her to do something that she doesn't want to do? In the case of a son... it's less of a concern. How the hell can a girl physically abuse a guy? Your desire to be PC and "everybody's equal" is verging on ignorance...

Facing goddamn facts is not sexism. The same is true for women serving in the army. It's not sexism to say "women should not have combat positions". Women are not as strong as men and when you need to drag a comrade to safety that is the difference between living and fucking dying.

You do realise they don't just let in anyone who wants to be involved, right?[/quote]
Didn't I say "they should have to meet the same physical requirements."? At least I thought I did...

[The Black Plains]

Now, I am a 16 year old male...

Yea, exactly. If you have a double standard for males and females, it is sexist 1950s mentality

Gold Diggers, bitches, people who munipulate and what not

Do you allow her to leave? Because if you don't let her move out of home, then it surely that can't count

What do you mean "Don't let her"? How the hell do I keep her from renting a goddamn apartment?!

[The Black Plains]

Now, I am a 16 year old male...

Do you allow her to leave? Because if you don't let her move out of home, then it surely that can't count

"If thou dost liveth under mine roof, thou shalt follow mine edicts."
Who the hell talks like that? Stop it.

It was a joke? Simmer down?

[Beldonia]

My girlfriend's dad's always been cool to me.

[Kalaspia-Shimarata]

"If thou dost liveth under mine roof, thou shalt follow mine edicts."
Who the hell talks like that? Stop it.

It was a joke? Simmer down?

You don't even know if it's a joke or not!

[Kobeanare]

What is the worst that a girl could do to my son?

Not being a complete jackass, I don't really know.

The only thing I'd have to be worried about in regard to his physical well-being

Because the rest of his well-being is irrelevant?

Guys can do things that take advantage of the fact that they are physically stronger than females. That is called rape and it happens.

It happens to men, too.

What if they're out drinking and he has too much? What if he wants her to do something that she doesn't want to do? In the case of a son... it's less of a concern.

Bullshit.

How the hell can a girl physically abuse a guy?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/ ... c-violence

Two seconds of Googling.

[Simon Cowell of the RR]

Honor.
But I dunno.

[The Republique Dardania and Gazmania]

Girlfriends' dads

Kick 'em in the balls!

[The Araucania]

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

Well if they stop dating you because of your father, they were not really interested

[Simon Cowell of the RR]

Rubbish.

What are you talking about "rubbish"? What is the worst that a girl could do to my son?

Shotgun.

[Karolyland]

What are you talking about "rubbish"? What is the worst that a girl could do to my son?

Shotgun.

Or slip him drugs perhaps.

[Tlaceceyaya]

Shotgun.

Or slip him drugs perhaps.

Convince him to become a suicide bomber, perhaps?

[Coccygia]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

Had he refused, would you have slapped him in the face with your glove and challenged him to a duel?

[Karolyland]

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

Had he refused, would you have slapped him in the face with your glove and challenged him to a duel?

Demand satisfaction!!!

[Cill Charthaigh]

It's sort of an honor thing.