Girlfriends' dads

[Bottle]

I can't see any way that it wouldn't be horrific. It is nobody else's right to say whether or not I can get married, and anybody who thinks that somebody else has that authority is, by definition, a person who does not have sufficient respect for my autonomy. They are certainly not somebody who could be trusted to be a life-partner.

As I see it, it's more about seeking blessing and approval than actual permission. I can't imagine any man would call off an engagement because the father disapproved. He's going to be a member of the family from now on and want to start things on good terms, make sure he's actually welcome. The response he receives will determine the nature of his relationship with his father-in-law.

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

[Erinkita]

As I see it, it's more about seeking blessing and approval than actual permission. I can't imagine any man would call off an engagement because the father disapproved. He's going to be a member of the family from now on and want to start things on good terms, make sure he's actually welcome. The response he receives will determine the nature of his relationship with his father-in-law.

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

Men tend to be more direct, more confrontational. There's nothing to stop you or I seeking the blessing of a fiancee's parents, but I probably wouldn't. How about you?

[SD_Film Artists]

As I see it, it's more about seeking blessing and approval than actual permission. I can't imagine any man would call off an engagement because the father disapproved. He's going to be a member of the family from now on and want to start things on good terms, make sure he's actually welcome. The response he receives will determine the nature of his relationship with his father-in-law.

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

While I suspect that the tradition does have sexist roots, it is the man who normally proposes to the woman and thus the man is the only one who is going to ask.

[Xeng He]

As a guy, I ask permission from the father. As said somewhere in the beginning, it's part of honor and respect. Typically back not even fifty years ago your father still slightly controlled your marriage. For those of us who still keep to the honor system, it pays off. It shows you have the respect enough for the girl you are dating to have good relations with her family.

What if the family is crazy or just full of shite?

Now Dads are very cautious about their little girl. Same for big-brothers. For some reason we see our daughters/sisters as gold, and if someone is taking her away we lose her forever. Hence the reason Dads and Brothers are very hyper-sensitive around dating.

Gah I hate that outlook so much. It creates standards that aren't just about how boyfriends would treat the girl.

[The New Imperia]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

I asked the father but i never viewed it as actually asking, I always thought it was more of a courtesy thing. I ask him if i can date his daughter to let him know he might want to knock before going into his daughter's room if he gets off early from work.

Also, it is a guy thing we can tell and feel annoyed when another male presence has been our home. Once we know who the presence is and why they are it is less of an issue.

this guy... i like the way he put it

[Nazis in Space]

Never experienced this.

Must be an American (Anglo-American?) thing.

Christ, even the muslim immigrants (That I've contact with. It is, admittedly, not exactly the most conservative part of that population segment) wouldn't so much as think of this.

Seriously. Asking permission from anyone other than the actual chick in question...

lolwut?

[Manifesto]

Never experienced this.

Must be an American (Anglo-American?) thing.

Christ, even the muslim immigrants (That I've contact with. It is, admittedly, not exactly the most conservative part of that population segment) wouldn't so much as think of this.

Seriously. Asking permission from anyone other than the actual chick in question...

lolwut?

your supposed to as the girl first, atleast thats how i thought it was

maybe ive been doing it wrong

[Der Teutoniker]

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

Prior to proposing to my ex-fiancee, I asked her father for permission. He confidently replied: "I take cash or credit." Thankfully, I didn't actually have to buy him off.

My wife's father... isn't the kind of guy that seems like he would understand, or appreciate the sentiment. Amanda herself agreed with that conclusion. It bothers me slightly that I didn't ask him for his permission... but again, I'm not sure it would have been understood, or well-received. Regardless, he likes me a hell of a lot better than her ex-boyfriend, who I expertly stole her from.

[Der Teutoniker]

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

I asked my ex-fiancee's father for permission.

My proposing did not, however, entirely or necessarily hinge on his saying yes.

[Der Teutoniker]

your supposed to as the girl first, atleast thats how i thought it was

maybe ive been doing it wrong

I asked my ex-fiancee's father's permission before asking her.

The idea with asking for permission... is your supposed to do it before what you are asking about happens.

[Bottle]

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

Men tend to be more direct, more confrontational. There's nothing to stop you or I seeking the blessing of a fiancee's parents, but I probably wouldn't. How about you?

I don't agree even a little with your bullshit gender essentialist statement, for one thing.

For another thing, I didn't ask my adult partner's parents for their blessing before agreeing to marry my partner because that would have been inappropriate; the only appropriate course is to discuss that topic with my partner FIRST. His opinion is the ONLY one that matters at that stage. When we announced our engagement to his family, I expressed my hope that we had their blessing, because at that point it becomes important to know where the family stands. But I would consider it supremely disrespectful to ask somebody else before I spoke with my partner about that sort of decision.

[Bottle]

And if both men AND women sought that blessing from both the mother AND the father, I might buy it.

While I suspect that the tradition does have sexist roots, it is the man who normally proposes to the woman and thus the man is the only one who is going to ask.

You "suspect"?

Really?

Yeah, we're done here.

[Der Teutoniker]

But I would consider it supremely disrespectful to ask somebody else before I spoke with my partner about that sort of decision.

Maybe it is simply a personal issue, then. My ex would have found it disrespectful to her, and her father for me not to ask him first.

[SD_Film Artists]

Never experienced this.

Must be an American (Anglo-American?) thing.

Christ, even the muslim immigrants (That I've contact with. It is, admittedly, not exactly the most conservative part of that population segment) wouldn't so much as think of this.

Seriously. Asking permission from anyone other than the actual chick in question...

lolwut?

You mean asking to date or asking to marry?

I wouldn't ask to date, as the whole point of asking parents is that it's a respectful expression of acknowledgement to her family rather than literally asking; being- "yes, man who I've known of for a year or more, you can marry my daughter" rather than "who are you? Well I guess you can date her..does she even like you?"

[Erinkita]

Men tend to be more direct, more confrontational. There's nothing to stop you or I seeking the blessing of a fiancee's parents, but I probably wouldn't. How about you?

I don't agree even a little with your bullshit gender essentialist statement, for one thing.

Well that was rude and presumptuous. Did I say this trait was universal? Whether or not it's a social construct has no bearing on its existence.

For another thing, I didn't ask my adult partner's parents for their blessing before agreeing to marry my partner because that would have been inappropriate; the only appropriate course is to discuss that topic with my partner FIRST. His opinion is the ONLY one that matters at that stage. When we announced our engagement to his family, I expressed my hope that we had their blessing, because at that point it becomes important to know where the family stands. But I would consider it supremely disrespectful to ask somebody else before I spoke with my partner about that sort of decision.

Ah. There seems to be a miscommunication about the order of things. I agree that asking another relative first is a sign of disrespect. I was under the impression that we were talking about seeking blessing after the couple has decided to go ahead.

[Nazis in Space]

Never experienced this.

Must be an American (Anglo-American?) thing.

Christ, even the muslim immigrants (That I've contact with. It is, admittedly, not exactly the most conservative part of that population segment) wouldn't so much as think of this.

Seriously. Asking permission from anyone other than the actual chick in question...

lolwut?

You mean asking to date or asking to marry?

I wouldn't ask to date, as the whole point of asking parents is that it's a respectful expression of acknowledgement to her family rather than literally asking; being- "yes, man who I've known of for a year or more, you can marry my daughter" rather than "who are you? Well I guess you can date her..does she even like you?"

Both, really.

I mean... Okay, you see such behaviour in films from the... Uh... Actually, I don't think I've noticed it in 1950s Heimatfilme, either (Granted, I can't say I've watched a statistically significant sample of them, so take this with a grain of salt). Pre-WW1 era, that behaviour was standard, I guess. But in the present...? Virtually unextant, whether it's dates or marriage.

[Manifesto]

your supposed to as the girl first, atleast thats how i thought it was

maybe ive been doing it wrong

I asked my ex-fiancee's father's permission before asking her.

The idea with asking for permission... is your supposed to do it before what you are asking about happens.

I meant with dating, not marriage.

[The Black Plains]

Well, it's the mothers who usually have the approval of their sons' girlfriends, so it works the other way around as well. There are a couple reasons for this, one might be that each gender knows what they were going through "at that age" so they are more cautious? Or perhaps it's because sons are more influenced by their mothers and daughters by their fathers? I can't tell you, but I know that the reactions I've gotten were varied. I have to say that the reactions I've gotten from my "girlfriends'" parents in the past were almost always polar. E.G. when the father liked me the mother did not and vice versa.

[Kalaspia-Shimarata]

Still? Seriously? Father's approving girl's boyfriend? Geez people, move forward to the 21st centurary. For god's sake! Are there still idiots out there with that kind of mentality?

[The Black Plains]

Still? Seriously? Father's approving girl's boyfriend? Geez people, move forward to the 21st centurary. For god's sake! Are there still idiots out there with that kind of mentality?

Well... I mean if she's like sixteen... That makes a ton of sense. He's watching out for her.

[SD_Film Artists]

While I suspect that the tradition does have sexist roots, it is the man who normally proposes to the woman and thus the man is the only one who is going to ask.

You "suspect"?

Really?

Yeah, we're done here.

It's the modern context which matters. If we done everything by the standards of when traditions were created then the 5th of November would still be about burning Catholics. And as I said, it's the man who normally proposes and thus the woman won't even know about the event until the man proposes.

[Nazis in Space]

Still? Seriously? Father's approving girl's boyfriend? Geez people, move forward to the 21st centurary. For god's sake! Are there still idiots out there with that kind of mentality?

Well... I mean if she's like sixteen... That makes a ton of sense. He's watching out for her.

lol

[Kalaspia-Shimarata]

Still? Seriously? Father's approving girl's boyfriend? Geez people, move forward to the 21st centurary. For god's sake! Are there still idiots out there with that kind of mentality?

Well... I mean if she's like sixteen... That makes a ton of sense. He's watching out for her.

What I don't understand is the sexism here. How come men are free to date who ever they want but women can't. By the way, that post was from age 14+

[Kalaspia-Shimarata]

Still? Seriously? Father's approving girl's boyfriend? Geez people, move forward to the 21st centurary. For god's sake! Are there still idiots out there with that kind of mentality?

Well... I mean if she's like sixteen... That makes a ton of sense. He's watching out for her.

What I don't understand is the sexism here. How come men are free to date who ever they want but women can't. By the way, that post was from age 14+.
Btw, in some countries IRL, 16 is a legal adult!

[SD_Film Artists]

Well... I mean if she's like sixteen... That makes a ton of sense. He's watching out for her.

What I don't understand is the sexism here. How come men are free to date who ever they want but women can't. By the way, that post was from age 14+.
Btw, in some countries IRL, 16 is a legal adult!

Who says they can't?

And indeed 16 is a legal adult, but that doesn't stop dads and big-brothers from watching out for them.