Girlfriends' dads

[Nazi Flower Power]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

[Big Jim P]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

[New England and The Maritimes]

I don't. I don't think it's up to her current boyfriend/guyfriend/dudefriend either. If someone wants to be with someone, it's their decision, nobody else's.

[Vilanto]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

It's a cultural tradition. I personally have dated ladies without the consent of the dad.

[Lackadaisical2]

Its mostly stories people tell, makes kids scared.

[Natapoc]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

This problem relates to two intersecting oppressive systems: Ageism (adultism) and Sexism.

Children are still seen as property by many even though many people would deny it. Historically the practice dates to a time when the man would "purchase" you from your father and you would have no choice in the matter.

The man would then become as your father was your new owner who you were supposed to please in exchange for survival or social acceptance (the "traditional" patriarchal family)

Because you were initially the property of your father it would be theft to "steal" you (IE to take possession of you without the consent of your father)

Of course, as a society we've moved past this in many ways. Although parents still have some rights similar to property rights for children those rights vanish when the child is 18 and, in western cultures, husbands generally can no longer can be said to have a relationship that mirrors ownership with their wives (there are still some vestiges of this but it's very close to being gone).

We are existing in a time when these practices are being evaluated and challenged but when many still exist in some form.

So there are a few possibilities as to why the man you are dating is doing this:

1. He's old fashioned and a bit sexist and believes he needs permission in order to transfer paternal power from your dad to him. Meet your new dad! If this is the case (and it's probably not) then my recommendation is to dump him.

2. He has no idea why he's doing it because he's internalized the practice somehow and believes it's expected of him. This is not so bad. It just means he needs a bit of educating. Why not explain to him the origins of the system of exploitation he's engaging in (but perhaps put it a bit more polite then that )

3. He really loves you and is deeply afraid that if your dad does not accept him that you won't either and he's under the impression that your dad may be traditionally minded and therefore expect this token exchange.
This means he lacks confidence and is afraid of losing you.

That's all for now

[United Dependencies]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

[Tlaceceyaya]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

That was my first thought, too.

[New England and The Maritimes]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

That was my first thought, too.

Not mine, because I pay attention to posts.

[Conserative Morality]

Tradition, mostly.

[Vilanto]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

[Cannot think of a name]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

That was my first thought, too.

Yeah, that's where I went as well.

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

What's so honorable about that and what has been lost?

[The Black Forrest]

Big Jim summed it up nicely.

I too asked my father-in-law. It became a bragging point for him.

I have a daughter and yes I will be a jack ass to my girls boyfriends.

Simple reason: If the boy is willing to put up with my bullshit, he really likes her.

[Nazi Flower Power]

So there are a few possibilities as to why the man you are dating is doing this:

The guy I'm dating now actually hasn't brought it up, and it's not something I'd expect him to do. I made this thread because there was another dating-related thread where people were telling the OP he needed to find out if the girl's father was OK with them dating, if the dad had a gun, etc. and it reminded me of some past experiences I've had with paranoid boyfriends.

[Four-sided Triangles]

Because dating is a temporary transfer of ownership of the girl from the father to the bf. Marriage is a permanent transfer of said property.

Marriage and dating have always been this, and they will always be this. They cannot be made egalitarian. They cannot be purged of sexism.

[NERVUN]

I never thought I would need to ask permission to date, marry now... I did ask my father-in-law, but I was also well aware that 1. there's a cultural difference to deal with, and 2. my father-in-law is also a bit old fashioned.

Sadly, I lack daughters right now. I wanted to get myself a nice katana to sit and polish when she brings home her first boyfriend to tilt it juuuuuuuuuust right to catch the light when welcoming the young man to our home and telling them to have a nice time, just mind the curfew.

[Ragnarsdomr]

Personally, I see it as an issue of making sure the family and you get along. If you're in a relationship and your family hates the person or vice versa, then it usually just makes it awkward, and it doesn't work in the long run. I've broken up with one ex-girlfriend of mine because her mother didn't trust me around her, and followed us because of that. Frankly, whether or not I enjoyed the relationship otherwise, that's just something that doesn't need to be happening.

[Trotskylvania]

Why do so many guys still think that it's up to a girl's father to decide if you are allowed to date her?

I've had a couple of different guys that were interested in me, but then got absurdly nervous about the possibility that my dad might not approve. None of them has ever been concerned that my mom might have a problem with them.

It's really not helpful to be so paranoid. If you're dating a girl and she's worried about what her dad thinks, then you have a reason to be concerned; but otherwise you're just making things more nerve-wracking than they need to be. If it seems like a guy is more concerned about my dad's opinion than mine, that causes problems in the relationship.

Ladies, do your dads chase away would-be boyfriends, or did they chase away would-be boyfriends when you were younger?

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

I hardly consider the continued observance of a reactionary tradition harkening to the days when a daughter was the property of her father to be in anyway "honorable".

[Trotskylvania]

Because dating is a temporary transfer of ownership of the girl from the father to the bf. Marriage is a permanent transfer of said property.

Marriage and dating have always been this, and they will always be this. They cannot be made egalitarian. They cannot be purged of sexism.

That's patently ridiculous.

[Nazi Flower Power]

Wait wait wait, you're a female?

That was my first thought, too.

It shouldn't surprise you that there are Nazi women. SOMEONE has to give birth to the next generation of Aryan Übermenschen! I do love the idea of Nazi men having themselves surgically modified so they could become pregnant, but I don't think they would go for it... It wouldn't do to have Hitler pregnant at a public appearance! He has his image to think of.

[Four-sided Triangles]

That's patently ridiculous.

No, it isn't.

[NERVUN]

Because there are still some points of honor left to men?

After I proposed to my wife, I asked my father-in-law for permission to marry my wife. It is a point of honor, still held by some of us, surrounded by those, who far too often, have forgotten honor.

I hardly consider the continued observance of a reactionary tradition harkening to the days when a daughter was the property of her father to be in anyway "honorable".

That said, there's also a tendency for opposite sex parents to be more protective of that child instead of one of the same gender. Why is very much open for debate (possibly due to having been a child of that gender, that parent is better aware of the boundaries, wants, and needs), but there you go.

[Nazi Flower Power]

Because dating is a temporary transfer of ownership of the girl from the father to the bf. Marriage is a permanent transfer of said property.

Marriage and dating have always been this, and they will always be this. They cannot be made egalitarian. They cannot be purged of sexism.

Dude!

You really have problems with gender issues.

[NERVUN]

That was my first thought, too.

It shouldn't surprise you that there are Nazi women. SOMEONE has to give birth to the next generation of Aryan Übermenschen! I do love the idea of Nazi men having themselves surgically modified so they could become pregnant, but I don't think they would go for it... It wouldn't do to have Hitler pregnant at a public appearance! He has his image to think of.

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Damn you! I'm going to have an image of a 9-month, barefoot, and preggers Hitler stuck in my head for the rest of the DAY!

[Natapoc]

That's patently ridiculous.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is. Also dating and "marriage" have not always been this way. Not all cultures at all times have practiced this ritual (although it's become very common). This of course depends on what marriage means (some definitions of marriage may fit your statement)