Picture of Hitler's Penis Discovered, 79 Years Too Late

[Ian and Jackson]

Germany's news agency, Der Oralverkher, today announced that a picture of Adolf Hiter's penis has been discovered, only 79 years too late to destroy his political career.

"Yes, it is definitely the manhood of Der Fuhrer of the infamous Third Reich, a dark time in our history and one we would be eager to forget, were there not a penis involved", said Helmut Spheerlearen, Germany's Deputy Minister of Security. The contemporary German people prefer not to dwell on this part of their past, unlike the United States which has several news stations dedicated to Hitler and his beliefs, including the History Channel, FOX News, and Leibensraum, Television for Fascists.

The irony is that had this picture of Hitler's murderous yet strangely charismatic wang emerged eight decades ago, it would have ended his run for Chancellor of Germany, fomenting a wave of political activism of the sort only associated with a sex organ. Said Berlin local Max Kopfraum, "People were so scared and hungry they could accept anything to be proud and strong again. The murder of millions of Jews, torture, war...but not a photograph of einen dick. This is simply too much."

Historians are already closely examining the image, paying careful attention to various details in order to corroborate whether this is in fact the johnson that took the world to war. Dated to some time around 1905, the photograph was made using an early method employing emulsions coated in cellulose nitrate, and is "definitely a dick", say experts. After review by several surviving close friends of Hitler, it has been positively identified as the former Chancellor's member. The photograph was taken by Moishe Kuntzenroosterbergstein, a young photographer and clerk in the Vienna Academy of Art Applications Office. It is not known why Hitler posed for the photograph, or why it was accompanied by a mysterious handwritten note stating, "Get me in, I get you off, love, Addy".

Already causing shockwaves in the political landscape of Germany and the World, Hitler's role on the world stage has gained new relevance. "I know he did all those wars and killed that Jewish person," says Texan housewife Wanda Urlicker, "But to send somebody a picture of his hoo hoo? That's just immoral. Now for sure I wouldn't vote for him."

Germany's underground Nazi party, The Germany Underground Nazi Party, held a press conference today to address the photograph, stating that this was a matter between Hitler and his family, and they would rather discuss their intent to return Germany to a position of strength, no matter how many Jews, Communists, Democrats, foreigners, and dirty Paki filth they had to gun down in the streets to do it. Exact quotes are unavailable as all members of the press left the conference after it was announced there would be no more penis questions.

When asked for comment on the picture, prominent Jewish attorney and Harvard/Yale alumni responded, "I've had better."

What do you guys think? If this had come out eight decades ago, would Hitler have had to resign from the Nazi Party? Would he have lost his bid to be Chancellor?

[The Kangaroo Republic]

I think this shall now be crowned as the world's most epic fail moment since the fall of Constantinople.

[Zeth Rekia]

Germany's news agency, Der Oralverkher, today announced that a picture of Adolf Hiter's penis has been discovered, only 79 years too late to destroy his political career.

"Yes, it is definitely the manhood of Der Fuhrer of the infamous Third Reich, a dark time in our history and one we would be eager to forget, were there not a penis involved", said Helmut Spheerlearen, Germany's Deputy Minister of Security. The contemporary German people prefer not to dwell on this part of their past, unlike the United States which has several news stations dedicated to Hitler and his beliefs, including the History Channel, FOX News, and Leibensraum, Television for Fascists.

The irony is that had this picture of Hitler's murderous yet strangely charismatic wang emerged eight decades ago, it would have ended his run for Chancellor of Germany, fomenting a wave of political activism of the sort only associated with a sex organ. Said Berlin local Max Kopfraum, "People were so scared and hungry they could accept anything to be proud and strong again. The murder of millions of Jews, torture, war...but not a photograph of einen dick. This is simply too much."

Historians are already closely examining the image, paying careful attention to various details in order to corroborate whether this is in fact the johnson that took the world to war. Dated to some time around 1905, the photograph was made using an early method employing emulsions coated in cellulose nitrate, and is "definitely a dick", say experts. After review by several surviving close friends of Hitler, it has been positively identified as the former Chancellor's member. The photograph was taken by Moishe Kuntzenroosterbergstein, a young photographer and clerk in the Vienna Academy of Art Applications Office. It is not known why Hitler posed for the photograph, or why it was accompanied by a mysterious handwritten note stating, "Get me in, I get you off, love, Addy".

Already causing shockwaves in the political landscape of Germany and the World, Hitler's role on the world stage has gained new relevance. "I know he did all those wars and killed that Jewish person," says Texan housewife Wanda Urlicker, "But to send somebody a picture of his hoo hoo? That's just immoral. Now for sure I wouldn't vote for him."

Germany's underground Nazi party, The Germany Underground Nazi Party, held a press conference today to address the photograph, stating that this was a matter between Hitler and his family, and they would rather discuss their intent to return Germany to a position of strength, no matter how many Jews, Communists, Democrats, foreigners, and dirty Paki filth they had to gun down in the streets to do it. Exact quotes are unavailable as all members of the press left the conference after it was announced there would be no more penis questions.

When asked for comment on the picture, prominent Jewish attorney and Harvard/Yale alumni responded, "I've had better."

What do you guys think? If this had come out eight decades ago, would Hitler have had to resign from the Nazi Party? Would he have lost his bid to be Chancellor?

Sources?

[Galloism]

I'll admit it.

I giggled.

[BrightonBurg]

The Cake is a Lie!!

[Barringtonia]

How many testicles were there?

We have evidence in the Albert Hall.

[Ian and Jackson]

Sources?

An article about a picture of Hitler's junk being too late to end his political career, and people's issue is that there is no link.

Ah, what better welcome to the general forum.

[Mature Related]

Lol'd at history channel.

I smell onions.

[Oterro]

Not bad, actually.

Keep it up.

[Eastern European Nations]

lol he's must have had a really small dick to have to kill people to get others to respect him

[Esternial]

Hehe...penis.

Wait, what?

[Hresejnen]

[Syvorji]

Source, or it never happened.

[Southern Patriots]

Sources?

An article about a picture of Hitler's junk being too late to end his political career, and people's issue is that there is no link.

Ah, what better welcome to the general forum.

Whose puppet are you?

[New East Ireland]

£50 that it was on his chest and no one noticed it.

[Ian and Jackson]

How many testicles were there?

We have evidence in the Albert Hall.

Well, in America, the precedent is that profound political importance does not require a full set. For example, the Congressional hearings and barely aborted second US Civil War of 2004 was caused by merely one of Janet Jackson's breasts.

[BrightonBurg]

Not bad, actually.

Keep it up.

Thats what Anthony Weiner said....

[Ifreann]

I vaguely remember some manner of documentary about Allied propaganda, part of which called for an artist to doctor a Nazi propaganda flier(which read 'What we have, we hold') to make it look like Hitler was holding his Trouser Fuhrer. Apparently the artist was instructed not to make it look too impressive.

[Barringtonia]

How many testicles were there?

We have evidence in the Albert Hall.

Well, in America, the precedent is that profound political importance does not require a full set. For example, the Congressional hearings and barely aborted second US Civil War of 2004 was caused by merely one of Janet Jackson's breasts.

It's not about political importance, everyone knows Hitler only had one ball, the other was in the Albert Hall, his mother, the dirty bugger, chopped it off when he was small.

[Ian and Jackson]

Lol'd at history channel.

I smell onions.

I think the history channel should do an entire week on dictators, collaborating with the other channels.

Stalin Chef with Food Network, Sabado Gigante Con Mussolini with Telemundo, and Franco Loves The Eighties on MTV.

[Ian and Jackson]

I vaguely remember some manner of documentary about Allied propaganda, part of which called for an artist to doctor a Nazi propaganda flier(which read 'What we have, we hold') to make it look like Hitler was holding his Trouser Fuhrer. Apparently the artist was instructed not to make it look too impressive.

That would've been worth whatever budget they needed.

[Ifreann]

I vaguely remember some manner of documentary about Allied propaganda, part of which called for an artist to doctor a Nazi propaganda flier(which read 'What we have, we hold') to make it look like Hitler was holding his Trouser Fuhrer. Apparently the artist was instructed not to make it look too impressive.

That would've been worth whatever budget they needed.

I completely agree.

[Ian and Jackson]

It's not about political importance, everyone knows Hitler only had one ball, the other was in the Albert Hall, his mother, the dirty bugger, chopped it off when he was small.

There are some among the community of international historians who are strongly considering advancing the theory that Himmler had something sim'ler.

[Barringtonia]

It's not about political importance, everyone knows Hitler only had one ball, the other was in the Albert Hall, his mother, the dirty bugger, chopped it off when he was small.

There are some among the community of international historians who are strongly considering advancing the theory that Himmler had something sim'ler.

..and far be it for me to disparage the man but poor Goebbels has no balls at all.

[Hresejnen]

Oh, I also should have posted this:

http://hipsterhitler.com/wp-content/web ... urgery.png

At any rate, I don't think the vast majority of us would be whining about a link if it weren't for the fact that the 'article' is patently ridiculous.