Yay. I've been working in a call center for 2 years now. Here's some advice for all of you, so you don't make my life even more of a living hell, and so you can get on with your lives and get off the phone.
1. We need to be able to hear you. Turn of your damn TV. Shut off the stereo. Give your little brat a pacifier, or at least don't hold the little howling demon RIGHT NEXT TO THE PHONE! Also, speak clearly. We can deal with almost any accent or dialect, but don't mumble. Enunciate, buT noT liKe an Ass Hole By Ecks Aj Er Ate Ing Ev er ee syl la bul. If there's static on the line, see if we can call you back at another number, or at the same one if you have call waiting BECAUSE SHOUTING THROUGH STATIC DOES NOT HELP.
2. Be polite. We really want to help you, and we know it's often a maze of automated systems before you get to a human. But large companies have many departments trained only in specific areas. If you call the f****ing sales department, expect a f****ing sales pitch. If you get a wrong department, explain what you need, and ask the agent to get you where you need to go. Request a "warm transfer" where we conference you in with a live agent in that other department instead of kicking you into another hold queue.
3. Know your shit. Have your account number, or device model number, or whatever on hand before you call if possible. If you want specific help, give us specific info. Know whether you are the account holder/registered user/whatever, or if you are authorized for access, or if you're not listed with the device/service/program/account at all. Expect to be asked for verification info. Expect different departments to sometimes require different levels of verification info. Also expect Anonymous, but that's probably irrelevant here.
4. We don't give a crap if you claim you played a round of golf on Saturday with the CEO. Name dropping is for losers who want to broadcast their personification of failure. If we can't help you, we can't help you. Everything is done by computer. There are rules, chains of command, and departmental compartmentalization to deal with, and there are no magic names. If we don't have access or can't change something, no amount of swearing, threatening, or whining will change it. In fact, such behavior may get your call "accidentally dropped" by less patient agents and you will be stuck back at the beginning with having to call back in. And you deserve it for being a douche.
5. If there IS some kind of promotion or discount you really qualify for, see point # 3. Have your program name, promo code, employee ID, mail notice, or whatever you need on hand. Mention it ASAP. Promotions are subject to availability and eligibility. Read the fine print, and understand that any promotion is probably subject to change at any time.
6. If you're ordering a product or service, try to get your general order together before you call in. At least have SOME idea of what you want and what your budget will allow. Make sure you actually have money in the bank, or that your credit card is not maxed out. Allow for taxes and fees, because the government always wants a piece of the pie. Be prepared for credit qualification and possible adjustments to your original plan depending on approval if a contract is involved.
7. Allow ample time for your call. Don't call in and demand that all 47 of your issues be resolved in the next 3 minutes because your lunch break is almost over. Even if you got the right department that can handle all 47 issues in one go, and have verified everything short of your blood type, stuff does take time to process. Make small talk if the agent is trying to make small talk. We aren't generally trying to waste your time, but rather keep you from sitting there listening to dead air. You wouldn't like that, so help us help you avoid that.
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Your turn, Anyone else ever worked inbound calls? Whatever your job, what common sense tips would you like to give your customers?
