Are you a virgin?

[Commissariat Quebec]

I have got vagina dentata, so I'll probably never get laid.
Unless someone....

Well it just so happens I have a penis of steel.

We should get together, no?

[Bottle]

Wait. You've not had intercourse, yet you think it's tops?

I believe that it is probably tops, according to my limited knowledge. I hope that I'm not wrong.

Not wanting to scare you or nothing, but if you're female then be prepared for the fact that intercourse might not be "tops" for you. Statistically speaking, there's a good chance you won't be physiologically able to climax from intercourse alone. There's also about a one in four chance that you will routinely experience pain during intercourse.

I say these things NOT to freak you out, but just so that if/when you encounter these issues you won't think, "Oh god, there's something wrong with me!" Tons of women have these issues.

If you experience pain during intercourse, talk to your doctor about it. ANY pain. I'm serious. It can't hurt to mention it. Even if it was your first time and you were expecting it to hurt a little, STILL TELL YOUR DOCTOR about it at your next pelvic. [PS: Get a pelvic. If you have opted to become sexually active, take care of your body!] Just tell the doctor and feel free to ask questions. They'll be able to tell you what is within the realm of normal discomfort, and what isn't. If you want, you can even have your doctor examine you before you become sexually active, to determine the state of your hymen and let you know if there is any reason you should expect particular problems when you have sex.

Regarding lack of climax during intercourse, it's not only normal, it's typical. Due to the position of the clitoris, your happy-bits are probably not going to get the kind of stimulation they need during "standard" intercourse, especially if your partner is inexperienced. Happily, that's what evolution gave us opposable digits for. (Yes, I'm quite sure we evolved thumbs so we could attend to the clitoris. Expect my scholarly research article on the subject soon.)

Play around with your body and that of your partner, a lot, before anybody tries to stick anything into anybody else. It's the surest way to help everyone have fun.

[Ceannairceach]

The correct outburst is "Jinkies!"

HEY, CEANNA, WANNA SCOOBY SNACK?!?

*Looks up from newspaper*
*Sighs and shakes head*
*Returns to paper*

[Potarius]

I have got vagina dentata, so I'll probably never get laid.
Unless someone....

I'm not entirely sure if that's what I think it is. . . .


But hell, I'd still hit it.

A vagina filled with teeth.

Le ouch.

[The Merchant Republics]

Yes, frankly, I've not even been close. I've never even had a girlfriend or for that matter a non-relative kiss (well, on the lips that is, I've had a girl kiss my cheek but this is sounding more and more pathetic as I go on oh dear gosh but I digress).

Ah, yes but in my imagination it's a lovely thing. But I can only hope it looks nothing like pornography.

Some porn is good to take lessons from.

I'm sure some of it is fine, but the majority of it is frankly a little gross. But I'm a prude.

[The Nuclear Fist]

Never had blood. Almost, though. Fuck that shit.

Couldn't have sex for awhile after that incident. But, I am all better now.

I love it when they bite my cock.

[The Merchant Republics]

Well it just so happens I have a penis of steel.

We should get together, no?

Oui!

[Gidgetisms]

I will admit, I've done that once. ONCE.

I thought you'd never done anything whatsoever.

does that count as sex? I never thought it did. *shrugs*

[Christantle]

Couldn't have sex for awhile after that incident. But, I am all better now.

I love it when they bite my cock.

Wait until there is blood. Hell, I am at least 20 years younger than you. You are in your 40s right?

[The Nuclear Fist]

A vagina filled with teeth.

Sounds kinky.

[Christantle]

A vagina filled with teeth.

Sounds kinky.

Sounds hairy

[The Nuclear Fist]

I love it when they bite my cock.

Wait until there is blood. Hell, I am at least 20 years younger than you. You are in your 40s right?

I've had it draw blood. Lots of blood. Blood that would later be used as lubricant.

[Gidgetisms]

I believe that it is probably tops, according to my limited knowledge. I hope that I'm not wrong.

Not wanting to scare you or nothing, but if you're female then be prepared for the fact that intercourse might not be "tops" for you. Statistically speaking, there's a good chance you won't be physiologically able to climax from intercourse alone. There's also about a one in four chance that you will routinely experience pain during intercourse.

I say these things NOT to freak you out, but just so that if/when you encounter these issues you won't think, "Oh god, there's something wrong with me!" Tons of women have these issues.

If you experience pain during intercourse, talk to your doctor about it. ANY pain. I'm serious. It can't hurt to mention it. Even if it was your first time and you were expecting it to hurt a little, STILL TELL YOUR DOCTOR about it at your next pelvic. [PS: Get a pelvic. If you have opted to become sexually active, take care of your body!] Just tell the doctor and feel free to ask questions. They'll be able to tell you what is within the realm of normal discomfort, and what isn't. If you want, you can even have your doctor examine you before you become sexually active, to determine the state of your hymen and let you know if there is any reason you should expect particular problems when you have sex.

Regarding lack of climax during intercourse, it's not only normal, it's typical. Due to the position of the clitoris, your happy-bits are probably not going to get the kind of stimulation they need during "standard" intercourse, especially if your partner is inexperienced. Happily, that's what evolution gave us opposable digits for. (Yes, I'm quite sure we evolved thumbs so we could attend to the clitoris. Expect my scholarly research article on the subject soon.)

Play around with your body and that of your partner, a lot, before anybody tries to stick anything into anybody else. It's the surest way to help everyone have fun.

[Bottle]

I have got vagina dentata, so I'll probably never get laid.

I've got the Pit of Sarlac twixt my nethers, and it's never stopped me.

[Commissariat Quebec]

We should get together, no?

Oui!

Alright, our safety-word is "FUUUU-".

[The Nuclear Fist]

Sounds kinky.

Sounds hairy

Not if it's shaved.

[Christantle]

Wait until there is blood. Hell, I am at least 20 years younger than you. You are in your 40s right?

I've had it draw blood. Lots of blood. Blood that would later be used as lubricant.

All I got to say.

[Wamitoria]

I'm not entirely sure if that's what I think it is. . . .


But hell, I'd still hit it.

A vagina filled with teeth.

Le ouch.

I amazed that someone has been born with that fictional condition.

[Christantle]

Sounds hairy

Not if it's shaved.

Got a point there.

[Potarius]

Regarding lack of climax during intercourse, it's not only normal, it's typical. Due to the position of the clitoris, your happy-bits are probably not going to get the kind of stimulation they need during "standard" intercourse, especially if your partner is inexperienced. Happily, that's what evolution gave us opposable digits for. (Yes, I'm quite sure we evolved thumbs so we could attend to the clitoris. Expect my scholarly research article on the subject soon.)

Good positioning for intercourse and the right kind of movements on the male's part can help immensely --- thus the whole "experienced" part. Interestingly, all the girls I've been with have had orgasms from intercourse alone; this hasn't stopped me from giving oral before and after, naturally.

[Caecili]

I believe that it is probably tops, according to my limited knowledge. I hope that I'm not wrong.

Not wanting to scare you or nothing, but if you're female then be prepared for the fact that intercourse might not be "tops" for you. Statistically speaking, there's a good chance you won't be physiologically able to climax from intercourse alone. There's also about a one in four chance that you will routinely experience pain during intercourse.

I say these things NOT to freak you out, but just so that if/when you encounter these issues you won't think, "Oh god, there's something wrong with me!" Tons of women have these issues.

If you experience pain during intercourse, talk to your doctor about it. ANY pain. I'm serious. It can't hurt to mention it. Even if it was your first time and you were expecting it to hurt a little, STILL TELL YOUR DOCTOR about it at your next pelvic. [PS: Get a pelvic. If you have opted to become sexually active, take care of your body!] Just tell the doctor and feel free to ask questions. They'll be able to tell you what is within the realm of normal discomfort, and what isn't. If you want, you can even have your doctor examine you before you become sexually active, to determine the state of your hymen and let you know if there is any reason you should expect particular problems when you have sex.

Regarding lack of climax during intercourse, it's not only normal, it's typical. Due to the position of the clitoris, your happy-bits are probably not going to get the kind of stimulation they need during "standard" intercourse, especially if your partner is inexperienced. Happily, that's what evolution gave us opposable digits for. (Yes, I'm quite sure we evolved thumbs so we could attend to the clitoris. Expect my scholarly research article on the subject soon.)

Play around with your body and that of your partner, a lot, before anybody tries to stick anything into anybody else. It's the surest way to help everyone have fun.

I very much appreciate the advice, but I have *he-hem* experimented enough to know that plain ol' intercourse is actually all I need.
My clitoris is full of failure, so that's probably a good thing.

[SaintB]

Nope, with feminism came whole new ways to make love. Joking aside... women can have oral sex performed on them too.

how the fuck would that work?

Its not something I could describe here and not get banned.

[Commissariat Quebec]

Sounds hairy

Not if it's shaved.

It isn't... My downstairs remind most men of the mouth of an old, mustached Mexican.

[Bottle]

Some porn is good to take lessons from.

I'm sure some of it is fine, but the majority of it is frankly a little gross. But I'm a prude.

I'm a kinky sex-crazed slutbag, and I think most porn is gross.

Don't try to learn from porn. In real life, most women don't enjoy being wedged into 10-inch spike heels so they can be bent over a pool table as a guy with a beer-can dick prongs them monotonously without touching any of their erogenous zones.

[Celestial Divinities]

No.