Love, Dating, Sex, and Marriage

[Mosasauria]

Only thing you are correct on.

I'll say to you what I said to him: You're doing it wrong then.

There's far too much drama to get to the sex.

[Geniasis]

Funny you mention Mr. Vader. That is a conversation my wife and I are having. She is of the opinion that darth is unredeemable because of his killing the padawans. Therefore it is wrong that he was redeemed at the end, and since the whole story is really Darth’s story, as such and as a “galactic fairy tale” it fails. I am not sure I agree, but she is swinging me around to that position.

I acknowledge Nietzsche’s intellect, his classical interpretations are remarkable, and though his philosophies were part of Nazi thinking, he was no anti semite., But that is one boy who needed someone to kick the shit out of him a few dozen times, and maybe his ethical writings would have been a little more humane.

I agree for the most part, it is better for kids to be with their biological parents but that by definition does not require monogamy, both parents can have side pieces, so to speak

Actually, the Nazis only borrowed superficially from Nietzsche's philosophy. In truth, Nietzche was no fan of either anti-semitism or German nationalism. Furthermore, the Übermensch wasn't meant to be racial in nature like Hitler interpreted it to be.

[The Parkus Empire]

I was going to guess "marriage", since it is the only one of the three that gay people are legally barred form engaging in.

I'm pretty sure that's the one Parkus meant... (marriage)

No, I meant "sex".

[St George of England]

I haven't had any experience in this sort of matter. At all.

Step 1: Go out.
Step 2: Get alcohol
Step 3: Combine alcohol with nubile young teen
Step 4: ?????
Step 5: PROFIT!

[Dyakovo]

I'll say to you what I said to him: You're doing it wrong then.

There's far too much drama to get to the sex.

You're going about it wrong.

[Glorious Freedonia]

I believe in honesty in relationships. I would not keep this a secret from her at all. In fact she would be the first and perhaps only person that I would let know about it and I would expect her to be my biggest cheerleader on this. My wife encourages me to do this but alas I am not very good at asking girls out.

Well then that makes shit WAY easier!

If your wife is willing to help you find a mistress, this will really help matters. A lot of women aren't comfortable being with a married man because they don't like the idea of helping him trick his wife; it's the chicks before dicks code, if you will. But if your wife is present and even helps introduce you to your mistress, then that problem is gone. Women also sometimes are more comfortable going out with a guy if another woman assures them that he's a good dude, that he will treat them respectfully, etc. And if you have problems introducing yourself to women, then obviously your wife could be a big help.

Swingers clubs are a good place to start, although swinger culture is a bit odd on this particular element; some groups believe it's okay to swap partners during parties or whatever, but they strongly frown upon long-term affairs. There's also a lot of adult dating scenes you could check out together.

As for maintaining the relationship, it's really about finding a compatible match. You need a mistress who is okay with being a mistress, and who is okay with the amount of time you will be able to give her. Beyond that, the relationship won't be any different from any other relationship...you find out what she needs/wants and you do your best to be a good partner to her, while being honest with her about what you need/want.

What are adult dating scenes that we could check out together? I had no idea that was the reason why women are adverse to dating married men. I always thought it was based on the Christian view of adultery or something. I am pretty sure I could make a mistress happy because I make everyone happy. It is just the finding the girl part. I met my wife on a blind date. Are there like blind dates for married guys too?

[Bottle]

Well then that makes shit WAY easier!

If your wife is willing to help you find a mistress, this will really help matters. A lot of women aren't comfortable being with a married man because they don't like the idea of helping him trick his wife; it's the chicks before dicks code, if you will. But if your wife is present and even helps introduce you to your mistress, then that problem is gone. Women also sometimes are more comfortable going out with a guy if another woman assures them that he's a good dude, that he will treat them respectfully, etc. And if you have problems introducing yourself to women, then obviously your wife could be a big help.

Swingers clubs are a good place to start, although swinger culture is a bit odd on this particular element; some groups believe it's okay to swap partners during parties or whatever, but they strongly frown upon long-term affairs. There's also a lot of adult dating scenes you could check out together.

As for maintaining the relationship, it's really about finding a compatible match. You need a mistress who is okay with being a mistress, and who is okay with the amount of time you will be able to give her. Beyond that, the relationship won't be any different from any other relationship...you find out what she needs/wants and you do your best to be a good partner to her, while being honest with her about what you need/want.

What are adult dating scenes that we could check out together?

Sort of depends on where you live. I happen to live in Boston, which is in many ways the polyamory capital of the USA...Boston is the home of Family Tree, which is the oldest polyamory support group in the country. I live less than a mile from the famous purple Somerville house that is a meeting sight for Love Without Bounds, another poly group.*

There are a lot of bars and cafes that offer poly nights or swinger nights, and those can be a great place to meet up with other people. You could look for such events in your town, although depending on where you live it might be hard to find them. Searching for "poly socials" or "couples speed dating" are a couple possible search terms.

*Polyamory isn't exactly what you're looking for (I'm guessing), but the poly community is probably going to be best able to help you figure out how to set up a stable relationship with a mistress because they're going to view it differently than "cheating" or whathaveyou. Since you're being open and honest with your wife, the poly community probably wouldn't have trouble embracing your idea of your relationship(s). Try polyamory.org perhaps, you might find information about groups in your area.

I had no idea that was the reason why women are adverse to dating married men. I always thought it was based on the Christian view of adultery or something.

Oh, that can certainly be a reason too, it's just that I kind of cross women with those attitudes off the list at the outset. Women with those views on adultery are, obviously, never going to be good prospects for you. Although a surprising number of them actually would enter adulterous relationships (yes, people are often hypocrites, especially about sex), they tend to have a lot of shame issues about it, and nobody wants that.

What you are (I think) looking for is a woman who is okay with adultery. You'd like a mistress who knows she is a mistress and is content with that status. Obviously this means you'll need a mistress who doesn't have any objections to adultery in principle! So once we've narrowed the field to 'women who could be okay with adultery under certain circumstances,' the main limiting issue is that women (and men) tend to feel empathy...they wouldn't want a partner to lie to them or cheat on them, so they don't like the idea of helping somebody else's partner lie and cheat. Hence, knowing that your wife is okay with the situation can really help.

I am pretty sure I could make a mistress happy because I make everyone happy. It is just the finding the girl part. I met my wife on a blind date. Are there like blind dates for married guys too?

Yes, although you have to be careful about them because for some people it is basically a fetish...some people get off on the idea of cheating or participating in cheating, and some people get off on the idea of being a homewrecker. Since you aren't looking to have your home wrecked, you don't want to get in to that sort of thing. I've also found that being somebody's fetish isn't really as fun as you might think. It gets old.

[Kruplyan]

For me Sex before marriage is very Immoral

Mind explaining why?

Rather than rant, all that needs to be said is, the 6th command (if you're a Jew or Christian).

And no, that doesn't mean I'm going to try and make a law to outlaw shit like that and tell you you're going to hell. So think before you hate on me for what Moses said.

[Norstal]

Mind explaining why?

Rather than rant, all that needs to be said is, the 6th command (if you're a Jew or Christian).

More women for me.

[Kruplyan]

Rather than rant, all that needs to be said is, the 6th command (if you're a Jew or Christian).

More women for me.

IK, R?

*whoa, punctuation in chat speak? I think I've discovered a new dimension.

[Kruplyan]

I'm a home schooled Catholic teenager. Any guesses as to my experiences?

[Norstal]

I'm a home schooled Catholic teenager. Any guesses as to my experiences?

That you'll regret the many times you could've had sex.

Not home schooled, but was Catholic. Damn it, I could've had so many sex. *sniffs*

[Kruplyan]

Because of the soul crushing loss.

I have no soul.

Ginger.

[Kruplyan]

I'm a home schooled Catholic teenager. Any guesses as to my experiences?

That you'll regret the many times you could've had sex.

Not home schooled, but was Catholic. Damn it, I could've had so many sex. *sniffs*

We'll see

[The Congregationists]

Love, dating, sex, marriage ...

Seem to me to be in decline.

[Tokos]

Mitosis would make life simpler.

I wonder if where I live has a mitosis scene.

[Arkinesia]

I'm a home schooled Catholic teenager. Any guesses as to my experiences?

You've gotten laid a few times.

I only know one Catholic guy who made it to 25 as a virgin, and he's 325 pounds and is covered in acne pockmarks.

[Glorious Freedonia]

What are adult dating scenes that we could check out together?

Sort of depends on where you live. I happen to live in Boston, which is in many ways the polyamory capital of the USA...Boston is the home of Family Tree, which is the oldest polyamory support group in the country. I live less than a mile from the famous purple Somerville house that is a meeting sight for Love Without Bounds, another poly group.*

There are a lot of bars and cafes that offer poly nights or swinger nights, and those can be a great place to meet up with other people. You could look for such events in your town, although depending on where you live it might be hard to find them. Searching for "poly socials" or "couples speed dating" are a couple possible search terms.

*Polyamory isn't exactly what you're looking for (I'm guessing), but the poly community is probably going to be best able to help you figure out how to set up a stable relationship with a mistress because they're going to view it differently than "cheating" or whathaveyou. Since you're being open and honest with your wife, the poly community probably wouldn't have trouble embracing your idea of your relationship(s). Try polyamory.org perhaps, you might find information about groups in your area.

I had no idea that was the reason why women are adverse to dating married men. I always thought it was based on the Christian view of adultery or something.

Oh, that can certainly be a reason too, it's just that I kind of cross women with those attitudes off the list at the outset. Women with those views on adultery are, obviously, never going to be good prospects for you. Although a surprising number of them actually would enter adulterous relationships (yes, people are often hypocrites, especially about sex), they tend to have a lot of shame issues about it, and nobody wants that.

What you are (I think) looking for is a woman who is okay with adultery. You'd like a mistress who knows she is a mistress and is content with that status. Obviously this means you'll need a mistress who doesn't have any objections to adultery in principle! So once we've narrowed the field to 'women who could be okay with adultery under certain circumstances,' the main limiting issue is that women (and men) tend to feel empathy...they wouldn't want a partner to lie to them or cheat on them, so they don't like the idea of helping somebody else's partner lie and cheat. Hence, knowing that your wife is okay with the situation can really help.

I am pretty sure I could make a mistress happy because I make everyone happy. It is just the finding the girl part. I met my wife on a blind date. Are there like blind dates for married guys too?

Yes, although you have to be careful about them because for some people it is basically a fetish...some people get off on the idea of cheating or participating in cheating, and some people get off on the idea of being a homewrecker. Since you aren't looking to have your home wrecked, you don't want to get in to that sort of thing. I've also found that being somebody's fetish isn't really as fun as you might think. It gets old.

Arent swingers looked down on as perverts or something though? I do not want to be known in my community as a wierdo pervert or anything. I certainly do not want to be with someone who thinks they are committing adultery by being with me and I do not want to be with a married woman because I do not want to sin. God has to come first you know. I do not want anyone to think that I would be abetting their sin. I of course do not believe that there would be any sin involved and I certainly do not want someone to commit the sin of idolatry by being with me when they think it is adultery to be with me for then I would become higher than God in her priority and that would be wickedness.

Thank you for all of your help. I just do not want to be thought of as a pervert or anything.

[Prussia-Denmark]

Yeah, I'm starting to wonder whether relationships are even worth it.

They are worth it, as long as you pick the right person.

99% of the population thinks with their genitals and chemical reactions related to procreation.

Instead of getting to know someone they decide to chase anything that winks or smiles at them the right way.

[The Aryan Third Reich]

I ended up having sex with the person I love before we dated. I am for sex before marriage because then you know if you are compatible in that way. Being good in bed isn't a learned thing as far as I am concerned... some are good, some not. I am not religious so I don't feel any regret for having sex with a boyfriend (yes, I am female) as long as its what we both want and have actually talked about it prior. Always handy to know someone's preferences before you make a go for it, assuming you want to increase the enjoyment.

[Arkinesia]

I ended up having sex with the person I love before we dated. I am for sex before marriage because then you know if you are compatible in that way. Being good in bed isn't a learned thing as far as I am concerned... some are good, some not. I am not religious so I don't feel any regret for having sex with a boyfriend (yes, I am female) as long as its what we both want and have actually talked about it prior. Always handy to know someone's preferences before you make a go for it, assuming you want to increase the enjoyment.

Eh but you don't have to fuck someone to figure out what turns them on.

That would be sort of like in order to earn a driver's license, you have to spend 80 hours in the car alone without any prior education.

[Meryuma]

Recently I've been seeing a guy I like from this very forum, you might know who he is.

[Bottle]

Arent swingers looked down on as perverts or something though? I do not want to be known in my community as a wierdo pervert or anything. I certainly do not want to be with someone who thinks they are committing adultery by being with me and I do not want to be with a married woman because I do not want to sin. God has to come first you know. I do not want anyone to think that I would be abetting their sin. I of course do not believe that there would be any sin involved and I certainly do not want someone to commit the sin of idolatry by being with me when they think it is adultery to be with me for then I would become higher than God in her priority and that would be wickedness.

Thank you for all of your help. I just do not want to be thought of as a pervert or anything.

Yes, swingers are looked down on as perverts. Men who keep mistresses are looked down on, too, generally speaking. Frankly, any relationship that isn't one man and one woman who only have missionary-position sex when they're trying to get pregnant is probably going to get you branded a pervert, at least in the USA.

But don't sweat it too much. I've been living in sin with my partner for almost a decade, and I can tell you from personal experience that when you have a happy relationship that works for you and your partner(s), you give less than 1/10th of one shit what other people think of it.

And remember: the best revenge is living well.

[Bottle]

I ended up having sex with the person I love before we dated. I am for sex before marriage because then you know if you are compatible in that way. Being good in bed isn't a learned thing as far as I am concerned... some are good, some not. I am not religious so I don't feel any regret for having sex with a boyfriend (yes, I am female) as long as its what we both want and have actually talked about it prior. Always handy to know someone's preferences before you make a go for it, assuming you want to increase the enjoyment.

Eh but you don't have to fuck someone to figure out what turns them on.

That would be sort of like in order to earn a driver's license, you have to spend 80 hours in the car alone without any prior education.

While I must admit to being impressed by your assumed amount of stamina, I don't really think fucking takes most people 80 hours.

[Horsefish]

Eh but you don't have to fuck someone to figure out what turns them on.

That would be sort of like in order to earn a driver's license, you have to spend 80 hours in the car alone without any prior education.

While I must admit to being impressed by your assumed amount of stamina, I don't really think fucking takes most people 80 hours.

Shit, I should probally got to the doctors then....

If I'm honest it's no-one elses problem what goes on in the bedroom of two consenting adults. If they want to call each other by their respective parents names or wear nappies or whatever, more power to you, enjoy it. Admitidly I wouldn't want them to launch into vivid descriptions but you know, thats common curtosey.