Love, Dating, Sex, and Marriage

[Glorious Freedonia]

I am looking for advice on finding a mistress. How do you find an unmarried girl who wants to be your mistress. Once I get my mistress how can I make her super duper happy? To clarify things, I am not looking to cheat on my wife in a cheap motel. I am looking for my longterm or forever girlfriend.

All of the dating sites seem to be oriented to finding dates for single people or seem to be a thinly veiled means of connecting prostitutes and johns. Where can a nice shy guy go to find a nice mistress?

[Norstal]

In the past, I was rather promiscuous. I won't lie. I had sex a lot. However recently I returned back to the Church of Rome, with my convictions stronger than ever. I have to say that though I'm rather indifferent about others who do it, I have restrained myself considerably, especially since the beginning of Lent (where I said I would not engage in sex for 40 days -very much a struggle). I personally think the intention of sex within marriage is to preserve its beauty, sex is after all a great thing. But for some people, a test drive is in order. For some a relationship is mostly physical rather than anything else (it was with me for the longest of times). But I am looking for something deeper, something more meaningful, a girlfriend whom I can eventually call my wife. A woman who shares the same views I do in regards to faith, sex, and procreation. Perhaps I'm being rather sentimental about it all, but I fear I have developed a rather puritanical view towards it. But unlike Dimmesdale, I know that I am weak so I will not condemn others. I hate hypocrites above everything else. My beliefs are my own business, and nobody else's.

Dimmesdale Condemned only himself. It was the town that condemned Hester

Err, Dimmesdale condemned Hester...

[Norstal]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_ratio

True love doesn't exist. So keep saying that until you get older.

Unless...you're a homosexual.

1. Didn't say true love, just love. Love or at least the bond created by it exists. I believe in true love regardless, but that really isn't here or there to my philosophy.

Ah, ok.

2. I realize I treat things with a more romantic, perhaps rose-tinted view, but I don't know if you can simply dismiss love altogether either.

My experience talking with chemists and biologists destroyed my philosophy of love.

3. I'm not following your point with the sex ratio link. You'll need to extrapolate, because I didn't read anything from that page which condemned male-female love

I'm implying that not every man will be able to get a woman based on the sex ratio. Course, there might be widows, homosexuals and other variables, but it was only an implication.

Hence why I dislike monogamous relationship. If the ratio was balanced, I would probably not be as pedantic. Sharing is caring.

4. Not following the homosexual comment either, I'm straight regardless.

See above.

[The Norwegian Blue]

Do you think there is some kind of set of rules?

For me, somewhat. Universally? Only one: do what you and your partner(s) are comfortable with and what makes you and your partner(s) happy.

Would you have sex on a first date? Before the first date?

...define "date."

I engaged in some form of sexual activity with each of my partners to date before I went on a traditional "date" with them. Sexual activity also generally preceded any sort of official "relationship" - but it never preceded genuine friendship, affection, and romantic feelings of some sort for the person in question.

I'm being a little fuzzy here and talking about "sexual activity" rather than "sex" because defining "sex" is a whole 'nother issue. I take penis-in-vagina intercourse somewhat more seriously than other sorts of sexual activity, simply because it adds one more risk that the others lack, and so I don't do P-in-V outside of a Relationship-with-a-capital-R, but I don't think that things like oral and anal are somehow not "real" or "meaningful" sex. They're just "sex where we don't have to have the serious discussion about what happens if I get knocked up first."

Before marriage? Why or why or why not, et all & etc.

I have no problem with sex before marriage. I'm not ready to be married right now, but I am very much in love with my partner and very much enjoy having sex with him. I see no reason why I should not happily boink the heck out of someone I love and who loves me simply because neither of us are in a marriage-ish place in our lives right now.

[Arilando]

But why do you think its wrong?

Well, Ive just been taught that you should wait to have sex before marriage.
So it might not neccesarily be wrong, But I think that you should wait.

Weak response.

[Bottle]

I am looking for advice on finding a mistress. How do you find an unmarried girl who wants to be your mistress. Once I get my mistress how can I make her super duper happy? To clarify things, I am not looking to cheat on my wife in a cheap motel. I am looking for my longterm or forever girlfriend.

All of the dating sites seem to be oriented to finding dates for single people or seem to be a thinly veiled means of connecting prostitutes and johns. Where can a nice shy guy go to find a nice mistress?

Are you hoping to conceal your mistress from your wife, or are you planning to have a sort of open affair?

I only ask because this is relevant to how you can go about finding a mistress and pursuing a relationship with her. If you need to keep everything hidden then that kind of limits your options, but if your wife is aware of your activities then things are a bit more open.

[Arkinesia]

I am looking for advice on finding a mistress. How do you find an unmarried girl who wants to be your mistress. Once I get my mistress how can I make her super duper happy? To clarify things, I am not looking to cheat on my wife in a cheap motel. I am looking for my longterm or forever girlfriend.

All of the dating sites seem to be oriented to finding dates for single people or seem to be a thinly veiled means of connecting prostitutes and johns. Where can a nice shy guy go to find a nice mistress?

Somehow, from a legal perspective, I've never understood why adultery isn't at least a civil code offense.

[Arilando]

The only rule is: do what makes you happy.

[Bottle]

I am looking for advice on finding a mistress. How do you find an unmarried girl who wants to be your mistress. Once I get my mistress how can I make her super duper happy? To clarify things, I am not looking to cheat on my wife in a cheap motel. I am looking for my longterm or forever girlfriend.

All of the dating sites seem to be oriented to finding dates for single people or seem to be a thinly veiled means of connecting prostitutes and johns. Where can a nice shy guy go to find a nice mistress?

Somehow, from a legal perspective, I've never understood why adultery isn't at least a civil code offense.

Why would it be? Marriage contracts and prenups may contain penalties for adultery if people want them, so why would we need more?

[Tokos]

The only rule is: do what makes you happy.

Happiness is a stupid thing to chase as that makes it even more illusory than it is, and how many people even know what makes them happy? Very few I think.

[The Truth and Light]

I think I like the idea of getting married. To see my groom looking smexy in a tux, and get drunk on champagne sounds like a good time.

I'm not sure if I need to wait until marriage to do the important things, though.

[Grainne Ni Malley]

The only rule is: do what makes you happy.

Happiness is a stupid thing to chase as that makes it even more illusory than it is, and how many people even know what makes them happy? Very few I think.

Some things make people feel happy until they get bored with whatever that may be. Often the chasing is more of a thrill than the having. Although, there are a few things that remain a consistent trigger of the happy feeling for me. Bubble baths, kittens...

[Bottle]

I think I like the idea of getting married. To see my groom looking smexy in a tux, and get drunk on champagne sounds like a good time.

I'm not sure if I need to wait until marriage to do the important things, though.

Just a piece of advice:

If you want the kind of wedding where everyone gets dolled up to dance and get smashed on champagne, then fuck first. I don't just mean have sex before marriage, but I mean make sure that you and your groom get sexy together BEFORE the wedding, because I can promise you that you will be way too tired and drunk afterwards. Weddings like that are an absolute blast, it's just that you rarely have wedding night sex because you finally get back to the hotel room at 3am and you pass right the fuck out.

[Glorious Freedonia]

I am looking for advice on finding a mistress. How do you find an unmarried girl who wants to be your mistress. Once I get my mistress how can I make her super duper happy? To clarify things, I am not looking to cheat on my wife in a cheap motel. I am looking for my longterm or forever girlfriend.

All of the dating sites seem to be oriented to finding dates for single people or seem to be a thinly veiled means of connecting prostitutes and johns. Where can a nice shy guy go to find a nice mistress?

Are you hoping to conceal your mistress from your wife, or are you planning to have a sort of open affair?

I only ask because this is relevant to how you can go about finding a mistress and pursuing a relationship with her. If you need to keep everything hidden then that kind of limits your options, but if your wife is aware of your activities then things are a bit more open.

I believe in honesty in relationships. I would not keep this a secret from her at all. In fact she would be the first and perhaps only person that I would let know about it and I would expect her to be my biggest cheerleader on this. My wife encourages me to do this but alas I am not very good at asking girls out and that was when I was not married. Now that I am married I am afraid that not only will I be rejected but the girl will tell me that I am a perv or a bad husband or something.

[Lyuboftopia]

I think that one should enter a relationship for love, and wait until after marriage. What with 50% of sexually active people getting it (sources: http://www.cdc.gov/hpv/) and the fact genital-genital contact alone spreads it (good lucking keeping that out, Trojan Man!) I think my future spouse deserves to be able to marry me without getting a deadly disease out of it. And frankly, I think I deserve it as well.

I have a few fetishes, am a bi, and a failed romantic.
Need I say more?

I am also this.

I hope you know that you can get an STD during marriage, you do know that, right?
It's not like a magical guy in the sky gives people who have sex not in marriage an STD and people who are not. It just does not work that way!

[The Truth and Light]

I think I like the idea of getting married. To see my groom looking smexy in a tux, and get drunk on champagne sounds like a good time.

I'm not sure if I need to wait until marriage to do the important things, though.

Just a piece of advice:

If you want the kind of wedding where everyone gets dolled up to dance and get smashed on champagne, then fuck first. I don't just mean have sex before marriage, but I mean make sure that you and your groom get sexy together BEFORE the wedding, because I can promise you that you will be way too tired and drunk afterwards. Weddings like that are an absolute blast, it's just that you rarely have wedding night sex because you finally get back to the hotel room at 3am and you pass right the fuck out.

Weddings are just a regular weekend then. Plus tuxedos.

[Tokos]

I hope you know that you can get an STD during marriage, you do know that, right?
It's not like a magical guy in the sky gives people who have sex not in marriage an STD and people who are not. It just does not work that way!

Monogamy prevents STDs. This is not rocket science.

[Kobeanare]

I hope you know that you can get an STD during marriage, you do know that, right?
It's not like a magical guy in the sky gives people who have sex not in marriage an STD and people who are not. It just does not work that way!

Monogamy prevents STDs.

Since when?

[Norstal]

Monogamy prevents STDs.

Since when?

Since the Wizards of the White Tower invented magic.

[Bottle]

Are you hoping to conceal your mistress from your wife, or are you planning to have a sort of open affair?

I only ask because this is relevant to how you can go about finding a mistress and pursuing a relationship with her. If you need to keep everything hidden then that kind of limits your options, but if your wife is aware of your activities then things are a bit more open.

I believe in honesty in relationships. I would not keep this a secret from her at all. In fact she would be the first and perhaps only person that I would let know about it and I would expect her to be my biggest cheerleader on this. My wife encourages me to do this but alas I am not very good at asking girls out.

Well then that makes shit WAY easier!

If your wife is willing to help you find a mistress, this will really help matters. A lot of women aren't comfortable being with a married man because they don't like the idea of helping him trick his wife; it's the chicks before dicks code, if you will. But if your wife is present and even helps introduce you to your mistress, then that problem is gone. Women also sometimes are more comfortable going out with a guy if another woman assures them that he's a good dude, that he will treat them respectfully, etc. And if you have problems introducing yourself to women, then obviously your wife could be a big help.

Swingers clubs are a good place to start, although swinger culture is a bit odd on this particular element; some groups believe it's okay to swap partners during parties or whatever, but they strongly frown upon long-term affairs. There's also a lot of adult dating scenes you could check out together.

As for maintaining the relationship, it's really about finding a compatible match. You need a mistress who is okay with being a mistress, and who is okay with the amount of time you will be able to give her. Beyond that, the relationship won't be any different from any other relationship...you find out what she needs/wants and you do your best to be a good partner to her, while being honest with her about what you need/want.

[Lyuboftopia]

I hope you know that you can get an STD during marriage, you do know that, right?
It's not like a magical guy in the sky gives people who have sex not in marriage an STD and people who are not. It just does not work that way!

Monogamy prevents STDs. This is not rocket science.

Not really. Your wife/husband might have AIDs or some other type of STD. And she/he did not tell you. You can get AIDs from sharing needles, you do know that right?

[Arkinesia]

Somehow, from a legal perspective, I've never understood why adultery isn't at least a civil code offense.

Why would it be? Marriage contracts and prenups may contain penalties for adultery if people want them, so why would we need more?

They're legal contracts for god's sake, you shouldn't have to ask for penalties.

[Norstal]

Monogamy prevents STDs. This is not rocket science.

Not really. Your wife/husband might have AIDs or some other type of STD. And she/he did not tell you. You can get AIDs from sharing needles, you do know that right?

Not to mention monogamy doesn't mean your partner can't cheat on you.

[Arkinesia]

I hope you know that you can get an STD during marriage, you do know that, right?
It's not like a magical guy in the sky gives people who have sex not in marriage an STD and people who are not. It just does not work that way!

Monogamy prevents STDs. This is not rocket science.

Reduces the risk. Not prevents.

[Grainne Ni Malley]

Not really. Your wife/husband might have AIDs or some other type of STD. And she/he did not tell you. You can get AIDs from sharing needles, you do know that right?

Not to mention monogamy doesn't mean your partner can't cheat on you.

Then that's not monogamy, is it?