Unacceptable Restrictions in Relationships?

[Freaneet]

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[Takso]

Perhaps I find myself in a more unusual situation. My partner has a lot of 'don'ts' in a relationship, some of which really, REALLY, chafe at times. However, I also know that this have waaaaay more to do with his past trauma more than anything else. Ex. When cuddling, I love getting the whole body engaged but I have to leave our legs out of it because he freaks out if he feels his legs are restrained and he can't get away (from anything, mind you). What should be taken away from this is that unacceptable restrictions may just be a way to protect themselves from trauma. THIS IS NOT APOLOGETICS. It simply means that you should definitely talk with your partner and try to resolve the issues, or at least find where they stem from so that you can have a better relationship. And of course, some people are scumbag controllers no matter what, so fuck those people.

NO!! Don't fuck scumbag controllers. They might procreate and raise more scumbags.

Walk away from ppl who are too domineering for your taste.

Respecting someone's challenges due to mental illness is definitely a good thing to do, provided respecting such does not put one at risk. That being said, at least for me, physical intimacy is important, and if I or my partner were to have serious issues with that, I would seek couple therapy and or psychotherapy. It's one thing to have challenges, but if such can be overcome with therapy, then it's best to try at least.

[Jack Thomas Lang]

Just because heaven isn’t a factor doesn’t mean that people don’t benefit from working towards a cause. After all, since there is nothing after death, the only meaning in life is what one gives it. Thus, one is not benefited in the traditional sense, but rather, derives satisfaction from knowing that they have changed the world for what they perceive to be better.

If you dive over a grenade or into the path of a bullet, I don't think you're getting "satisfaction" from knowing that you've "changed the world for the better".

[Takso]

As long as it isn't like sexting (sending or receiving sexual content from others personally), I don't consider porn cheating, like watching a public video of people having sex... Not to mention many TV shows could be easily considered softcore or erotica nowadays. Now if my partner were to be into violent pornography where people are being exploited etc. then that's a problem.

Yeah but all porn is violent to some degree. All of it is a display of power.

How is all of it a "display of power"?

[Thepeopl]

NO!! Don't fuck scumbag controllers. They might procreate and raise more scumbags.

Walk away from ppl who are too domineering for your taste.

Respecting someone's challenges due to mental illness is definitely a good thing to do, provided respecting such does not put one at risk. That being said, at least for me, physical intimacy is important, and if I or my partner were to have serious issues with that, I would seek couple therapy and or psychotherapy. It's one thing to have challenges, but if such can be overcome with therapy, then it's best to try at least.

Yes I agree, that's why I said, ppl too domineering for your taste. (Scumbag controllers)

I am all for better communication and counselling if both parties are willing.
And as long as you both are consenting, I don't care what kinky agreements you have made. You do you

[Freaneet]

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[Thepeopl]

How is all of it a "display of power"?

How is it not? It communicates a message that, in order to be sexually gratified, you must be dominant and you must annihilate the other person.

Sorry? What kind of porn do you watch?

[Page]

How is all of it a "display of power"?

How is it not? It communicates a message that, in order to be sexually gratified, you must be dominant and you must annihilate the other person.

That is a very specific subgenre. There are countless ways to perform sex acts that have nothing to do with domination.

[Freaneet]

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[Takso]

Sorry? What kind of porn do you watch?

I don't watch any. Well I used to watch "vanilla" stuff but now I feel ashamed.

There is nothing to be ashamed of for watching legal consensual sexual acts between adults that have been uploaded to the Internet with their consent.

[Freaneet]

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[Forsher]

There's a difference between a priori ground rules and restrictions developed in the course of the relationship.

It's much harder to turn the former into either tools of abuse/control or forms of control. This might be the case where people don't understand the costs implied or if the rules are themselves abusive... e.g. "you must have sex with me whenever I ask".... but beyond that.

When it comes to rules which are created in the course of the relationship, they'll obviously reflect the power dynamics within the relationship and hence act to preserve the dynamic at the point the rules were developed. After all, the same conditions that drive a person to obey abusive rules (restrictions) will to a large extent drive the victim to agree with bad rules too.

[Thepeopl]

Sorry? What kind of porn do you watch?

I don't watch any. Well I used to watch "vanilla" stuff but now I feel ashamed.

Maybe my definition of porn is off. I watch loads of Tokyo porn, railway porn and other porn. For me porn is images/ stories about things you like . And since everyone likes different things, there will be all kinds of porn.

Sexual porn for me needs to contain sensuality and passion.

[Takso]

There is nothing to be ashamed of for watching legal consensual sexual acts between adults that have been uploaded to the Internet with their consent.

It's still exploitation of people, especially women

How so? They are consenting and get paid. Some even do it for free, or find the act of sharing theirs gratifying. As long as everything is legal, consensual, and none involved have been harmed I don't see anything exploitative about it.

[New haven america]

How is all of it a "display of power"?

How is it not? It communicates a message that, in order to be sexually gratified, you must be dominant and you must annihilate the other person.

What about gay and lesbian porn?

[What R Ye Doin in Muh Swaomp]

How is all of it a "display of power"?

How is it not? It communicates a message that, in order to be sexually gratified, you must be dominant and you must annihilate the other person.

Wow, you must really watch some out there porn if the purpose is to "annihilate" the other person. I thought I was bad with my BDSM/femdom/exhibitionist stuff but nope, you put me to shame.

Porn isn't cheating btw.

[Freaneet]

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[New haven america]

Wow, you must really watch some out there porn if the purpose is to "annihilate" the other person. I thought I was bad with my BDSM/femdom/exhibitionist stuff but nope, you put me to shame.

Porn isn't cheating btw.

I never watched anything of the sort.

If that's what you think all porn is, then yes you have.

[The New California Republic]

Yeah but all porn is violent to some degree. All of it is a display of power.

Ha. No.

[Lanoraie II]

Masturbation is creating an imaginary, conceptual image of a person in your head for the purpose of living out fantasies you construct in your head. It does not in itself reduce the person you are imagining to an object in real life, merely playing out a form of creative wish fulfillment in your imagination. Imagination and experimentation are how we explore our sexuality. They're how we figure out what we are interested in sexually, as well as familiarizing ourselves with our bodies and how to properly stimulate and use them.

An active sexual imagination and familiarity with your body is incredibly important to having good sex. It helps to take out the guesswork, and allows you to better communicate with your partner over what you want done to you, as well as enabling you to have a better idea of what you want to actually do with your partner when you're in the moment.

I understand if for you, the idea that you may be objectifying someone makes this act undesirable, and you are welcome to continue abstaining from it in your own life. But when you make broad condemnations of healthy sexual behavior and self exploration that most people engage in and most people are accepting of and consent to in their relationships, you are demanding that people sacrifice their own desires and fulfillment just because it's something you wouldn't do.

I disagree that it's healthy. While one should enjoy sex, sex shouldn't be about self-gratification, it should be about loving your partner, and because of that, masturbation, which is purely self-gratifying, cannot be moral.

So you're against doing anything for yourself and giving yourself pleasure? What the hell?

[Lanoraie II]

As long as it isn't like sexting (sending or receiving sexual content from others personally), I don't consider porn cheating, like watching a public video of people having sex... Not to mention many TV shows could be easily considered softcore or erotica nowadays. Now if my partner were to be into violent pornography where people are being exploited etc. then that's a problem.

Yeah but all porn is violent to some degree. All of it is a display of power.

1. It's not a "display of power"

2. Not all "Displays of power" are violent.

[Infected Mushroom]

“Unacceptable relationship restrictions?”

Hmmm let me think

I know!

“No video games”

[Page]

“Unacceptable relationship restrictions?”

Hmmm let me think

I know!

“No video games”

Yes, that certainly would be one. Do you have experience with this?

[Infected Mushroom]

“Unacceptable relationship restrictions?”

Hmmm let me think

I know!

“No video games”

Yes, that certainly would be one. Do you have experience with this?

basically they would get pissed off/passive aggressive if you spent too much time playing video games

usually they would play for a while with you but then you're always more excited and obsessed about the games and over time they get annoyed

[Andsed]

Wait....what? So you're opposed to casual sex or hook-ups? Why? Who cares? Sex is an extremely personal and intimate thing and its only natural it'll mean different things to different people.

Yes, of course casual sex and hook-ups are wrong, they're using another person as a masturbatory object.

That is some bullshit and you know it. Two people agreeing to have consensual sex for pleasure are not using each other. They are agreeing to have a good time together in a non romantic way. Sex does not simply have to be about reproduction or love. Having sex for pleasure as long as it is consenting and legal is in no way wrong and it is ridiculous to pretend that it is.

There is nothing to be ashamed of for watching legal consensual sexual acts between adults that have been uploaded to the Internet with their consent.

It's still exploitation of people, especially women

How is two people legally consenting to have sex and consent to having it shown online exploitative?