Would You Work As A Government Assassin?

[Fartsniffage]

because this is a typically USA type gig (they are elite at international assassinations)

LOL fucking what? The USA is hilariously and famously terrible at assassinations.

IM has never heard of Castro...

[Len Hyet]

LOL fucking what? The USA is hilariously and famously terrible at assassinations.

IM has never heard of Castro...

Destabilize a country? Absolutely.

Start, arm, and fund an insurgency? You betcha.

Drone strike the shit out of a wedding? Noone better.

Actually perform a covert assassination? Not a chance in hell.

[Luziyca]

Only if it was for the Canadian government; my standards may be low, but I am not going to betray my beloved country.

[Ostroeuropa]

Assassinating people for the government is probably pretty tedious and almost certainly doesn't involve being the immediate cause. It's the kind of shit you either sub-contract out or use poisons and shit for.

So your job would basically be using government-secured proxies to hire hits from the dark web while pretending to be peoples spouses, or going into kitchens and being like "We gotta search the place, security purposes and shit, everyone gtfo" and then just adding some stuff to the soup.

The rest of the time you'd sit around spinning in your office chair and imagining elaborate assassination scenarios you will never get to carry out because they're too ridiculous, impractical, or not secure.

Maybe at your most adventurous you get to pick a lock when nobody is home and replace someones tissues with the pack you have that's caked in some poison or something, but you can't even loot the place so why bother.

The only reasons you'd get to do shit like actually snipe someone is that your government wants to cause a dispute, in which case, it probably doesn't care about casualties and is looking for a person willing to die to pull off the mission, which you almost certainly would if you don't go with a boring approach.

You'd need like, a total S9er in charge of the country for it to be an interesting job, and there it's less "assassinating people for the government" and more "Being a part of a terrorist regime that gets its yucks out of killing world leaders in spectacular ways for no raisin."

Or maybe you get some Mafiaesque motherfucker in charge and like, when Putin did that chem attack on the UK we just don't mention it, and then next week the PM calls the russian vice president and starts literring in hot fuzz references during a putin speech and suddenly Putin goes red mist during the call.

"Nasty way to go. We surely live in terrifying times, who knows where these recent violations of international law by independent actors will end up. Anyway, do pass my affections on to your son, i'm sure they'll make a woman very happy one day, or a man. Perhaps multiple men. Hopefully not soon, ofcourse, that would be perverse if it happened before he was an adult. Your holiday home has some nice drapes by the way. Anyway, you've got a country to run, ta ta"

kind of shit.

Unless you're going for outright thug tactics like that in terms of international diplomacy, crazy serial killer motivations, or some other shit, it's going to be poisons and subcontracting. Not much reason to do it another way.

[Ifreann]

Other than the pay and the method, how is this any different from most spec-ops military members?

Or any military member actually? How is the function of the army any different, really, than "go kill who the government tells you to".

The fact is we HAVE covert government assassins. They're called Navy SEALS.

But these are even more covert. So covert that the laws that created them are secret.

[Gamergirl90]

Other than the pay and the method, how is this any different from most spec-ops military members?

Or any military member actually? How is the function of the army any different, really, than "go kill who the government tells you to".

The fact is we HAVE covert government assassins. They're called Navy SEALS.

But these are even more covert. So covert that the laws that created them are secret.

So double secret probation assassination

[Chestaan]

For any government it would be pretty dodgy, but for the US it would be downright evil.

[The New California Republic]

KGB in the 80s. It has the added bonus of being able to just disappear in the chaos as the Soviet Union collapses, if you tire of that kind of work.

The KGB pretty much stopped doing wet work abroad in the 70's. The Bulgarian KDS was where the action was in the 80's.

Who says I want to go abroad? There are plenty of class enemies at home to deal with.

[Victorious Decepticons]

I've given this scenario serious consideration long before this thread ever came about. Probably longer than since YOU came about.

If you are captured or killed, the USA will assume 100% deniability of your existence.

And this is literally why I did not try to get that gig from the government IRL. I could just see getting busted for doing their dirty work and then being left to languish in some foreign prison, or suffering an even worse fate, only to have the government pretend it doesn't know me. Since some assassinations are rather high profile, and result in the instant busting of whoever did it, that is a deal-killing contingency.

[Len Hyet]

I've given this scenario serious consideration long before this thread ever came about. Probably longer than since YOU came about.

If you are captured or killed, the USA will assume 100% deniability of your existence.

And this is literally why I did not try to get that gig from the government IRL. I could just see getting busted for doing their dirty work and then being left to languish in some foreign prison, or suffering an even worse fate, only to have the government pretend it doesn't know me. Since some assassinations are rather high profile, and result in the instant busting of whoever did it, that is a deal-killing contingency.

... Riiiiiiight. That's why you didn't decide to become a government assassin.

[Autonomous Titoists]

IM has never heard of Castro...

Destabilize a country? Absolutely.

Start, arm, and fund an insurgency? You betcha.

Drone strike the shit out of a wedding? Noone better.

Actually perform a covert assassination? Not a chance in hell.

Why be covert when you can nuke an area and have literally no repercussion from the rest of the world?

[Len Hyet]

Destabilize a country? Absolutely.

Start, arm, and fund an insurgency? You betcha.

Drone strike the shit out of a wedding? Noone better.

Actually perform a covert assassination? Not a chance in hell.

Why be covert when you can nuke an area and have literally no repercussion from the rest of the world?

I feel like if we actually nuked somewhere nowadays we'd see some repercussions.

[The Black Forrest]

Only if I can be one of the double 0s

[Autonomous Titoists]

Why be covert when you can nuke an area and have literally no repercussion from the rest of the world?

I feel like if we actually nuked somewhere nowadays we'd see some repercussions.

Yeah but we can drone strike Yemeni school buses without anyone batting an eye. Those dangerous 11 year olds might have compromised some "sovereign nations freedoms."

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Depends. Would I have a 401K plan, medical and dental benefits?

[Ithreland]

Morally-speaking, no. Hypothetically? Hell yes and my callsign is Domino. You set them up, I knock 'em down.

[The New California Republic]

Only if I can be one of the double 0s

[Victorious Decepticons]

... Riiiiiiight. That's why you didn't decide to become a government assassin.

You are now aware that people willing to do this are not just in the movies, and that all of your la-la-land assumptions about human nature are wrong. I would have thought that someone being willing to off assholes for pay wouldn't be such a surprise to you as to invite disbelief, especially considering that the US has quite a high murder rate even among those NOT paid to do it.

This reason I quoted is indeed is why I decided not to try to become a government assassin. I don't know if they would have hired me or not. From what I understand, I'd need to get into the CIA and get top security clearances, which is not an easy proposition. I also tend to stand out like a sore thumb, which I doubt would be a point in my favor - but you never know. Pretending to be a big obvious tourist would probably work for getting into position. It would not, however, be worth a damn for blending back in with a crowd and getting away.

However, I did seriously consider pursuing it, and only stopped considering it after learning that when you get busted, the government will not extricate you, but instead leave you to rot!

[Len Hyet]

... Riiiiiiight. That's why you didn't decide to become a government assassin.

You are now aware that people willing to do this are not just in the movies, and that all of your la-la-land assumptions about human nature are wrong. I would have thought that someone being willing to off assholes for pay wouldn't be such a surprise to you as to invite disbelief, especially considering that the US has quite a high murder rate even among those NOT paid to do it.

This reason I quoted is indeed is why I decided not to try to become a government assassin. I don't know if they would have hired me or not. From what I understand, I'd need to get into the CIA and get top security clearances, which is not an easy proposition. I also tend to stand out like a sore thumb, which I doubt would be a point in my favor - but you never know. Pretending to be a big obvious tourist would probably work for getting into position. It would not, however, be worth a damn for blending back in with a crowd and getting away.

However, I did seriously consider pursuing it, and only stopped considering it after learning that when you get busted, the government will not extricate you, but instead leave you to rot!

lmao dude I'm not incredulous about people being willing to kill, I'm absolutely incredulous that you, specifically, are in any way qualified to be a super secret government assassin.

It's like when people go "oh man I was totally gonna join the marines but I couldn't handle basic I would have punched one of the DIs out". No the fuck you would not have, you'd have done what everyone does, shut up and do what you're told.

[The New California Republic]

However, I did seriously consider pursuing it, and only stopped considering it after learning that when you get busted, the government will not extricate you, but instead leave you to rot!

Get...busted...? Hidden suicide pill. Amateur.

[The Black Forrest]

Only if I can be one of the double 0s

Done!

Bumi Mad Bumi.

[XY Inc]

OMFG!! I'd FUCKING LOVE TO DO THIS!! This is one of my dream jobs. I only wish they were more hits per year & the contract lasted longer. my call sign would be: GATman

[Isilanka]

I wouldn't even consider it.
Given my propensity for IRL violence and my clumsiness with anything resembling a weapon (read : anything that can seriously hurt someone, kitchen knives count as well), the only "intelligence agency" job I can see myself doing is mindless office drone, or at most remote sensing operator on satellites (as parts of my IRL job deal with remote sensing).

[United Muscovite Nations]

No, such a profession is evil.

[Washington Resistance Army]

I feel like others have brought up some good questions, what kinda benefits would I get for this job Kefka? Like what's my medical and dental coverage gonna look like?