Time-traveling Inca impregnation

[Soldati Senza Confini]

Affirmation of how cool the idea is?

Discussion for discussion's sake?

I mean, the premise kind of sounds like it floated out of the OP's bong, so I'm guessing it's one of those two.

Well, then...

I foil the OP's cunning plan by travelling back in time to 7th-century Mayan Palenque - where, instead of relying on the outmoded technique of sexual congress to build my unholy army of disease-immune pre-Columbian Americans, I'll simply grow them in the cloning vats I construct under the Temple of the Inscriptions.

And genetically engineer them to be at the new forefront of homo superior!

And cyber-engineer lasers into their corneas!

And conquer central Peru before the Inca Empire even exists!

And then send them across the Atlantic in ornithopters to destroy the Merovingian Kingdom and the Caliphate!

But not the Byzantine Empire; I'll reach an accommodation with the Byzantine Empire; Byzantium is cool.


And that's the problem here; the thread is pointless once you start running around pulling a deus ex machina out of your arse every time presents you with a new 'challenge'.

I foil your plan by traveling back in time to 3rd century Olmec civilization and teach them better agricultural practices and war practices, then make them immortal by turning them all into cyborgs, and with my unholy army or Olmec bots conquer the Americas and most of Europe.

Fuck the Romans too, I would take hold of Rome with making the Olmec bots do really good ships to travel back and forth between the continents and establish a new government and ally myself with the Germanic tribes to fend off the Huns out of Europe, then expand the Roman territory to engulf the territories of northern Europe and establish a Federation in both the American and Euro-mediterranean lands I manage to acquire.

[Hyosong]

And that's the problem here; the thread is pointless once you start running around pulling a deus ex machina out of your arse every time presents you with a new 'challenge'.

Maybe it's a deus ex machina contest - i.e. my dem is bigger than yours....

[God Kefka]

If I as someone who has the germ-resistant genes of the eastern hemisphere that the Amerindians lacked go back in time to seduce and impregnate every single Inca woman to spread my genes, history would turn out different because the European diseases were a major reason for the conquest of the new world. While I'm there I might as well give the Incas an alphabet and a very useful but simple machine, the printing press. Just to mess with future historians, I would teach them Katakana

Since I have a time machine and simple special effects to overawe the natives, I might as well tell the Incas to launch a holy war of conquest northwards so that they control the isthmus of Panama, giving them an advantageous position for modern times. They will eventually encounter and conquer the Aztecs (replacing human sacrifice with a religion of mercy thanks to llamas) and the Mayans, hopefully before the Spanish arrive. Maybe such an entity could survive the conquistadors.

To have some more lolz, I could tell them about theoretical concepts like a cartesian coordinate plane, set theory, algebra and basic calculus... in other words, things to mess with historians.

This would change the future so much that nobody would need to go back to kill Hitler since WWII as we know it would probably not even exist. It would also spread my genes far and wide over at least two continents.

So the question is, what kind of diet should I adopt to give me the stamina needed to carry this out?

You overate your charisma and persuasiveness...

When they see you they will treat you as a foreign devil, lock you up in a circus, and you'll probably accidentally die somehow.

And trust me, it takes a lot of energy to impregnate enough women to make a difference historically...

[The Archregimancy]

Fortunately, I'm well over 40.....

About 25 years ago is when /all/ childhood immunization programs stopped. In the USA and Europe it stopped in the early 70s, '76 for US healthcare workers.

1975 was the last outbreak, in Africa - giving you just about 39 years from now until the last time people were exposed to wild smallpox en masse.


If you've been to the Middle East as a US military operator, though, you might have been vaccinated.

I was vaccinated as a child.

Well, then...

I foil the OP's cunning plan by travelling back in time to 7th-century Mayan Palenque - where, instead of relying on the outmoded technique of sexual congress to build my unholy army of disease-immune pre-Columbian Americans, I'll simply grow them in the cloning vats I construct under the Temple of the Inscriptions.

And genetically engineer them to be at the new forefront of homo superior!

And cyber-engineer lasers into their corneas!

And conquer central Peru before the Inca Empire even exists!

And then send them across the Atlantic in ornithopters to destroy the Merovingian Kingdom and the Caliphate!

But not the Byzantine Empire; I'll reach an accommodation with the Byzantine Empire; Byzantium is cool.


And that's the problem here; the thread is pointless once you start running around pulling a deus ex machina out of your arse every time presents you with a new 'challenge'.

I foil your plan by traveling back in time to 3rd century Olmec civilization and teach them better agricultural practices and war practices, then make them immortal by turning them all into cyborgs, and with my unholy army or Olmec bots conquer the Americas and most of Europe.

Fuck the Romans too, I would take hold of Rome with making the Olmec bots do really good ships to travel back and forth between the continents and establish a new government and ally myself with the Germanic tribes to fend off the Huns out of Europe, then expand the Roman territory to engulf the territories of northern Europe and establish a Federation in both the American and Euro-mediterranean lands I manage to acquire.

I foil your plan by travelling back in time to ancient Sumeria.

There I clone Gilgamesh, training him and his clones into operating giant bio-engineered battlemechs with which the operator is neurally connected, each forming part of the broader Sumerian clove hivemind.

Having rapidly conquered the entire earth, we then set out to conquer the galaxy - with our only serious opposition the sentient suns who protect the black hole at the centre of our vast expanse of stars.

[Uelvan]

About 25 years ago is when /all/ childhood immunization programs stopped. In the USA and Europe it stopped in the early 70s, '76 for US healthcare workers.

1975 was the last outbreak, in Africa - giving you just about 39 years from now until the last time people were exposed to wild smallpox en masse.


If you've been to the Middle East as a US military operator, though, you might have been vaccinated.

I was vaccinated as a child.

I foil your plan by traveling back in time to 3rd century Olmec civilization and teach them better agricultural practices and war practices, then make them immortal by turning them all into cyborgs, and with my unholy army or Olmec bots conquer the Americas and most of Europe.

Fuck the Romans too, I would take hold of Rome with making the Olmec bots do really good ships to travel back and forth between the continents and establish a new government and ally myself with the Germanic tribes to fend off the Huns out of Europe, then expand the Roman territory to engulf the territories of northern Europe and establish a Federation in both the American and Euro-mediterranean lands I manage to acquire.

I foil your plan by travelling back in time to ancient Sumeria.

There I clone Gilgamesh, training him and his clones into operating giant bio-engineered battlemechs with which the operator is neurally connected, each forming part of the broader Sumerian clove hivemind.

Having rapidly conquered the entire earth, we then set out to conquer the galaxy - with our only serious opposition the sentient suns who protect the black hole at the centre of our vast expanse of stars.

That's when I just go back to the dawn of man itself and shoot the first people and undo humanity, foil your plan, and prevent Hitler at the same time.

[The Archregimancy]

I was vaccinated as a child.




I foil your plan by travelling back in time to ancient Sumeria.

There I clone Gilgamesh, training him and his clones into operating giant bio-engineered battlemechs with which the operator is neurally connected, each forming part of the broader Sumerian clove hivemind.

Having rapidly conquered the entire earth, we then set out to conquer the galaxy - with our only serious opposition the sentient suns who protect the black hole at the centre of our vast expanse of stars.

That's when I just go back to the dawn of man itself and shoot the first people and undo humanity, foil your plan, and prevent Hitler at the same time.

Except your attempt to do so - which would cause you to cease to exist, and be replaced by the sentient squid-people who will rise to prominence in place of homo sapiens - will cause such a temporal paradox that merely pulling the trigger will cause both you and the bullet to immediately return to your own time.

Leaving me free to plan galactic conquest by my Gilgamesh bio-engineered battlemech hive mind.

[Mushet]

That's due to already being divided and ravaged by disease, the disease caused the civil war in the first place since it killed off the Sapa Inka before Pizarro even got there, there's a big difference between facing a powerful united empire versus facing factions.

I mean in the pitched battles themselves, not the overall war. In the Siege of Cuzco only a few hundred Spaniards and their 30,000 man native axillary took on a 100,000 - 300,000 man army and won with minimal losses.

300,00? Where you getting that number from? And yeah with an army made overwhelmingly of native warriors they were able to defend a fortified city versus a larger army of native warriors for a while until being pushed into the main plaza, then after some tactical moves turning the tides and pushing Mano's army out.

[The Grim Reaper]

I was vaccinated as a child.

Suddenly, this plan is just crazy enough to work.

(not really because vaccinations aren't passed down from parent to child, and neither are natural immunizations generally anyway - hell, it's the woman that passes along most of the inherited immunities anyway)

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I was vaccinated as a child.

Suddenly, this plan is just crazy enough to work.

(not really because vaccinations aren't passed down from parent to child, and neither are natural immunizations generally anyway - hell, it's the woman that passes along most of the inherited immunities anyway)

We get samples of his blood, separate its main components, and inject the antibodies to the Incas?

[The Grim Reaper]

Suddenly, this plan is just crazy enough to work.

(not really because vaccinations aren't passed down from parent to child, and neither are natural immunizations generally anyway - hell, it's the woman that passes along most of the inherited immunities anyway)

We get samples of his blood, separate its main components, and inject the antibodies to the Incas?

Oh well if we're doing that why don't we just throw in some Dragunovs, a few AP rounds for each Spaniard, and instruction manuals?

They don't have much familiarity with guns, but I'm pretty sure that if third-world revolutionaries can figure it out, Incan career warriors can too.

[L Ron Cupboard]

The real answer would be to travel back in time and teach the Incas to process crack cocaine.

[Reploid Productions]

I... wat. *checks to make sure she's in the right area of the forums* What the hell? With all the e-peen waving and godmoding going on here, I thought for a minute I somehow time traveled back to the NS roleplaying forum circa pre-moderation March 2003.

In which case, my planet-busting ridiculously supersized Idiot Godmoder Noncontinuity Omni-Repellent Eradicator Supercannon Mk-VI from Ye Olde Dayes of NSRP relegates the lot of you time-travelling paradox abusers to an entirely separate reality from my own. And then I go celebrate with some whiskey.

[Hyosong]

I... wat. *checks to make sure she's in the right area of the forums* What the hell? With all the e-peen waving and godmoding going on here, I thought for a minute I somehow time traveled back to the NS roleplaying forum circa pre-moderation March 2003.

In which case, my planet-busting ridiculously supersized Idiot Godmoder Noncontinuity Omni-Repellent Eradicator Supercannon Mk-VI from Ye Olde Dayes of NSRP relegates the lot of you time-travelling paradox abusers to an entirely separate reality from my own. And then I go celebrate with some whiskey.

Your reality has whiskey? I want in.

[Uelvan]

I mean in the pitched battles themselves, not the overall war. In the Siege of Cuzco only a few hundred Spaniards and their 30,000 man native axillary took on a 100,000 - 300,000 man army and won with minimal losses.

300,00? Where you getting that number from? And yeah with an army made overwhelmingly of native warriors they were able to defend a fortified city versus a larger army of native warriors for a while until being pushed into the main plaza, then after some tactical moves turning the tides and pushing Mano's army out.

High end estimate's number was off; 200,000 but that's still outrageously outnumbering someone. It clearly was enough for them to feel like they could take on the Spanish too.

They conquered that same city with similar numbers and odds. The Incans had nothing in their arsenal to handle the Spaniards, even when they had the strength to make an attack themselves. They lost just about every battle against the Spanish, who numbered in the mere hundreds against armies numbering in the tens to hundreds of thousands. This was also during the middle of the Italian Wars, which diverted much of focus away from the Americas, and yet they still managed to win so one-sidedly, despite this.

[Straughn]

I think we can safely award this thread the "weirdest thread title ever" award.

This one IMMEDIATELY garnered interest ... more hypotheticals PLEASE

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I... wat. *checks to make sure she's in the right area of the forums* What the hell? With all the e-peen waving and godmoding going on here, I thought for a minute I somehow time traveled back to the NS roleplaying forum circa pre-moderation March 2003.

In which case, my planet-busting ridiculously supersized Idiot Godmoder Noncontinuity Omni-Repellent Eradicator Supercannon Mk-VI from Ye Olde Dayes of NSRP relegates the lot of you time-travelling paradox abusers to an entirely separate reality from my own. And then I go celebrate with some whiskey.

Well, nothing can top whiskey here. I want to be part of this

[Soldati Senza Confini]

The real answer would be to travel back in time and teach the Incas to process crack cocaine.

What are we going to do with it? Drug Europe and make them a bunch of junkies?

[Mushet]

300,00? Where you getting that number from? And yeah with an army made overwhelmingly of native warriors they were able to defend a fortified city versus a larger army of native warriors for a while until being pushed into the main plaza, then after some tactical moves turning the tides and pushing Mano's army out.

High end estimate's number was off; 200,000 but that's still outrageously outnumbering someone. It clearly was enough for them to feel like they could take on the Spanish too.

They conquered that same city with similar numbers and odds. The Incans had nothing in their arsenal to handle the Spaniards, even when they had the strength to make an attack themselves. They lost just about every battle against the Spanish, who numbered in the mere hundreds against armies numbering in the tens to hundreds of thousands. This was also during the middle of the Italian Wars, which diverted much of focus away from the Americas, and yet they still managed to win so one-sidedly, despite this.

Or half that.

You make it sound like it was hundreds of Spaniards alone fighting against hundreds of thousands of Tawantinsuyu warriors, this was not the case the defending army was overwhelmingly warriors from Tawantinsuyu, and the defending side had the advantage of holding down the capital city, at least at first until they lost that advantage.

[Uelvan]

High end estimate's number was off; 200,000 but that's still outrageously outnumbering someone. It clearly was enough for them to feel like they could take on the Spanish too.

They conquered that same city with similar numbers and odds. The Incans had nothing in their arsenal to handle the Spaniards, even when they had the strength to make an attack themselves. They lost just about every battle against the Spanish, who numbered in the mere hundreds against armies numbering in the tens to hundreds of thousands. This was also during the middle of the Italian Wars, which diverted much of focus away from the Americas, and yet they still managed to win so one-sidedly, despite this.

Or half that.

You make it sound like it was hundreds of Spaniards alone fighting against hundreds of thousands of Tawantinsuyu warriors, this was not the case the defending army was overwhelmingly warriors from Tawantinsuyu, and the defending side had the advantage of holding down the capital city, at least at first until they lost that advantage.

It was still a hundred or two thousand against just a few thousand. The Spanish tactics, weaponry, and overall skill in warfare beat the Incans just about every time, and there is no other way around it. This is what history showed. They always went to battle outnumbers like crazy, and rarely suffered great losses, themselves.

If you're implying the Spanish would not have an axillary consider the OP's post, he claimed the Incans would conquer and oppress the Aztecs and Mayans both. So therefore, the Conquistadors would just need to play along their tribal divide there and get their axillaries from there, instead of Peru itself. History has shown, once they have this type of army going they will win the battles.

[Breadknife]

Time travel, empire-building, learning a different language and the customs of a totally alien culture, transmission of cross-cultural, cross-temporal knowledge and being able to translate that into workable military technology, all of that is no problem for him.

It's keeping up his performance with the ladies that seems to worry him.

Hey. Time machine. In a universe where one can obviously cross back into "known events" and change things.

Land in middle of Incan civilisation totally ignorant. Spend the day wandering around, maybe picking up some basic language. At the end of the day, get a bit of sleep while you time-travel back to the beginning of the day, have another go. Rinse and repeat. (Just try not to get killed... no Groundhog Day safety-net, for you here!) Eventually (maybe a year or two of personal time) you'll acquire in one subjective day the ability to live that subjective day perfectly.

Now stage two. Having perhaps prepared the ground a bit, make your first 'conquest' of a native woman. By now you'll know who's 'easy' and open to just a nod and a wink, and you might as well shoot for the low-hanging fruit first. After the glorious half hour (*adjust as necessary) of passion, take a couple of hours down-time in the your time-machine, while travelling back to just after your former self has started on your first local lady, ready to pursue your next target. Rinse And Repeat again (taking extended down-times as required for actual sleep).

When you find your next potential lady-friend does not respond well to your advances, use Groundhog Logic to give that conquest an extra go. Also use that trick (perhaps when you need a break from the coupling, but are still socially capable) to sweep in there and distract any of the menfolk that might object to your advances on their women by 'brofriending' them and distracting them by teaching them darts or football (of either non-contemporary kind)... or wrestling, if that's your (and their) thing. At pretty much the same time (by their reckoning... when you've rested again by your own personal timeline) you get a little free time with their significant other and yet apparently have the perfect alibi!

Obviously, not all of the potentially fertile women are actually fertile on that one day (something else you can establish during your various recons and "fuggit, I'm doing this one over again"s), so you'd probably have to draw the process out for the best part of a month (local time). Shouldn't take you more than five years personal time (keep some "grey-away" handy, just to offset any obvious signs of aging... unless becoming a Silver Fox is part of your strategy with some of your 'target audience').


Now all (well, Ok, not all, but for starters) you have to worry about (as others have said) is that even if you do inject your disease-resistance genes into the precolumbian American population (and somehow keep anything less welcome from your personal genome from also dominating, etc, etc), until and unless the diseases themselves happen, there's no selective pressure to keep the resistances you have endowed the population with.


You know what, you're almost half-way there, already, you might as well use the time-machine to zoom ahead to get hold of some really good genetics research from the future, a medical intervention suite capable of inducing ovulation and/or fertilisation with chosen genetic stock, plus an Area Anaesthetic Machine (perhaps a futuristic crowd-control device), plus perhaps plug a good "Ancient Inca Primer" brain-uploader into your cranium while you're at it (for your later wanderings, keeping an eye on things) and do a full Midwich Cuckoos on the civilisation to "get the dirty done", and then just take it easy wandering around the place without all the stress of having to do all that breeding personally. (Never mind all the tedious social interaction!)

Just make sure you give enough diversity to all your "kids". It's probably Ok to given them the same external phenotype (although if you make them all look like you, remember to use that medical suite on yourself for cosmetic surgery, before the nine months are too long expired, to not look suspiciously like the stranger that everyone's new and possibly unexpected babies now look like), but a little variation is probably a good thing in order to to prevent "potato blight" problems. (Talking of potatoes, that's something else you could help them with, prior to 'westernisation' (*ahem*) back in the Old World. Again, avoid monocultures.)

[Breadknife]

The Spanish had more than just firearms that were superior than what the Natives were capable of making/fielding at that time. I do not think the Incans would have had an answer to the Tercio or Cavalry.

They would if, while you were there, you gifted the Incans some tanks!

(Wouldn't even need to be tanks. They wouldn't even need cannon. A good all-terrain personnel carrier would scare or downright run over any unlucky Spanish horses and riders, whether or not shells, bullets or even arrows were simultaneously being projected from the vehicle...)

[The Grim Reaper]

You could time travel and bring the vaccines with you.

[Breadknife]

And then I go celebrate with some whiskey.

Your reality has whiskey? I want in.

My reality is better. It has whisky!

[Risottia]

Since I have a time machine and simple special effects to overawe the natives,

HELLO, CUZCO! He who takes the sperm takes the prize. CyberIncas, MayanDaleks, and the RaikhatungMaster, you're all there, with your silly little spears and your silly little maces. And here I am. No ship, no weapons worth any damn!

And there's something else I don't have. ANYTHING. TO. LOSE!

Remember who is standing in your way! Remember every single black day when you tried and were defeated. Remember! And then, AND THEN, do the smart thing.

Let somebody else try first.

[Ostroeuropa]

I dunno man.
If I had a time machine I think i'd do something other than ran around impregnating a bunch of-
Oh who the fuck am I kidding.