What can I do to improve my writing?

[The Plutonian Empire]

I've written about a dozen stories in my lifetime (most of them for school), but while most people who seen them have liked them, I have a hard time believing I am any good. So I was wondering if NS could judge my writing and give me pointers? I have two stories for you, which are in the form of downloadable files.

"I Have God Powers", a story told from a first-person perspective, from a guy, based on me, who obtains omnipotence. I wrote it a few years ago for the entertainment of a small NS region I was in.
http://www.freewebs.com/theplutonianemp ... owers3.rtf

And "Collisions", a doomsday scenario inspired by "When Worlds Collide", written a few months ago.
http://www.freewebs.com/theplutonianemp ... sions3.rtf

Any pointers? One skill I know I'm lacking in is social interaction between characters.

[Aescentia]

Well, I've only read the first story, here are my comments:

-the MC, based on you, is a bit of a Mary Sue

-is there any good reason the Nanaki'i gave him god powers?

-why did he instantly go from 'hey I have god powers' to destroying everything? (not even a conflict of conscience)

-Nucleina is a bit of a shallow character, with no good reason to love the MC (also, how is she British?)

-it's overly plot-heavy

-lots of other stuff, but that's the major parts

I'm sensing that you wrote this because you wished that the events in the story would actually happen to you, becoming a god, getting a beautiful girl, etc. That can provide a good starting point, but never write a story simple because you want these things to be in your life.

Overall, not bad writing style, just work on the character interactions, plot, reasoning behind actions, and character development.

[Science-Oriented Scots]

The only way to improve your writing reliably is writing and reading good writing. Practice will make you better.

[The Plutonian Empire]

-the MC, based on you, is a bit of a Mary Sue

What's that?

-is there any good reason the Nanaki'i gave him god powers?

He was supposed to learn that there are always consequences to every action, which is why he was tortured.

-why did he instantly go from 'hey I have god powers' to destroying everything? (not even a conflict of conscience)

The thought didn't occur to me, and I was too excited trying to write the initial story. Still no excuse for it though.

-Nucleina is a bit of a shallow character, with no good reason to love the MC (also, how is she British?)

Any suggestions on how to expand on this character?

-it's overly plot-heavy

I have an idea about what you mean, but can you expand on this too, just to be sure?

I'm sensing that you wrote this because you wished that the events in the story would actually happen to you, becoming a god, getting a beautiful girl, etc. That can provide a good starting point, but never write a story simple because you want these things to be in your life.

Would've been nice if I knew this before trying to write this story.

Overall, not bad writing style, just work on the character interactions, plot, reasoning behind actions, and character development.

Thanks for the help.

[Aescentia]

-the MC, based on you, is a bit of a Mary Sue

What's that?

A Mary Sue is a character with which there is absolutely nothing wrong. They are perfect in every way, etc... See here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue

-is there any good reason the Nanaki'i gave him god powers?

He was supposed to learn that there are always consequences to every action, which is why he was tortured.

You should explain that in the story, not have the reader asking questions to the writer.

-Nucleina is a bit of a shallow character, with no good reason to love the MC (also, how is she British?)

Any suggestions on how to expand on this character?

Well, you can give her a decent backstory, explain why she is his soulmate, and make her encounters with the MC a little more than 'Oh, hi, I'm your soulmate, let's have amazing sex." (she's a good idea for a character, though, and I'm still wondering why she's British)

-it's overly plot-heavy

I have an idea about what you mean, but can you expand on this too, just to be sure?

I mean it seems like a soap-opera. There's very little dialogue, very little pausing in situations and describing details, and far too much of "He got powers then he went into space then he made a planet then he got tortured then he found his soulmate."

Once again, it's not bad, but it could use a bit of work. And I'm happy to help, I'm the President and Founder of the Writers' Club at my school, so I tend to do a great deal of critiques often.

[The Plutonian Empire]

Any suggestions on how to expand on this character?

Well, you can give her a decent backstory, explain why she is his soulmate, and make her encounters with the MC a little more than 'Oh, hi, I'm your soulmate, let's have amazing sex." (she's a good idea for a character, though, and I'm still wondering why she's British)

She's not British, her humanoid species simply evolved to have a British accent in their voices.

Because I think British accents are sexy, and because I said so.

Although I'll probably change it to Australian, cuz they're just as sexy.

I have an idea about what you mean, but can you expand on this too, just to be sure?

I mean it seems like a soap-opera. There's very little dialogue, very little pausing in situations and describing details, and far too much of "He got powers then he went into space then he made a planet then he got tortured then he found his soulmate."

How exactly should that work?

Once again, it's not bad, but it could use a bit of work. And I'm happy to help, I'm the President and Founder of the Writers' Club at my school, so I tend to do a great deal of critiques often.

Cool.

[Aescentia]

Well, you can give her a decent backstory, explain why she is his soulmate, and make her encounters with the MC a little more than 'Oh, hi, I'm your soulmate, let's have amazing sex." (she's a good idea for a character, though, and I'm still wondering why she's British)

She's not British, her humanoid species simply evolved to have a British accent in their voices.

Because I think British accents are sexy, and because I said so.

Although I'll probably change it to Australian, cuz they're just as sexy.

British accents are quite sexy, agreed. (I'm actually from London, living in San Francisco, and my girlfriend is American, and she says it's sexy...)

I have an idea about what you mean, but can you expand on this too, just to be sure?

I mean it seems like a soap-opera. There's very little dialogue, very little pausing in situations and describing details, and far too much of "He got powers then he went into space then he made a planet then he got tortured then he found his soulmate."

How exactly should that work?

Just provide more supporting details about his surroundings/feelings/etc, not just filling in a couple words between major plot points. It's more of an intangible, and I'm not doing a very good job describing it...