Dark poetry

[Baron lords]

Since I didn't see a place where somebody could put down any poetry I decided to make one. Please only make poetry posts and non-negative comments about them.

[Baron lords]

Blackness, the oldest and most common fears lay inside it. It waits and envelopes ones soul. It implants fear, a primal fury is awakened inside it. How can man hope to defeat such a powerful thing? It holds our dreams beyond our nightmares, and our nightmares beyond our dreams. Take heart dear man, the time has come to fall into the blackness, the time has come to become our own nightmares.

[Indeos]

I don't mean this negatively, but it doesn't really read like poetry. More like a dramatic monologue. A very...nihilistic one at that.

[Sagatagan]

I really *want* to comment on that attempt, but the rules forbid it.

[Baron lords]

It's free verse you two.

[Niur]

I don't mean this negatively, but it doesn't really read like poetry. More like a dramatic monologue.

I suggest adding a break after every line. It doesn't seem like much, but a lot of what seperates poetry from prose is purely visual.

[Indeos]

It's free verse you two.

I know what free verse is. The poster who said the difference is visual is correct, line breaks would help.

That said, the language doesn't scream poetry. It sounds a lot more like a depressed guy trying to be philosophical and partially failing.

[Niur]

It's free verse you two.

I know what free verse is. The poster who said the difference is visual is correct, line breaks would help.

That said, the language doesn't scream poetry. It sounds a lot more like a depressed guy trying to be philosophical and failing miserably.

Here, I'll see if I can post a bit.

I. And so I set forth, on a journey of the likes of which there has been few before, and none since.

II. Perhaps boastful this statement is, to compare myself to those ancient greats.

III. Perhaps my arrogance precedes me, and undoubtedly shall one day end me.

IV. So I compare myself solely in scale, not merit, for such foolish a thing it would be, to say my merit matches theirs’.

V. Now, as the crow who leaves his nest, wings caught by the north wind, feathers rustling; muscles tensed.

VI. As Dante left the forest deep and dark, and Gulliver did embark, upon the waves; upon the breeze. But seek not I to lands afar, like a gull or kind.

VII. The journey I seek is that of the mind, on the crow’s wings I see, black as night; silent as death.

VIII. Truth eternal, shall remain silent as long as sorrow rules the minds of men. It congeals around us, its miasma chokes us; strangles us; it destroys us.

IX. Only the talons of wind can cut through it.

[Indeos]

I know what free verse is. The poster who said the difference is visual is correct, line breaks would help.

That said, the language doesn't scream poetry. It sounds a lot more like a depressed guy trying to be philosophical and failing miserably.

Here, I'll see if I can post a bit.

I. And so I set forth, on a journey of the likes of which there has been few before, and none since.

II. Perhaps boastful this statement is, to compare myself to those ancient greats.

III. Perhaps my arrogance precedes me, and undoubtedly shall one day end me.

IV. So I compare myself solely in scale, not merit, for such foolish a thing it would be, to say my merit matches theirs’.

V. Now, as the crow who leaves his nest, wings caught by the north wind, feathers rustling; muscles tensed.

VI. As Dante left the forest deep and dark, and Gulliver did embark, upon the waves; upon the breeze. But seek not I to lands afar, like a gull or kind.

VII. The journey I seek is that of the mind, on the crow’s wings I see, black as night; silent as death.

VIII. Truth eternal, shall remain silent as long as sorrow rules the minds of men. It congeals around us, its miasma chokes us; strangles us; it destroys us.

IX. Only the talons of wind can cut through it.

I rather liked that, though any real commentary will have to wait until I've analyzed it a bit.

[Niur]

Here, I'll see if I can post a bit.

I. And so I set forth, on a journey of the likes of which there has been few before, and none since.

II. Perhaps boastful this statement is, to compare myself to those ancient greats.

III. Perhaps my arrogance precedes me, and undoubtedly shall one day end me.

IV. So I compare myself solely in scale, not merit, for such foolish a thing it would be, to say my merit matches theirs’.

V. Now, as the crow who leaves his nest, wings caught by the north wind, feathers rustling; muscles tensed.

VI. As Dante left the forest deep and dark, and Gulliver did embark, upon the waves; upon the breeze. But seek not I to lands afar, like a gull or kind.

VII. The journey I seek is that of the mind, on the crow’s wings I see, black as night; silent as death.

VIII. Truth eternal, shall remain silent as long as sorrow rules the minds of men. It congeals around us, its miasma chokes us; strangles us; it destroys us.

IX. Only the talons of wind can cut through it.

I rather liked that, though any real commentary will have to wait until I've analyzed it a bit.

Its the first few lines of a book (Epic poem type) that I am writing.

[Indeos]

I rather liked that, though any real commentary will have to wait until I've analyzed it a bit.

Its the first few lines of a book (Epic poem type) that I am writing.

Cool. Not enough love for epic poems these days.

[Meryuma]

I rather liked that, though any real commentary will have to wait until I've analyzed it a bit.

Its the first few lines of a book (Epic poem type) that I am writing.

You're writing an epic poem? You always manage to surprise me, and I mean that in a good way.

[Niur]

Its the first few lines of a book (Epic poem type) that I am writing.

You're writing an epic poem? You always manage to surprise me, and I mean that in a good way.

I was originally doing it for NaNoWriMo but then November ended but I decided to keep writing anyway. Not the first book I have ever written either, I have a picture book that I will scan someday. Also, thanks!

[Amaniachelmetjohnpi]

1/10 [/Thread]

[Georgism]

Sounds emo, like a lot of poetry. Other than that I know nothing about poetry and thus decline to comment.

[Mike the Progressive]

Life *Beats drums* Death. *plays flute* Life is death and death is life. *beats some more drums*

[Alevuss]

You're writing an epic poem? You always manage to surprise me, and I mean that in a good way.

I was originally doing it for NaNoWriMo but then November ended but I decided to keep writing anyway. Not the first book I have ever written either, I have a picture book that I will scan someday. Also, thanks!

My sister did NaNoWriMo and I was going to, but I didn't really become interested in doing it until around Thanksgiving.

So here's my poem. I wrote this a couple months ago. Let's see if you can guess its meaning.

See them walk, The Living Dead,
Hands red,
Souls shattered,
Bodies battered,

In the night, each feels alone,
Working to the flesh,
Working to the bone,
As He etches names into stone,

They wait for the man in the long, black cape,
Who will bring the night’s final escape,
They’ve lost faith in their land,
As they walk these barren sands,

Walking through, without a light,
Choosing which step is wrong or right,
Until their luck, suddenly, stalls,
And one by one, each one falls

[Grenartia]

Tagged for edit. I have a free verse thats ok, but I was thinking of turning it into a sonnet before posting it here.

[SaggleFraggle]

Blackness, the oldest and most common fears lay inside it. It waits and envelopes ones soul. It implants fear, a primal fury is awakened inside it. How can man hope to defeat such a powerful thing? It holds our dreams beyond our nightmares, and our nightmares beyond our dreams. Take heart dear man, the time has come to fall into the blackness, the time has come to become our own nightmares.

not a big fan of poetry, but i thought it was good XD