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My Zombie Short story, I haven't got a title yet

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Jurgenty
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My Zombie Short story, I haven't got a title yet

Postby Jurgenty » Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:33 pm

Alright, Im just going to post a chapter every so often, open to comments and criticism. Also If you have a title suggestion please say.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

16th February, 2011
Ronan was just 15 when it all broke out, he was on vacation in Boston when the announcement was made. "All flights to and from the country have been cancelled until further notice" stated the newsman. Ronan's parents, Michael and Maria let out a sigh. They were due to return home tomorrow.
Although both his parents were Italian, they had moved to Ireland a year before Ronan was born, hence the Irish name. Ronan was 5'6" and weighed 135lbs which he considered a healthy weight. He had dark brown hair which just almost covered the tops of his ears, his left eye was a deep brown and his right was mostly green, but with a light brown circle around the outside. His skin was suntouched but not scorched, for some reason he didn't have the Sicilian tan his parents possessed. His brother was almost the perfect stereotype of an Italian-American, all but the mafia connections. He had dark black hair, slicked back. He wore a black trench coat that reached his knees and spoke with an Italian accent, of coarse so did the rest of the family.

---

24th October, 2010
A farmer, from a small village in Uganda was out herding his cattle, when he heard a vicious barking come from a tree line. He turned to look and saw a dog come sprinting out, it was foaming at the mouth and was running straight for the cattle. The farmer stood in front of the dog's path and readied his large stick. The dog launched itself at him and the farmer struck it with his stick, however the rabies infected dog still managed to get a hold of the farmers leg. He struggled around, kicking and screaming. He grabbed his stick and beat the dog to death with it. He lay there for a few minutes, he groaned in pain and held his bitten leg. After composing himself he returned to his village. He went to the witchdoctor, but he refused to treat him. The day after, he and his wife made the six hour journey to the hospital.
He was studied by doctors and found to have rabies, they sent him to the University College London Hospital. He was kept in confinement for weeks but he was eventually let out for a walk sometime in late November. While he was out he caught a cold, a pretty serious one which was later confirmed as viral pneumonia. He suffered for until late December when it stopped and the rabies symptoms began to show, but they were very irregular, he was still foaming at the mouth yet it was black, he had increased aggression but once he bit something he continued to eat it, no matter what it was, as long as it was a living thing. Also his brain began to swell, so much in fact, that some of the brain lobes began to press against his skull, this caused him to walk like a typical Hollywood 'zombie'. Doctors struggled but they got some blood tests and figured out that the pneumonia virus had merged with the rabies. Causing what they called, 'The Z-Flu'.

On the 14th of January, 2011 a squad of four men, wearing bite and bio-hazardous suits, entered the 'zombies' room. They were there to get some more blood samples for more tests but unfortunately, the zombie attacked, he ripped through the bite suits with maximum aggression, he pinned one member of the squad to the floor and fed on his leg, when the others tried to help him they were bitten and infected too. The African zombie somehow escaped while the others were taken to separate hospitals and research centers. They showed symptoms of the z-flu much quicker than the first case, they became fully mutated and lost all human emotions at just three days after bite. They also escaped. Over the next week hundreds of cases were reported of the disease, in animals and humans. This was now classed as an epidemic, and although all flights were cancelled from the country, the virus somehow spread onto mainland Europe. Hundreds of thousands of these zombies were now roaming and the number was increasing every day. It was now everywhere from Iceland to Japan, and with the countries of North and South America the only ones not infected, it was just a question of time until they were.
Flights were cancelled but shipping continued into Canada, just one week after it hit Canada it got America, and Mexico, and Brazil, Colombia etc etc. This was now a Zombie apocalypse, the one so many movies were based on, so many books were written about. And now it was finally real, over 6billion zombies walked the earth......
Last edited by Jurgenty on Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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East Fancainia
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Postby East Fancainia » Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:34 pm

Max Barry can take your book if he feels like it btw. I wouldn't suggest putting it up here. I like it though, have fun.

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Postby Noders » Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:38 pm

East Fancainia wrote:Max Barry can take your book if he feels like it btw. I wouldn't suggest putting it up here. I like it though, have fun.

careful this guy is a book killer^ ^^
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Meryuma
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Postby Meryuma » Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:40 pm

It would be better if it were more detailed and descriptive.
Last edited by Meryuma on Fri Nov 26, 2010 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Jurgenty
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Postby Jurgenty » Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:02 pm

Thanks for the advise and I don't really plan on doing anything with it so Max is free to take it if he wants, and I'll try to be a bit more detailed from here on.
Last edited by Jurgenty on Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Carbarosia
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Postby Carbarosia » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:48 pm

Actually quite good, however lacks some amazing adjectives and some good punctuation.
equality and freedom for everyone. protect the environment.
fictional views held by the nation "carbarosia" may not reflect my own.

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Jurgenty
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Postby Jurgenty » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:48 pm

Carbarosia wrote:Actually quite good, however lacks some amazing adjectives and some good punctuation.


Well, I am 14 .......
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Carbarosia
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Postby Carbarosia » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:50 pm

Oh, that explains, also, is there more or is a short story?
equality and freedom for everyone. protect the environment.
fictional views held by the nation "carbarosia" may not reflect my own.

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Frenca
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Postby Frenca » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:51 pm

Jurgenty wrote:
Carbarosia wrote:Actually quite good, however lacks some amazing adjectives and some good punctuation.


Well, I am 14 .......

You could have improved on some parts...
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Jurgenty
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Postby Jurgenty » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:53 pm

Carbarosia wrote:Oh, that explains, also, is there more or is a short story?


No theres more, I originally write it by hand, so I have a plot for about three days planned out. I guess I'll just bulk them up with details and more descriptive adjectives.
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Meryuma
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Postby Meryuma » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:56 pm

Jurgenty wrote:
Carbarosia wrote:Actually quite good, however lacks some amazing adjectives and some good punctuation.


Well, I am 14 .......


I'm 14 as well, that has nothing to do with it. Also, it is a good story. It just needs some more detail.
ᛋᛃᚢ - Social Justice Úlfheðinn
Potarius wrote:
Neo Arcad wrote:Gravity is a natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract with a force proportional to their mass.


In layman's terms, orgy time.


Niur wrote: my soul has no soul.


Saint Clair Island wrote:The English language sucks. From now on, I will refer to the second definition of sexual as "fucktacular."


Trotskylvania wrote:Alternatively, we could go on an epic quest to Plato's Cave to find the legendary artifact, Ockham's Razor.



Norstal wrote:Gunpowder Plot: America.

Meryuma: "Well, I just hope these hyperboles don't...

*puts on sunglasses*

blow out of proportions."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

...so here's your future

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East Fancainia
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Postby East Fancainia » Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:56 pm

Jurgenty wrote:
Carbarosia wrote:Actually quite good, however lacks some amazing adjectives and some good punctuation.


Well, I am 14 .......

As am I. I've actually written a few short stories. To be honest, don't post them on NS. If they are good, Max, or another person will steal it. Post it on Deviant art and then make a link to it so it's protected.

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Glorious Homeland
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Postby Glorious Homeland » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:12 pm

East Fancainia wrote:
Jurgenty wrote:
Well, I am 14 .......

As am I. I've actually written a few short stories. To be honest, don't post them on NS. If they are good, Max, or another person will steal it. Post it on Deviant art and then make a link to it so it's protected.

Myth. corporations and authors often won't steal other people's intellectual property because it's not worth the hassle. Authors are usually busy with their own works (editing takes a long, long time), and while you may inspire them... chances are they won't steal it. Especially a short story that's not exactly going to be make millions. If it is good, someone may not like the genre or plot or characters or descriptions, or what have you. Don't worry unless it comes to putting a 100k word manuscript that you've spent a year editng, for instance. That'd be an unwise idea.

In the meantime, keep writing, trying different things. You may not get a fiction book published, but writing is a critical life skill; from reports, to product conceptualisation, communication and so forth.
Last edited by Glorious Homeland on Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Latin Hispania
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Postby Latin Hispania » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:43 pm

I like it, a bit generic though.
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