ATTACK!

[Pafghanistan]

I rushed down the dark dismal alleyway, trembling with distress. Some things were after me. Something sinister. I could hear them. The growls. I had no idea what to do. Blindly sprinting past the filthy walls and grotty dustbin cans, the creatures hauled themselves towards me. Just as I thought I was home free, I found myself at a dead end. I couldn't believe my bad luck. I stared at the dilapidated brick wall praying to god for my safe release, but I knew. I knew it was over.....
What do you think? Any improvements?

[Georgism]

I think the 'things' should turn out to be vampires that sparkle and have emotional problems.

[Pafghanistan]

I think the 'things' should turn out to be vampires that sparkle and have emotional problems.

This isn't twilight.

[Gabwaar]

I rushed down the dark dismal alleyway, trembling with distress. Some things were after me. Something sinister. I could hear them. The growls. I had no idea what to do. Blindly sprinting past the filthy walls and grotty dustbin cans, the creatures hauled themselves towards me. Just as I thought I was home free, I found myself at a dead end. I couldn't believe my bad luck. I stared at the dilapidated brick wall praying to god for my safe release, but I knew. I knew it was over.....
What do you think? Any improvements?

Hmm...
I would replace "things" with a more menacing word like enitities, creatures, or what-have-you. I would also recommend describing the growls somewhat, even if that only means describing the fear it created in the character. Overall, I would say that I liked it, and I look forward to a completed product!

[Himue]

How about you wander down a clean alley way that smells of strawberries and the growls are those of children eating cake!

[Farnhamia]

I rushed down the dark dismal alleyway, trembling with distress shaking. Some things were Something was after me. Something sinister Some things. I could hear them. The growls growling. I had no idea what to do. Blindly sprinting but to run, and the things ran after me, past the filthy walls and grotty dustbin cans, the creatures hauled hauling themselves towards me. Just as I thought I was home free, I found myself at a dead end. I couldn't believe my bad luck. I stared at the dilapidated brick wall, praying to god God for my safe release, but I knew, I knew it was over ...
What do you think? Any improvements?

What do you think?

[Mad hatters in jeans]

I rushed down the dark dismal alleyway, trembling with distress shaking. Some things were Something was after me. Something sinister Some things. I could hear them. The growls growling. I had no idea what to do. Blindly sprinting but to run, and the things ran after me, past the filthy walls and grotty dustbin cans, the creatures hauled hauling themselves towards me. Just as I thought I was home free, I found myself at a dead end. I couldn't believe my bad luck. I stared at the dilapidated brick wall, praying to god God for my safe release, but I knew, I knew it was over ...
What do you think? Any improvements?

What do you think?

better but...needs a reason for running down the ally.
how about giant rats?

[Farnhamia]

What do you think?

better but...needs a reason for running down the ally.
how about giant rats?

I agree. Rats are good, giant ones, from Sumatra, perhaps?

[Mad hatters in jeans]

better but...needs a reason for running down the ally.
how about giant rats?

I agree. Rats are good, giant ones, from Sumatra, perhaps?

yeah okay.

[Himue]

Giants rats and Sarah Palin waiting to say "hi". Really Scary!!!

[Mad hatters in jeans]

Giants rats and Sarah Palin waiting to say "hi". Really Scary!!!

YOU BETCHA!

[Himue]

No,no. Sara Palin insisting that she can see Russia from her house!!!!!!!!!!!!

[L3 Communications]

I think the 'things' should turn out to be vampires that sparkle and have emotional problems.

This isn't twilight.

Alleyway rape, then.

Make them oversexed furries or something.

[Himue]

Mmmm, most depressing .

[Russenich]

NO SYLVANIAN FAMILIES? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Genesis Era]

Will these "things" have tentacles?