Poetry Discussion Thread

[Fahran]

Poetry Discussion Thread

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Welcome to the Poetry Discussion Thread (P.D.T.)! After seeing how many seem to indulge in poetry in some way or another on-site, I figured that there may be some interest in a dedicated poetry thread. P.D.T. should function as a safe space for all things poetry. Whether it's sharing works (including your own!), discussing the definition and scope of poetry and its many genres, favorite and least favorite elements of the craft, what you wish to see more or less of in poetry, the publishing process for aspiring poets, techniques and devices, stories about poetry, art or other expressive media about poetry, or anything else poetry-related, let P.D.T. serve as the anchor point for all things poetry. In addition, I will try to create some polls and/or may feature some poems (if this is desired) now and again to keep discussions flowing. In the mean time, "It may be a long shot. I will take it / and hope and trust our paths will cross again." (Tearle, verses 8-9).

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The following is a list of poems mentioned throughout P.D.T. (updated periodically):

• "Epilogue" by Oliver Tearle, 2022
• "Buffalo Pound Boys" by Conor Kerr, 2025
• "Thanatopsis" by William Cullen Bryant, 1881
• "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, n.d.
• "A Musical Instrument" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1860
• "The Death of the Flowers" by William Cullen Bryant, 1824
• "To Nature" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, n.d.
• "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, n.d.
• "The Lone Candle" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• "Land of the Snakes" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• "The Ill" by Might Delete Later
• "Please Excuse Me I'm Rotting" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• "Dreamland" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• "Routine // Broken" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• "In front of my slowly dying eyes" by Zantalio, 2026
• "Silent Splendor" by Yellowgrass Creek, 2026
• "February, in the prairie" by Yellowgrass Creek, 2026
• "Vulture Frames" by Yellowgrass Creek, 2026
• "A Humble Address To The Scarab-Headed God" by Magna-Parva, 2026
• "Ambivalence" by Carpediem, 2026
• "Upon a silver maple, jutting out from a creekbank" by Yellowgrass Creek, 2026
• "O Tell Me the Truth About Love" by W.H. Auden, 1938
• "Rando" by Might Delete Later, 2026
• Untitled by Zantalio, 2026

The following is a list of freely available resources to anyone with a keen interest in either reading or writing poetry (updated periodically):

• Handbook of Poetic Forms by Ron Padgett, 1987
• Take the Mic: The Art of Performance Poetry, Slam, and the Spoken Word by Marc Smith, 2009

[Magna-Parva]

I wish I would see more use of actual metre in rhyme in modern poetry. I generally avoid it, to be honest, but the variety I see in magazines seems to rely on using weird capitalization and arbitrary line breaks in the hope of looking sophisticated. It also tends to run to the highly cryptic. Cryptic pseudo-philisophical poetry has a long history, so I'm not really complaining about that, but at least make it sound good.

To show what I mean, I went to the Geist website (Geist is Canada's high-brow lit magazine), and picked a random recent poem. Here's the link. The first two lines end in a chime of sorts, so I'm hopeful someone has gone "retro" and adopted such old-fashioned ideas as a rhyming scheme, but the third line takes us to the standard reminiscence model. Long, unrhymed lines.

Look. I'm being a curmudgeon, but this isn't what I'd call poetry. It's some decently good, rich prose that someone formatted into stanzas. Now, look, I'm not some kind of rhyme nazi. But what separates what I linked to above from this:

So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Is that the latter takes an interest in the words themselves and the flow of emphasis and imagery, whereas the latter just bumbles along through excessively long verses.

[Might Delete Later]

I guess the closest thing to what I enjoy is a sonnet.

I'm much more of a songwriter, but I do enjoy good poetry, I'm hoping this space will have meaningful poetry, for a lack of substance is why I avoided my local poetry spots in general. I enjoy rhyming poetry, but I understand for poetry that emotion is likely the most important prospect of it. I will probably post a few poems here now and then.

Also, while I'm here, I might as well ask the NS community: Do you think that songs can be considered poems?

[Ineva]

I wish I would see more use of actual metre in rhyme in modern poetry. I generally avoid it, to be honest, but the variety I see in magazines seems to rely on using weird capitalization and arbitrary line breaks in the hope of looking sophisticated. It also tends to run to the highly cryptic. Cryptic pseudo-philisophical poetry has a long history, so I'm not really complaining about that, but at least make it sound good.

I am generally of this opinion, as well. I tend to find that free verse or metre-less poetry that uses the lack of metre to complement or, in some way, build on the actual meaning of the poem is more than acceptable, though, not very common among the free-verse realm. Instead, it sometimes seems as though metre is discarded as a matter of convenience and avoiding complexity, rather than deliberate meaning-building, which, for something like rhyme, is something with which I can sympathize, since rhyme can be exhausted to such an extent that it detracts from the meaning of a poem. However, I very rarely find myself in a position where metre feels so deliberate or intricate that it feels forced, manufactured, and lessens a poem. More often than not, I do believe that metre elevates one, which makes it a shame that it is not more common in more modern-day poetry circles.

To show what I mean, I went to the Geist website (Geist is Canada's high-brow lit magazine), and picked a random recent poem. Here's the link. The first two lines end in a chime of sorts, so I'm hopeful someone has gone "retro" and adopted such old-fashioned ideas as a rhyming scheme, but the third line takes us to the standard reminiscence model. Long, unrhymed lines.

For this poem, more than anything structure-wise--though, I do find the verses to be pretty lengthy and condensable--there's so much on-the-nose-ness in fragments like "The air is cold", "It’s been a long couple decades and I don’t know if it’s going to get any better", and "and you were still / around". I wish there was more dedication to developing and fleshing out the train, window, and music metaphors--even then, the train metaphor is constantly veering in and out of poetic device and describing reality that it is difficult to truly call it a metaphor, at times. In short, it uses a lot of words to say things, whereas I would have preferred if the poem uses few words to show things.

Look. I'm being a curmudgeon, but this isn't what I'd call poetry. It's some decently good, rich prose that someone formatted into stanzas.

It's hard for me to adamantly reject this as poetry, though, I would agree that, if it is, it isn't necessarily the strongest among others.

I guess the closest thing to what I enjoy is a sonnet.

I'm much more of a songwriter, but I do enjoy good poetry, I'm hoping this space will have meaningful poetry, for a lack of substance is why I avoided my local poetry spots in general. I enjoy rhyming poetry, but I understand for poetry that emotion is likely the most important prospect of it. I will probably post a few poems here now and then.

I had been involved in song-writing, as well, long before developing an interest in poetry. I could certainly see how substance-less poetry would be a turn-off to the art. I would, however, say that, just as there is much rubbish produced in the song-writing world before one unlocks a break-through hit, there is, likewise, no shortage of verbose, uninspired prose clinging to the dinghy of enjambment, wherefrom some true gems do originate. Sometimes, the hundreds of loathsome songs to which one must listen or poems one must read make the one song or poem that resonates worth it.

Also, while I'm here, I might as well ask the NS community: Do you think that songs can be considered poems?

The majority likely cannot. I imagine that a fair few can, however. From personal experience, songs in Spanish and Arabic tend to have a much easier time of falling into poetry than do songs in English. It's just something I've noted, where songs in those languages tend to disregard the repetition, common rhyming, etc. for more poetic expression, whereas pop music in English tends to adhere to roughly similar formats, patterns, and easy-to-understand language.

[Might Delete Later]

I guess the closest thing to what I enjoy is a sonnet.

I'm much more of a songwriter, but I do enjoy good poetry, I'm hoping this space will have meaningful poetry, for a lack of substance is why I avoided my local poetry spots in general. I enjoy rhyming poetry, but I understand for poetry that emotion is likely the most important prospect of it. I will probably post a few poems here now and then.

I had been involved in song-writing, as well, long before developing an interest in poetry. I could certainly see how substance-less poetry would be a turn-off to the art. I would, however, say that, just as there is much rubbish produced in the song-writing world before one unlocks a break-through hit, there is, likewise, no shortage of verbose, uninspired prose clinging to the dinghy of enjambment, wherefrom some true gems do originate. Sometimes, the hundreds of loathsome songs to which one must listen or poems one must read make the one song or poem that resonates worth it.

Only difference for me is that songs have something to fall on if the lyrics are pure garbage, and that's an instrumental. Poetry is more barebones compared to songs. I do find you to be correct, though, as if one song can resonate, I feel as if its goal is achieved, even if the process is truly strenuous.

[Yellowgrass Creek]

oh i love poetry, like most literature, my favorite poems come from the lost generation. the wasteland, 13 ways of looking at a blackbird, etc.



i like all forms of poetry except slam

i find most works of slam poetry to be extremely superficial and self-righteous.

i feel like it's just kind an inherently flawed medium. it grossly prioritizes performance over literary depth, which is what causes the over-the-top emotions, and simple, moralizing messages that never seem to tackle systemic issues effectively. when the audience's initial reaction matters more than literary depth, authors are encouraged to write superficial work that collapses upon further thought.

[Ineva]

I had been involved in song-writing, as well, long before developing an interest in poetry. I could certainly see how substance-less poetry would be a turn-off to the art. I would, however, say that, just as there is much rubbish produced in the song-writing world before one unlocks a break-through hit, there is, likewise, no shortage of verbose, uninspired prose clinging to the dinghy of enjambment, wherefrom some true gems do originate. Sometimes, the hundreds of loathsome songs to which one must listen or poems one must read make the one song or poem that resonates worth it.

Only difference for me is that songs have something to fall on if the lyrics are pure garbage, and that's an instrumental. Poetry is more barebones compared to songs. I do find you to be correct, though, as if one song can resonate, I feel as if its goal is achieved, even if the process is truly strenuous.

This is true, too: For what a song lacks in lyrical umph may be recovered in instrumentation, vocals, etc.. However, there're also challenges in the reverse way. With written poetry, a poet can trust that a reader will likely have the chance to read back a poem many times, pause on certain words, note formatting or spacing, etc.. With songs, especially those presented live, a vocalist has to be very articulate, because there is a chance that it is the one and only time a song may be heard in such capacity. A singer also has to be aware of how instruments may not only not save poor lyrics, but, disempower good ones. A vocalist must also be cognizant of when references become too obscure to understand in one listening, how he emphasizes or minimizes words, breath control, etc.. This is part of the reason I feel that spoken-word poetry may be so "dumbed down", for lack of a better phrase, compared to traditional examples of written poetry. That is to say, although there may be more outs for a singer, there're also more opportunities for mistakes.

[Might Delete Later]

I'd bet literal money that everyone in this thread has more knowledge on poetry than me, so I'd like to ask for suggestions. Who are some poets you find great? Not just poets, poems in general. Not necessarily acclaimed poets or poems, I'm looking for something with true substance which isn't mindless blabbering of a cliche narrative which lacks true conviction.

[Magna-Parva]

I'd bet literal money that everyone in this thread has more knowledge on poetry than me, so I'd like to ask for suggestions. Who are some poets you find great? Not just poets, poems in general. Not necessarily acclaimed poets or poems, I'm looking for something with true substance which isn't mindless blabbering of a cliche narrative which lacks true conviction.

I'd check out Coleridge and maybe Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I generally prefer nature poetry, which isn't cliche narrative but doesn't really have "conviction" either—in that vein, I'd recommend William Cullen Bryant or Wordsworth.

In terms of specific poems: Kubla Khan is one of Coleridge's most famous poems. It takes a few readings to fully understand what's actually going on—the first time I read it, I was so overtaken by the flow of words and imagery I lost the plot, as it were. I've always found it deeply evocative, but it's important to note Coleridge wrote it based on a dream he had while doped up on opium so, uh, don't try to read too much into it.

I stumbled across A Musical Instrument in the Oxford Book of English Verse. It seems to have been unjustly neglected, overall, and I think it makes a very fine poem and shows Browning's mastery of rhythm and metre—the whole thing bounces along so bucolically, it rather feels like a river itself—not to mention some fine use of repetition and assonance ("Sweet, sweet, sweet, O Pan ! / Piercing sweet by the river !").

The Death of the Flowers is a fine nature poem. I stumbled across To Nature by Coleridge, and it is honestly one of the few poems I really felt connected to on a personal level. I still love it, every line. Finally, everyone should read The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, if only to be able to reference and quote it knowledgeably and correctly. (This is what anyone talking about albatrosses in a figurative sense is likely referring to.) It contains many memorable lines and makes a good story. Get a paper copy to read it, though. It's pretty long.

[Might Delete Later]

Also, while I'm here, I might as well ask the NS community: Do you think that songs can be considered poems?

The majority likely cannot. I imagine that a fair few can, however. From personal experience, songs in Spanish and Arabic tend to have a much easier time of falling into poetry than do songs in English. It's just something I've noted, where songs in those languages tend to disregard the repetition, common rhyming, etc. for more poetic expression, whereas pop music in English tends to adhere to roughly similar formats, patterns, and easy-to-understand language.

I'm aware of this, but I'm not speaking on popular music. As most popular music focuses on being catchy without having much meaning, I'm speaking more on songs with focuses on lyricism. Sure, it may not be "poetic" in a traditional sense, but I don't find it completely outside of the poem category. While I don't find most songs being poems, I feel as if there's many more poems as songs than people like to point out.

By the way, can we share poems here? I know it's a dumb question but I'd rather ask.

[Ineva]

The majority likely cannot. I imagine that a fair few can, however. From personal experience, songs in Spanish and Arabic tend to have a much easier time of falling into poetry than do songs in English. It's just something I've noted, where songs in those languages tend to disregard the repetition, common rhyming, etc. for more poetic expression, whereas pop music in English tends to adhere to roughly similar formats, patterns, and easy-to-understand language.

I'm aware of this, but I'm not speaking on popular music. As most popular music focuses on being catchy without having much meaning, I'm speaking more on songs with focuses on lyricism. Sure, it may not be "poetic" in a traditional sense, but I don't find it completely outside of the poem category. While I don't find most songs being poems, I feel as if there's many more poems as songs than people like to point out.

I see. Other genres may have their fair share, like folk or hip-hop, but, even then, for most of the songs within them, I would say that most remain as songs, not poems. That doesn't mean that there aren't a fair few that exhibit poetic qualities, blur lines, or both. I just don't stumble upon such instances all too commonly.

By the way, can we share poems here? I know it's a dumb question but I'd rather ask.

Absolutely! It is not only allowed, but encouraged. Some commentary on a poem you're sharing, be it yours or someone else's, would be appreciated, too, just to ensure that there's room for discussion.

[Might Delete Later]

I'm aware of this, but I'm not speaking on popular music. As most popular music focuses on being catchy without having much meaning, I'm speaking more on songs with focuses on lyricism. Sure, it may not be "poetic" in a traditional sense, but I don't find it completely outside of the poem category. While I don't find most songs being poems, I feel as if there's many more poems as songs than people like to point out.

I see. Other genres may have their fair share, like folk or hip-hop, but, even then, for most of the songs within them, I would say that most remain as songs, not poems. That doesn't mean that there aren't a fair few that exhibit poetic qualities, blur lines, or both. I just don't stumble upon such instances all too commonly.

I know it's going to sound at least a bit crummy, but I have two examples from J. Cole, of course. One I could call a full fledged poem, one has poetic qualities. The latter being The Fall-Off is Inevitable, the one that's actually a poem being Ocean Way.

Absolutely! It is not only allowed, but encouraged. Some commentary on a poem you're sharing, be it yours or someone else's, would be appreciated, too, just to ensure that there's room for discussion.

I made an alternate account so it'd be easier to traverse and search through, because I'm a rather tidy person, but I'll just copy it from my RMB. First poem, constructive criticism welcome!

"The Lone Candle"

"There was a candle, an eternal ember,
Burning for a million days,
It seemed it could handle, the bleeding candle,
Ten million ways

It stood strong in the sun and the rain,
It didn't drop an inch, it showed no pain,
Until one day, a lone man arose,
A burden he held, the hurt and woes,

The scent of the candle spread,
The first contact in two million days,
After all the time has passed, this meant
The candle could melt away"

A little cliche, sure, but I wanted to stick to a classic route, a tribute, per se.

[The Derpy Republic]

I want to write poetry but have no idea how to do it

[Lusitanic]

I guess the closest thing to what I enjoy is a sonnet.

I'm much more of a songwriter, but I do enjoy good poetry, I'm hoping this space will have meaningful poetry, for a lack of substance is why I avoided my local poetry spots in general. I enjoy rhyming poetry, but I understand for poetry that emotion is likely the most important prospect of it. I will probably post a few poems here now and then.

Also, while I'm here, I might as well ask the NS community: Do you think that songs can be considered poems?

Depends
Many songs include poetry in them but a song itself isn’t necessarily a poem

[Ineva]

I made an alternate account so it'd be easier to traverse and search through, because I'm a rather tidy person, but I'll just copy it from my RMB. First poem, constructive criticism welcome!

"The Lone Candle"

"There was a candle, an eternal ember,
Burning for a million days,
It seemed it could handle, the bleeding candle,
Ten million ways

It stood strong in the sun and the rain,
It didn't drop an inch, it showed no pain,
Until one day, a lone man arose,
A burden he held, the hurt and woes,

The scent of the candle spread,
The first contact in two million days,
After all the time has passed, this meant
The candle could melt away"

A little cliche, sure, but I wanted to stick to a classic route, a tribute, per se.

First off, congratulations on getting involved in poetry! Always nice to see more and more flock to the craft.

This poem you've written makes for a very good entry as a first poem, markedly better than my first, I'd wager. I like that you've stuck with the metaphoric symbol (i.e., the symbol) throughout the piece. Many new poets--notably, when I began, myself--tend to interweave as many metaphors or arousing visuals as they can into a poem because they took one look at "Harlem" and thought it would be easy to emulate, or are looking to garner some time of reaction to at least one of them--basically, throwing the spaghetti at the wall to see which sticks. You do not do this in your poem, which is, I'd argue, a good thing. You already seem to have a decent command of rhyme, including assonantal imperfect or slant rhyme ("spread" and "meant", for instance, plus "days" and "away") and internal rhyme (for example, "handle" and "candle"). I find good endings are difficult to pull off: You seem to have a very good grasp on accomplishing these already. The caveat from a candle being strong and eternal as a good thing, from a candle allowed to be freed from that condition of stoicism, is remarkable. "Could" in the very last verse is carrying such a profound amount of weight. That effect, to me, is something that you should continue to implement.

My points of criticism are sort of nit-picky. I'm sure someone will disagree with at least a portion of them. Such is the nature of poetry's subjectivity.

• "There was a", "it seemed", and "this meant" in particular are neither economical nor actively voiced. If a poem is about self-doubt or something similar, it may be clever to make use of these in a meta way, but, as in most other works, they'd likely be considered filler best omitted.
• The metre is a bit out of sorts. Looking at your first stanza, for example, we go from 11 syllables, to seven syllables, to 11 again, then to four. This seems very variable, without much intention. That's not to say all lines have to have exactly a number of syllables, but, to go from 11 to four should be for an abrupt, intentional reason, likely best suited at the end of a work. A beginning stanza often establishes a rhythm, not disrupts one that does not exist.
• The rhyme is also somewhat inconsistent. The first stanza has verses two and four rhyme; meanwhile, the following stanza follows an AABB stanza, as the third concludes with ABAB.
• There's some amount of redundancy that can be culled. "Eternal" and "burning for a million days", in many respects, evoke similar images and understandings--i.e., this candle is burning for a really long time, potentially indefinitely. "Until one day" and "[t]he first contact" also establish the notion of a first happening. "Burden", "hurt", and "woes", whilst complementary, are somewhat synonymous.
• Whilst the imagery is largely strong, I do think even more could further strengthen this poem. What does a candle handling its bleeding self look like? Better yet, what does it sound like, taste like, feel like, smell like? We know that it weathers the Sun and rain with remarkable resolve: How does that process look? Do the dew drops tango with the sparks? Do the Sun and flame compete to cast the greatest shadows? Have some fun with personifying these otherwise lifeless objects. Rather than telling us this man is lone, show us how we know he is so. Are his burdens boulders, baskets, bouquets of wilting roses? Are his woes sloshing buckets of rain or possibly tears? What is the scent of the candle? Cinnamon? Cardstock? Rigor mortis? What does time passing look like? Does he leap from nine to 10? Spin in a hamster wheel? Count the specks of paint in an artwork? How does the candle melt?--with a whimper, or a sigh? This is probably too verbose, but, hopefully, the point comes across.

To reiterate, this poem is a great start. I'd encourage you to revise it and/or write more poems, since, sometimes, a fresh pair of eyes can un-finish a piece.

[Kostene]

I've only ever had disastrous attempts at writing poetry. I'm decent at creating rhymes, but my problem is that if I take rhyming stanzas I'm too prone to want to turn that into a song. I'm also not great at using any poetic devices. I would maybe like to try poetry, but I don't fully understand it most of the time.

Also, while I'm here, I might as well ask the NS community: Do you think that songs can be considered poems?

I think some songs could probably be considered poems, but not necessarily all songs. However, there's probably subtle differences involved with the writing process (the words of a song complement the music) that make songs as a whole different. It's just a question of whether that difference makes them fundamentally not poetry.

[Might Delete Later]

I made an alternate account so it'd be easier to traverse and search through, because I'm a rather tidy person, but I'll just copy it from my RMB. First poem, constructive criticism welcome!

"The Lone Candle"

"There was a candle, an eternal ember,
Burning for a million days,
It seemed it could handle, the bleeding candle,
Ten million ways

It stood strong in the sun and the rain,
It didn't drop an inch, it showed no pain,
Until one day, a lone man arose,
A burden he held, the hurt and woes,

The scent of the candle spread,
The first contact in two million days,
After all the time has passed, this meant
The candle could melt away"

A little cliche, sure, but I wanted to stick to a classic route, a tribute, per se.

First off, congratulations on getting involved in poetry! Always nice to see more and more flock to the craft.

This poem you've written makes for a very good entry as a first poem, markedly better than my first, I'd wager. I like that you've stuck with the metaphoric symbol (i.e., the symbol) throughout the piece. Many new poets--notably, when I began, myself--tend to interweave as many metaphors or arousing visuals as they can into a poem because they took one look at "Harlem" and thought it would be easy to emulate, or are looking to garner some time of reaction to at least one of them--basically, throwing the spaghetti at the wall to see which sticks. You do not do this in your poem, which is, I'd argue, a good thing. You already seem to have a decent command of rhyme, including assonantal imperfect or slant rhyme ("spread" and "meant", for instance, plus "days" and "away") and internal rhyme (for example, "handle" and "candle"). I find good endings are difficult to pull off: You seem to have a very good grasp on accomplishing these already. The caveat from a candle being strong and eternal as a good thing, from a candle allowed to be freed from that condition of stoicism, is remarkable. "Could" in the very last verse is carrying such a profound amount of weight. That effect, to me, is something that you should continue to implement.

My points of criticism are sort of nit-picky. I'm sure someone will disagree with at least a portion of them. Such is the nature of poetry's subjectivity.

• "There was a", "it seemed", and "this meant" in particular are neither economical nor actively voiced. If a poem is about self-doubt or something similar, it may be clever to make use of these in a meta way, but, as in most other works, they'd likely be considered filler best omitted.
• The metre is a bit out of sorts. Looking at your first stanza, for example, we go from 11 syllables, to seven syllables, to 11 again, then to four. This seems very variable, without much intention. That's not to say all lines have to have exactly a number of syllables, but, to go from 11 to four should be for an abrupt, intentional reason, likely best suited at the end of a work. A beginning stanza often establishes a rhythm, not disrupts one that does not exist.
• The rhyme is also somewhat inconsistent. The first stanza has verses two and four rhyme; meanwhile, the following stanza follows an AABB stanza, as the third concludes with ABAB.
• There's some amount of redundancy that can be culled. "Eternal" and "burning for a million days", in many respects, evoke similar images and understandings--i.e., this candle is burning for a really long time, potentially indefinitely. "Until one day" and "[t]he first contact" also establish the notion of a first happening. "Burden", "hurt", and "woes", whilst complementary, are somewhat synonymous.
• Whilst the imagery is largely strong, I do think even more could further strengthen this poem. What does a candle handling its bleeding self look like? Better yet, what does it sound like, taste like, feel like, smell like? We know that it weathers the Sun and rain with remarkable resolve: How does that process look? Do the dew drops tango with the sparks? Do the Sun and flame compete to cast the greatest shadows? Have some fun with personifying these otherwise lifeless objects. Rather than telling us this man is lone, show us how we know he is so. Are his burdens boulders, baskets, bouquets of wilting roses? Are his woes sloshing buckets of rain or possibly tears? What is the scent of the candle? Cinnamon? Cardstock? Rigor mortis? What does time passing look like? Does he leap from nine to 10? Spin in a hamster wheel? Count the specks of paint in an artwork? How does the candle melt?--with a whimper, or a sigh? This is probably too verbose, but, hopefully, the point comes across.

To reiterate, this poem is a great start. I'd encourage you to revise it and/or write more poems, since, sometimes, a fresh pair of eyes can un-finish a piece.

Thank you for the feedback, Ineva!

While I believe your criticism is valid, I am in no place to redo the poem merely because I am not at a state of peace (I'm in public), I'm a person who needs to be in a specific mood and place to evoke certain emotion! Don't worry, I'll do a redux around 5PM, but for now I'll be going onto an alt account and writing from their. In the meantime, have a nice day!

I'm not sure this is one I'd want to do over, merely because I don't know how to approach it. Maybe sometime in the future.

[Might Delete Dokis Later]

Yes, I promise, this was necessary.

"Land Of The Snakes"

"I stay inside because it's not safe,
I stray from the snakes, I get away,
I know my place and it's not with them,
I'm thankful that I've learned to avoid dens,

There's no first-aid when your right hand
Jumped ship due to pressure from man
Causing cracks and quakes, but it's not his fault
It's nature's belt, judgement of the best

In the vault I arose my darkest thoughts,
While my peers gave in to the lost lips,
Deception is abundant and I've dodged it,
I don't know if I'm humble or content, or if I've lost it

It's hard to traverse a land where everything bites
Everyone fights for scraps, the straw that broke the camel's back
Is what feeds theirs, it's unfair
But it's been engraved since they came there"

For this poem, I won't say the meaning because I love interpolation, only thing I didn't like was the variance of length in the last stanza. The reason I make some lines shorter is to compensate.

[Might Delete Dokis Later]

While every part of me screams "wait for someone else to post first!", I feel the need to bump the thread without those wasteful five characters, so here comes the next poem.
"The Ill"

"Evil lurks throughout the land,
In the bushes, on the trees,
On the benches, in the streets,
To murk anyone seen without a man,

The man was ill with desire,
Bloodlust, a blade of lust
And a hate for those he described as "hoes"
A serpent which won't inquire just approach

No more than a minute they could survive,
A sick man on the inside,
There's nothing they could to cure,
There's nothing pure about ill murder,

He calls himself the illest to separate,
Truly, he could catch me before I escape,
I try to drive out the city before he closes the gate,
I'll update, but I doubt I'll make that day"

[Ineva]

New poll up!

[Might Delete Dokis Later]

Poem Three: "Please Excuse Me I'm Rotting"

"Some days I starve myself,
Some days I'm a glutton,
Some days they notice, most days it's nothin'

Some nights I can't sleep,
Some days I can't awake,
Mood swings I hate, no more peace,

One day I wrote a poem, twelve I didn't,
The ink wasn't flowing until my mind could listen,
The noise all around me is obviously topical,
I hope it's not me, insecurity ain't impossible
So I continue my stride of paranoia and suffering,
Holding my heart I just puked out with a smile, uncomfortably

So while the others don't care as my organs rot,
They'd rather discuss the bombs the president dropped,
Rather listen to the drama and the he-say, she-say,
But the anorexic victim receives no ears his way"

[Might Delete Dokis Later]

To bump, or not to bump?

"Dreamland"

"Rainbows, sunshine, everywhere,
Clouds, clouds, everywhere
Rainbows, sunshine, everywhere,
Clouds, clouds, everywhere

Just to get by, we sell clouds,
Don't be too loud, don't be too loud, don't be too loud...
About ten pounds
Don't ask about it, don't ask about it, don't ask about...

As long as we stay in Dreamland 'till Friday,
Just started the week maybe I won't make it,
Not to be a shy guy, just want to provide,
But in this life, I'm weak, maybe I won't make it,

Everyday, thousands of pounds,
Everyday, someone new hit my phone,
Knocking at my door, I see a badge
I bounce, out my home, left a whole batch"

[Might Delete Dokis Later]

Before my next poem, if anyone would like to discuss on poetry or each other's works, I'd be happy to. I'd like feedback and to see how others write!

"Routine // Broken"

"Wake up, brush teeth,
Shower hour, no sleep,
Text dad, ride bus,
Quick to the stop 'fore it pass you up,

Wake up, brush teeth,
Hit snooze, need sleep,
Text dad, ride car
He's pissed, still get far

Sleep in, sleep more,
Brush teeth, run fast
Make it to the stop at the last
Moment almost passed like dad,

Wake up, brush teeth,
Spread dad in the sea,
Intimate moment, you and me,
Remember me, remember me"

[Zantalio]

As the world in front of me unravels
In front of my slowly dying eyes,
My mind cannot help but travel
Into a land of delusions and lies.

I wander in a vague, passing dream
That slowly consumes me in the night.
It dances around me and beams
Into my soul with so much fright.

I cannot help but wonder:
How on earth to get away?
All there is to do is ponder
And hope again and pray.

In fear, I will escape, back to reality,
And, once more, possess some sanity.

I'm a poetry newb, so I'm not that good. I feel like the last two lines do not fit together well

[Might Delete Later]

As the world in front of me unravels
In front of my slowly dying eyes,
My mind cannot help but travel
Into a land of delusions and lies.

I wander in a vague, passing dream
That slowly consumes me in the night.
It dances around me and beams
Into my soul with so much fright.

I cannot help but wonder:
How on earth to get away?
All there is to do is ponder
And hope again and pray.

In fear, I will escape, back to reality,
And, once more, possess some sanity.

I'm a poetry newb, so I'm not that good. I feel like the last two lines do not fit together well

I for one enjoy the last two lines.

The second stanza is the best, it flows the best and the wordplay and imagery is top tier (at least for the poem itself). The first stanza in my opinion is good, a standard opening, but the hook for attention is the second stanza. I imagine the third one as a more melodic section, I feel it could be more creative with the wordplay, and for the last two lines, it ends in a grand way. Only critique for that is nitpicky, the word "some" feels filler.

Apologies if my tone is harsh, I review music not poems in my free time.... I did like your poem a lot though!