I'm writing a book

[North Amerikan States]

I've been writing a book for a few days and I was wondering what Nation States thought of it. Well, here goes the first chapter. Please leave comments on it.
The rebellion from a cruel lord:
CHAPTER 1; Who I am the evils of my cruel lord:
Hello, my friends. I am the leader of a rebellion which was lost. I was stripped of my title
and sent to a land of horrible punishment for what I did, though I only tried to end a the reign of
a monster who couldn't even use his great power to end the suffering of those he called
his "children". He instead spent his days seeing over how he could kill them, even the innocent.
I was able to convince about a third of my brothers of his evil but we were still greatly outnumbered.
I still mourn dragging them down with me in my failure.
The reasons for my rebellion are simple, although my lord knew he didn't need to be cruel
he was. I think he enjoyed it quite a bit. I knew if I had his power I could do better with the lands
he ruled. So I decided to take power from him by force, after his death I would end the suffering.
The way I always wanted to. My evil lord then blamed me for what he did and even sent those
he disliked to the land where I am tormented, I cannot help them but I do not hurt them. Even
though my lord's "children" are told I do. In short, I got a horrible punishment for trying to end the
suffering of the innocent.
Oh, I just realized I've not told you my name. How about I tell you my story first then I'll
tell you who I am. My name is not really very important. Nor is my lord's. Though I'm sure you know me
from somewhere. You'll be very surprised to hear it.

[Po0oh]

Is this the anecdote? Because chapters are usually supposed to be like, twenty pages bro. Unspaced.

[Right-Wing-Extremists]

ehhh im just not into it, dosnt make sense. and its WAY to short

[New Amerik]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

[Grandais]

Needs to be way more unique and descriptive.

[Po0oh]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

You need like, Oxfords Classical Thesaurus and to use 5 archaic synonyms. Then you need to vary your sentence structure WAAAAAAAY more. Basic things.

[New Amerik]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

You need like, Oxfords Classical Thesaurus and to use 5 archaic synonyms. Then you need to vary your sentence structure WAAAAAAAY more. Basic things.

I need to learn how to actually write a novel, not a series of connected posts strung together. And yes, I recognize and agree with your points.

[Po0oh]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

You need like, Oxfords Classical Thesaurus and to use 5 archaic synonyms. Then you need to vary your sentence structure WAAAAAAAY more. Basic things.

I need to learn how to actually write a novel, not a series of connected posts strung together. And yes, I recognize and agree with your points.

Who said a series of posts strung together is any different? It's how your idea's flow, and how you choose to flow them. And right now it's like corrosive metal over jagged rocks.

[Khandosia]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

http://www.amazon.com/Reign-Hell-Novel- ... 0312870493

[The Zoogie People]

How 'bout we stop raining on his parade and see some more out of it. At least it's better than some of the stuff that passes for RP here. Writing is a big undertaking, and everyone improves with each try. We could all use a little encouragement to get there, though.

OP, just curious, how old are you? Keep it up.

[Offenheim]

I've been writing a book for a few days and I was wondering what Nation States thought of it. Well, here goes the first chapter. Please leave comments on it.
The rebellion from a cruel lord:
CHAPTER 1; Who I am the evils of my cruel lord:
Hello, my friends. I am the leader of a rebellion which was lost. I was stripped of my title and sent to a land of horrible punishment for what I did, though I only tried to end a the reign of a monster who couldn't even use his great power to end the suffering of those he called his "children". He instead spent his days seeing over how he could kill them, even the innocent. I was able to convince about a third of my brothers of his evil but we were still greatly outnumbered. I still mourn dragging them down with me in my failure.
The reasons for my rebellion are simple, although my lord knew he didn't need to be cruel he was. I think he enjoyed it quite a bit. I knew if I had his power I could do better with the lands he ruled. So I decided to take power from him by force, after his death I would end the suffering. The way I always wanted to. My evil lord then blamed me for what he did and even sent those he disliked to the land where I am tormented, I cannot help them but I do not hurt them. Even though my lord's "children" are told I do. In short, I got a horrible punishment for trying to end the suffering of the innocent.
Oh, I just realized I've not told you my name. How about I tell you my story first then I'll tell you who I am. My name is not really very important. Nor is my lord's. Though I'm sure you know me from somewhere. You'll be very surprised to hear it.

Alright. First paragraph. You've just taken away the suspense of most of the book, unless we're going to learn about your horrible punishment. Knowing you've lost is okay, but more details is too much. I can put down the book, since you just gave us the beginning, middle, and end in the first paragraph. Just tell us the beginning and the end. Tell us you have a lamentable tale, but don't tell us more than that. Save it for the rest of the book.

Second paragraph. Parts of the first paragraph could go here. Focus your paragraphs to one subject at a time. You've got your rebellion, your cruel lord, and your punishment all in one paragraph. Also, if you're going to talk about your evil lord, give us more concrete examples of his evilness.

Third paragraph. You better immediately surprise us in the fourth paragraph. You better be Al Gore, and your evil lord better be Bill Clinton, or something along those lines. You should be Judas, and your evil lord should be Jesus. Because if you're Sir Larry the Younger, and your evil lord is Mean King Tommy the Destroyer of Young Children's Dreams, I won't be surprised. I won't even know who you are.

The reader knows nothing. In fact, you haven't given us much concrete information. You're talking to us, but we don't know where. Describe some stuff to us. Details, details, details. Characterize yourself.

Also, generally, chapters are quite a few pages long. Unless you're writing some sort of meta-novel here, you should start fleshing out the chapter in general. Give us a setting, give us a problem.

It's a start, but if I saw the book on a shelf, I probably wouldn't buy it if all it had on the back was "An evil lord. A doomed rebellion. And a land of punishment."

[Astralsideria]

It looks like the idea might have potential, but I think it'd need a lot of work. I would also contest the point about 20-page chapters: Jane Austen wrote really rather short chapters; just a lot of them.

[New Amerik]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

You need like, Oxfords Classical Thesaurus and to use 5 archaic synonyms. Then you need to vary your sentence structure WAAAAAAAY more. Basic things.

I need to learn how to actually write a novel, not a series of connected posts strung together. And yes, I recognize and agree with your points.

Who said a series of posts strung together is any different? It's how your idea's flow, and how you choose to flow them. And right now it's like corrosive metal over jagged rocks.

Wait. I'm just speaking normally. This isn't usually indicative of how I......wait. Do you think I am the OP? I am not, and though my own writing lacks....well, it lacks a good number of things, but I think you might be confusing me for the other aspiring writer.

Nonetheless, I shall keep your points in mind.

[Offenheim]

Generally, try to avoid archaic words. I know it contradicts another post, but people generally don't like having to go to a thesaurus to look up words that mean something they already know. Like chirugeon for surgeon. It does nothing but makes your reading less accessible.

Alright, I see the Satan vs. God thing now, I suppose that's reasonably surprising, but I feel like the cover's going to give it away pretty quickly.

But I do agree, you shouldn't be using "cruel" and "evil" as much as you are.

[Shabarik]

I could see a chapter being a minimum of two pages long, as seen in the Giant Peach.

[Nort Eurasia]

I do hope this is the rough copy of the 1st chapter. Otherwise, I suggest you write more.

[Grandais]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

[Po0oh]

Yes, yes, story of Satan's fall from his point of view, righto, but it's been already done. Man's been tragically done already, and the book needs to be way longer. This ain't Dan Brown, you know. I've started (barely) trying to get the introduction for a novel done, and the things five pages and still needs to have more put in.

You need like, Oxfords Classical Thesaurus and to use 5 archaic synonyms. Then you need to vary your sentence structure WAAAAAAAY more. Basic things.

I need to learn how to actually write a novel, not a series of connected posts strung together. And yes, I recognize and agree with your points.

Who said a series of posts strung together is any different? It's how your idea's flow, and how you choose to flow them. And right now it's like corrosive metal over jagged rocks.

Wait. I'm just speaking normally. This isn't usually indicative of how I......wait. Do you think I am the OP? I am not, and though my own writing lacks....well, it lacks a good number of things, but I think you might be confusing me for the other aspiring writer.

Nonetheless, I shall keep your points in mind.

Listen bro. I'm sorry. Keep on keepin on. You'll be fine. The only thing I could say is use lots of idioms, synecdoche's, onomopias (<----I hardly use these, and all the more reason to.), vary sentence structure and length, never start more than two sentences in a row with "I" unless it's a dialogue, and try to flow the narration change from 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and Omniscent points of view. 2nd is very tricky but in the hands of a skilled writer, is probably one of the best. Keep the words vivid, sometimes archaic is good sometimes it isn't. Lastly, suck the writer in. The only way to do this, is to read more than you write. I mean like nobel prize winning books. This gives you a sense of how they do it and how to emulator it. You'll be a pro buddy. Keep trying.

[Sau Dade]

I've been writing a book for a few days and I was wondering what Nation States thought of it. Well, here goes the first chapter. Please leave comments on it.
The rebellion from a cruel lord:
CHAPTER 1; Who I am the evils of my cruel lord:
Hello, my friends. I am the leader of a rebellion which was lost. I was stripped of my title
and sent to a land of horrible punishment for what I did, though I only tried to end a the reign of
a monster who couldn't even use his great power to end the suffering of those he called
his "children". He instead spent his days seeing over how he could kill them, even the innocent.
I was able to convince about a third of my brothers of his evil but we were still greatly outnumbered.
I still mourn dragging them down with me in my failure.
The reasons for my rebellion are simple, although my lord knew he didn't need to be cruel
he was. I think he enjoyed it quite a bit. I knew if I had his power I could do better with the lands
he ruled. So I decided to take power from him by force, after his death I would end the suffering.
The way I always wanted to. My evil lord then blamed me for what he did and even sent those
he disliked to the land where I am tormented, I cannot help them but I do not hurt them. Even
though my lord's "children" are told I do. In short, I got a horrible punishment for trying to end the
suffering of the innocent.
Oh, I just realized I've not told you my name. How about I tell you my story first then I'll
tell you who I am. My name is not really very important. Nor is my lord's. Though I'm sure you know me
from somewhere. You'll be very surprised to hear it.

you might try keeping a blog. try to write about everything and read constantly, too. it's definitely improved my writing stylistically over the years, though I'm still best at stream of consciousness writing...go figure.

[New Amerik]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

[Nort Eurasia]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

And imagine if he utilized rhyming! It would be like the Doctor Seuss version of the Bible!

[DaWoad]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

And imagine if he utilized rhyming! It would be like the Doctor Seuss version of the Bible!

I do not like those sodomites
I do not like them, dude who smites

heh not gonna continue with the "would you like them" section.

[Nort Eurasia]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

And imagine if he utilized rhyming! It would be like the Doctor Seuss version of the Bible!

I do not like those sodomites
I do not like them, dude who smites

heh not gonna continue with the "would you like them" section.

Hah! This is ingenious!

[DaWoad]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

And imagine if he utilized rhyming! It would be like the Doctor Seuss version of the Bible!

I do not like those sodomites
I do not like them, dude who smites

heh not gonna continue with the "would you like them" section.

Hah! This is ingenious!

lol sorry I truely couldn't help myself It's an awesome idea If had the time/stubbornness I'd genuinely try it.

[Nort Eurasia]

James and the Giant Peach is a childrens' book, of course it's short.

A children's book? If, as suspected, our potential author is speaking of Satan's rebellion, then it would be....interesting...to see it done as a children's book.

Imagine the illustrations!

And imagine if he utilized rhyming! It would be like the Doctor Seuss version of the Bible!

I do not like those sodomites
I do not like them, dude who smites

heh not gonna continue with the "would you like them" section.

Hah! This is ingenious!

lol sorry I truely couldn't help myself It's an awesome idea If had the time/stubbornness I'd genuinely try it.

It certainly would be entertaining, to say the least. One would at least be able to re-write the book of Genesis in a rhyme form.