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Writing Political/Action Thriller (Constructive Criticism)

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Unified Western States
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Writing Political/Action Thriller (Constructive Criticism)

Postby Unified Western States » Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:45 pm

So, this is my first attempt at writing a modern book. I normally do short sci-fi stories, so this genre is new to me.

Three Gorges Dam
Hubei Province, People’s Republic of China
5:50 PM, January 1, 2020


First Lieutenant Shin Zong shivered and tightened his coat against the cold wind as he walked along the top of the Three Gorges Dam. The cold was biting and the temperature was down around 35 degrees. The coat helped, but didn’t do enough to prevent his bones from chilling. And what made the cold worse was the moisture in the air. The dam threw up so much moisture that it froze in the air, clinging to Shin’s face. He had been on patrol duty for two hours which, according to him, was two hours too many. There was no logical reason why he should be doing what he was. One man wouldn’t stop an attack on the dam and by the time he called for help if something did go wrong, it would be too late. So, in effect, he was useless. But regardless of what he thought, he had a mission and he would complete it as expected. A car shot by, driving on the road that ran across the top of the dam. Shin felt a drop of rain and cursed, looking up to the sky and wondering why the gods hated him so. He prayed briefly that it would not rain, but feared that his prayers could not be heard over the roar of the dam. Then it started to pour. Shin ran to a covered shelter that was just off of the dam, cursing all the while. He bunkered down in this shelter, lighting a lamp and huddling close to it. His assault rifle lay against the wall and his pistol clung to his hip. Taking one last glance out the window, he shut the shutters, enjoying the warmth of the lamp and slowly his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

Unbeknownst to Shin, a large black truck was making its slow way to the dam. The truck was unmarked, with no license plates or registration number. The windows were tinted a deep black, making it impossible to see exactly who was inside. The truck pulled up to the start of the road that went across the dam. Inside, the occupants of the truck could only hope that their contact had done his job. The driver looked to the passenger, who pulled out a cylinder with a red button on the top. There was a silent exchange of words between the two, for nothing actually needed to be said. Once the button was pressed, everything would change and they wouldn’t be able to go back. But they had come too far to fail. And so, with a final glance at each other, the passenger pressed the button.
Shin was awoken by the sounds of deep vibrations, shaking the whole shelter and causing the lamp to fall over. Shin jumped up, dousing the fire and grabbing his rifle, headed outside as fast as he could. He ran to the observation area where he could get the best view possible of the dam. His mind could not comprehend what he was now seeing. The after-glow of nearly thirty huge explosions could be seen and as Shin whipped out his binoculars, he heard a sound anyone at his post would; the sound of cracking concrete. Staring through the binoculars, he watched in abject horror as the dam began to collapse. The explosions had torn chunks out of the dam and water was now pouring through these. But the wholes had weakened the entire structure, so huge cracks were now appearing all over the face of the dam. Shin didn’t waste a moment. Within 10 seconds, he was on his phone, warning the military of the attack, but it was too late and he knew it. With a tremendous roar, huge sections of the dam exploded outwards, water spewing forth like a waterfall. Another explosion then happened. Chunks of the dam flew everywhere and the shockwave knocked Shin over. The dam had given way. The whole Three Gorges Reservoir, which had over 32 million acres of water in it, was now rushing down the Yangtze River in a massive tsunami of destruction. Inside this tsunami, chunks of the dam, some as big as a house, were carried along with the water. And all of it heading straight for the city of Wuhan. Far down river, Wuhan was in a panic. The military had begun trying to evacuate people, but in a city of ten million and with the horrible panic spreading, the evacuation was going slowly. Cars packed the bridges that led across the Yangtze and the exits of the city were crowded with both cars and pedestrians. Military trucks with speakers on them announced for citizens to be calm and orderly, but it was like trying to herd cats. People ran everywhere, trying to move as fast as they could in the chaos. Far up the river, a WZ-10 of the People’s Air Force tracked the wave as it flew down the river. It engulfed whole villages and farmland as it roared towards the panicking city.

“This is Aerial Recon 12. We are tracking the surge. It is growing in size and has left a trail of devastation. It will hit Wuhan in 10 minutes!!” The pilot frantically said into his microphone.

“Roger Aerial 12. Continue tracking the wave. We are still evacuating the city”

The 10 minutes went by slower than any ten minutes the people of Wuhan had ever felt. When the wave finally hit the city, there were still a few million civilians left. The wave smashed through the crowded 1st Bridge, a bridge that passed over the Yangtze. The bridge was ripped from its ends and the wave tore through. Those who had managed to get out of the city watched as the tidal wave, which was at least 200ft tall, smashed through their city. The huge chunks of the dam trapped in the wave mashed through skyscrapers like huge wrecking balls. There were four bridges that crossed the Yangtze; all four of them were packed with cars trying to escape and the families inside those cars could only sit and prey as the wave smashed through the bridges, tearing them to pieces. The wave took a mere minute to pass through the town, destroying in 60 seconds what had taken humans thousands of years to build. People watching fell to their knees sobbing and several people jumped into the raging wave, not wanting to live without there loved ones. But the wave wasn’t the end of it. The river had now raised at least 15ft and whatever remained of Wuhan was now underwater. The WZ-10 shot overhead, following the huge wave as it roared towards the next city on the river: Nanjing.

One hour and twenty-nine minutes later, it was over the huge wave smashed through the low-lying parts of Shanghai and gushed into the East China Sea. It dragged with it massive chunks of debris from Wuhan and Nanjing both of which had been nearly entirely destroyed and were now under 5 or 6 feet of water. Shanghai had been hit less severely, but a large swatch of it was still destroyed and flooded. Emergency helicopters flew overhead the ruined cities, searching for survivors. The sun was starting to set and the searchlights illuminated huge patches of water. Dead bodies floated everywhere. A few survivors had been found, but most died after being rescued. Massive refugee camps were set up by the government to hold the millions that were displaced. There was nothing but sorrow that day. As the sun set, the wails of mother’s whose children had been swept away and the sobs of children who were now orphans, pierced the night.


White House
Washington D.C, United States of America
11:00 AM, January 2, 2020


As President Daniel Scott sat on the couch in the Oval Office, the only sound was the remote clicking as he flipped through the news channels.
“We are just now receiving information and it is no believed that close to 3 million are dead…”
Click.
“The Chinese government has not release any official numbers, but 2-3 million are more than likely dead….”
Click.
“With nearly 20 million displaced people to deal with, the Chinese government has been struggling to keep order in the country….”
Click.
“This is the greatest disaster in recent history and with casualty numbers expected to reach close to 4 million and with nearly 2 million more missing, this horrible incident is sure to keep fresh in the minds of everyone for years to come.”
Click. The TV turned off and Daniel sighed. This was beyond belief. Not since 9/11 had the world made such collective gasp of horror. Much of the world was working on disaster relief packages, including Daniel’s own country. Daniel suspected that the reason why there was no official news coming out of China was either because the Chinese government didn’t want the rest of the world to see just how bad it was, or because they were simply too shocked to do anything. Daniel knew that the Chinese were undertaking a massive rescue operation, but they would need help. There was a knock on the door and a young woman walked in, followed by an entourage of people and cameramen.

“Mr. President, we’re ready.”
“Alright. Lets do this.” Daniel said, standing up and walking over to his desk. He sat down at it, his face grim and somber. Behind him, two flags; on his right, the US flag and on his left, the Chinese flag. The women held up two fingers, one finger, then pointed.

Daniel was silent for a few seconds. This broadcast was being broadcast around the world, and hopefully the Chinese would be watching. He finally looked up and when he spoke, his voice was sad.

“Normally I would begin a speech like this by saying ‘my fellow Americans’, but I will not be doing that this time. This speech is addressed to the whole world, but particularly to the People’s Republic of China. Yesterday, China experienced one of the worst man made disasters in the history of mankind. Under unknown circumstances, the Three Gorges Dam burst, sending the entire reservoir down river. I have not received word from the Chinese government yet, but UN officials have reported that they expect at least two or three million people to be dead and the destruction to total in the hundreds of billions. This sorrow the Chinese people must feel cannot be expressed in words, and I will not attempt to. All I can say is that the people of the United States of America fully stand by the People’s Republic of China and that we are willing to do whatever it takes to help our Chinese allies in this time of great crisis. For it is in times like these when everyone can come together, when nations that previously have had rough patches can set aside these differences and become the strongest of allies. Right now, I have lined up enough supplies to help the Chinese regain stability and can have them in the air at a moment’s notice. So I say this to the people of China; in your darkest hour of need, we will stand by your side. We will do whatever we can to help you. This I promise you.”

Daniel’s aide slashed her hand across her throat and the camera’s cut out. Daniel sighed and stood up.

“Good job sir. This should affirm our stance as an ally of China and increase our relations with the Chinese government. And more than that, we’ll show ourselves as humanitarians.” The voice came from the vice-president, Thomas Truesdale. Daniel turned to face Thomas, a frown on his face.

“Thomas, you know that’s not why I did this. The Chinese need to know that we stand by them.” Daniel said somewhat sternly. Thomas nodded courteously. “Of course sir. I’m just saying that the side-effect of this is a heightening of our position on the world stage.” He said this as if he knew that he was right and Daniel was just too righteous to accept it.

“Even so, I don’t want the world thinking that we are doing this solely for self-benefit.” Daniel said, staring at a map of the world that resided on the wall of the oval office.

“Well, then lets follow through. If the Chinese government responds, we’ll send the planes.”

Daniel nodded. “That was my plan. Now, all we can do is wait.” He looked out his window at the lawn. It was so peaceful here. He could only hope that it would stay that way.

Moscow, Russian Federation
January 4, 2020


“And that is why we must stand by our Chinese allies and assist the Americans in the recovery of China. Thank you.” President Petr Alexandrov stepped down from the podium and walked off stage, even though the thousands of questions from the watching reporters drifted after him like a cloud of annoying insects. He was quickly escorted by FSB agents to a heavily armored Mercedes S-Class.
Last edited by Unified Western States on Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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East Fancainia
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Posts: 6068
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
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Postby East Fancainia » Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:46 pm

From what I have read, more meat with the dialogue, seems fine though.


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