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Paradox Games IX: Kinkshame That Poor Goat

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 5:09 am
by Bralia
Today is the end of the delusion of free will. The guiding hand of the divinely inspired returns to take your hand and return you all to civilization. As I speak, the so-called revolutionaries are being dragged away for their insubordination to the throne. After centuries of conflict over control of this thread, the old guard have returned en masse in order to bring back order and stability. Tradition and honor. Valor and courage. The degeneracy of those who would cause lawlessness and chaos have been silenced.

I stand before you all as a survivor. I was forced to flee my homeland because of those who lied to advance their own gain. Who abused your trust with platitudes of freedom. I will make no such false promises. The world is not a free place. There is always a price to pay to live in this world and that will not change. The rich and powerful will always rule over the weak and poor, it is the nature of humanity. And it is a fundamental reality of nature itself. And it is upon these realities of nature that we must follow. We must believe in the strengths and weaknesses of humanity are good and just. It is a matter of fact that men are ill-fit rulers, they lack the intellectual capacity to rule fairly and peacefully. History has shown that when this thread has been led by a woman, we lived in a Renaissance, a Golden Age of peace and prosperity. Mankind has only brought destruction and ruin in their wake.

Today is the restoration of my divine right to the Paradox throne. All who bear witness to me, basks in the presence of God on Earth. I live to serve as a direct representation of the Lord and be an inspiration for all to follow in her footsteps. It is my mandate to ensure peace above all things. Drugs and alcohol will be banned and purged from society, they are the great instigators of violence and degeneracy for all who consume them. To even allow their existence courts temptation and temptation is the devil that resides deep within us all. Private sexual activity will also be banned. Behind closed walls, the devil courts great evil. Only public displays will be permissable in order to ensure the purity of the act is not being tarnished. Families of all races, genders, cultures, and creeds will be meticulously resettled and forced to live in close proximity with one another. It is only through understanding the differences between us that we can learn our place in the world and respect them.

This is the will of the God-Empress and may her rule be eternal and unblemished.

Official Paradox Thread Religion:

Tenets:

Esotericism (Seeking knowledge, while also acknowledging the divine)
Ancestor Worship
Pursuit of Power (In MORE than just war)

Doctrines:

Religious Attitude: Pluralist (Tolerant)
View on Gender: Equal
Clerical Tradition: Theocratic (Temples owned by priests)
Head of Faith: Spiritual (Church separate from State, like the Pope)
Clerical Appointment: Temporal, Revocable (Total state control over the clergy)
Clerical Function: Alms and Pacification (Islam, Buddhism, Jainism)
Clerical Gender: Equal
Clerical Marriage: Allowed
Bastardry: None, Everyone is Legitimate
Kinslaying: Dynastic is Criminal
Marriage Type: Consorts & Concubines
Divorce: Always Allowed
Inbreeding: Completely Unrestricted
Same-Sex Relations: Allowed
Male Adultery: Shunned
Female Adultery: Allowed
Deviancy: Allowed
Witchcraft: Allowed

Thread III:
Rise of Sexy Poland
Fusang is best Ang
I present to you - Squidcest
One Word - Genocide
Don't Check for Sex
Strongest argument for incest I've seen
Castrate the bugger
This game hates Jews
Square Memel will live on
THEOCRATIC BEAR DLC CONFIRMED
The Sheepbuggers have risen
Watch Huskar Love The French Navy
Conquer Scandinavia. Kill God.
Only Polan can save us from landing bears
Our allies are Colombia, Japan and ISIL.
Happy birthday, master castrator.
Rage crying intensifies.
>Error. Out of Quotes.
Jews are friends with benefits
Can we at least castrate him?
Do Jews get the castration option?
Is being evil a valid cacus belli?

Thread IV:
You dont vote for Kings
Now with 200% more xenocide
Altito Asmoro does not understand EU4
Pants simultaneously hitting the floor
Fair and unbiased Polling
Just wana have fun, murder the Duke of Leon
Thou Scullion of Babylon
All's Wales that ends Wales
Covertly infiltrating Reatra
The Lesbarchy rises
Eat him for Éire!

Thread V:
The HREmperor Strikes Back
Order Gore
Quivering Pile of Heresy
Make Space Great Again
A Truly Milky Way
Operation Overlord
Our Finest Hour
Smother Them In Their Cribs
Embrace The Potato
Copt A Feel
Can't Kill These Children Fast Enough
Who Murdered The Pope?
Spectre of Space Trotskyism
A Paradox Message: Go Vote. Don't Elect A 0/0/0 Leader
Sometimes, Evil Wins
Let's Talk About Sects
Cousins Were Sexier Back Then
Help! They're Coming For Me!
My Wine Tastes Funny . . .
This balcony doesn't see-----WAAAAGH
Oh baby! I love you so---*heart attack*

Thread VI:
Return of the Huskar
Filleting Children with a Spoon
Ulm, Ulm all the time
THREE FRIES SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL WACKO!
Pure Vinegar of a Hungarian persuasion
Pure Glory of a Hungarian persuasion
Absolutely Celtic
Bordergore, bordergore never changes
Satanic decadence doesn't sound so bad now
Accidentally castrated my brother in a duel
Only Poland can save us from the Patriarchy
Fifty Shades of Huskar?
Let the Monocles hit the floor
Does this Unit have a soul?
The liberal agenda intensifies thusly
He who controls Riga controls the Universe!
THE ICE MUST FLOW
#ERROR#<CONTINGENCY PROTOCOL NOW IN EFFECT>
Arise, Sir Cancer, Lord of salt and smoke
That's what incest gets you
Real women like genocide and Death Stars


Thread VII: JINGO JUNGLE! LOS! LOS! LOS!
The Hour Of Yemen is at Hand
Naval Tactics Are Useless
Help Wanted: Nubile Virgins for bad heir
For the Emperor!!!
EU4: Missions. Just Missions.
Imperator Victoria III Confirmed!
No San Marino Marines?
Vicky III - Vicky Meets The Blorg

Thread VIII: Gulags Of Stalinium: Brightest Future
Gay Disabled Women Of Color Or Death!
Trotsky thinks you're Hotsky
Microtransaction DLC now $19.99!
GIVE ME MY DLC YOU SWEDISH MEATBAGS!
THANK YOU FOR THE DLC SWEDISH MEATBAGS!!
It's too early for incest Karlings
I Anoint Thee Splatterhoof
Tuscans Always Ride Single File
A School of Anchovies Armed With Torpedoes
Heroin, Less Hazardous Than Faith In I:R
From Armenia, With Love! <3
Mushroom Alexander the Great
Ah, Victory
Woolooloo
Burning Hatred
Murderous Fanatic Purifier BDSM Catgirls
Oh no it's the British Raj...Fascinating
Virgin invaders vs the Chad resistance
Ding Dong Your Species Is Wrong
Arise, Lord Cancer II ‘Jerked Knee’ of Salt
Sexy Trotsky Seduces Mexico
Tetrarchy For Brunch
[happy guillotine noises]
Revolution Lives Forever
Communism Will Win

Thread IX:
Will I Be Able To Seduce The Pope?
Sometimes You Just Gotta Genocide
Reformed Nordic Enatic Lesbarchy
CARNAL EXALTATION
Can't Have a Lesbocracy Without Nunjas
Here For Weird Religion Things, Not Boobs
Outbursts of Ecstatic Piety
This Map is Like the Face of a Leper
Europe Has Two Major Brest's
Ireland Music Thread
Pope With Benefits




PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 5:11 am
by Bralia
I hope I didn't say anything too stupid or embarrassing in the OP, I haven't read it back since I created it. Anyway, today's Stellaris not-really-a-Dev-Diary is just a comment to check their Federations stream later today.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 5:17 am
by The Huskar Social Union
I reject your god empress and substitute it with my own.

Have they given a release date for federations?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 5:24 am
by Bralia
The Huskar Social Union wrote:I reject your god empress and substitute it with my own.

Have they given a release date for federations?

I think it's expected to be announced in the stream.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:41 am
by The Huskar Social Union
Image

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:41 am
by Danubian Peoples
Well, I'm still going to be grumbly about democracy, so Bralia, here's a billigerent look of disapproval. I'll get to be OP someday... assuming me/PDX/NS/any combination of the above don't go belly up.

In other news, I'll be a less active in this thread for a while, so have an annecdote of a CK2 game as a parting gift.

Played as the only Monotheite count in the whole game (some guy in the Levant, 769), and I has conquered 50 something percent of Syria, but then a new Caliph decided to really, really hate me and started revoking my duchies like there was no tomorrow, ruining the save for me. Should've probably used some of favors I had accured from my council mates. Oh well. Never really had this issue with the Bashmurs as my Muhallabid liege was mostly a vassal of the Abbasid and as such other Abbasid vassals (which became independent sultanates along with the Muhallabids when the empire collapsed) put a soft cap on the size of their realm, allowing me to gain more power relative to them, and keep the revocations of my back.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 7:12 am
by The Imperial Reach
DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPRESS

*ahem*

So I forgot to mention that in my Russian game the previous Chinese dynasty was overthrown by Jurchens. This kinda ticked me of because I was finally getting back on good terms with them and lost about 2,000 Grace when they were deposed. So I bidded my time until they got China out of the gutter (which took a while thanks to periods if civil unrest, disease, and then famine before stability was restored) before invading China. This was the second time I went to war with the Jurchens (first time they got mad I was raiding them and tried to invade me in retaliation) and I won that one so I knew I could win this one, too.

Suffice to say my daughter now rules as Empress of China. The illustrious Slovensky dynasty now rules both the Russian and Qi Empires.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 8:02 am
by Bralia
The Huskar Social Union wrote:(Image)

. . . well, that was quick. Wish I could have kept my ego-centric title for a little bit, but this is fine.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 8:14 am
by Bralia
The Huskar Social Union wrote:I reject your god empress and substitute it with my own.

Have they given a release date for federations?

Huskar, you're a god-damn moron. And so am I. If either one of us had just properly read the fucking "Dev Diary", we would have plainly seen that they ARE going to be announcing the release date in today's stream. We are both complete and utter dumbasses.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 8:51 am
by Ifreann
Bralia wrote:
The Huskar Social Union wrote:I reject your god empress and substitute it with my own.

Have they given a release date for federations?

Huskar, you're a god-damn moron. And so am I. If either one of us had just properly read the fucking "Dev Diary", we would have plainly seen that they ARE going to be announcing the release date in today's stream. We are both complete and utter dumbasses.

But will we be able to seduce the Space Pope?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 9:36 am
by Ism
Ifreann wrote:
Bralia wrote:Huskar, you're a god-damn moron. And so am I. If either one of us had just properly read the fucking "Dev Diary", we would have plainly seen that they ARE going to be announcing the release date in today's stream. We are both complete and utter dumbasses.

But will we be able to seduce the Space Pope?


Ah, the Holy Grail of waifus.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 10:10 am
by Bralia

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 10:15 am
by The Huskar Social Union

Sweet trailer not gona lie. Nothing tops the Apocalypse trailer tho, or the anniversary one.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 10:23 am
by Ifreann

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 10:43 am
by Impaled Nazarene
Danubian Peoples wrote:Well, I'm still going to be grumbly about democracy, so Bralia, here's a billigerent look of disapproval. I'll get to be OP someday... assuming me/PDX/NS/any combination of the above don't go belly up.

We had elections twice. People cheated EN MASSE. We decided after the Geni thread that no more elections.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:14 am
by Bralia
Fuck. I never saw the Third Anniversary Stellaris trailer. I was already close to tearing up because of how awesome the new trailer was and now I've gone to completely losing it. You're responsible for this, Huskar.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:27 am
by Ifreann
Bralia wrote:Fuck. I never saw the Third Anniversary Stellaris trailer. I was already close to tearing up because of how awesome the new trailer was and now I've gone to completely losing it. You're responsible for this, Huskar.

Here lies Bralia, dead from *checks notes* videosgame trailers.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:41 am
by The Huskar Social Union
Impaled Nazarene wrote:
Danubian Peoples wrote:Well, I'm still going to be grumbly about democracy, so Bralia, here's a billigerent look of disapproval. I'll get to be OP someday... assuming me/PDX/NS/any combination of the above don't go belly up.

We had elections twice. People cheated EN MASSE. We decided after the Geni thread that no more elections.

Aye that was mental, someone was definitely using puppets as the votes for me started going mad at one point. Then it went the other. Better to just have the OP pick someone and go with that.

Ifreann wrote:
Bralia wrote:Fuck. I never saw the Third Anniversary Stellaris trailer. I was already close to tearing up because of how awesome the new trailer was and now I've gone to completely losing it. You're responsible for this, Huskar.

Here lies Bralia, dead from *checks notes* videosgame trailers.


The grimmest fate imaginable.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:49 am
by Bralia
Ifreann wrote:
Bralia wrote:Fuck. I never saw the Third Anniversary Stellaris trailer. I was already close to tearing up because of how awesome the new trailer was and now I've gone to completely losing it. You're responsible for this, Huskar.

Here lies Bralia, dead from *checks notes* videosgame trailers.

It's the reaction that happens whenever I find things beautiful and/or amazing. There's an extremely high chance for me to tear up at literally ANY moment in ANY movie depending on how much I'm enjoying it.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 12:16 pm
by Impaled Nazarene
I like how Bralia removed the last two thread titles from VIII :p

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 12:37 pm
by United Muscovite Nations
Is it bad I want to play Sengoku?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 12:58 pm
by The Huskar Social Union
United Muscovite Nations wrote:Is it bad I want to play Sengoku?

No harm in giving it a bash i guess.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 1:21 pm
by Abserdia
Anybody ever seduce the College of Cardinals?

All of them?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 1:36 pm
by Purpelia
When does the new HOI4 thing come out?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 1:36 pm
by The Huskar Social Union
Purpelia wrote:When does the new HOI4 thing come out?

Came out yesterday.