PDOX Games VIII: Communism Will Win

[Impaled Nazarene]

Cornwall, Lithuania, Finland, you're all drunk, go home.

SUOMI PERKELE

[Bralia]

Chalkidike will be restored to the Byzantine Empire soon.

[Ism]

Dear god why?

Well, at least I'm popular.

That moment when your vassal wins a holy war for Mecca and Medina immediately after the Seljuks show up with their 40k horde.

[Serrus]

Nice meme empire one, Latins zero...how did my claim war NOT kick your rear?

[Ostroeuropa]

Doing an Ottomans game for parisian pashah achievement.

They've only gotten even more OP.

[Lunas Legion]

What have I done?

[The Imperial Reach]

So here's what has gone down in my recent Lithuanian Romuva game:

My first two characters didn't last long, dying for bullshit reasons. At the start of game Polotsk tried to take me and I wrecked his ass. I've since lost about 70% of the battles I've been in because for some reason my levies keep capitulating/being obliterated against numerically inferior foes at the very last minute of the battle that I was winning. I'm convinced the game is intentionally trying to make me lose every war I wage, to which I tell it to fuck off. I'm not proud of it but I've had to cheat to win my first few wars because it kept screwing me over for no apparent reason. This was only at the very beginning though, and I haven't had to cheat for a while thankfully as wars and battles are becoming more fair. (that is to say the better army, i.e. mine, is actually winning against inferior opponents now - as it should be)

I've conquered most of Lithuania and created the Kingdom, beating back the Norse, Slavs, and Estonians trying to inch into the Baltic heartlands and the only other remaining independent Romuva is Latgale who still owns three counties that are part of my de jure territory. Everything else belongs to me. Unfortunately it seems reforming the faith is impossible without expansion outside the de jure Kingdom of Lithuania - something I want to avoid. The last time I played a Romuva character three of their five holy sites were within the Kingdom's de jure territory, but apparently at some point Paradox changed that so there's only two now. Since I rarely ever play pagan I never noticed. I can still bump up the moral authority with raiding infidel temple holdings, but if I want to reform the faith I'll need to conquer an additional holy site. The closest is Podlasie, but right now that's not a viable target as there's some whole lot of fuckery going on between this Slavic dynasty that seems to rule Bohemia, Galicia-Volhynia, and Poland. The latter is a recent creation but the former two were already well-established, empire-sized kingdoms that had expanded pretty damn far. Bohemia ended up splitting into Bohemia and Bavaria and Galicia-Volhynia ended up in the hands of the King of Bohemia... for some reason. Regardless about half of central Eastern Europe is under the dominion of this one House so I'd rather not touch Podlasie until I can field an army large enough to stomp them because I just know all those blood ties are going to end up on the same side of that conflict. Bryansk is too far and out the way, as well. Too many people in between me and it. Rügen isn't impossible, just difficult. The Norse keep expanding over there and you know how the Vikings always blob into everybody...

As I slowly and patiently chip away at Latgale I'm force to occupy myself with foreign wars as my many allies won't stop calling me into their campaigns. Especially Gelre. Man, fuck that guy. All he does is go to war every 3 seconds. We can both field a 6k army at this point but apparently that means nothing to him because he feels the need to call me into all his shitty wars for single counties against dudes who can barely field 1k.

Anyway, this shattered world is ugly as hell. Be glad I didn't show you screenshots because the bordergore is surreal. An Orthodox Armenian rules Daylam and is slowly conquering all of Persia. Don't even get me started on the abominations that are Frisia and Navarre. Nestorians were dominating in Tamilakam until they got royally fucked by Sinhala of all kingdoms. Nubia existed for about three seconds until being stomped by Abyssinian mercenaries. Jerusalem doesn't even control Jerusalem. Cyprus is just... disgusting. No idea what the Western Protectorate is trying to do by forcing random dudes nowhere near China to begin their tributaries. Aghbania conquered the whole Pontic Steppe and still hasn't made the kingdom, smh. Bulgaria looks... oddly historical, actually. The aforementioned Bavaria and Bohemia are abominations, as is Galicia-Volhynia. No idea what Beja is doing and frankly I don't want to know.

As for my third and current character: he's fucking Great. No, literally. His accomplishments so far:

1. Founded the Kingdom of Lithuania
2. Drove the Poles, Pomeranians, and Swedes out of Prussia
3. Subjugated Memel
4. Drove the Danes out of Curonia
5. Drove the Estonians out of Livonia
6. Subjugated Livonia
7. Currently subjugating Latgale
8. Bedded at least 7 different women and never got caught
9. Sired at least 5 different bastards and never got caught
10. Cuckholded at least 3 relatives
11. Wrote two books
12. Earned the nickname "the Great" by age 44-45
13. High diplomacy and prestige
14. Directly holds all counties in his demesne
15. Made several sacrifices to the gods, all of which yielded positive results

And he did all that while being fat, dull, and cynical. Honestly, the guy really is Great.

[The Imperial Reach]

What have I done?

[Bralia]

What have I done?

That's actually surprisingly sensible. A Japan interested in limiting Soviet power might just be willing to ally the others threatened by Soviet aggression.

[The Huskar Social Union]

What have I done?

Not actually as random i thought it was going to be.

[Impaled Nazarene]

Broke: Joining the Polish Faction as Japan
Woke: Joining the Chinese United Front as Fascist Japan

[United Muscovite Nations]

Broke: Joining the Polish Faction as Japan
Woke: Joining the Chinese United Front as Fascist Japan

*rides rickshaw in wearing manchu clothing and queue*
"how do you do, fellow Chinamen?"

[Valrifell]

You really don't appreciate how far you've come in CK2 until you start melting Chinese troops even though you're outnumbered and fighting in mountains.

[Impaled Nazarene]

You really don't appreciate how far you've come in CK2 until you start melting Chinese troops even though you're outnumbered and fighting in mountains.

To quote an amazing song from an amazing band:
Outgunned, outnumbered, though never outclassed

[Genivaria]

Broke: Joining the Polish Faction as Japan
Woke: Joining the Chinese United Front as Fascist Japan

*rides rickshaw in wearing manchu clothing and queue*
"how do you do, fellow Chinamen?"

Obligatory.

[Great Confederacy of Commonwealth States]

Polish, a language obsessed with removing vowels, and Japanese, a language obsessed with putting vowels everywhere, should definitely never mix.

[Bralia]

This poll has gone on too damn long and I thought of a new one in the shower. Fit this in before I:R releases, maybe?:

If you were a great ruler in feudal times, which construction project would you build?

Great Temple (of whatever relgion)
Statue of yourself . . . or your horse
Grand Fortress or Great Wall
Underground City
Great Harbour or Great Lighthouse
Royal Palace
Magnificent Gardens
Grand Library or Grand University
Grand Mausoleum or Pyramids
Stone Circles

[The Huskar Social Union]

I'd Build a fortress to stand the test of time.


Well,... i wouldnt, but i would hire/bed/force people to do it.

[Ism]

I'd Build a fortress to stand the test of time.


Well,... i wouldnt, but i would hire/bed/force people to do it.

Woah, woah, woah, we don't need any of this radical leftism Huskar. You're confusing the serfs.

[The Huskar Social Union]

I'd Build a fortress to stand the test of time.


Well,... i wouldnt, but i would hire/bed/force people to do it.

Woah, woah, woah, we don't need any of this radical leftism Huskar. You're confusing the serfs.

Radical Leftism? In MY Paradox Thread?


More likely than you'd think.

[Abserdia]

Definitely an underground city, because underground cities are sick.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Definitely an underground city, because underground cities are sick.

Underground Fortress Cities.

Someone has to take the fight to the Mole Men.

Base camp the fuck out of the bastards with your own base.

[Lunas Legion]

Well since that Japan game was ruined, I'm going to start a new one.

This time with less absurdity and less European border gore.

[Abserdia]

Definitely an underground city, because underground cities are sick.

Underground Fortress Cities.

Someone has to take the fight to the Mole Men.

Base camp the fuck out of the bastards with your own base.

I love Dwarf Fortress.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Underground Fortress Cities.

Someone has to take the fight to the Mole Men.

Base camp the fuck out of the bastards with your own base.

I love Dwarf Fortress.

I always build mountain bases in rimworld.


It usually ends in sorrow as a hive of insects overruns my base and eats everyone but still.


I will carve out a moria of my own one day and hold it.