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Paradox Games VIII: Ding Dong Your Species Is Wrong

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Which dynasty is best dynasty?

Han, like any reasonable person would say.
3
10%
Wei, you silly fool they were the rightful dynasty.
0
No votes
Jin, hahahahahaha nobody likes the Jin.
4
13%
Tang, like the Han but cooler.
10
33%
Song, underappreciated like my favorite game.
4
13%
Yuan, might makes right and we're the fucking Mongols.
4
13%
Ming, MINGLE MINGLE MOTHERFUCKER
2
7%
Qing, We are the most powerful- OH SHIT ITS THE BRITISH
3
10%
 
Total votes : 30

User avatar
Bralia
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 29340
Founded: Mar 07, 2010
Democratic Socialists

Postby Bralia » Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:25 am

Last edited by Bralia on Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Romantic slut. Self-deprecating egotist. Benevolent communist.
Wife and queen to King Huskar the Mannis. May his reign be long and great.
Entranced and enchanted by an embrace. In love with locked lips. I cannot lie when I meet your eyes.

User avatar
Impaled Nazarene
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8387
Founded: Aug 09, 2015
Father Knows Best State

Postby Impaled Nazarene » Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:54 am

Lunas Legion wrote:
Impaled Nazarene wrote:Decided to drop my current playthrough and try a minor duke in the HRE. I picked 1111 as the start date because 1066 has a Salian who seems scripted to rule for 40+ years, though there is a young Salian on the throne on this game it is at least a different one who may not live forever. Also starting after the crusade era starts is nice.
I picked Duke Siegfried of the Duchy of The Rhein. A one province duke that isn't an elector... PERFECT! I use cheat menu to join a small dynasty (Hohenzollern) because a 5 member dynasty is better than a 2 member dynasty. Pope calls crusade for Egypt I hire a fuck ton of mercenaries and because Crusade AI is bad and no one assaults settlements I was accruing occupation war score and picking off the tiny armies of the Fatimids (crusade for Shia lands is an easy win every time, except maybe post Mongol Invasion) my mercenaries ended up winning me the crusade putting my fresh 16 year old half brother on the throne of Egypt.

It's been 11 years and because of that juicy crusade piety and prestige I'm most likely going to succeed the incapable emperor.
UNFORTUNATELY, the only thing the Salians like doing more than living for too long is having an antipope.
I can't figure out how to dispose of an antipope as an emperor without surrendering during an antipapal war so I said fuck that, reloaded a save and made the Salian surrender because 4 antipapal wars in 2 years is ridiculous. Now to wait for the incapable Salian to die.

The point of this playthrough will be to have my family regularly elected emperor and expand the power and size of the HRE without doing the blobbing myself. I want to enjoy the catholic and imperial court life, raise children with focuses that are not Martial or Learning, fight pagans and Muslims instead of Christians (revolts and defensive wars excluded), and marry my way across Europe and stop my family from inbreeding.


Not sure if still applicable, but I've found conquering a single province somewhere in the border regions, usually the Baltics, and giving it to someone with a decent powerbase can make them start conquering the Baltic Pagans of their own accord.

Vassals expanding? Yeah that's a great technique and I love doing it. The problem is Christians have a harder time busting vassal blobs. Should be fun to leverage favors to stop the border dukes from becoming a problem.
Also a goal is to stop Bohemia from becoming a kingdom. Only one king allowed in the HRE!
Non-binary Aromantic Asexual Asperger's Syndrome Anarchist
Kiaculta wrote:Oh, Kar, you silly sack of shit.
Soviet Haaregrad wrote:Bickering ist krieg.
Infected Mushroom wrote:isn't this a bit extreme?
Finland SSR wrote:"Many dictatorships are oligarchies.
Many democracies are oligarchies.
Therefore, many dictatorships are democracies."

-said no one ever. I made these words up.
Genivaria wrote:"WHY!? Why do this!? Thousands of planets and trillions of innocent lives gone! For what!?"
"It seemed like fun at the time."

User avatar
Abserdia
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 19159
Founded: Aug 05, 2014
Democratic Socialists

Postby Abserdia » Thu Aug 29, 2019 10:10 am

”Game overs are a failure of the game designer.”

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch,
who watches over you!
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

User avatar
Great Confederacy of Commonwealth States
P2TM RP Mentor
 
Posts: 17364
Founded: Feb 20, 2012
Democratic Socialists

Postby Great Confederacy of Commonwealth States » Thu Aug 29, 2019 2:13 pm

The name's James. James Usari. Well, my name is not actually James Usari, so don't bother actually looking it up, but it'll do for now.

Lack of a real name means compensation through a real face. My debt is settled


Part-time Kebab tycoon in Glasgow.

User avatar
Renoa
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1423
Founded: Apr 19, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Renoa » Thu Aug 29, 2019 2:25 pm


FBI, CIA, IRS, MMA, WWE AND IWW, OPEN UP
I'm the Paradox Thread's Self-Appointed Court Chaplain. Don't tell Huskar, even though someone already did.
Sapin Military District wrote:If god doesn't exist, then why does a tissue pop up every time you take the old one out of the box?

Benomia 3 wrote: Well if we're sharing our feelings now, I feel that royal purple is a fine color, but sadly underused in modern fashion.
Pro: Emo revival, fighting climate change, the New Orleans Saints, thick thighs, Mean Girls
Anti: Egos larger than my own, Eurocentrism, most seafood, the designated hitter rule, the Atlanta Falcons

User avatar
Abserdia
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 19159
Founded: Aug 05, 2014
Democratic Socialists

Postby Abserdia » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:04 pm

”Game overs are a failure of the game designer.”

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch,
who watches over you!
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

User avatar
Valrifell
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 21708
Founded: Aug 18, 2013
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Valrifell » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:29 pm

I like to imagine Sisyphus happy
I did some things

User avatar
Abserdia
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 19159
Founded: Aug 05, 2014
Democratic Socialists

Postby Abserdia » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:45 pm

Valrifell wrote:


IT'S TIME TO STOP.

NO.

I need a dandere mod.
”Game overs are a failure of the game designer.”

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch,
who watches over you!
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

User avatar
Impaled Nazarene
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8387
Founded: Aug 09, 2015
Father Knows Best State

Postby Impaled Nazarene » Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:10 pm

i don't even have this mod and now i feel obligated to preemptively murder my wives.
Last edited by Impaled Nazarene on Thu Aug 29, 2019 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Non-binary Aromantic Asexual Asperger's Syndrome Anarchist
Kiaculta wrote:Oh, Kar, you silly sack of shit.
Soviet Haaregrad wrote:Bickering ist krieg.
Infected Mushroom wrote:isn't this a bit extreme?
Finland SSR wrote:"Many dictatorships are oligarchies.
Many democracies are oligarchies.
Therefore, many dictatorships are democracies."

-said no one ever. I made these words up.
Genivaria wrote:"WHY!? Why do this!? Thousands of planets and trillions of innocent lives gone! For what!?"
"It seemed like fun at the time."

User avatar
Ifreann
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 132493
Founded: Aug 07, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby Ifreann » Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:29 pm

Impaled Nazarene wrote:i don't eve have this mod and now i feel obligated to preemptively murder my wives.

Suffer not the waifu to live.
Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Banter For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Snark That Are Themselves The Mere Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Sarcasm
He/Him

Dangerous this Jack o' Hearts.
With his kiss
the riot
starts

User avatar
The Huskar Social Union
Post Czar
 
Posts: 39758
Founded: Apr 04, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Huskar Social Union » Fri Aug 30, 2019 2:48 am

Scary Spooky Leftist #19879417 An Atheist Irishman from Belfast Loyal to Dragonstone and the King in the Narrow Sea
"They fight bravely. They cannot harm our ships but they continue to try"
"Whether they fight or not they know the will die anyway, so really is this bravery or simple desperation?
"
Yeh: The Red Agenda, Purging the Xenos, Not being a prick, Vidya Gaemz, Art, Science, History, Old Gregg, Blondes, Redheads, Tattooed girls, Erecting fortifications, Tanks.
Neh: The Blue Agenda, Being a prick, Xenos, Racism, National/Religious wankery, Zealots, Gatekeeping, Alt-right/SJW Snowflakes, Random lists, Dismantling Fortifications, Cabbage.

User avatar
Impaled Nazarene
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8387
Founded: Aug 09, 2015
Father Knows Best State

Postby Impaled Nazarene » Fri Aug 30, 2019 4:24 am

Non-binary Aromantic Asexual Asperger's Syndrome Anarchist
Kiaculta wrote:Oh, Kar, you silly sack of shit.
Soviet Haaregrad wrote:Bickering ist krieg.
Infected Mushroom wrote:isn't this a bit extreme?
Finland SSR wrote:"Many dictatorships are oligarchies.
Many democracies are oligarchies.
Therefore, many dictatorships are democracies."

-said no one ever. I made these words up.
Genivaria wrote:"WHY!? Why do this!? Thousands of planets and trillions of innocent lives gone! For what!?"
"It seemed like fun at the time."

User avatar
The Huskar Social Union
Post Czar
 
Posts: 39758
Founded: Apr 04, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Huskar Social Union » Fri Aug 30, 2019 5:12 am

Impaled Nazarene wrote:
The Huskar Social Union wrote:

The only solution to this heresy

BY FIRE BE PURGED!

NO SACRIFICE IS TOO GREAT


NO TREACHERY TOO SMALL
Scary Spooky Leftist #19879417 An Atheist Irishman from Belfast Loyal to Dragonstone and the King in the Narrow Sea
"They fight bravely. They cannot harm our ships but they continue to try"
"Whether they fight or not they know the will die anyway, so really is this bravery or simple desperation?
"
Yeh: The Red Agenda, Purging the Xenos, Not being a prick, Vidya Gaemz, Art, Science, History, Old Gregg, Blondes, Redheads, Tattooed girls, Erecting fortifications, Tanks.
Neh: The Blue Agenda, Being a prick, Xenos, Racism, National/Religious wankery, Zealots, Gatekeeping, Alt-right/SJW Snowflakes, Random lists, Dismantling Fortifications, Cabbage.

User avatar
Ostroeuropa
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 51888
Founded: Jun 14, 2006
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Ostroeuropa » Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:46 am

*Happy polish noises*

Achievements:
Winged Hussars
One King To Rule
Poland Into Space

Mainland holdings.

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... C0BC26766/

Muh Colony.

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 347DE2AA9/


(That widdle Island off the shore of canada, but it has that province modifier on all 3 provinces of being one of the best fisheries in the world :p, also own greenland, iceland, and faroe.).

Culture Map.
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 15083B2B6/

TURKS, MONGOLS, AND TARTARS OUT. Also North china Is Polan.

Accepted culture map:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 29F942110/

It's a Slavic Commonwealth. (All Russians accepted culture. Also, Prussian, Lithuanian (Which glomped the other baltics), and Greek (Given constantinople back.).

Religions:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 9DB0FD987/

MEGACATHOLICISM.

Empire Is Catholic. Copts occupied by Ottomans, but survived.

In Europe; a few princes are protestant. Scandinavia (lol denmark) is Protestant. Netherlands WERE protestant, but got booted into Africa and are now a landlocked Dutch Republic governing over african protestants.

Venice is Reformed.
Britain is Anglican.

The Finishing Touch:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 32CDFD16D/

Spain, Austria, Portugal, Papacy are in alliance with me and eachother. We are the Catholic League! (Also drags most of the new world into our wars.).


Hesse is also a vassal of mine because I wanted to try and be emperor but nope.
Also, Biapas, that bit of Northern Persia, is my vassal.
Last edited by Ostroeuropa on Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
New Sig, who dis?
Patriarchy theory is a valid academic theory, not incel tier psychological abuse which maps on to any situation a woman doesn't like and enables them to rationalize a hostility to men, we swear.
https://i.redd.it/zj1a11ooxwb31.jpg

User avatar
Ism
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5862
Founded: Oct 14, 2011
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Ism » Mon Sep 02, 2019 11:18 am

Ostroeuropa wrote:*Happy polish noises*

Achievements:
Winged Hussars
One King To Rule
Poland Into Space

Mainland holdings.

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... C0BC26766/

Muh Colony.

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 347DE2AA9/


(That widdle Island off the shore of canada, but it has that province modifier on all 3 provinces of being one of the best fisheries in the world :p, also own greenland, iceland, and faroe.).

Culture Map.
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 15083B2B6/

TURKS, MONGOLS, AND TARTARS OUT. Also North china Is Polan.

Accepted culture map:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 29F942110/

It's a Slavic Commonwealth. (All Russians accepted culture. Also, Prussian, Lithuanian (Which glomped the other baltics), and Greek (Given constantinople back.).

Religions:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 9DB0FD987/

MEGACATHOLICISM.

Empire Is Catholic. Copts occupied by Ottomans, but survived.

In Europe; a few princes are protestant. Scandinavia (lol denmark) is Protestant. Netherlands WERE protestant, but got booted into Africa and are now a landlocked Dutch Republic governing over african protestants.

Venice is Reformed.
Britain is Anglican.

The Finishing Touch:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 32CDFD16D/

Spain, Austria, Portugal, Papacy are in alliance with me and eachother. We are the Catholic League! (Also drags most of the new world into our wars.).


Hesse is also a vassal of mine because I wanted to try and be emperor but nope.
Also, Biapas, that bit of Northern Persia, is my vassal.


Looks good. But I'm disappointed The Finishing Touch had nothing to do with Finland.

User avatar
Bralia
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 29340
Founded: Mar 07, 2010
Democratic Socialists

Postby Bralia » Tue Sep 03, 2019 5:10 am

Romantic slut. Self-deprecating egotist. Benevolent communist.
Wife and queen to King Huskar the Mannis. May his reign be long and great.
Entranced and enchanted by an embrace. In love with locked lips. I cannot lie when I meet your eyes.

User avatar
Grenartia
Post Czar
 
Posts: 40769
Founded: Feb 14, 2010
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Grenartia » Tue Sep 03, 2019 5:14 am

Impeach Humanity, Legalize Death Stars, Life is TheftWis/Gren 2016 Something all cisgender allies should start doing. I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith. ⚧Copy and paste this in your sig if you passed biology and know gender and sex aren't the same thing.⚧
"Don't take life so serious. It isn't permanent."-Dyakovo
I'm a pansexual Androgyne. Also a Christian.
Please use they/them/their when referencing me, as I do NOT appreciate the other pronouns.
Textbook definition of irony
Quotes of awesomeness

User avatar
Ifreann
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 132493
Founded: Aug 07, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby Ifreann » Tue Sep 03, 2019 8:42 am

Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Banter For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Snark That Are Themselves The Mere Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Sarcasm
He/Him

Dangerous this Jack o' Hearts.
With his kiss
the riot
starts

User avatar
The New California Republic
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 18363
Founded: Jun 06, 2011
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby The New California Republic » Tue Sep 03, 2019 8:45 am

Building up my orc gene warrior army in Stellaris. They are made "[...] larger, stronger and faster than their former peers" according to the in-game gene warrior description. :?
Last edited by Friedrich Nietzsche on Thu Jan 03, 1889 13:05 pm, edited 999 times in total.

The Irradiated Wasteland of The New California Republic: depicting the expanded NCR, several years after the complete victory over Caesar's Legion, and the pacification and annexation of New Vegas and its surrounding areas.
Current President of The NCR: Aaron Kimball.
Current NCR Ambassador to The World Assembly: Colonel James Hsu, NCR Army (Ret.)
.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

User avatar
Ifreann
Post Overlord
 
Posts: 132493
Founded: Aug 07, 2005
Democratic Socialists

Postby Ifreann » Tue Sep 03, 2019 8:54 am

The New California Republic wrote:Building up my orc gene warrior army in Stellaris. They are made "[...] larger, stronger and faster than their former peers" according to the in-game gene warrior description. :?

Larger, stronger, and faster than regular orcs.

In awe of the size of these lads.
Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Banter For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Snark That Are Themselves The Mere Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Sarcasm
He/Him

Dangerous this Jack o' Hearts.
With his kiss
the riot
starts

User avatar
Ism
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5862
Founded: Oct 14, 2011
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Ism » Tue Sep 03, 2019 9:18 am

The New California Republic wrote:Building up my orc gene warrior army in Stellaris. They are made "[...] larger, stronger and faster than their former peers" according to the in-game gene warrior description. :?


These are no mere orcs, these are the fighting Uruk-Hai! Also, congrats on becoming Saruman. I knew you had it in you
Last edited by Ism on Tue Sep 03, 2019 9:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Katyuscha
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 23060
Founded: Sep 23, 2011
Father Knows Best State

Postby Katyuscha » Tue Sep 03, 2019 11:15 pm

So I caught my "straight" son secretly having sex with a male courtier and was given the option of either making them break it off or force them to marry... I think you can guess what I did

The best part is that I have another openly gay son who's married to a woman and popping babies out left and right
Hi, I'm the human dump truck parked on your lawn, Katy
Song

User avatar
Ism
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5862
Founded: Oct 14, 2011
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Ism » Tue Sep 03, 2019 11:36 pm

Katyuscha wrote:So I caught my "straight" son secretly having sex with a male courtier and was given the option of either making them break it off or force them to marry... I think you can guess what I did

The best part is that I have another openly gay son who's married to a woman and popping babies out left and right


>1094
>Catholics supporting gay marriage

Peak historical accuracy.

User avatar
Impaled Nazarene
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 8387
Founded: Aug 09, 2015
Father Knows Best State

Postby Impaled Nazarene » Wed Sep 04, 2019 4:13 am

Katyuscha wrote:So I caught my "straight" son secretly having sex with a male courtier and was given the option of either making them break it off or force them to marry... I think you can guess what I did

The best part is that I have another openly gay son who's married to a woman and popping babies out left and right

The worst part is that he married his twin...
Non-binary Aromantic Asexual Asperger's Syndrome Anarchist
Kiaculta wrote:Oh, Kar, you silly sack of shit.
Soviet Haaregrad wrote:Bickering ist krieg.
Infected Mushroom wrote:isn't this a bit extreme?
Finland SSR wrote:"Many dictatorships are oligarchies.
Many democracies are oligarchies.
Therefore, many dictatorships are democracies."

-said no one ever. I made these words up.
Genivaria wrote:"WHY!? Why do this!? Thousands of planets and trillions of innocent lives gone! For what!?"
"It seemed like fun at the time."

User avatar
Lunas Legion
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 29429
Founded: Jan 21, 2013
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Lunas Legion » Wed Sep 04, 2019 5:03 am

Impaled Nazarene wrote:
Katyuscha wrote:So I caught my "straight" son secretly having sex with a male courtier and was given the option of either making them break it off or force them to marry... I think you can guess what I did

The best part is that I have another openly gay son who's married to a woman and popping babies out left and right

The worst part is that he married his twin...


Clone, Naz, not twin.

But the guy's a narcissist it seems.
Last edited by William Slim Wed Dec 14 1970 10:35 pm, edited 35 times in total.

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