Paradox Games VII: Vicky III - Vicky Meets The Blorg

[Equalsun Empire]

So I'm finishing up my pre-2.1 game before jumping into the new patch, a lovely time where I started as an Inward Perfectionist and slowly dipped my toes into international politics, eventually sphereing half the galaxy and leading the Non-Aligned Powers against the Awakened Empires. Here's a screenshot from right before the FEs Awakened:

[Anywhere Else But Here]

I'm in a political deadlock, could someone give me some advice?

So I was preparing to go to war with the Mamluks, but then fucking Tunis declared on them and called me in their war, now I'm in a truce with them (I WANT FUCKING JERUSALEM GODDAMNIT!), Qara Qoyunlu is my ally but they're fucking useless (tHrEaThEnD) so I want to vasslize them but we're still Royally married. I could go against Hungary but they have a bunch of allies and Austria as their Junior partner, same for Poland and Lithuania.

Crimea? Circassia? There are always opportunities for expansion when you're as big as the Ottomans.

Don't let the size of a rival's alliances paralyse you. At some point, you have to go to war with the big kids if you want that sweet power projection.

[The Batavia]

I'm in a political deadlock, could someone give me some advice?

So I was preparing to go to war with the Mamluks, but then fucking Tunis declared on them and called me in their war, now I'm in a truce with them (I WANT FUCKING JERUSALEM GODDAMNIT!), Qara Qoyunlu is my ally but they're fucking useless (tHrEaThEnD) so I want to vasslize them but we're still Royally married. I could go against Hungary but they have a bunch of allies and Austria as their Junior partner, same for Poland and Lithuania.

Crimea? Circassia? There are always opportunities for expansion when you're as big as the Ottomans.

Don't let the size of a rival's alliances paralyse you. At some point, you have to go to war with the big kids if you want that sweet power projection.

Crimea is my March, actually. Circassia is allied with Muscovy but I have Novgorod.

[Anywhere Else But Here]

Crimea? Circassia? There are always opportunities for expansion when you're as big as the Ottomans.

Don't let the size of a rival's alliances paralyse you. At some point, you have to go to war with the big kids if you want that sweet power projection.

Crimea is my March, actually. Circassia is allied with Muscovy but I have Novgorod.

In that case, does Crimea have claims? Could you feed it?

If Novgorod's your ally, I say go for a war with someone nearby, either Poland-Lithuania or Muscovy. Who are your rivals?

[The Batavia]

Crimea is my March, actually. Circassia is allied with Muscovy but I have Novgorod.

In that case, does Crimea have claims? Could you feed it?

If Novgorod's your ally, I say go for a war with someone nearby, either Poland-Lithuania or Muscovy. Who are your rivals?

Poland and France.

And Crimea has a claim on Charkovas and Adyghe

[Anywhere Else But Here]

In that case, does Crimea have claims? Could you feed it?

If Novgorod's your ally, I say go for a war with someone nearby, either Poland-Lithuania or Muscovy. Who are your rivals?

Poland and France.

And Crimea has a claim on Charkovas and Adyghe

I'd have a crack at Poland. Your PP is shamefully low for the Ottomans. Are you embargoing and periodically insulting?

[The Batavia]

Poland and France.

And Crimea has a claim on Charkovas and Adyghe

I'd have a crack at Poland. Your PP is shamefully low for the Ottomans. Are you embargoing and periodically insulting?

Actually, I'm not, I have to admit

[Renoa]

Pictured: England, obviously being torn in half by the War of the Roses with its hordes of rebels reported to have numbers as high as zero, and land from nowhere to nowhere being in rebel hands.

YOU INSOLENT IRISH PRICKS, YOU ARE MY VASSALS.

inb4 Iffy and Huskar post IRA memes

[Ifreann]

Pictured: England, obviously being torn in half by the War of the Roses with its hordes of rebels reported to have numbers as high as zero, and land from nowhere to nowhere being in rebel hands.

YOU INSOLENT IRISH PRICKS, YOU ARE MY VASSALS.

inb4 Iffy and Huskar post IRA memes

Something something hated British something something.

[The Huskar Social Union]

Pictured: England, obviously being torn in half by the War of the Roses with its hordes of rebels reported to have numbers as high as zero, and land from nowhere to nowhere being in rebel hands.

YOU INSOLENT IRISH PRICKS, YOU ARE MY VASSALS.

inb4 Iffy and Huskar post IRA memes

Something something hated British something something.

I was born on a Dublin street, where the royal drums did beat

[Renoa]

Your replies are mediocre, so I'll go ahead and post the most Irish thing I can think of to spite your spitefulness: The Rubberbandits

[The Huskar Social Union]

Your replies are mediocre, so I'll go ahead and post the most Irish thing I can think of to spite your spitefulness: The Rubberbandits

We convey our slight disdain for the english types through our existence.

[Impaled Nazarene]

I'm in a political deadlock, could someone give me some advice?

So I was preparing to go to war with the Mamluks, but then fucking Tunis declared on them and called me in their war, now I'm in a truce with them (I WANT FUCKING JERUSALEM GODDAMNIT!), Qara Qoyunlu is my ally but they're fucking useless (tHrEaThEnD) so I want to vasslize them but we're still Royally married. I could go against Hungary but they have a bunch of allies and Austria as their Junior partner, same for Poland and Lithuania.

Use your navy and take Sicily.

[Ifreann]

Your replies are mediocre, so I'll go ahead and post the most Irish thing I can think of to spite your spitefulness: The Rubberbandits

Fuck your suzerainty, I've the 'RA outside.
Fuck your British Empire, I've the 'RA outside.
And fuck Oliver Cromwell, I've the 'RA outside.
If you're lookin' for a fight, I've the 'RA outside.

[Anywhere Else But Here]

I'm in a political deadlock, could someone give me some advice?

So I was preparing to go to war with the Mamluks, but then fucking Tunis declared on them and called me in their war, now I'm in a truce with them (I WANT FUCKING JERUSALEM GODDAMNIT!), Qara Qoyunlu is my ally but they're fucking useless (tHrEaThEnD) so I want to vasslize them but we're still Royally married. I could go against Hungary but they have a bunch of allies and Austria as their Junior partner, same for Poland and Lithuania.

Use your navy and take Sicily.

See, you conquer Greece, make Greek an accepted culture and, before you know it, you've adopted Greek foreign policy. Multiculturalism at its most dangerous.

[Genivaria]

Pictured: England, obviously being torn in half by the War of the Roses with its hordes of rebels reported to have numbers as high as zero, and land from nowhere to nowhere being in rebel hands.

YOU INSOLENT IRISH PRICKS, YOU ARE MY VASSALS.

inb4 Iffy and Huskar post IRA memes

TELL HER HOW THE IRA MADE YOU RUN THE HELL AWAY!

[Holy Tedalonia]

Bored, and looking for a scenario, so using a scenario generator. I started a new game as the duchy of Taradavadi (in India)

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/915799791344132860/5B7359759290663ED84129C182558C12FC532E14/

My goals are...
Have five heretic pentarchs
Survive depression
Own Rome as a pagan
Become your liege's lover, and then assassinate him

[Serrus]

Bored, and looking for a scenario, so using a scenario generator. I started a new game as the duchy of Taradavadi (in India)

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/915799791344132860/5B7359759290663ED84129C182558C12FC532E14/

My goals are...
Have five heretic pentarchs
Survive depression
Own Rome as a pagan
Become your liege's lover, and then assassinate him

Link the scenario EDIT generator?

[Wallenburg]

Your replies are mediocre, so I'll go ahead and post the most Irish thing I can think of to spite your spitefulness: The Rubberbandits

Since I can't understand what they are saying, I can only assume the music video is about a burn victim telling a bridesmaid to have sex with his horse.

[Renoa]

Bored, and looking for a scenario, so using a scenario generator. I started a new game as the duchy of Taradavadi (in India)

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/915799791344132860/5B7359759290663ED84129C182558C12FC532E14/

My goals are...
Have five heretic pentarchs
Survive depression
Own Rome as a pagan
Become your liege's lover, and then assassinate him

I think you should try to migrate up the sea coast and pick up a pagan religion on the way to Rome, then convert and already have one of the places needed for a Pentarch when you do. Your ability to survive all of the crusades and jihads that will inevitably be thrown your way may vary.

[Holy Tedalonia]

Bored, and looking for a scenario, so using a scenario generator. I started a new game as the duchy of Taradavadi (in India)

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/915799791344132860/5B7359759290663ED84129C182558C12FC532E14/

My goals are...
Have five heretic pentarchs
Survive depression
Own Rome as a pagan
Become your liege's lover, and then assassinate him

I think you should try to migrate up the sea coast and pick up a pagan religion on the way to Rome, then convert and already have one of the places needed for a Pentarch when you do. Your ability to survive all of the crusades and jihads that will inevitably be thrown your way may vary.

Thanks, it'll be a challenge to set up heretic pentarchs, and be a pagan. My game plan will be fleshed out later.

Bored, and looking for a scenario, so using a scenario generator. I started a new game as the duchy of Taradavadi (in India)

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/915799791344132860/5B7359759290663ED84129C182558C12FC532E14/

My goals are...
Have five heretic pentarchs
Survive depression
Own Rome as a pagan
Become your liege's lover, and then assassinate him

Link the scenario EDIT generator?

http://www.scenariogenerator.net/generators/crusaderkings

When you refresh or leave the page it removes the previous generated text.

[Lunas Legion]

Guys, I have found true hard mode on CK2 using the scenario generator.

Starting Duchy: Iceland
Restrictions: Do not use factions
Goals:
Become the Saoshyant
As a heretic, defend against a great holy war from your parent religion
Be excommunicated
Have the strong trait
Own Rome and Constantinople as a pagan

[Genivaria]

Guys, I have found true hard mode on CK2 using the scenario generator.

Starting Duchy: Iceland
Restrictions: Do not use factions
Goals:
Become the Saoshyant
As a heretic, defend against a great holy war from your parent religion
Be excommunicated
Have the strong trait
Own Rome and Constantinople as a pagan

Okay calm down there, I know masochism is a thing but Jesus.

[Bralia]

I'm in a political deadlock, could someone give me some advice?

So I was preparing to go to war with the Mamluks, but then fucking Tunis declared on them and called me in their war, now I'm in a truce with them (I WANT FUCKING JERUSALEM GODDAMNIT!), Qara Qoyunlu is my ally but they're fucking useless (tHrEaThEnD) so I want to vasslize them but we're still Royally married. I could go against Hungary but they have a bunch of allies and Austria as their Junior partner, same for Poland and Lithuania.

First thing's first, cast off your ridiculous allies and find someone who's worth something and not in your expansion path (France, Denmark, Muscovy). Secondly . . . which allies do the Hungary-Austria alliance have?

[Charnea]

Guys, I have found true hard mode on CK2 using the scenario generator.

Starting Duchy: Iceland
Restrictions: Do not use factions
Goals:
Become the Saoshyant
As a heretic, defend against a great holy war from your parent religion
Be excommunicated
Have the strong trait
Own Rome and Constantinople as a pagan

I'm not sure that's physically possible