In 2002, I had a story published in the magazine Creature Features. One of the characters is an extremely Disneyfied version of Donald Trump. I should point out that this is adult fantasy; the title refers to the Loch Ness Monster. Also climate change denial is a fantasy too far for me, but a disaster for mankind is a boon for monster-kind. Here is an extract:
""Ay, that's a tricky one, but not to worry, all ye need is a canal. I ken a millionaire who might help, but my only human language is Gaelic, and the millionaire speaks only English. Ach, but wait a mickle, I ken a bird who can interpret."
So it was arranged. The two bluebirds went to see the millionaire, who was a great fan of Nessie's, though he had never seen her. He wondered what the racket was when the bluebirds drummed on the windows of his mansion to gain his attention.
He had built hotels, with names like Ye Ould Whisky Still and Ye Ould Pictish Castle, all over the Highlands. They served authentic Scottish-American dishes: Oatmeal Porridge and Grits, Salmon Pizza, Half-pound Haggis-burger with French Fries, and Haggis, Salmon and Grouse Jambalaya. His advertising publicity all featured pictures of Nessie, but some of his customers complained that they had not seen her, even though they had stayed at John O'Groats or the Isle of Lewis. Such was the tourism business.
After a few minutes, the millionaire let the bluebirds in, and they explained Nessie's plight.
"So you want me to build a canal between Loch Ness and Loch Morar, big enough to allow the two creatures to swim to and fro between them," said the millionaire, switching on his computer. He called up a map and did some calculations. It would be child's play compared with building full-scale replicas of famous golf courses next to the ski slopes. "Yes, tell Nessie I'll do it," he told the bluebirds."
