Ostrovshima wrote:Yumyumsuppertime wrote:
How may I be of assistance?
I politely implore you to critique the rough draft of a song I'm writing to keep myself occupied.Ostrovshima wrote:I would like some help improving these lyrics that I made up:It's a Saturday, at midnight, at my father's house
And my restlessness, makes me pace around.
Aimlessly drifing, not making a sound.
Bored and caged, inside my home,
With artificial light.
Spending my weekends,
not experiencing the night.
But rather fighting it,
With artificial light.
As I wander my home,
my mind begins to drift.
Drifting off, into better worlds,
As my soul starts to shift.
I become detatched,
From what most perceive,
as reality.
For what is real, I claim not to know,
As I wander my home.
Spending my weekends,
not experiencing the night.
But rather fighting it,
With artificial light.
My better worlds, become corrupt,
and they turn depraved.
As twisted evil consumes my soul.
I start to rant and rave.
Madness, and entropy,
They will consume us all,
And for I cannot be saved,
I will laugh at it all.
Spending my weekends,
not experiencing the night,
But rather fighting it,
With artificial light.
My mind shifts it's focus,
To a friend I once knew,
A fading memory,
And a pleasant one too.
But now it clouds my judgement,
It's an obsession.
Slowly it dawns on me,
I've lived my whole life wrong.
Spending my weekends,
Not experiencing the night,
But rather fighting it,
With artificial light.
I realize, that I am trapped,
deep inside my mind.
Unable to break the chains
That hold me back in life.
And so my mind drifts, once more,
And I start to cry,
The only qualia,
the Artificial Light
And so I still spend, my weekends,
not experiencing the light,
But rather fighting it,
With artificial light.,Ostrovshima wrote:
When I was writing it, I imagined the song itself to be soft and soothing. Something ethereal and dreamlike. Something that my mother could have sung to me as a lullaby, if the lyrics were different.
The lyrics describe a teenage boy with mental illness becoming trapped inside his mind.
