Summer 2015 Short Story Contest

[USS Monitor]

Well here it is this is the first time I've written a short story since perhaps year 10 so apologies if it's not great. Thanks in advance for the feedback. Fair warning the punctuation might be hit and miss.

CLICK There are few sounds louder or more intrusive than the sound of a Colt .45 pistol being cocked in the dead of night when you were certain you were home alone. This was a fact discovered in startling clarity by James as he was awoken by said sound occurring right next to his head "Get up" Growled a sullen voice that James recognized immediately, but all he managed in response in his recently awakened fug was "errrweeeerrr?".

"I said get up you sorry excuse for a brother! Stand up and face me before I put a bullet in that traitorous wife stealing head of yours!" This was accompanied by the colts muzzle being jammed into the side of James's head an action which brought instant awareness to him and the position he was in. "O-Okay! okay! Greg, I'm standing up! but, b-but, but listen brother, don't do this!" He pleaded as attempted the contradictory actions of moving quickly to his feet on his beige carpet from laying in his soft blue linen bedclothes whilst trying to remain as un-threatening and keeping his movements as articulated and steady as possible so as to not threaten his assailant.

"Don't do what you bastard?! Kill you?! Give me one good reason not to! you took my everything from me!" The hovering barrel of the colt shook slightly in front of him, it was just about the only thing visible to James of his brother's presence in the post midnight gloom that was his bedroom.
"Now, come on you don't want to do this! We gotta talk before it at least! C'mon, I'm your brother don't I deserve at least that?!"

"You don't deserve shit! Yer a wife stealing bastard an' no brother of mine!" Greg's voice was rising to a irrational crescendo as the barrel of the colt shook some more "Well if you ever want to see Mol again your going to have to talk to me! an' you can't do that if I'm dead! so lets sit down and talk for gods sake!"

Silence James quickly learned was as defining as that click as seconds stretched out into minutes in front of the barrel of his brothers Colt. Whilst he heard his brothers mutterings and teeth grindings of deliberation other sensations began to appearing his consciousness such as the smell of liquor emanating from behind the barrel that filled his vision and the cool whir of his air con which was doing very little to keep the sweat of his brow. All this against the backdrop of his tiny apartment unseen in the gloom of the moonless night.

"alright ye bastard say yer piece and tell me where Mol is! I know she said she were staying with you! the sound of him slumping down onto a chair brought James some relief, he had something to work with here. "Alright brother I will I will jus' let me put the light on okay? that way we can both see each other"

"God dammit, fine!"

With a carefully placed flick of his hand James bathed the room in the yellow glow of his bedside lamp as he sat down on the edge of his bed and looked over at his brother, before him sat a unshaven man in his fourties thick curly red hair grown out longer than he usually had he was almost a mirror to James if James had spent a week on a bender drinking. Sitting down spoke little of his 6 foot and 5 inches of height another thing James shared with his twin, along with broad shoulders and deep blue eyes. what he did not share with him was the tightly packed muscles all across his body, yes it was clear why Mol had chosen him in the first place James thought. He also didn't share the bottle of Jack Daniels clutched in his left hand nor the colt which was still leveled at James's chest in his right.

James took a deep breath and tried to hold his tone as level as possible "Now Mol's not with me Greg you can see that surely my flat ain't big enough to hold a woman where ye couldn't see her now is it? she's just gone to a motel for a couple of days-"

"So ye saying she ain't gonna be stayin' with you when she's not at a motel?!" Gregs eyes gleamed with righteous anger. "No! Nah! I ain't saying that yeah she will be coming by in a few days she's just taking some time-"

"Yeah some time, with you! So tell me how this is meant to look to a man brother, his wife leaves him with a note saying she wants out of our ten year marriage and is gonna be staying with his twin brother huh?! how does that look to you?! I should put a bullet in your traitorous mouth right now before you can say any more traitorous words out of it!"

"Gawd dammit there ain't nothing between Mol and me Greg! Nothing!"

"Then why ain't she with me eh James? WHY?!" with this he stood up from the chair and once again the barrel of the Colt loomed in James's vision his brothers angry yells echoing this time beyond it as it shook about, the bottle of Jack falling to the floor and shattering as his other hand came up to grip the gun and keep it steady through his rage, "WHY?!" the word once again echoed around the room, filling the space between the bullet surely locked into the chamber of the gun and James's glistening forehead.

James kept incredibly still using all his muster to prevent himself from shaking "You know why brother" He uttered, his knees on the verge of giving way, "You told her".

Greg's faced blanched and he swayed backwards and forwards and for a second James believed this really was the end killed by his own brother in his night clothes, mom and pop in tears on the nightly news, both their boys stolen away from them no matter what happened after. Then with no warning Greg fell back onto the chair and burst into tears "now why'd she have t' go an tell you about tha'!"

James felt relief flood his body but his brother hadn't dropped the gun yet... It was still there cradled in his lap whilst his brother looked on through his squinting tear filled eyes "You'd been gone for two days Greg... Ain't no one had seen you I didn't know what'd happened I was pressing her for an answer as hard as I could I was worried sick about you, still am" a tear for leaked out of James's eye, betraying his true composure under his calm exterior.

"But... she didn' have to tell you tha'..."

"She knew I just wanted to make sense of it all Greg and she knew I'd understand, and I do."

"Ye do?" Greg paused a minute looking at his brother in complete disbelief "How could ye? I'm a fucking cock sucker James!"

All of a sudden his gun hand was active once again this time he was pressing the colt up against his own head and staring at James eyes filled with sadness

"Ye took my wife from me an' now ye know how ye did it... I can't take it any more!"

"No! Don't go doing something like that! I don't care who you love! and neither does anyone else!"

"I care! I love my wife an' now shes with you cos I'm a faggot! An' you an her get to have jokes over my faggot corpse"

"I'm not with Mol! Ahe just didn't think you'd want her around any more what with you liking men an all! She needed some one to turn to when she thought you didn't want her no more is that not how it is?!" James looked at his brother's pained expression and realization zapped through his body just as sure as relief had moments before it starting to dawn on him an understanding he had lacked throughout this entire exchange.

"O' course I want her!" Greg bellowed and hurled his gun at the floor and miraculously it did not go off "Shes the love of my life!" he howled.

James carefully got up and slowly approached his distraught brother and placed a hand on his shoulder whilst he wept. "Then we'll go and see her you and me, we'll go and see Mol and explain things."
"Really?" Greg's unbelieving red rimmed eyes stared up at him from behind his thick curly locks which had fallen over his face. "Yes really we'll get you cleaned up and we'll head over right now"
"I'm.... I'm sorry brother... fer all the pain I've been causin' I'm sorry fer it all your a better brother than I deserve I wouldn't even blame her for not having me back I love you brother"
"I would take any pain for you Greg you're my family and I'll always be here for you come what may I love you to brother" And with that he pulled him into a hug the two siblings locked there in an embrace that spoke more than any words had all night

And as the two brothers left that apartment in the warm moonless night all that was left of that conversation was the Jack Daniels soaking into the carpet and the Colt .45 lying on the floor.

Plot:
...Wow. I did not see that coming. Wasn't sure what to expect, considering that, while
I've heard this story before in innumerable country songs, I wasn't sure what kind of a twist
it was going to take. Very good, and very well-handled. Could have been better if the punctuation
was cleaner.

Score: 18 out of 20.

Characters:
Interesting how you broke the gay stereotype in making this story. I like that.
The characters are very broken and human, and it made the story interesting to read.
Especially considering they are two brothers who are still not sure who they are.

Score: 20 out of 20

Setting:
I could feel the intensity of the story, through the mix of darkness and light. I could almost
feel the gun being aimed at Greg's face. You very much pulled me into the story with it, but
there was still maybe more you could do. The descriptions of the setting were just a tiny bit
rushed, but that's okay.

Score: 16 out of 20

Punctuation:
Ouch...This was the killer. The spasmodic punctuation made the story clunky and hard to
read in some places, so...yeah. You can fix it later, obviously, but this is the biggest issue.

Score: 3 out of 20.

Mechanics:
Pacing coulda been better...but I think the punctuation was what killed this. It's really
hard to tell what you could have done better here, when the punctuation is so scattershot.
Sorry.

Score: 5 out of 20.

Creativity:
Again, the twist was shocking...but well-done. You don't usually expect that in a story
like this, but I liked it. Taking an old song and putting a new spin on it...and handling it
delicately enough that it comes out very sweetly. Good job!

Score: 19 out of 20.

Overall:
Well, the story was definitely a good read, only made hard because the punctuation needs
to badly be fixed. But I did enjoy the story! Clean it up and keep up the good work!

Score: 76/100

The math here is weird... If you add up the scores for individual sections, it adds up to 81 out of 120. I think it's because of the way you have separate things for punctuation and mechanics. Leaving out the "mechanics" one gives 76/100, so I am guessing that was what you meant to do.

(I'm the same person as NFP; I'll switch nations and update the OP in a bit.)

[Luminesa]

Plot:
...Wow. I did not see that coming. Wasn't sure what to expect, considering that, while
I've heard this story before in innumerable country songs, I wasn't sure what kind of a twist
it was going to take. Very good, and very well-handled. Could have been better if the punctuation
was cleaner.

Score: 18 out of 20.

Characters:
Interesting how you broke the gay stereotype in making this story. I like that.
The characters are very broken and human, and it made the story interesting to read.
Especially considering they are two brothers who are still not sure who they are.

Score: 20 out of 20

Setting:
I could feel the intensity of the story, through the mix of darkness and light. I could almost
feel the gun being aimed at Greg's face. You very much pulled me into the story with it, but
there was still maybe more you could do. The descriptions of the setting were just a tiny bit
rushed, but that's okay.

Score: 16 out of 20

Punctuation:
Ouch...This was the killer. The spasmodic punctuation made the story clunky and hard to
read in some places, so...yeah. You can fix it later, obviously, but this is the biggest issue.

Score: 3 out of 20.

Mechanics:
Pacing coulda been better...but I think the punctuation was what killed this. It's really
hard to tell what you could have done better here, when the punctuation is so scattershot.
Sorry.

Score: 5 out of 20.

Creativity:
Again, the twist was shocking...but well-done. You don't usually expect that in a story
like this, but I liked it. Taking an old song and putting a new spin on it...and handling it
delicately enough that it comes out very sweetly. Good job!

Score: 19 out of 20.

Overall:
Well, the story was definitely a good read, only made hard because the punctuation needs
to badly be fixed. But I did enjoy the story! Clean it up and keep up the good work!

Score: 76/100

The math here is weird... If you add up the scores for individual sections, it adds up to 81 out of 120. I think it's because of the way you have separate things for punctuation and mechanics. Leaving out the "mechanics" one gives 76/100, so I am guessing that was what you meant to do.

(I'm the same person as NFP; I'll switch nations and update the OP in a bit.)

Oops! I didn't realize I did that! Yeah, I didn't put mechanics last time.

[USS Monitor]

The math here is weird... If you add up the scores for individual sections, it adds up to 81 out of 120. I think it's because of the way you have separate things for punctuation and mechanics. Leaving out the "mechanics" one gives 76/100, so I am guessing that was what you meant to do.

(I'm the same person as NFP; I'll switch nations and update the OP in a bit.)

Oops! I didn't realize I did that! Yeah, I didn't put mechanics last time.

Punctuation and mechanics are meant to be one category. But I got what you meant.

Any news on judgements for the other entries?

[Luminesa]

Someone TG me, I need to work on entries this evening...

[Luminesa]

In my time of mortality, I was a devout holy man. I lived a life of a true Christian, giving he who made me sincere praise on each and every single Day of Sabbath. However, in that same mortal life I did once sin. On a trek that carried me far from my beloved, I came across a fair-skinned harlot who did offer me the dirty pleasures of a common sinner. My resistance was little and feign as her persistence strengthened, I did soon succumb to her devilish enticement and laid with her against my rational thinking. I asked for forgiveness from he who created me, and kept in between me and God, withholding it from my beloved. But upon my day of judgement, it was clear that my prayer for forgiveness was not answered. And at the time that I came in front of God himself after my mortal life had reached it's end, he said simply "You shall find that sin is not relieved, even in death." and and he did cast me to my eternal damnation.
My arrival to the eternal pit of fire, otherwise known as Hell, was met by scolding from Satan himself. For when I fell from Heaven, I fell into his hand and he clenched me so tightly that I couldn't budge so much an inch. He took a deep inhale through his nose and with a evil grin spoke, "For you, he who betrays the one who loves you's trust, I do loathe to punish." As he threw me into a pool of fire with other damned souls. The pain was instantaneously unbearable, being burned to death without death ever coming, it is an almost inconceivable idea for any mortal, and impossible to simulate by any being. I stayed in this inferno for a time of such length, that I can not recall the exact amount I was inside. Unlike the other souls who constantly screamed in pain and angst while drowning in the fire, I swam in this lake of heat. I swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out of my punishment. I stood on the molten ground that adorns hell, and heard Satan call out "WHO DARES TO EMANCIPATE THEIR SOUL FROM THE PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE?", the ground rumbled and the fire from the pool I had just clawed my way out of had risen higher than any structure in the living world. As quickly as I could blink, the Incarnation of All Evil appeared before me.
"Your soul is unlike the others of this prison, it believes that it belongs in the Land of Salvation." He said wickedly.
"Unlike the others who have come to terms with their sin and consequent damnation, you proceed to pretend that you are still holy." He slowly walked towards me, the ground shaking violently, as if it was being torn apart with his every step.
"How can a holy man be cast into damnation by the holiest of them all? For you are not what you perceive you are, you are damned and thou shall be treated as such!" He screamed in a most deafening shriek, grabbing me by the throat and slamming my through the ground, and deeper into Hell.
Thus, no longer was this Hell illuminated by fire. No longer was this Hell accompanied by the smell of brimstone. No, not at all. This new Hell was dark. A dark unknown to the living. This Hell was accompanied with the smell of rotten flesh and the screams of the eternally tortured with wicked laughter by it's side. Whispering surrounded me, suddenly that whispering became fully audible and right in my ear. The constant reminder of my sin on that fateful night with that damn harlot. Her voice beckoned inside my head. Her pleading and temptation was consistent, with overlapping voices that repeated in my head until I was ready to rip my own ears from my skull, I screamed louder than I have ever screamed before in my life. As quickly as the voices began, they stopped and I felt a cold breath on my neck. I reached behind me but felt nothing, however the cold breath was now on my face.
"Damned Soul," It beckoned. "why is it that you insist you are holy and you deserve Salvation?"
"Who's there? Is you Devil?" I asked frantically.
"I am not Lucifer. I am one that you can trust, for I am you."
"You are me?"
"Yes. I am you, I am everyone. Now please, answer my question, Damned One."
"My whole life was dedicated to God, and my life was pristine and pure." I said. "If one night of failure constitutes my eternal damnation, where is the harlot who swindled me? For she had many a night of Holy failure."
"This I can not tell, Damned One, but for you did not sin but one night. You sinned that night and every night from thereon, Damned One."
"DO NOT CALL ME DAMNED, I AM HOLY, I AM OF GOD NOT THE DEVIL." I yelled towards the entity.
"But where has your soul been destined? Are you not in Hell? Are you not in the Land of the Damned?" It calmly replied.
"Wrongfully."
"God has betrayed you then, for no soul shall be wrongfully damned."
"It is not God who betrayed me, it is I who betrayed God, Lost Soul." I admittedly said.
"And now you are damned."
"NO. There must be some sort of salvation left here."
"For there is not, poor soul. The only salvation in Hell is the lowest level of Hell, being a servant to Satan himself."
"I will not stand for that!" I shouted. "I will fight Satan with my bare hands if I must!"
"For you have a strong will, I can help."
"What can you do for me, a truly damned soul?" I asked.
After a moment of silence, a faint light appeared, resentful of gravity. It grew to the brightness of a lantern in the mortal world.
"Take this, for it will be the only light you have in this darkness." The voice spoke to me. "Be brisk and avoid other souls for they are not as friendly as I have been."
"Thank you kind one, I will eternally be grateful."
"One last thing. For when you come into the presence of the Lord of Evil, do not pray for God, as it is not God who will help you. God is not in existence in Hell."
"May I ask where I'm at right now?"
"You, Damned One, are in Hell of course." The voice said as the cold breath left, and I was left to assume my journey. My journey for salvation.

I walked deeper into the perilous darkness that enveloped me. My lantern giving visibility of only a few feet ahead of me was only minimally useful. This was truly a place of loneliness, I determined Lucifer designed it to drive one to lonesome madness. I could only speak to myself, despite hearing voices of others, I knew I would not encounter another soul in this, the Sea of Black that I've been thrust into. I called out to Satan, for I knew my only hope of escaping the dark prison is to speak to it's creator.
"DEVIL!" I shouted. "IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL PUNISHMENT. YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWING ME FREEDOM FROM THE FIRES. THIS IS NOT A HELL, THIS IS A SANCTUARY. YOU ARE A FAILED DEVIL, YOU ARE A COMMON DEMON. WHERE IS THE REAL SATAN FOR HE CAN SURELY DESIGN MORE TORTUOUS HELLS THAN THIS."
The air around me heated, the ground turned read, rumbling and groaning kept me off balance as the ground fell beneath me. I fell for what seemed to be a life time, falling right into a third level of Hell. I landed horizontally on a trail of spikes, impaling me on every part of my body, this was an immense pain, I can not explain this pain to you, as I could not explain it to myself. I wanted to die a second death but I knew I must go on.
"For your will is unmatched, so will be your misery" I heard Satan's voice in my head tell me as I walked the trail of spikes. Each step would impale my feet but my will remained unfazed as I neared my only hope for salvation.
"Your path to me will not be this easy for you, you must prove to be a worthy entrant to face me in my kingdom." Lucifer said to me as the spikes retracted into the ground and a beast of Hellish creation stood in my way.
This beast had eyes of scarlet red, and looked like a dog in the mortal world. But this was not a worldly beast. No, this creature's growl and bark shook the ground I stood on, it's breath was fire and the saliva of this monstrosity was pure blood. Unlike anything I've ever seen, this hound of hell barked, it's bark so loud it would cause deafness in any living soul, it then began to charge at me. My faith stood strong and I did not budge even an inch, for I was not afraid of dying a second death at this moment. The beast leaped towards me, with obvious intent of harm. I fell to the ground and the hellhound soared over me. I stood back up and the beast ran to me once more, I lifted my arms to catch it and I grabbed it by the throat, I slammed it to the ground, digging my nails into it's throat, I pulled and ripped out whatever was the inside of this creature's neck. Maggots and other ghastly pests crawled out of it's wound. As soon as I stood up once more, the spikes returned, impaling my feet and the hellhound, which had now completely disappeared to my dismay. I continued my painful journey until, finally, the spikes retracted once more and I neared a gate. There was an emblem on this gate, one of Satan's face and a voice asked for the reason for my presence.
"I am a wrongfully damned soul, come here to talk to the Lord of the Underworld." I told the voice.
"Turn back, there is no wrongfully damned in Satan's Kingdom."
"I will not do anything of the sort, for I am here for Satan's head."
"Which one." The voice said and the gate slowly opened.
This gate, the Gate to Hell, the true hell, opened to reveal a monster beyond what any of you could ever imagine. A three headed beast, one of a lion and one of bull adorning the center head of a dragon. Long necks accenting the heads, with the the body structure of a dragon, muscular like a bull, and the paws and tail of a lion. Each head breathing out fire from it's mouth. Without asking I knew this was Satan. This is what I've been waiting for.
"DEVIL." I said. "I'VE COME FOR YOU."
"You've found me, what is it you want?"
"I WANT SALVATION, I WANT YOU TO SEND ME TO HEAVEN, FOR MY DAMNATION WAS WRONGFULLY CAST."
With a wicked laugh, the beast spoke "If you can defeat me, Damned One, I will send you back to Heaven for you to be judged once more." it said to me, "But if you can't, you will be sent to a personal limbo, doomed to live your days in loneliness with no hope of Heaven nor Hell."
"You must give me something to fight you with then Beast."
"If I recall, I heard you say you'd fight me with your bare hands. So that is what I give you."
With that, the dragon head breathed out a barrage of fire, which I dived out the way. I scanned across the landscape for something to help me in the battle but, alas, Satan had made sure I was at obvious disadvantage. With another breath of fire, and more avoidance on my part, I ran out of the way of the fire, but the beast's paw had stepped right of me. With an unexpected obstacle in the way, I had run into it's paw. In my moment of trying to get around, the head of the Lion came down and enveloped me. Before I knew what was happening, I had already been eaten by the lion. Using my hand, however, I dug my nails into the tongue of the Lion and caught myself. Darkness surrounded me, unaware if I was in limbo yet or not I called upon the light given to me by the Poor Soul I met in the Sea of Black. Slowly illuminating, it revealed to me I was still inside the Lion's mouth. At the back of it's throat actually. I held my position for quite some time but it came apparent to me that I was overmatched. I had no hope for success.
"Devil. I surrender. For you have proven to be stronger than my will. I beg of you to end this battle."
With a evil laugh, Satan replied, "For I bid you a sincere farewell, you proved your will to be strong. As I said before, I loathe that I must punish you."

My next memory comes in darkness. Away from Satan, away from screams, away from all the punishments of Hell. But also away from the paradise of Heaven. I walked for what I'm sure was ages. This is what I was destined for by Satan, not God. God had given me a place. But I was too stubborn to accept my sin and consequent damnation, now I only seek either Heaven or Hell. I seek the classification of having an afterlife. I seek God, I seek Satan. I seek Salvation, and I seek Damnation. Now, after all this dreadful travel, I am tired. This was the price of sin. But I think I can see a light not too far from here, and so I tell you my friend, my journey is not yet over. Now, I have to go. I can hear it calling me. As for when you retell my tale, know I am the one they call "Jericho."

Plot:
Interesting plot. It works, and...well, I might be a little biased, supernatural stories
always appeal to me. I like how the character fights the Devil, though the ending was rather
depressing. I almost knew he wasn't going to make it out, but I had a glimmer of hope that
he would. But it was a fun story to read, the twists were painful but interesting.

Score: 17/20

Characters:
Jericho was a cool character, broken-but-determined. His swagger and bravery was fun to
watch, and I felt how he gave-up in the end was almost out of character for him. The Devil and the other demons of the story made great villains-every time they spoke, I felt chills. Especially that Hellhound, he was awful. But yeah, the characters were well-written and interesting to read about. I guess you could have given Jericho a little more background, maybe involved God a little more to balance it, but otherwise the characterization for the hero and the villains was perfect. Great job!

Score: 17/20

Setting:
I felt every inch of Jericho's pain, and all the fear he felt at seeing those flames riding around him. The unbearable fire and the numb blackness...I truly felt all of it, and that's so vital to making a story like this work. It's Hell-you want to feel the character's fear, his frustration, his panic, his defiance. All of this was eminated perfectly through the dark, fiery realms of Hell in your story. Congrats!

Score: 20/20

Punctuation/Mechanics:
The pacing was pretty good, except I might have gotten lost during the final fight scene. I found the story pretty easy to follow, though. I really couldn't find very many punctuation errors, except maybe placing some question marks and exclamation points where you put periods...not sure what else.

Score: 18/20

Creativity:
Well, being sent to Hell usually means you're...kinda stuck there forever. But what if...what
if you somehow could get out? Or what if you could at least fight the Devil? Interesting premise,
on how one mistake can lead even the best people down a very dark spiral. The way you described all of it was...well, you took a common idea (Hell is horrible, duh), and you made it
uniquely horrible. I almost felt Aku-vibes from the Devil in the story, and again, you had your character fight back. It felt like a losing fight the whole time, but it was well-written.

Score: 20/20

Overall:
Great job! This is the best story I've read thus far. I felt every bit of the action, the main
character was interesting to follow, though he could have maybe been...made a little more complex? The journey through Hell felt like it should-painful and frightening. The ending was kind of a letdown, but what else do you expect in a story like this? Nevertheless, it was curious, interesting, exciting, and well-written. And for a supernatural story, I thought it was a good read. Scary, but good. Keep it up! Make a short story collection!

Score: 92/100

[Nazi Flower Power]

FYI, I told the mods they could unsticky this thread. It didn't seem like there was any reason to leave it stickied forever if we're just waiting on judgements from people that already know it exists.

[Forsher]

FYI, I told the mods they could unsticky this thread. It didn't seem like there was any reason to leave it stickied forever if we're just waiting on judgements from people that already know it exists.

How are those judgements coming along anyway? Luminesia is getting about one a week done, which is good...

[USS Monitor]

FYI, I told the mods they could unsticky this thread. It didn't seem like there was any reason to leave it stickied forever if we're just waiting on judgements from people that already know it exists.

How are those judgements coming along anyway? Luminesia is getting about one a week done, which is good...

Yeah, I'm more concerned with how long it's been since the last time Italios posted anything. Kind of debating how to proceed...

The next contest might have a shorter limit on word count to try to make it easier for judges and see if we can get the scoring to go faster.

[Forsher]

How are those judgements coming along anyway? Luminesia is getting about one a week done, which is good...

Yeah, I'm more concerned with how long it's been since the last time Italios posted anything. Kind of debating how to proceed...

The next contest might have a shorter limit on word count to try to make it easier for judges and see if we can get the scoring to go faster.

Perhaps we should suggest that judges judge stories as they come in but only post the resulting judgements when the entry period closes?

[Nazi Flower Power]

Yeah, I'm more concerned with how long it's been since the last time Italios posted anything. Kind of debating how to proceed...

The next contest might have a shorter limit on word count to try to make it easier for judges and see if we can get the scoring to go faster.

Perhaps we should suggest that judges judge stories as they come in but only post the resulting judgements when the entry period closes?

The only issue I can think of is if contestants want to edit their story after they first post it, but before the deadline. Judges are certainly welcome to look at the stories before the deadline, but they would need to check for edits before finalizing their judgements.

[Ardoki]

卍卍卍 Good luck everyone! 卍卍卍 (Swastikas are good luck.)

Aren't such symbols prohibited on the forum?

[USS Monitor]

卍卍卍 Good luck everyone! 卍卍卍 (Swastikas are good luck.)

Aren't such symbols prohibited on the forum?

No. Especially not when it is being used in an explicitly non-genocidal context.

[Unitaristic Regions]

Aren't such symbols prohibited on the forum?

No. Especially not when it is being used in an explicitly non-genocidal context.

This may be really stupid, but aren't these Hindu Swastikas as opposed to Nazi swastikas? I thought Nazi swastikas were the right way round, instead of the left way round.

[Forsher]

No. Especially not when it is being used in an explicitly non-genocidal context.

This may be really stupid, but aren't these Hindu Swastikas as opposed to Nazi swastikas? I thought Nazi swastikas were the right way round, instead of the left way round.

Swastikas are tilted. They're not allowed gameside. Forum, except in thread titles, is more lax because you can argue things down.

[USS Monitor]

No. Especially not when it is being used in an explicitly non-genocidal context.

This may be really stupid, but aren't these Hindu Swastikas as opposed to Nazi swastikas? I thought Nazi swastikas were the right way round, instead of the left way round.

Nazis used a lot of different swastikas. It's not the one that was on the flag, but it was still used elsewhere.

But this isn't supposed to be a swastika thread... Can we get some more judgements?

[Luminesa]

I been sick and I got an exam to study for Tuesday for, but I'll try to get one in tomorrow night. Someone remind me again! Thanks! :3

[-Ebola-]

I been sick and I got an exam to study for Tuesday for, but I'll try to get one in tomorrow night. Someone remind me again! Thanks! :3

OK.

Hope I didn't make you sick!

[Luminesa]

I been sick and I got an exam to study for Tuesday for, but I'll try to get one in tomorrow night. Someone remind me again! Thanks! :3

OK.

Hope I didn't make you sick!

Oh gosh, no, I hope not!

*Checks list of symptoms.*...

Actually, I think it's Lackadaisy Cathro Disease. This could be serious.

[Forsher]

How is the judging going?

[Infected Mushroom]

I was wondering, is there any particular reason fan fiction is not allowed?

I feel like this really plays against one of my strengths as a writer (which is to satirise certain aspects of existing stories or to intentionally change the tone of existing stories).

[Nerotysia]

I was wondering, is there any particular reason fan fiction is not allowed?

I feel like this really plays against one of my strengths as a writer (which is to satirise certain aspects of existing stories or to intentionally change the tone of existing stories).

I would presume because fanfiction isn't (usually) as original or creative as regular fiction. Also issues with copyright may fall into the mix. Also also fanfiction isn't really your work entirely, it's partially someone else's.

Those would be my guesses - NFP is the final authority.

[Unitaristic Regions]

Guys, this is really taking too long. I hope I don't sound like a complete twat saying this, but it's probably been a month without progress now, I do think this is justified. I would propose just canceling this contest and coming up with a new system to judge, trying to use judges that have proven they can stick to a deadline.

Also also fanfiction isn't really your work entirely, it's partially someone else's.

I've never been a fan of this argument. All written work is derivative and formulaic to an extent. The rules for writing you use? Thought up by another. The words, grammar and letters? Communal inventions. The themes your genre uses (in Fantasy that would be the monomyth and good vs evil) have already been thought up. Writers use clichéd similes like 'white as snow' which have been invented by others and unconsciously copy things they thought were cool.

Fan fiction simply goes a step further, using a particular world and a particular set of characters: but it can still come up with an original story, which can easily tear it loose from most derivative constraints if originally plotted. In that matter, books that are not originally plotted (like Eragon) are more derivative than fan fiction. For example, I could write two stories about president Obama set in New York or Washington, using a few core characters that would be the same in each book, and yet write completely different stories. Because working within the world of New York I can still create 'sub-realms' (like cafés) which are original, create new characters, and have the existing ones develop differently in both stories.

I have no patience for authors who complain about their 'creations' yet cannot realize they took their knowledge from those that came before. That's just arrogance.

[Nerotysia]

Also also fanfiction isn't really your work entirely, it's partially someone else's.

I've never been a fan of this argument. All written work is derivative and formulaic to an extent. The rules for writing you use? Thought up by another. The words, grammar and letters? Communal inventions. The themes your genre uses (in Fantasy that would be the monomyth and good vs evil) have already been thought up. Writers use clichéd similes like 'white as snow' which have been invented by others and unconsciously copy things they thought were cool.

Fan fiction simply goes a step further, using a particular world and a particular set of characters:

Yes, and that's precisely how most original work separates itself from the muck of culture. With a creative world or characters, or a clever twist on established character archetypes.

but it can still come up with an original story, which can easily tear it loose from most derivative constraints if originally plotted. In that matter, books that are not originally plotted (like Eragon) are more derivative than fan fiction.

Plot is entirely dependent on the characters and the world. So for fanfiction to be original, it would have to either change character or world, at which point it might as well go all the way and stop being fanfiction.

For example, I could write two stories about president Obama set in New York or Washington, using a few core characters that would be the same in each book, and yet write completely different stories.

The stories would all be exceptionally similar or linked, unless you changed something about the characters or the world in each story. Because plot doesn't exist independent of those two things.

Because working within the world of New York I can still create 'sub-realms' (like cafés) which are original, create new characters, and have the existing ones develop differently in both stories.

There we go. You're changing or creating the characters. Because that's the only way to change the plot outside of changing the world.

I have no patience for authors who complain about their 'creations' yet cannot realize they took their knowledge from those that came before. That's just arrogance.

Fanfiction uses the worlds and characters of others - thus robbing itself of the meagre originality possessed by all other fiction.

[Unitaristic Regions]

Ugh, why can't two people on NS just ever agree right away when one complains . I don't like online discussion all that much anymore, so I'm going to reply once.

Yes, and that's precisely how most original work separates itself from the muck of culture. With a creative world or characters, or a clever twist on established character archetypes.

This is empirically wrong. Eragon did not have a creative world (most reviewers will agree) or creative characters (idem) and strove to be archetypal in its story. Yet, it was not LOTR. Why? Because it was similar, and not the same. Something is not identical because it is ordinary. Eragon might be almost the same as Aragorn, yet is a somewhat different name in the end.

Plot is entirely dependent on the characters and the world. So for fanfiction to be original, it would have to either change character or world, at which point it might as well go all the way and stop being fanfiction.

That's a little off. You can have a play using just an empty stage, likewise you could have a story take place in fog, (or a simple room only using dialogue, like no exit). People will accept a ridiculous setting as long as the characters and plot hold true. Secondly, plot doesn't entirely depend on characters and setting, because it could very well exist independently of good character or good setting, while of course still needing some.

So, if we clarify 'Plot is entirely dependent on the characters and the world' this way it would become 'Plot is very dependant on good characters and only a little on a good world'. This evens out the discourse. If world isn't all that important to a story then we should mostly look at character. (which is something I've argued in the writing discussion:

While I personally think Harrison's style is a little annoying, he still makes a good point. Worldbuilding usually tries to create a different world as if it is there, a real thing, and fans of worldbuilding treat this as a good thing. But to exhaustively survey a world that isn't there means two things:

-Always a denial of your own artificiality.
-Usually a dulling down of your own world by trying to rationalize it. Fantasy is supposed to be incoherent and mysterious, not easily explainable.

Denying artificiality is a problem because, as Harrison says, you can't detail every part of your world and that means that there's always something to complain about. And you can't say: 'it's just a story', because worldbuilding denies just that! Secondly, by denying artificiality you deny enriching your setting. The redditors angrily complained that Harrison would like modern art: that's not his point. Harrison, if anything, seems like he would like surrealism or impressionism. Your main points should be sketched out broadly, and engage with your reader. They shouldn't be jammed down his/her throat. Writers should use their world as a device, something to be played with, not as a rational thing.

Which brings me to the second point. Why, for example, would you explain how magic works? Should it not be unpredictable and weird? By systematizing it, you make it less magical. The same for the entire world. Every detail should enhance wonder or drive forth the plot, or it is superfluous. The setting should tie into the story, not stand apart from it. For want of a better word: setting-building, not world-building.

)

The stories would all be exceptionally similar or linked, unless you changed something about the characters or the world in each story. Because plot doesn't exist independent of those two things.

Did you even read what I said? Of course fanfiction is 'exceptionally linked', I never denied that. I just said that all writing is already so derivative that if you try to ban fanfiction for being 'derivative' you might as well ban everything we've written since the stone age. Taking stuff from another and changing it is what normal fiction does, and it's what fanfiction should do.

There we go. You're changing or creating the characters. Because that's the only way to change the plot outside of changing the world.

Are you aware of how fanfiction functions? Fanfics usually create new characters to use in existing stories to fit with a changing plot. And I'm 'changing' characters, since that's what you do when you write: you develop characters as the plot develops.

Fanfiction uses the worlds and characters of others - thus robbing itself of the meagre originality possessed by all other fiction.

You don't get the point I'm trying to make. A 'world' is an empty shell, and so are characters as far as character development is concerned. Fanfiction develops existing ideas, adding originality, just as normal fiction does. Good stories develop character archetypes in a new way, good fanfics develop characters in a new way. Good stories create a good new world, good fanfics give existing worlds an original spin. Fanfic is somewhat more derivative, but only barely if we look at the larger scheme of the development of literature: which spans thousands of years.

I don't want to argue this much further: I feel like I've been brusque to you and I have a headache. My point should have been made, I hope you can emphatize with it a little.

[Forsher]

Guys, this is really taking too long. I hope I don't sound like a complete twat saying this, but it's probably been a month without progress now, I do think this is justified. I would propose just canceling this contest and coming up with a new system to judge, trying to use judges that have proven they can stick to a deadline.

Also also fanfiction isn't really your work entirely, it's partially someone else's.

I've never been a fan of this argument. All written work is derivative and formulaic to an extent. The rules for writing you use? Thought up by another. The words, grammar and letters? Communal inventions. The themes your genre uses (in Fantasy that would be the monomyth and good vs evil) have already been thought up. Writers use clichéd similes like 'white as snow' which have been invented by others and unconsciously copy things they thought were cool.

Fan fiction simply goes a step further, using a particular world and a particular set of characters: but it can still come up with an original story, which can easily tear it loose from most derivative constraints if originally plotted. In that matter, books that are not originally plotted (like Eragon) are more derivative than fan fiction. For example, I could write two stories about president Obama set in New York or Washington, using a few core characters that would be the same in each book, and yet write completely different stories. Because working within the world of New York I can still create 'sub-realms' (like cafés) which are original, create new characters, and have the existing ones develop differently in both stories.

I have no patience for authors who complain about their 'creations' yet cannot realize they took their knowledge from those that came before. That's just arrogance.

The question is not whether, say, extended teddy bear metaphors are, for instance, derivative but whether or not it's materially relevant.

Consider, for instance, the Autumn 2014 contest. At the time I'd probably just finished my exams/was still in the middle of them and had been not studying by watching episodes of Avatar (the real one, so no space)... I was, in fact, particularly enthused by the desert like state of several episodes in Book Two. My story was set in a desert world as such (hence the cabbages were, in fact, a homage; although it also allowed a joke). However, it was a different desert world with what is, in my opinion, more Middle Eastern or African (for instance Boku Desert) than Chinese influences. It also ultimately, plot wise, ended up borrowing a much older idea of mine (I have, for several years, been trying to write a story about escaped slaves). This wasn't fan fiction but it did have a particularly obvious influence (compare and contrast my entry in the contest before that which was basically any espionage plot).

Now, there was probably no reason why, given the plot, that I couldn't have set the thing in the Avatar-verse. I mean, it wouldn't have been as fun for me to write because I wanted to explore a desert environment but I could've done that (I think the sandbenders would've been suitably amoral traders). Fundamentally, nothing probably would've changed about the story, yet the praise I got for the world-building (from two judges) would've rung hollow. In the context of the rubric we had at the time (rather than the rough guide we have here), writing fanfic basically means that the hard work in establishing a world and/or characters is done. Sure, you've got to express and execute this stuff yourself, but you're also going to take a hit on the creativity (depending how it is interpreted*).

For instance, when I was judging I basically took all the elements that were in the story and considered how they were used. (Current Judges read no further.) For instance, you might look at the story I wrote in this contest and consider: lazy (and unclean) king, vizier with plans (but barely competent, and unselfish plans), medieval-ish and whatever else you find relevant (dodgy people in dodgy public houses etc.), put it in some kind of context... such as the story clearly, at times, being designed for humour... and then decide what that means in terms of creativity. This will pick up what you're saying about being derivative... yet you see immediately that if you have lazy, unclean kings and semi-competent unselfish viziers in a serious plot it is, if not more creative, definitely more daring than if it is included in something like the end product I actually produced here.

In this sense I am saying that creativity depends as much on the context that all the elements of a plot appear in matters as least as much as the plot itself.