Writing Discussion II

[Forsher]

It's happened before, multiple times (arguably). Although I don't think it was used as blackmail. People in this thread really like boats, apparently.

Of course I like boats. Can you fault me for having pride in my own race?

*Regatta

[Zeinbrad]

Hmm, wrote my first character draft were the guy didn't get an even semi-happy ending.

It feels...different.

[USS Monitor]

I may be a chaos god of pure evil from beyond reality, but there are some heights of degeneracy to which I will not rise. Which is not to say that I disapprove, or that I don't admire those who can reach such pinnacles of decadence, but there are limits to my depravity.

But as your spectral form hangs beneath the waters, half-caught in the memory of that tenebrous primordial world where water, air, and darkness were one and the same, do you not feel the heat of the engines above you, and hear the frantic pulse of the propellers, beating as if with a powerful arousal unconstrained by the feeble bodies of living beings? Do you not feel the desire, perhaps the urge, to reach up with your wraithlike tendrils and grasp their elegant yet powerful frames?

Surely, while their crews may wither at the very thought of your touch, no ship can be repelled by your horrible antediluvian essence; they are unthinking, unfeeling, and have no need to fear death. And yet, they are strangely animate, unfeeling but not unmoving. In a way, they bridge that uncertain chasm between life and death, the selfsame abyss which you yourself have known for aeons upon countless aeons. It is no wonder, then, that you feel an unnatural, unsettling, and yet unmistakable - dare I say it - love for these manmade leviathans of steel and steam, a love that you deny but cannot truly abandon...

You make me feel so sexy when you describe us that way.

[Forsher]

I have secretly been stockpiling judgements in order to reveal them as the saviour of the contest, whilst simultaneously withdrawing my own entry (naturally), but I got sidetracked for six months or so, which means I still actually have one left to do. Also, it turns out that my entry wasn't the only one with just the one existing judgement (incidentally, thanks again Respubliko for reading it) so even if I did finish this one I had left, several more would be needed from someone else (three).

And that's assuming even withdrawing my entry sufficiently resolved any conflict of interest in the judging.

Withdrawing your entry and judging would be fine.

In case you didn't know by now, I am NFP. I made a new nation because I was tired of being "Nazi," even as a gag.

I can't actually remember not knowing USS Monitor and NFP were you. I may not have but I don't remember. Compare and contrast Ebola, where I am pretty sure I didn't know that was you for at least a while.

Anyway, I have now posted my judgements.

[USS Monitor]

Withdrawing your entry and judging would be fine.

In case you didn't know by now, I am NFP. I made a new nation because I was tired of being "Nazi," even as a gag.

I can't actually remember not knowing USS Monitor and NFP were you. I may not have but I don't remember. Compare and contrast Ebola, where I am pretty sure I didn't know that was you for at least a while.

I was more secretive about it with Ebola.

Anyway, I have now posted my judgements.

Awesome. I'll update the OP soon.

Right now I am so burned out that even something that simple seems hard... I was visiting my family over the weekend, so today I had to catch a plane from DC to Boston, then the commuter rail to Lowell, then go to work, and on my way home from work I got a flat tire.

[Zeinbrad]

So, I got a guy named Illgoth (The first letter is I not L)...I debating on giving him a easier name...through I like Illgoth. It rolls off the tongue well.

[USS Monitor]

So, I got a guy named Illgoth (The first letter is I not L)...I debating on giving him a easier name...through I like Illgoth. It rolls off the tongue well.

Nothing wrong with the name Illgoth. As long as it fits with your setting, it's fine.

[Zeinbrad]

So, I got a guy named Illgoth (The first letter is I not L)...I debating on giving him a easier name...through I like Illgoth. It rolls off the tongue well.

Nothing wrong with the name Illgoth. As long as it fits with your setting, it's fine.

I meant more readers thinking his name is three Ls. Not one I and two Ls.

[Respubliko de Libereco]

Nothing wrong with the name Illgoth. As long as it fits with your setting, it's fine.

I meant more readers thinking his name is three Ls. Not one I and two Ls.

How about Ulgoth, Olgoth, or Elgoth? How much does the vowel matter to you?

[USS Monitor]

Nothing wrong with the name Illgoth. As long as it fits with your setting, it's fine.

I meant more readers thinking his name is three Ls. Not one I and two Ls.

People can figure that out.

[Respubliko de Libereco]

I meant more readers thinking his name is three Ls. Not one I and two Ls.

People can figure that out.

However, there's an argument to be made that if your readers need to "figure out" something as simple as a name, it might be a good idea to change it.

[USS Monitor]

People can figure that out.

However, there's an argument to be made that if your readers need to "figure out" something as simple as a name, it might be a good idea to change it.

You could use a different font so it's easier to tell...

[Conserative Morality]

So, I got a guy named Illgoth (The first letter is I not L)...I debating on giving him a easier name...through I like Illgoth. It rolls off the tongue well.

I'm not sure where the confusion is coming from, exactly.

[Not a Bang but a Whimper]

However, there's an argument to be made that if your readers need to "figure out" something as simple as a name, it might be a good idea to change it.

You could use a different font so it's easier to tell...

If you're using TNR, which you should be, it'll be obvious.

[USS Monitor]

I'm still rattling around ideas for my political fantasy novel. Trying to figure out what to do with the Green Party. Because the setting has lower tech, magic, and more authoritarian social norms than our world, most of the parties come out different. Actually, I just had an idea about the origins of the Green Party... Sometimes just typing out the problems I'm working on helps me figure them out. It started as an effort to preserve or revive Elvish traditions from before the Elves were assimilated into human nations. And I think I can keep the name "Green Party" in that context. That would probably make them one of the older and less scandalous parties...

You could use a different font so it's easier to tell...

If you're using TNR, which you should be, it'll be obvious.

Yeah, it's not too bad in TNR. This is a non-issue.

[Shaggai]

I'm still rattling around ideas for my political fantasy novel. Trying to figure out what to do with the Green Party. Because the setting has lower tech, magic, and more authoritarian social norms than our world, most of the parties come out different. Actually, I just had an idea about the origins of the Green Party... Sometimes just typing out the problems I'm working on helps me figure them out. It started as an effort to preserve or revive Elvish traditions from before the Elves were assimilated into human nations. And I think I can keep the name "Green Party" in that context. That would probably make them one of the older and less scandalous parties...

If you're using TNR, which you should be, it'll be obvious.

Yeah, it's not too bad in TNR. This is a non-issue.

Other possibility: Green Party as basically that crazy right-wing nationalist party, except with Elvish traditions rather than human so their political positions are more similar to the actual Green Party.

[Anywhere Else But Here]

I'm still rattling around ideas for my political fantasy novel. Trying to figure out what to do with the Green Party. Because the setting has lower tech, magic, and more authoritarian social norms than our world, most of the parties come out different. Actually, I just had an idea about the origins of the Green Party... Sometimes just typing out the problems I'm working on helps me figure them out. It started as an effort to preserve or revive Elvish traditions from before the Elves were assimilated into human nations. And I think I can keep the name "Green Party" in that context. That would probably make them one of the older and less scandalous parties...




Yeah, it's not too bad in TNR. This is a non-issue.

Other possibility: Green Party as basically that crazy right-wing nationalist party, except with Elvish traditions rather than human so their political positions are more similar to the actual Green Party.

Or the satirical route: they're referred to once, in an off-hand remark, and then are never heard from again, ultimately failing to be at all relevant to the plot or have even the slightest influence on the outcome.

Sorry. I'll go.

[USS Monitor]

I'm still rattling around ideas for my political fantasy novel. Trying to figure out what to do with the Green Party. Because the setting has lower tech, magic, and more authoritarian social norms than our world, most of the parties come out different. Actually, I just had an idea about the origins of the Green Party... Sometimes just typing out the problems I'm working on helps me figure them out. It started as an effort to preserve or revive Elvish traditions from before the Elves were assimilated into human nations. And I think I can keep the name "Green Party" in that context. That would probably make them one of the older and less scandalous parties...




Yeah, it's not too bad in TNR. This is a non-issue.

Other possibility: Green Party as basically that crazy right-wing nationalist party, except with Elvish traditions rather than human so their political positions are more similar to the actual Green Party.

It's an interesting thought, but that niche is already filled by National Labor and the Gold Party, and I don't think an ideology based on a minority culture meshes well with extreme nationalism. The Greens would appeal to Elvish secessionists, so you could have a crazy racist element there, but most of the party are humans or furries with a more inclusive worldview.

[USS Monitor]

Other possibility: Green Party as basically that crazy right-wing nationalist party, except with Elvish traditions rather than human so their political positions are more similar to the actual Green Party.

Or the satirical route: they're referred to once, in an off-hand remark, and then are never heard from again, ultimately failing to be at all relevant to the plot or have even the slightest influence on the outcome.

Sorry. I'll go.

They have little to no impact on who wins the big war that's going on, but they are still relevant to the plot in other ways.

The major parties are represented as nations rather than parties, and they are at war. There are not supposed to be political parties in either nation, but they still exist as an underground thing. Some are extensions of international political movements that started in countries with democratic governments and political parties. Others are just homegrown radicals.

The protagonist is from a remote rural area, and part of the story is about her traveling for the first time and learning what her country is actually like. One of the things she learns is that there are an awful lot of people getting executed for being members of illegal political parties. There are some parties that she might never meet any living members, but she still sees their dead strung up at the entrances of towns.

[Napkiraly]

Due to shenanigans I've only got the first line of my cyberpunk short story in. I think it's good but would like second opinions.

"Dominic Emery twirled a cigarette as he stood in an oasis of flickering amber light"

[Benomia 3]

Due to shenanigans I've only got the first line of my cyberpunk short story in. I think it's good but would like second opinions.

"Dominic Emery twirled a cigarette as he stood in an oasis of flickering amber light"

You could probably improve flow by adding a comma after "flickering," but otherwise it seems decent. As with most opening lines, the content of the story (or the first chapter/page/whatever) really determines if it's good or bad.

[USS Monitor]

Due to shenanigans I've only got the first line of my cyberpunk short story in. I think it's good but would like second opinions.

"Dominic Emery twirled a cigarette as he stood in an oasis of flickering amber light"

Good enough. Write more.

[Napkiraly]

Due to shenanigans I've only got the first line of my cyberpunk short story in. I think it's good but would like second opinions.

"Dominic Emery twirled a cigarette as he stood in an oasis of flickering amber light"

Good enough. Write more.

I am.

[Zeinbrad]

Snuck or sneaked?

[Conserative Morality]

Snuck or sneaked?

Dunno what the correct usage is, but I generally go "He snuck in" vs. "He had sneaked in"