NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[TalAkMaChen]

Time for a new issue!

#1560: Dead Gay [Candlewhisper Archive; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
Shock! Horror! Posthumously unearthed diaries have revealed that @@RANDOM_MALE_NAME_1@@, a beloved composer of chart-topping disco songs, was secretly homosexual and had engaged in illegal homosexual relations. In retrospect, the titles of some of his compositions (such as "I Stand Behind the Sky", "Come On, Christopher" and "Bent but Unbroken") may have contained clues to this.

The Debate
1. "So, @@LASTNAME_1@@ was a deviant, eh?" muses Minister of Standardising Deviation, @@RANDOM_NAME@@. "We can’t allow his homosexual music to corrupt the minds of our youths any longer. Condemn him, ban his works, exhume then re-bury him in an unmarked grave, and salt the earth. Damn his filthy perversions!"

2. "That’s not enough," interjects your Minister for Variance Reduction. "The entire genre of disco pop music is likely harbouring other closet homosexuals. We must ban that genre. In fact, we must ban any genre of music that is revealed to have homosexual influences in it. Straight music only, that is the path to cultural purity."

3. "I’m not sure why music fans should be deprived of great works because of the artist's dirty secrets," complains @@RANDOM_NAME@@, president of Kings and Queens of Disco, the official @@LASTNAME_1@@ fan society. "Athough clearly gay people and inheritors of their estate should not be allowed to profit from fame, we should still get to play their music if we want. The government must seize the compositions and place them in the public domain. This will allow culture to be preserved while continuing to punish homosexuality."

4. "Look... if someone as well-respected as @@FIRSTNAME_1@@ turned out to be gay, then maybe not all gay folk are so bad," suggests your uncle, without looking up from his Musical Revue Monthly magazine. "He was decent enough to keep his private life private. Maybe we should say that people should be allowed to be queer if they want, as long as they don’t make a song and dance about it. Ooh, look, they’re talking about bringing Avenue Cute to @@CAPITAL@@. How fabulous!"

Names in 1+3 are random, I just had two different ones in two nations.

[Trotterdam]

#1561 Murderers Making Money?

The Issue

After serving his sentence, convicted axe murderer William @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ launched the lucrative designer clothing line Bloody Bill's, with his controversial 'criminal chic' style a hit amongst edgy fashionistas.

The Debate

1. "This is outrageous!" objects @@RANDOMNAME@@, rival clothing designer and parent of one of the murder victims. "We can't allow murderers to make money from their crimes! Profiting from criminal actions, even indirectly, ought to be illegal! His business should be shut down, and he should get a job that doesn't involve exploiting his notoriety."

2. "Look, I've served my time and paid my debt. Everyone needs a job, and I'm just trying to show entrepreneurial spirit as a law-abiding citizen," argues the killer, sporting a white hoodie with a striking blood splatter pattern around the neck. "Without a proper form of income, how are former convicts supposed to rejoin society? If ex-cons are forced into debt or poverty, then recidivism rates will increase. Surely, one bad deed — or six, in my case — can't condemn a man forever, right? Show your commitment to the free market by donning my winter collection in public, and society will benefit."

Issue by The United Union
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

The murderer's name is likely to not be random (note William -> Bill).

EDIT: Put in macros confirmed by TalAkMaChen below.

[TalAkMaChen]

The last name of the murderer in 1561 is also random, William appears to be set. Name 1 is indeed random.

[Valentine Z]

I'm still reading this thread frequently, don't worry about it. <3

I'll update accordingly soon! ^^

[Name 0]

Hello. I have been using mwq.dds.nl, one problem. The stats are not accurate. When the arms manufacturing results says +24 (Example) it instead shows in NS stats that it is -0.09%. Is there a reason why mwq.dds.nl is not accurate? Or maybe the editing of issues shouldn't be in NS?

[Umbratellus]

Hello. I have been using mwq.dds.nl, one problem. The stats are not accurate. When the arms manufacturing results says +24 (Example) it instead shows in NS stats that it is -0.09%. Is there a reason why mwq.dds.nl is not accurate? Or maybe the editing of issues shouldn't be in NS?

Wrong thread for your issue; here’s the right one: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=440593

It’s a user curated website (read: not official, not endorsed by site staff, no promise of absolute accuracy for every nation) that does not and cannot “predict” the outcome of an issue for any one nation. It is an aggregated average across all data that it has collected from every nation. Some issues will have slightly different outcomes based on a nation’s history of issues answered and it’s current stats. That’s why the values are first listed as a range, say for your example, it would be -100 to 100 arms manufacturing, with +24 being the mean outcome.

[Rocain Founder]

Issue #1562 is now out. My puppet Cain O-N Dp v1 received it yesterday, and will probably answer it soon. Here is the text. (I have not attempted to macroize proper names.)

Issue #1562
Shapes of Your Own Choosing

The Issue

After last night’s live television coverage of one of your speeches was interrupted for the third time by government censors, citing “non-preapproved speculation about the significance of @@LEADER@@’s tone of voice,” the network anchor went into a completely off-topic rage. His several-minute rant blasted a nationwide audience with complaints ranging from a “total lack of press freedom” to your alleged “draconian censorship of anything and everything.”

The Debate

1. “How can you call us the free press if we’re not allowed to say anything?” demands Simon Prole, the anchor in question, only slightly calmer now than he was on air last night. “Any time I try to speak, some government stooge runs up waving a copy of Regulation 198.4, claiming I’ve violated yet another absurd restriction. They once tried to stop me from saying ‘rain’ because it sounded like ‘reign!’ You have got to back off the censorship and allow us to speak freely, or no one will bother watching the news in the first place!”

2. “I’ll always watch you!” interjects Simon’s big brother Koa, who serves as Deputy Minister for Media Content Regulation. “That way I can ensure your compliance! Actually, now that you mention it, that does seem a tad inefficient. Hey @@LEADER@@, why don’t we just absorb the press into the apparatus of state? Instead of trying to monitor and regulate all these dangerous free-thinkers, we can just write the scripts for them and stop worrying about when some journalist is secretly having a bad day. The public will love the new interruption-free format, and we can make sure the message is exactly what they need!”

Issue by The Federated Bailiwicks of Verdant Haven

Edited by Verdant Haven

I admit to not understanding the issue title - I presume it is a pop culture reference I have not previously encountered.

[TalAkMaChen]

Update to #1428:
Option 4 is now for those who allow aircraft, new option 5 is for those banning aircraft.
Text is:
5. “The illegal products aren’t as important as the concealed intel,” agrees spymaster ‘N’, while searching your briefcase without permission. “Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by covertly opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn military secrets, along with the names of foreign spies within our country, then replicate their passports for espionage. We can blackmail couriers, walk them through hidden scanners, and employ tradecraft in other subtler ways to compromise the bags. It’s the right thing to do for our glorious @@TYPE@@.”


Update on 1462: both given names are random (also the gender of the news anchor, I had a female in option 1, thus also @@HIS@@ in the description is needed as well as @@HE@@in the option), the surname appears to be set as "Prole".

[TalAkMaChen]

New in the queues:

#1563 Apostropocalypse Now [Wentland; ed: Electrum]
The Issue
During a publicity appearance at the local agricultural fair, you noticed signs advertising potatoe’s, tomatoe’s, banana’s, and groceries’. When your aide questioned the stallholders about their punctuation, it became apparent that none of them had the slightest clue on how to use an apostrophe.

The Debate
1. “The apostrophe is used when there is a contraction or to mark the possessive case,” affirms Avery Ampersand, Administrator of the Adopting Appalling Atrocities Aimed at All Apostrophe Abusers Association. “It’s the easiest thing in the world to use. The mouth-breathers who misuse the apostrophe should be sent to remedial training camps, where they will be beaten with a copy of Stunk and Violet’s Pedantic Punctuation Pedagogy until they learn how to write properly!”

2. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! Are we introducing corporal punishment for misusing apostrophe’s???” reads a text message from the Minister for Education, who is at a stall serving chill’d drink’s, not wanting to yell over the crowd. “What next?? Are you going to fire me for using too many question marks and exclamation points!!!! People make mistake’s with apostrophe’s all the time. Surely the solution is more money for school’s and universitie’s to teach punctuation and how to use autocorrect? That should resolve the i’ssue to everyone’s satisfaction. Oops... that last apostrophe was autocorrect.”

3. You notice that a nearby wooden post has something scrawled on it in a long meandering line: “why are we taught punctuation at school they make everyone write so formal like and someone should put a stop to that a famous poet once said just go with the flow and chillax let your words and your spirit run as free and wild as the coursing river and wandering wind”

[The Ice States]

New in the queues:

#1563 Apostropocalypse Now [Wentland; ed: Electrum]
The Issue
During a publicity appearance at the local agricultural fair, you noticed signs advertising potatoe’s, tomatoe’s, banana’s, and groceries’. When your aide questioned the stallholders about their punctuation, it became apparent that none of them had the slightest clue on how to use an apostrophe.

The Debate
1. “The apostrophe is used when there is a contraction or to mark the possessive case,” affirms Avery Ampersand, Administrator of the Adopting Appalling Atrocities Aimed at All Apostrophe Abusers Association. “It’s the easiest thing in the world to use. The mouth-breathers who misuse the apostrophe should be sent to remedial training camps, where they will be beaten with a copy of Stunk and Violet’s Pedantic Punctuation Pedagogy until they learn how to write properly!”

2. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! Are we introducing corporal punishment for misusing apostrophe’s???” reads a text message from the Minister for Education, who is at a stall serving chill’d drink’s, not wanting to yell over the crowd. “What next?? Are you going to fire me for using too many question marks and exclamation points!!!! People make mistake’s with apostrophe’s all the time. Surely the solution is more money for school’s and universitie’s to teach punctuation and how to use autocorrect? That should resolve the i’ssue to everyone’s satisfaction. Oops... that last apostrophe was autocorrect.”

3. You notice that a nearby wooden post has something scrawled on it in a long meandering line: “why are we taught punctuation at school they make everyone write so formal like and someone should put a stop to that a famous poet once said just go with the flow and chillax let your words and your spirit run as free and wild as the coursing river and wandering wind”

I got the same issue; I also got the same name in Option 1, "Avery Ampersand".

[TalAkMaChen]

Got another one

#1564 Goodbye Yellow Brick Road [Talchyon; ed: SherpDaWerp]
The Issue

On the way to a photo op with the @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ national women’s goat-farming team, your driver missed a turn, leaving you lost just outside @@CAPITAL@@. Thankfully, you spy some hitchhikers approaching — except it appears they’re lost too. Making matters worse, they’ve recognized you, and apparently now is the perfect time to complain about the problem bringing you all together: @@NAME@@’s poor road signage.

The Debate
1. “We need better road signs!” shouts a young woman in a checkered dress, cradling a dog in her arms. “We’ve been trying to find some silly castle for days! All we were told was if we ‘followed the yellow brick road’ then it would lead us straight there. Do you have any idea how many freaking yellow brick roads there are in @@NAME@@? It feels like we’ve followed a million already! Why don’t you invest in some better road signs so that we can easily figure out where we’re going instead of dealing with these archaic descriptions?”

2. “Now hold on. This may sound heartless, but what makes you think the owner of this castle WANTS to be found?” queries the next person, sounding surprisingly reasonable in light of his literal tinfoil hat. “Sometimes it’s nice to have a quiet spot, free from all the hustle and bustle — no lunatics, or madmen, or Girl Scouts selling cookies. Surely you’ve got somewhere secret that only you know about, a peaceful place to get away from it all. Now imagine everyone and their dog just following signs straight there! No, what this country needs to do is get rid of ALL road signs, to keep out the riff-raff. Long live the @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ hideout!”

3. The third member of the group, who must be a farmer judging by the hay adorning his shirt, suggests a different alternative. “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I reckon there has to be a better option than all-or-nothing. The problem wasn’t with every sign; you just didn’t have the ones we needed! I propose you put up a whole lot of special road signs, just for tourists. Direct them to landmarks and obvious places — that way you can keep all of your secret spots, but tourists can still find the important things! Help anyone go see the @@CAPITAL@@ Arch, whether or not they’re geographically challenged like us.”

4. “P-please, your excellency!” whimpers another person, whose hair is so thick it can only be described as a mane. “I’m mustering a lot of courage to talk to you right now! I get so terrified when I drive — oh, so many things could go wrong! I could run off a cliff, someone could hit me, or worse, I could miss a turn! What we really need isn’t road signs — we need better technology to ease my anxiety. I hear they’ve got fancy internet-navigation-things in other countries — maybe you could let us get some of them, or something...”

5. The final complainant, a tall lady in a black cloak — whose odor suggests she hasn’t seen a bath in some time — cackles. “Hahahahaha, don’t you see, my pretty? You’re simply stuck in the past! Roads are soooo outdated... public transport is the way of the future! High-speed rail, metro services, ferries, the whole lot! With an expanded public transport system covering @@NAME@@ from north to south, we’ll stop being so dependent on roads — and their signs.”

[Trotterdam]

the next person, sounding surprisingly reasonable in light of his literal tinfoil hat

No. No, he doesn't.

[TalAkMaChen]

the next person, sounding surprisingly reasonable in light of his literal tinfoil hat

No. No, he doesn't.

I didn't check if that speaker has "dog" as @@ANIMAL@@ or literal dog as in the other option. It could be both, given I found it at a War Dog nation, which happen to have "dog" as their national animal. I'll check next time I encounter this issue. -> checked, it stays dog, so it is fixed.
It seems to be limited to nations without computers or without internet, i.e., no digital maps to help navigate.


Speaking of, got another one

#1565 The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Gluttony [Millenhaal; ed: Verdant Haven]
The Issue
The 28th International Hot Dog Eating Contest was happily underway at the nearby @@CAPITAL@@ Convention Center when it was suddenly shut down by health inspectors. It turns out your Minister of Health couldn’t stand the smell of stale hot dog water wafting through open office windows, and declared the whole event “a grotesque public health risk” in order to clear the air.

The Debate
1. “Ugh, I can’t stand the smell of hot dogs anymore, after days of putting up with this competition!” whimpers your Minister of Health, dry-heaving at the memory. “Incidentally, this kind of behavior is actually known to be extremely unhealthy! It’s a shame that @@NAME@@ has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment, and it sends a terrible message to our children! We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Maybe competitive vegetable eating? That would be an activity I could support!”

2. “I don’t see the justification for banning something just because one person can’t stomach it,” drawls defending champion Bowie Peanut, who has sauntered over from the convention center. “Competitive eating is a noble activity that celebrates the joy of a good meal. If you permit our event, we’ll come back every year and bring in boatloads of tourists to splash some cash on the culinary delights of @@NAME@@! Heck, we’ll even open up a training center to teach your kids to compete like we do!”

3. “Really!?” shouts full-time Calvinball coach @@RANDOM_NAME@@, passing by on his third run of the day. “We’re treating eating like a sport now? Back in my day, our young people sought glory by somersaulting their way past the keeperbacks all the way to the endturf and scoring a goaldown! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot stars? They can hardly even do a push-up! @@LEADER@@, banish this competitive eating nonsense from our great nation, and make every kid get involved in a real sport! Go @@ANIMAL_PLURAL@@!” (has sports)

4. “Are you kidding me!?” roars former Minister of Sports Cassius Pence, a vein visibly pulsing in his forehead. “When @@NAME@@ banned sports, I didn’t complain... I hung up my equipment like any patriotic citizen would! Now these freaks get to have their ‘contests’ while folks like me are stuck twiddling my thumbs? No! If one competition is banned, then ban them all! Whether you’re gaming with friends, or chasing your personal best in a crossword, you’re competing against someone or something! Either everything is permitted, or nothing is! (no sports)

[Valentine Z]

I will try to update the Issue Megathread this week. So sorry it's been a while!

Yes, I am giving myself a deadline, and this time, it really will happen, trust me.

[Land Without Shrimp]

1566: Consensus Controversy

The Issue
A state-sponsored conference at @@CAPITAL@@’s most esteemed university concluded with a violent clash yesterday evening, fought between rival cliques of scientists. The fracas was triggered when supporters of a long-criticized hypothesis about the so-called “Triangle-Spin of the @@ANIMAL@@-Particle” were refused presentation time, being told only that their ideas were “just plain stupid.” With bloody bowties dripping red, the partisans have been dragged to your office, still hollering at each other about scientific consensus and a researcher’s right to be heard by their peers.

The Debate
1. “This Triangle Spin idea has never been proven!” screams prescriptive physicist Maeve Kardashian, poking your chest with @@his@@ ceremonial trinket of the relatively new and popular ‘Quadrangle-Spin’ clique. “In fact, all scientific inquiry has suggested otherwise! Those Trispinners are holding back scientific progress. Do you know how much taxpayer money is wasted on such nonsense? We are supposed to be unbiased seekers of truth. You must force all state-funded researchers to bow to the consensus of the scientific community, and cut them off if they spread false ideas!”

2. “HERETIC!” screeches descriptive chemist Sancho Reyes, throwing an invisible handful of alleged ‘@@ANIMAL@@-Particles’ in your face. “Those people have forsaken the search for truth, and they are trying to silence our voices! I beg of you, stop this tyranny. Science has always been about questioning the world around us. Forbidding free scientific expression will only lead to stagnation in the field. You must equally fund all areas of investigation regardless of mainstream consensus, and see to it that our voices are heard.”

3. “It is important not to conflate beliefs with facts,” advises emotive psychologist Algernon Young, pouring a glass of cold water over the fuming academics. “In the end, we all must get along with each other somehow, so it’s healthy and important to communicate clear boundaries. The organizers of state-sponsored conferences should be allowed to choose which presentations they permit, but they also should be required to publicly declare their biases and interests in advance, so citizens can decide if their taxes are being wisely spent.”

4. “The real problem here is clear: science is the opiate of academia,” states neo-theologist Elaine Eliot smugly, holding a copy of The Dog Delusion. “Science has been the reason for so many conflicts, fighting each other over which theory is real. All over the world, science is used to discriminate, to make weapons, and to wage war. The only real solution is to strictly regulate the use of the so-called ‘scientific method,’ and compel researchers to submit to oversight that ensures their inquiries won’t challenge other peoples’ earnestly held beliefs.”

Issue by The Glacial Light of Logi Apeir
Edited by Verdant Haven

Names are random; speaker in option 1 can be male or female.

[TalAkMaChen]

Almost correct with 1566 I may add: names are random, option 1 can be a male too (thus @@his@@ ceremonial trinket), and in option 4 the book title is in italics, i.e. holding a copy of The Dog Delusion.

[Land Without Shrimp]

Almost correct with 1566 I may add: names are random, option 1 can be a male too (thus @@his@@ ceremonial trinket), and in option 4 the book title is in italics, i.e. holding a copy of The Dog Delusion.

Edited to account for above. Thanks!!

[TalAkMaChen]

Wow, another fresh issue!

#1567 Of Health and Wealth [Wischland; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]
The Issue
@@CAPITAL@@ Medical Research Institute recently discovered a cure for a rare but deadly disease using the unique genetics of residents of a small town in rural @@NAME@@. The institute is now seeking to patent and sell this cure, claiming that consent was acquired to test and study blood samples prior to commencing the analysis, and that the small print clearly stated that the product of any research would be the property of the institute.

The Debate
1. “Our special genes belong to us!” roars town resident @@RANDOM_NAME@@, who has the bulging eyes and odd cheekbone structure borne of generations of inbreeding. “Just reading our DNA ain’t research, and us saying they can study our blood don’t give them ownership of us! Prevent that greedy institute from patenting the cure! Though, I reckon we can come to some kind of arrangement if they want to license our genes.”

2. “Look, all those country bumpkins did was give up a little blood,” insists Director @@RANDOM_NAME@@, while placing a teetering stack of research papers on your desk with a loud thud, followed by an even taller stack of legal papers. “We got proper informed consent, provided compensation, and followed all protocols. If you read through these, you’ll see that we’re the ones who did all the work in researching the cure, so we have every right to sell it.”

3. “Why are we arguing over this?” asks Dr. @@RANDOM_NAME@@, while collecting and brushing dirt off of the scattered papers. “We have a cure for a deadly disease. The government should take control over its production and distribution, so that no @@DEMONYM@@ suffers from it any longer. In fact, whenever there is significant public benefit the government should seize control of drug production, to ensure the people are actually getting the treatment they need.”

(I got it more than once and checked that names are indeed random, nothing common so far)

[TalAkMaChen]

Sorry for doubling up, but it's yet another new issue brought to a government I have connections to.

#1568 Palate Torture [New Anarchisticstan; ed: Verdant Haven]
The Issue
After a diplomatic banquet with Dàguó officials turned into a show of convulsing faces and a chorus of “yucks,” your Minister of Gastronomy has invited several posh chefs to help troubleshoot @@NAME@@’s embarrassing meals.

The Debate
1. “These potatoes are minuscule and irregularly shaped, and the cow that yielded this steak simply must have been anemic!” complains celebrity chef Ankohl Rojer, flambéing a wok full of rice precariously close to your face. “We clearly need to subsidize and train the nation’s farmers so they take better care of their plants and livestock!”

2. “A poor chef blames the ingredients! The problem is how they’re prepared!” roars restaurateur Korton Lamsey, blasting the wok with a fire extinguisher. “Most chefs in this nation have no idea what sous vide means, they think ketchup’s the only type of sauce, and their lamb is so undercooked that it follows Mary to school! Send those culinary amateurs to mandatory cooking classes taught by experts like me, or you’ll have no one to blame for their failures but yourself!”

3. “Those foreigners and snobs should watch their tones!” hisses your jingoistic secretary, obsessively clicking @@HIS@@ pen. “My honourable @@LEADER@@, our glorious motherland’s delicacies have tastes those philistines cannot comprehend! I beg of you, finance the establishment of traditional @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ restaurants in other countries, and help us build an understanding of true @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ foodways!”

4. Suddenly your office door breaks open, revealing a shadowy cloaked figure riding a cow. Before anyone can react, the figure starts to speak. “Ommmm, one has heard your materialistic complaints. Ommmm, food is a pleasure diverting @@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@ from the meditative path. Ommmm, we must mandate that all food be simple and unappetisin-.” The speech ends abruptly, cut off by the sharp crack of your bodyguard’s taser.

I checked names in two occasions, they appear identical, thus highly unlikely to be randomized. Only the secretary (opt 3) was a male in one occasion while another leader had a female secretary.

On an editorial note: 1353,3 has a random name

-----

And without further ado, one more.

#1569 The Not-So-Long Arm of the Law [West Barack and East Obama; ed: Pogaria]
The Issue
Lee Kerr, a self-proclaimed “independent journalist” with ties to various foreign nations, is on the run from @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ police after being charged with espionage. In an attempt to evade justice, he took refuge in the Brancalandian embassy in @@CAPITAL@@. After the Brancalandians formally granted him asylum, three of your advisors ambushed you during a meeting with another nation’s ambassador.

The Debate
1. “That’s the third time this week a criminal’s managed to escape us by hiding in one of those damn embassies!” booms Police Commissioner @@RANDOM_NAME@@, dressed in full SWAT gear. “To hell with what anyone else thinks! If these other nations want to be on War Dog land, they have to play by War Dog rules. Allow us to storm whatever building we want and catch these cowardly terrorists once and for all. To keep the international kerfuffles to a minimum, we can temporarily revoke the embassy’s diplomatic rights and let the foreigners go home for a few hours while we make the arrest. If Brancaland has a problem with that, they can take it up with THIS.” @@HE@@ pulls a truncheon from @@HIS@@ belt and thrusts it upward, hitting a nearby light fixture and sending shards of glass flying around the room.

2. “Don’t listen to that nutter! Let’s come up with a more reasonable solution,” suggests your Minister for Foreign Appeasement, brushing bits of glass out of @@HIS@@ hair. “Look, there’s no need for hullabaloo. We can’t let these scumbags get in the way of my job... I mean, the relationships and trust we have spent many years building up! We need to respect their territory and not step a single foot in these embassies without their permission. Let’s try catching these criminals through good old diplomacy — surely giving up their asylum seekers in exchange for reduced maple syrup tariffs is an offer Brancaland can’t refuse?”

3. “Why should we give those Brancalandian ice weasels anything? The problem should sort itself out soon enough,” advises Minister of Practicalities @@RANDOM_NAME@@, while reviewing a dossier on the fugitive. “After a few months of having that loudmouth muckraker living in their embassy, spouting his nonsense conspiracy theories and attempting to sell everyone’s national secrets to the highest bidder, Brancaland will be looking for an excuse to give him the boot. If we station police officers at every possible exit point, we’ll be able to arrest him eventually. Let’s just hope that he doesn’t sell all of our top secret intel to Blackacre before that happens...”

4. “You lot are such amateurs,” chides the ambassador from Althaniq, who was trying to persuade you to consider a camel exchange program when your advisors barged in. “You shouldn’t get pushed around like this, but you also shouldn’t go in guns blazing like a bunch of fools, or waste your time with a siege. Want to get rid of these asylum seekers and get away with it? Sneak a few operatives through the back door... and terminate with extreme prejudice.”

The protagonist's name is set, the names/gender of speakers appears not to be, I got two different ones.


-----

Editors have been productive it seems, yet another new issue made it to the public!

#1570 Holistic Healers Hassle Holy Hospitallers [Vacatio Libertas; ed: Pogaria]
The Issue
After a gang of religious zealots burned down a cupping and coin rubbing clinic for “waylaying the souls of the sick,” a mass of meditative magnet healers responded by destroying the pharmacy in a church-run hospital, accusing them of “taking advantage of desperate families.” As factional violence threatens to impact more of the nation’s faith-affiliated healthcare facilities, temporal authorities are hesitating, uncertain of what stance to take in this spiritual standoff.

The Debate
1. “This ‘alternative medicine’ is a symptom of a moral plague which has been gnawing at the soul of every @@DEMONYM_NOUN@@,” explains a solemn priest from the Church of Confounding Commandments. “These fruitless endeavors to heal the sick with crystals and essential oils are not simply an alternative to medicine, but an attempt to replace the faith which has served us well for so long. Our earthly bodies need doctors and medicine, it is true, but our soul needs something more. Perhaps the government should pay for every hospital to have a whole passel of priests and spiritual advisors?”

2. “We don’t need your ‘medicine!’” interrupts practicing chiropractor Karen Ducksworth. “We all know that you priests care more about your donation baskets than you do any REAL faith, and those egghead doctors and their so-called cures have killed more people than any of us havening herbalists and holistic healers ever have!” She breathes a comically heavy sigh. “Leader, if you really want your people to be happy AND healthy, then the government needs to support alternatives to big pharma and big God!”

3. “WHAT IN SCIENCE’S NAME IS THIS?” fumes a red-faced Dr. Norm Allen, an impatient public health expert. “We doctors put in time to research, develop, and administer real, scientifically backed cures to the good people of @@NAME@@, and now these quacks are trying to poison our people with God-particle-knows-what! We need more funding for quality public hospitals that don’t shove religion down our throats, and we need to crack down on these pseudoscientific swindlers, regardless of whether their beliefs are new age or old-time religion.”

4. A dark figure emerges from a shadow and bids you into the blackness. “Oh @@LEADER@@, the mortals speak silly words.” Reaching into his deceptively large black cloak, he presents you with a bottle of liquid bleach. “The solution is not within us, it is all around us! The universe is but one great mess, a mess which must be cleansed and purified! Rid this nation of these mortals’ delusional cures, and tell them to drink bleach!”

[Valentine Z]

Valentine’s Changelog 053

---

Feel the power of my... Maaagggicccccc!

- 10 new issues added.
- Many more small changes.
- Dumbified some smart quotes.
- TODO: Standardize the macros more.
- Undocumented: New entry edited in: 1560 TO 1579.txt. In other words, another post is made use of.

Changes made to the threads can be seen here.

[Democratic Poopland]

Valentine’s Changelog 053

---

Feel the power of my... Maaagggicccccc!

- 10 new issues added.
- Many more small changes.
- Dumbified some smart quotes.
- TODO: Standardize the macros more.
- Undocumented: New entry edited in: 1560 TO 1579.txt. In other words, another post is made use of.

Changes made to the threads can be seen here.

Is it possible for nations to not have an army?

[War Dogs IV]

Is it possible for nations to not have an army?

No. You can, however, choose options that reduce your nation's military spending and/or favour pacifism. BTW: Wrong post to ask this.

[Democratic Poopland]

Is it possible for nations to not have an army?

No. You can, however, choose options that reduce your nation's military spending and/or favour pacifism. BTW: Wrong post to ask this.

A) Ah, ok.
B) Sorry.

[Rocain Founder]

It appears that issue #556 has been changed by twinning the first option, that is, duplicating the first option with an alternate similar one, and then pushing the remainder of the options down one. My puppet Cain M Imp v0 got the issue in this form. (This occurred via the API, and I'm compensating here for the fact that with the API the option numbers start with 0, not 1.)

2. “Do we really have to go through this again?” sighs Education Minister Rosita Egan, while reading through a woefully inaccurate high school history textbook. “The map was obviously just talking about lizards or something. Dragons aren’t real! If the people really are this credulous, then it’s just a sign that we need to give the education budget another boost. If you need the funding, I bet there are some illegal religious practitioners whose assets you can seize. It’s that superstitious mumbo-jumbo that has people believing in imaginary creatures anyway.”

4. “Okay, so dragons don’t exist... yet,” agrees Minister of Science and Technology Alexandra Looney, while poking a strange-looking animal with a cattle prod. “Although with recent advances in biological splicing, who knows? If you allotted a little extra in the budget for science, and eased up on some of those research restrictions, we could start creating all sorts of creatures in our labs. Maybe we could even try a field test of Prototype #42?”

5. “I’m not sure there’s anything actually wrong with the public believing dragons exist,” muses Minister of Whispers Don Shufflebottom, while feeding a flock of little birds. “If you ask me, they’ve been getting a little uppity lately. Remember that protest last week, simply because you wanted to erect your statue in @@CAPITAL@@ Square? Let’s start spreading rumours that you really do have dragons - a whole flight of them! They’ll think twice about speaking out over the new tax bill then! Fire and blood!”

The underlined bit in option 2 is shown in the spoilers for option 1 as simply "you can take it from that religious ministry." Of course, since my puppet didn't get option 1, I can't be sure that the text of that option hasn't also been modified as part of this change.

Clearly, the text indicates that this form of the issue is for nations that have banned religions, or at least some religions.

[Rocain Founder]

That old warhorse issue #3 (Harry Potter Censorship Row) has had a third option added. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances I don't know what it is, though I have a guess about it.

My puppet nation Cain EP v1 received it with options 1 and 3 and no option 2. The text of option 1 is the same as the spoiled text, and the text of option 3 is the same as the text of the spoiled option 2. Here is the issue I received, translated from the API to have option numbers starting with 1 rather than 0.

The latest “Harry Potter” book to hit schools across @@NAME@@ has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

1. “I quite enjoyed the book, until I got to the part where Harry summons evil demons to do his bidding,” says religious leader Chastity Kane. “Now that’s just wrong. We need to restore some sense to this debate, by which I mean we should remove this book from the shelves, salt it thoroughly, and burn it.”

3. Teachers union President Hector Reed says, “Come on, the book is fantasy! And it’s a damn good read. I’d like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians.”

I suspect the missing option 2 is a variant for some nations of either option 1 or 3. I suspect that it is a variant of option 1 for secular nations, but as I haven't seen it, that is only a guess, and quite possibly wrong. We won't know until someone receives the issue with option 2 present (and who tells us about it). And, if my guess is correct, there might also be an option 4 duplicating 3 for secular nations.