NationStates

My puppet Cain EV v0, which has the Autarky policy, received issue #733 today, and got option 2 rather than option 1, as predicted by the present spoilers. As the spoiler has only TBD for the text of option 2, here it is. (I've taken care of the macros whose values are specific to this nation, but none relating to personal names.)

1. “@@LEADER@@, we have a brilliant opportunity!” excitedly cheers Francine Meier, the mayor of one of the cities. “Imagine, our city, a front to the world in both summer and winter. All we need to do is develop and deploy a whole fleet of state-of-the-art icebreakers the likes of which the world has never seen before! I can just picture it now: hundreds of ships and thousands of tourists could finally bring millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ from across the globe to my port... err, @@NAME@@.”

The spoilers indicate that option 3 of issue 310 is TBD. My puppet Cain BZ R08Au v0 just received this issue, with option 3 in place of option 2. The text of option 3 is identical to that spoiled for option 2. Furthermore, I selected this option, and the talking point was identical to that listed by Trotterdam's web site for option 2.

I have no idea what criteria cause a nation to get option 2 versus option 3, since everything visible about them is identical. Here is the list of policies for the receiving nation, in case something on that list seems promising as a distinguishing factor.


Devolution is the only one that seems to have even the slightest relationship to the issue's subject matter. But it's very slight indeed.

[Edited to correct a typo in the issue number, noted a few posts below by Trotterdam. Very sorry if anyone was misled.]

The spoiled text for option 3 of issue #102, recently received by my puppet Cain BZ R01An v0, is incorrect. The spoiler says that option 3 restricts where cars may be driven, while in fact the current text makes it clear that cars have been banned.

Here is the current text for that option:

“Allowing cars to scoot around and pollute our cities was a bad idea in the first place,” says Vera Shakespeare, a famous environmentalist. “The solution is to abolish private motor transport whilst funding a major urban public transport scheme. Our buses and undergrounds could be the envy of the world! Yes, the car companies will suffer, and yes, there’ll be a bit more tax, but wouldn’t it be worth it for a bit of fresh air and safe streets for the children?”

I assume the speaker's name is random.

Rocain Founder wrote:The spoilers indicate that option 3 of issue 301 is TBD.

You made a typo here. You're actually talking about #310.

Trotterdam wrote:

Rocain Founder wrote:The spoilers indicate that option 3 of issue 301 is TBD.

You made a typo here. You're actually talking about #310.

Thanks for catching that. I need to proofread more carefully.

Issue #23 has had a close duplicate of option 3 inserted, as prophesied in this post. The new option 4 has the following text:

“You’ve got to be kidding,” says green pamphleteer Lee Gonzalez. “This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs—well, that really sticks in my craw.”

(The proper name is presumably the result of a macro.)

The nation which received it, Cain A R-V Vg v0, is indeed an autocracy, again, as prophesied.

The old option 4 is of course now option 5.

#1469 News Flash!

The Issue

While reporting an incident where no less than seven cats got stuck in the same tree at once, broadcasts on major news networks featured blaring noises and rapidly flashing colors, causing many discomfort, migraines, and in a few cases, full-blown epileptic seizures.

The Debate

1. "The last thing I expect in the morning is to be attacked by my television, and there's no doubt that this stinking migraine I have is from that news report," sighs beleaguered mum Nyota Pelosi, whose five-year-old has loudly sung sixty-seven consecutive repetitions of the Baby Shark song since coming into your office. "The jabbering nonsense news anchors regurgitate is painful enough. News and other TV shows must be barred from broadcasting these sorts of noises and graphics."

2. "What if we made shows put epilepsy warnings before each instance and program?" suggests children's show editor Miley Warner, showing you a happy face with a warning in colorful, flashy letters. "Then people will know when to switch channels, and networks will favor writers who are more conscientious. It's a nice compromise that can be applied to all media. Hey, I know a song about compromise we can all sing! Just to warn you, there's some moderately loud clapping in the middle."

3. "Why should my show be compromised?" refutes popular TV show host Théoden Dahl, entering your office with blinding rainbow strobe lights. "Which would you rather watch? A boring old guy in a suit, or a cinematic extravaganza featuring epic explosions and fast-paced drama? If some people are too sensitive to watch the news, then they can always listen to it on radio or something. You know, you should give your official political broadcasts more pizzaz too. I'll give you the number of the SFX guys I use. I guarantee people will sit up and take notice!"

Issue by Jutsa
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

"Warner", at least, seems unlikely to be a random name.

That's funny; I got Niles Collins.

I was wondering if "ile" is fixed on account of "smiley" but I'm thinking this might just be coincidence.

All names seem to be random, though. At least, according to my copy.

Many thanks to CWA for picking this one up. I'm just happy an issue now has this as its title. xD
(Also Baby Shark was not my idea I swear.)

#1470: The Devil’s Spawn [Great Robertia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive

The Issue
Big baby news from Blackacre: Supreme Leader Valeria Drake — the oft-hostile tyrant of that oft-hostile nation — has announced that she is once again pregnant. With heartfelt and sometimes sincere congratulations pouring in from leaders all across the world, eyes are turning on @@NAME@@, eager to gauge your reaction.

The Debate
1. The Minister of Foreign Relations lays her hand on your right shoulder, the sunlight creating a bright halo around her head. “Oh, let bygones be bygones already. This is a joyous occasion for Madam Drake! Let’s break the ice between Blackacre and us, and send over our most cordial felicitations. It wouldn’t kill us if we swallowed our pride for once, you know.”

2. The Minister of Defense lays her hand on your left shoulder, tufts of her hair sticking up like horns. “Don’t listen to that naive dimwit! We need to show the world that that vile succubus and her larva don’t deserve any ‘best wishes’ to be sent their way. How about we discreetly spread some nasty rumours about how the father of the child is a descendant of Lee Terallihitlah, the Butcher of Bigtopia? You’ll see, all sympathy for that serpent and her spawn will melt away like snow.”

3. “Oh we can do far better than a few rumours,” whispers Miriam Asda, a refugee whose family died in one of Blackacre’s many wars of aggression. She beckons to you from the shadows, to suggest a third, even darker path. “I suggest we send our best wishes, and maybe some baby gifts, laced with subtle biotoxins that will induce miscarriage. Trust me, she deserves nothing less.”

4. A civil servant walks in on the meeting, and ruins the ambience by turning on the fluorescent ceiling lights. “Oh, uhm, s-sorry... but I came in to tell you that you could also simply ignore the entire affair. Pretend that you didn’t hear about the pregnancy because you were too busy volunteering in orphanages to follow international gossip. It’ll create a positive image of yourself, and you’ll have a great excuse to change the subject to how awesome you are.”

Issue #1467 has gained an option. Puppet Cain G LoN Osc v0 received this issue with options 1, 3, 4 and 5. This post hints that the first option has been cloned to be compatible with Autarky. The nation that received the issue does not have Autarky, and the text of option 1 matches the spoiled text. So I assume from all this that there is a new option 2 which is compatible with Autarky (whose text, of course I have not seen).

I can confirm that the names in #1470 are not random. Not that there were a lot of names to begin with, but Miriam Asda being fixed came as a surprise.

Issue #144 has also gained an option. Puppet Cain G LoN Osc v0 (the same puppet as for my previous report) received issue #144 with options 1 and 3, having the same texts as the spoiled 1 and 2. I assume the new option 2 is a clone of one of the two existing options, but of course that is hardly certain. Cain G LoN Osc v0 has only a small set of Policies, namely Capitalism, Conscription, Marriage Equality and Polygamy, none of which seems to have much to do with the subject matter of the issue.

Option 1 of Issue #560 "Bicameral Backlash" allows @@NAME@@ to abolish its upper house; however, there existed no reversal issue until recently.

About an hour ago, Sacara said in the Got Issues? Discord that there now exists a published issue by Daarwyrth which allows nations with unicameral parliaments to reintroduce their upper house (Daar confirmed that he "was really happy to see it was added into the game thanks to Verdant Haven among others"). I do not know the title, contents, or issue number of this reversal issue, although I believe it is @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes; it would be lovely if somebody could report it here.

Please do pardon me for the lack of updates on the megathread as of now. With luck, I can make one update within this week! ^^;

The second dose of the vaccine really kicks like a mule, and I am just starting to feel better tonight.

Finally! An issue to bring back the upper house!

#1471: @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes

The Issue

The hall that once hosted the legislature’s now-defunct upper house sits forlornly in the parliamentary building in Xirroni, collecting dust, attracting vermin, and sheltering angsty aides seeking to evade their boss’ supervision. Given the importance the chamber once held, competing interests have been trying to claim it for their own purposes.

The Debate

1. “A museum is the most logical choice,” notes your advisor Ellie Tarkin, standing before the door to the hall, while slurping a little too loudly on an iced coffee. “It could become a place where we’d celebrate and share our nation’s history of democracy. Early drafts of our constitution on display, a big statue of yourself of course, and you can have the former members give tours to the public!”

2. “A museum is for old farts who dwell in the bog of history, darling!” tuts passing parliamentarian Jude Chan. “It’s time we introduced some haute cuisine into this tasteless den of stale sandwiches and withered salads to woo foreign ambassadors! Imagine fountains spraying caviar, langoustines waiting to pop out of their shells into our salivating mouths, delectable truffles sprinkled on top of the finest dishes. Make this hall splendid again!”

3. “Uh, hey, uhm... c-could we think about the l-little folk for once?” stammers an overworked aide, emerging from a silent corner of the hall. “W-we really could use a moment to ourselves at times. S-some peace and quiet. M-maybe we could put a break room in here, with a little Zen garden? You know, f-for us to meditate and de-stress? That would be nice...”

4. “I’ll tell you what to do with this chamber!” rages former chair of the upper house Nyota Hunt, gesticulating wildly from the hallway where she is camped with a number of her former colleagues. “Re-open it! This joke has run its course. @@NAME@@ needs the calm and level-headed guidance of upper house members like myself! Give us back our jobs, or else there will be trouble.”

Issue by The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Edited by Verdant Haven

This needs more options. Probably got the numbering completely wrong.

Note: 1313 option 3 looks like it broke the third wall.

Here is option 3 of issue #1461, received by puppet Cain O-N At v1. This nation does not have the No Internet policy.

“The easiest thing to do would be to introduce online voting,” interrupts your intern, whose high-tech Boogle glasses obscure her face. “Instant fingerprint recognition, ocular identification, strong passwords and meticulous analysis of cursor movements are the future of electioneering scrutiny. It’s voter identification without the hassle of in-person voting. And, the poor can easily sign up at their nearest library.”

A new option has been added to issue #72, as discovered by puppet Cain M J339 v0. It received options 1, 2, 4 and 5. Option 4 is very similar to the spoiled option 3, having the following text (proper names having been left unchanged):

“I don’t see why it’s anyone’s business but my own how I kill myself,” says Emile Jordan, a pleasantly plump former computer programmer, midway through a chili dog. “My weight is my own business, and if I don’t feel like exercising, that’s my choice. Sure, it’d be healthier to lose a few pounds, but my priorities lie elsewhere. Leave us alone, and we, the citizens of @@NAME@@, will decide what’s important to us and what we want to eat.”

One change to the wording here is replacement of "computer programmer" with "former computer programmer", which suggests that maybe delivery of this option instead of option 3 is due to the No Computers Policy. This theory is ruined, however, by the fact that Cain M J339 v0 does not have this policy. In fact, that nation has only answered 6 issues, and none of them have anything to do with computers.

It seems possible that a completely new option 3 has been added, or that it is a variant of option 2 rather than option 4. Since I didn't get option 3, I'll just have to leave the full story as a mystery to be solved another day.

#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is

The Issue

Recent studies have concluded that the indoor air quality in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ buildings often reaches unhealthy levels, leading to decreased comfort and productivity across the nation. That explains why all your meetings this morning were interrupted by the sounds of your assistants sneezing and coughing throughout the office.

The Debate

1. "There's a simple solution to this!" declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the trendy tech startup Vaporware LLC. "Our smart air purifiers will clean all those pesky particulates out of your homes and workplaces, and they even come with a bright LED display that glows one of 500 different colors to tell the user exactly what the machine's doing. Just sign here and my company will sell you enough air purifiers to put those bad boys in every building in @@NAME@@!"

2. ???

3. "There's no need to blow through money like that," snuffles your runny-nosed Minister of Safety, still clutching the tissue box that @@HE/SHE@@ has been carrying all morning. "Many indoor air pollutants come from the organic compounds found in building materials, paint, and cleaning products. If we restrict the use of these chemicals, we'll tackle the root of the problem, and we won't have to worry about biting off more than we can a-a-CHEW!"

4. "This wouldn't be such a problem if people weren't spending all their time inside," rebuts lonely park ranger @@RANDOMNAME@@, who deserted @@HIS/HER@@ post to meet with you without anybody noticing. "If you invest in public parks, plazas, and hiking trails, I think you'll see more people enjoying the great outdoors and less people complaining about this whole indoor air quality thing, since they won't be exposed to it anymore! Well, not as much, anyway."

5. "New machines? New restrictions? You're all absolutely insane!" interrupts a disgruntled old man who you don't recall inviting to this meeting. "You know what we did back in my day when we wanted fresh air? That's right, open a goddang window! You should just mandate that every building open all their windows for two hours a day. Problem solved." The man then exits the room via the open window behind him.

Issue by Osheiga
Edited by USS Monitor

According to the draft thread, option 1 is for capitalist nations and option 2 for socialist nations.

Lots more issues than just this one got added today. I think three (plus this one makes four).

EDIT: Confirmed all names random, although I think the (unnamed) last speaker is always male. The gender in option 3 is random, but due to how the macros work, it will always be identical to the name of the speaker in option 1 (or 2), despite them being different people.

Now in use _

NO. 1'474

Cuy Bono?

The Issue
A morning meeting with some of your ministers is just starting when your sister bursts into the room and into an angry complaint about how, when her family went out to dinner at a fashionable new Tiquitacan restaurant yesterday evening, her young daughter was brought to tears by finding guinea pig on the menu.

The Debate
“At first she was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals — which his people call cuy — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones they wanted to eat. She was still crying right up until she finally went to sleep that night. It shouldn’t be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which.”

“But the guinea pig has always been an important meat animal for the Tiquitacans, and it’s really tasty too. I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there,” remarks Caliban Lennon, your Foreign Minister, salivating slightly. “Not only should we continue to allow the use of guinea pigs as meat, but there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and shops here to stock as well: Skandilund’s reindeer hind cutlets with eyeball sauce, for example, or Tasmanian fermented platypus eggs. Yum!”

“All meat is murder!” protests Harriet Schmo, your Environment Minister. “It’s a slippery slope: First, people eat the flesh of ‘domestic livestock’, then they eat the flesh of animals traditionally kept just as pets... and then, maybe, they’ll even ‘graduate’ to putting pineapple on pizza! It’s barbaric! This incident is just more proof that we should outlaw meat-eating altogether.”

Issue by The Free Bears of Bears Armed
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

I don't know whether the two names given in red here are fixed or random.

I can confirm that the effect line for option 2 is, as was submitted, "@@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra".

I don't know whether the change during editing from "Titicacan" to "Tiquitacan" was just because the editor thought this sounded better or to reduce the "RL reference" aspect (which had the unfortunate side-effect of also reducing the strength of the 'shout-out to The Goon Show' aspect...) ... or just because the editor[s] didn't want it to say "tit".
Presumably the changes to the Skandilunder recipe in option 2 were to make it sound revolting rather than [potentially] appetizing, and the change in the Tasmanian recipe from "devilled eggs" to "fermented eggs" was because the editor[s] thought that more people would understand the latter?

And, while I agree that pineapple on pizza is an abomination, its inclusion in that escalating scale of horrors in option 3 -- when the rest of that option, like the rest of the issue as a whole, is specifically about carnivory -- seems rather inappropriate to me...
Or is the nation's Environment Minister actually supposed to think that pineapple is a form of meat?!

Awh, but I like the changes.

#thisiswhyI'mvegetarian

Also you don't consider pineapples to be a form of vulgar carnivory when applied to pizza? Pfft, I'd expect as much from a nation of bears.
that said it is my one exception to my self-imposed vegetarian rule.

Bears Armed wrote:Now in use _

NO. 1'474

Cuy Bono?

The Issue
A morning meeting with some of your ministers is just starting when your sister bursts into the room and into an angry complaint about how, when her family went out to dinner at a fashionable new Tiquitacan restaurant yesterday evening, her young daughter was brought to tears by finding guinea pig on the menu.

The Debate
“At first she was delighted to see that they had a pen of guinea pigs, which she thought was a petting zoo, until one of the waiters explained that those animals — which his people call cuy — were actually there so that diners could choose which ones they wanted to eat. She was still crying right up until she finally went to sleep that night. It shouldn’t be allowed! Some kinds of animals are food but some kinds are just pets instead, at least in civilized countries like ours, and the law should make it clear which are which.”

“But the guinea pig has always been an important meat animal for the Tiquitacans, and it’s really tasty too. I remember that from when I was posted at our embassy there,” remarks Caliban Lennon, your Foreign Minister, salivating slightly. “Not only should we continue to allow the use of guinea pigs as meat, but there are so many other foreign delicacies that we should encourage restaurants and shops here to stock as well: Skandilund’s reindeer hind cutlets with eyeball sauce, for example, or Tasmanian fermented platypus eggs. Yum!”

“All meat is murder!” protests Harriet Schmo, your Environment Minister. “It’s a slippery slope: First, people eat the flesh of ‘domestic livestock’, then they eat the flesh of animals traditionally kept just as pets... and then, maybe, they’ll even ‘graduate’ to putting pineapple on pizza! It’s barbaric! This incident is just more proof that we should outlaw meat-eating altogether.”

Issue by The Free Bears of Bears Armed
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

I don't know whether the two names given in red here are fixed or random.

I can confirm that the effect line for option 2 is, as was submitted, "@@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra".

I don't know whether the change during editing from "Titicacan" to "Tiquitacan" was just because the editor thought this sounded better or to reduce the "RL reference" aspect (which had the unfortunate side-effect of also reducing the strength of the 'shout-out to The Goon Show' aspect...) ... or just because the editor[s] didn't want it to say "tit".
Presumably the changes to the Skandilunder recipe in option 2 were to make it sound revolting rather than [potentially] appetizing, and the change in the Tasmanian recipe from "devilled eggs" to "fermented eggs" was because the editor[s] thought that more people would understand the latter?

And, while I agree that pineapple on pizza is an abomination, its inclusion in that escalating scale of horrors in option 3 -- when the rest of that option, like the rest of the issue as a whole, is specifically about carnivory -- seems rather inappropriate to me...
Or is the nation's Environment Minister actually supposed to think that pineapple is a form of meat?!

For the names, I got Idris Goff and Michelle Montgomery, respectively, so they are random. I'm not sure if they're gender-locked, but I see no reason why they should be.

I disagree with you and Harriet/Michelle though, I love me a good Hawaiian pizza.

Option 2 of issue #144 has turned up. My puppet Cain BZ R07So v0 received this issue with options 2 and 3 only. Option 2 is a doppelganger of the spoiled option 1, with the following text (proper names left intact):

“The ignorant have taken over @@NAME@@,” yells Dawang Goff, from atop a soap box podium. “”I knew compulsory voting would bring the lowest common denominator out from under their rock. It is time that the intelligent retake the polls! Mr. ‘Scruffy’ is a disgrace to democracy and should be taken out of office instantly! I propose we issue mandatory I.Q. tests for every voting citizen and if they are found to have below average reasoning ability - namely lacking the foresight to see that electing an inanimate object to office will cause disaster - then they shall be excused from the responsibility of voting.”

This text makes it pretty clear that option 1 is given to nations with voluntary voting, and option 2 to ones with compulsory voting.

The double quotation mark after the word "podium" was present in the text received from the API.

The talking point for this option appears to be the same as for option 1.

#1475: Bombshell for @@LEADER@@ [Fauxia; ed: The Free Joy State]

The Issue
Your re-election campaign has been thrust into the headlines due to adult film star Catherine Gratwick announcing her full-throated support. She has since hooked up with your campaign manager to offer her services on the campaign trail.

The Debate
1. "That’s a great ass... uh, asset!" assesses your brother, fingering through an assortment of Gratwick’s films. "You should flaunt the association all over the place and assert your dominance over the competition! Ask for her assistance at every assembly. The moralists may assail you for it, but rest assured, you don’t need their assent to get over the hump. Tell them to shove off and assimilate into the modern world."

2. "Screw her!" shouts your self-appointed morals counselor, Prue Dish, confiscating your brother's movies while he is busy cheering. "Gratwick is a disgusting, disgraceful deviant! Those are the triple Ds of her profession. You can’t possibly get into bed with people like her! Listen to Prudence: denounce her. Reassure the public that you've never even heard of those demeaning films -- you haven’t, have you -- and send demure surrogates to represent you. That prim actress who's been in the soap Hard Days on Easy Street for fifty years just loves you."

3. "She's a good one, but you should always play it safe and see how it works," suggests your campaign manager, Thaddeus Kapoor, who seems to carry an infinite supply of latex. "Don't say anything about Gratwick's endorsement. If it's mentioned, obfuscate; maybe bring up that obscure novelist who wrote you that intimate letter. Then, send her as a surrogate to events where it might be useful. It's all about saying the right things to the right people, you know."

4. "Get on with it,” moans Joe Reid, a volunteer for your campaign who entered the room unsolicited. "Catherine Gratwick? She’s just some dumb actress. Why should her support mean more than anyone else's? Sure, lots of people know all about her, but don't our votes count equally? How about you celebrate the average Joes you couldn't do it without; maybe invite us to speak at events? It's us who win the elections, not the latest blonde or brunette actress in bad churned-out movies."

Internal numbers match. Prue Dish and Joe Reid match non-random names from the draft, though both have been changed in-edit.

Rocain Founder wrote:Option 2 of issue #144 has turned up.

-snip-

The double quotation mark after the word "podium" was present in the text received from the API.

Thanks for the heads-up on that one - will double check it backstage.