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Darmen
Negotiator
 
Posts: 6888
Founded: Jan 16, 2011
Right-wing Utopia

Postby Darmen » Sat Mar 13, 2021 4:23 pm

Issue #1444: Trouble in Deed

The Issue
During a photo op in a fairly upscale neighborhood of Scott City, you notice a surprising number of abandoned houses dotting nearly every street. According to the painfully grinning woman whose baby you’re kissing, the properties are still owned by Darmeni expats who emigrated to various other countries, often decades ago.

The Debate
1. “Are these decrepit buildings a blight on the place? You betcha!” remarks the ever-smiling woman, who happens to be a City Councilor, wrestling your Minister of Public Relations over the baby. “It’s not just here, either. My colleagues tell me that cities across Darmen are dealing with this plague, and it’s getting in the way of the plans for our new megamall, dontcha know. Local governments need broad authority to step in and seize buildings that aren’t being used, so that they can be auctioned or demolished. Now can I have my baby back? I’ve got a hotdish in the oven.”

2. “You can’t do that!” screeches your rarely seen Minister of Sanity, crawling out of the woodwork of a nearby house. “Imagine what would happen if we let some mayor seize property just because it isn’t being used, especially if that property is owned by expats who might have dual citizenship! Do you want an international incident on our hands? The government needs to do things by the book, and not stir up any trouble. Instead, let’s try to contact every person that owns unused property here, and ask if they’d be willing to sell.”

3. “What happens in Darmen stays in Darmen!” declares vagrant Gertie du Pont, loading a bulging stack of boxes into a shopping cart. “As far as anyone’s concerned, the people owning these properties have ceased to exist. Us local folk could really use them houses for living, social gatherings, and steali- er, borrowing anything not nailed down. If the owners come back, you can just give the land back to them. What’ve you got to lose?”

Issue by The Lucky Endo Time of Cretox State
Edited by Pogaria
The Republic of Darmen
President: Joshua Rademacher (LIB) | Capital: Scott City | Population: 8.6 mil | Demonym: Darmeni | Trigramme: DAR
Factbook (WIP) | Encylopedia | Domestic Sports Newswire
Champions: CoH 51, CR 13, GCF Test 9, WBC 25, QWC 7 Runners-up: CoH 53, CR 10, GCF Test 11, T20C 2, T20C 4, RLWC 10, WBC 42
Third: CR 20, T20C 10, R7WC 4, WBC 21, BC 6 Host: CR 9, RUWC 18, RUWC 26, RLWC 12, RLWC 18, BC 6, BC 10, WVE 4

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Murtialand
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 3
Founded: Jan 17, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Murtialand » Sat Mar 13, 2021 8:40 pm

I just got the issue, does the Nuclear Weapon detonate or not detonate. Does the action of the enemy country launching nuke always be a failed nuclear strike or not one?

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Serica-
Lobbyist
 
Posts: 11
Founded: May 28, 2019
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Serica- » Sun Mar 14, 2021 4:27 am

Darmen wrote:
Issue #1444: Trouble in Deed

The Issue
During a photo op in a fairly upscale neighborhood of Scott City, you notice a surprising number of abandoned houses dotting nearly every street. According to the painfully grinning woman whose baby you’re kissing, the properties are still owned by Darmeni expats who emigrated to various other countries, often decades ago.

The Debate
1. “Are these decrepit buildings a blight on the place? You betcha!” remarks the ever-smiling woman, who happens to be a City Councilor, wrestling your Minister of Public Relations over the baby. “It’s not just here, either. My colleagues tell me that cities across Darmen are dealing with this plague, and it’s getting in the way of the plans for our new megamall, dontcha know. Local governments need broad authority to step in and seize buildings that aren’t being used, so that they can be auctioned or demolished. Now can I have my baby back? I’ve got a hotdish in the oven.”

2. “You can’t do that!” screeches your rarely seen Minister of Sanity, crawling out of the woodwork of a nearby house. “Imagine what would happen if we let some mayor seize property just because it isn’t being used, especially if that property is owned by expats who might have dual citizenship! Do you want an international incident on our hands? The government needs to do things by the book, and not stir up any trouble. Instead, let’s try to contact every person that owns unused property here, and ask if they’d be willing to sell.”

3. “What happens in Darmen stays in Darmen!” declares vagrant Gertie du Pont, loading a bulging stack of boxes into a shopping cart. “As far as anyone’s concerned, the people owning these properties have ceased to exist. Us local folk could really use them houses for living, social gatherings, and steali- er, borrowing anything not nailed down. If the owners come back, you can just give the land back to them. What’ve you got to lose?”

Issue by The Lucky Endo Time of Cretox State
Edited by Pogaria


I got Gretel Neumann for option 3.
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Rocain Founder
Secretary
 
Posts: 32
Founded: Aug 01, 2020
Father Knows Best State

Postby Rocain Founder » Sun Mar 14, 2021 7:09 am

Issue #1442 has 4 options, not 3. My puppet Cain A C-G Gn v0 received this issue, and was offered options 1, 2 and 4. The text for option 4 was the same as the text given in the recent post disclosing this issue for option 3. Of course, I have no information on the actual option 3, which might be unique, or a near duplicate of option 2 or 4, as far as I know.

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Cretox State
Diplomat
 
Posts: 822
Founded: Nov 04, 2015
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Cretox State » Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:30 am

Serica- wrote:I got Gretel Neumann for option 3.

Speaker 3 in 1444 is randomname.

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Author: 11 GA + 3 SC resolutions, 4 issues, and a lot of drafts

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GA 496
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GA 504
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GA 520
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Issue 1427
Issue 1433
Issue 1438
Issue 1444

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Valentine Z
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10076
Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:41 am

Yup, I need to get working on this one day. Apologies for the lack of activity recently! ^^;


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Trotterdam
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Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Tue Mar 16, 2021 4:10 am

Rocain Founder wrote:Issue #1442 has 4 options, not 3. My puppet Cain A C-G Gn v0 received this issue, and was offered options 1, 2 and 4. The text for option 4 was the same as the text given in the recent post disclosing this issue for option 3. Of course, I have no information on the actual option 3, which might be unique, or a near duplicate of option 2 or 4, as far as I know.
#1442 A Green Bill of Health

The Issue

An outbreak of huanglongbing, a disease that causes citrus fruit to turn green and die, nearly wiped out all of @@NAME@@'s orange crop before it was contained. Investigators have determined that the outbreak originated from contaminated fruit brought by overseas travelers.

The Debate

1. "We're at code blood orange here," reports Minister of Agriculture @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the ministry's 'citruation room'. "Our nation's delicate ecosystem is constantly under threat from foreign diseases that can seriously harm our flora and fauna. Strict regulations must dictate which food products are allowed into @@NAME@@. If someone refuses to let customs officers confiscate prohibited items, they'll have to make like a banana and split right back to where they came from."

3. "A strategy like that sounds sensible, but our agriculture would still be susceptible to rot from within," counters geneticist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who recently grew flies with eyes on their wings. "It takes only one breach for there to be another outbreak. The government should sponsor a large-scale gene editing program so that the next generation of crops won't even blink at exotic diseases. While we're at it, we can improve them in other ways as well. You know, I've always wanted to eat glow-in-the-dark cherries."

4. "Woah... dude, aren't plants supposed to be green?" asks hippy herbalist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who imports the Sedji berry 'superfood'. "Let's encourage our plants and animals to build their natural immunity by exposing them to these diseases from abroad — just like a pox party. After all, it's worked just fine in nature for millions of years and stuff."

Issue by Candensia
Edited by Electrum
I think the difference between options 2 and 3 is compulsory vegetarianism (though I don't see why vegetarian nations couldn't have glow-in-the-dark chickens...).

EDIT: Then again, it might also be the No Zoos policy.
Last edited by Trotterdam on Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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GeodesicDragon
Lobbyist
 
Posts: 22
Founded: Jan 25, 2007
Iron Fist Consumerists

issue 1445: The Dialectics of Dialects

Postby GeodesicDragon » Thu Mar 18, 2021 1:39 pm

The Issue

A few days ago, a tourist from Brancaland was hospitalized due to a severe allergic reaction after ingesting street food in (CAPITAL). It turned out he had asked the local vendor about the ingredients, but had been unable to understand her heavily accented reply. The incident has stirred up a debate over what to do about the wildly different dialects of (NATION).

The Debate

“Everywhere I go, I see tourists struggling to understand the many different dialects in use in this country,” moans (RANDOMNAME), your Tourism Minister. “So, how about we help them by printing a guidebook? That way, the tourists and the locals can communicate with each other more easily. Plus, profits from the sale of the book would obviously benefit the national treasury, right?”

“Och, awa’ ye go wi’ that rubbish!” scoffs (RANDOMNAME), a resident of a city in the far north of (NATION). “We dinnae need tae be panderin’ tae yon tourists; if they cannae understaund wit it is we’re saying, then dae ye really think they shid be comin’ here tae begin with?” He taps his head with a finger. “Think on, (LEADER), think on.”

“I reckon banning tourists for not being able to speak the dialects is a downright preposterous idea,” splutters (RANDOMNAME), your Minister of Education. “It is high time that we formed a committee of linguists and dialectologists to develop a new curriculum to make sure every citizen ditches their vernacular language and learns the standard variety instead. This will make language instruction much easier, both for our own students and for foreign learners.”

Issue by The Apocalypse of GeodesicDragon

Edited by Frieden-und Freudenland
Glory to the Apocalypse
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Valentine Z
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10076
Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Mar 21, 2021 12:30 am

Valentine’s Changelog 028

When is Season 3 coming out? In 5 hours. Always perpetually in 5 hours. You eat, sleep, wake up, go to school, come back, still 5 hours.

- Added many, many issues! ^^
- Also made another new file - 1440 TO 1459. Which also means new section is now open!

Changes made to the threads can be seen here.

This has been long overdue, I do apologise for my lateness!

EDIT 1: Hotfix to address the mistake with Section 4 URLs.
Last edited by Valentine Z on Sun Mar 21, 2021 6:30 am, edited 2 times in total.


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Tien Nemh
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 8
Founded: Jul 07, 2019
Democratic Socialists

Postby Tien Nemh » Sun Mar 21, 2021 12:34 pm

Another issue. Seems too similar to that one about punctuation.

#1446: Yet Another Issue About Periods

The Issue

Your niece has been berating your Secretary of State on her Twitcher account, accusing him of making her feel uneasy by his use of full stops in his text messages. She claims they indicate that the sender is annoyed at the recipient and that the full stop should no longer be considered as proper usage. Once a quiet chat has been had with the 55-year-old about why he’s texting your 16-year-old niece in the first place, a conversation begins about your niece’s ideas.

The Debate

1. Your niece DMs you, despite the fact that she’s only just across the room: smh, your messages are all so Formal And Proper... were basically having a conversation rn, so you should write like youre actually speaking out loud – add some *emphasis* and cut out those full stops, i mean, have you heard anyone speak every sentence with a flat inflection? while your at it, you should fr make everyone over 30 attend texting literacy class, yall gotta learn somehow

2. “I’ve never heard such nonsense,” proclaims Professor Phileas Ogaria, the nation’s foremost authority on punctuation. “Proper pedagogical procedures necessitate principles of punctuation, and every youth should be carefully considering how to conform correctly. If children cannot accurately use a semicolon by the time they leave kindergarten, then there’s no hope for them.”

3. “Ancient Maxtopia had a way around this problem,” states archaeologist Cindy Hanover, as she chisels away at your desk. “They used hieroglyphs to communicate the written word, and didn’t punctuate at all. Imagine if we adopted a similar pictorial script that portrays modern @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ life; there’d be no more arguments over whether the writing needs a semicolon or a colon, and the younger @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ will feel a lot less threatened.”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
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SherpDaWerp
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Posts: 1072
Founded: Mar 02, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Sun Mar 21, 2021 5:04 pm

Tien Nemh wrote:Another issue. Seems too similar to that one about punctuation.

The word "punctuation" only appears twice; both in #721.4. If there's another issue about punctuation, do you know the number? Knowing would be helpful in refining how I search.

That aside, I'm happy to see this issue published! Congrats & good job to Baggie and CWA!
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Tien Nemh
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 8
Founded: Jul 07, 2019
Democratic Socialists

Postby Tien Nemh » Sun Mar 21, 2021 5:08 pm

SherpDaWerp wrote:
Tien Nemh wrote:Another issue. Seems too similar to that one about punctuation.

The word "punctuation" only appears twice; both in #721.4. If there's another issue about punctuation, do you know the number? Knowing would be helpful in refining how I search.


That issue was the one I meant, sorry about that.
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SherpDaWerp
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Founded: Mar 02, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Sun Mar 21, 2021 5:19 pm

Tien Nemh wrote:
SherpDaWerp wrote:The word "punctuation" only appears twice; both in #721.4. If there's another issue about punctuation, do you know the number? Knowing would be helpful in refining how I search.

That issue was the one I meant, sorry about that.

Ah, that's alright. Not like I've never misremembered issues!
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Alanis Star
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Posts: 512
Founded: Mar 05, 2016
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Alanis Star » Mon Mar 22, 2021 6:09 pm

For 1445, of note that I got Molly Rose for Option 1, Vladimir Clarissa for Option 2, Bob Fields for Option 3.

I wonder if Vladimir Clarissa is just a huge coincidence, or that it is using the first word of my leader's field "Clarissa Alanis S Coraline Taissa Harumi".
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SherpDaWerp
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Founded: Mar 02, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Mon Mar 22, 2021 7:33 pm

Alanis Star wrote:For 1445, of note that I got Molly Rose for Option 1, Vladimir Clarissa for Option 2, Bob Fields for Option 3.

I wonder if Vladimir Clarissa is just a huge coincidence, or that it is using the first word of my leader's field "Clarissa Alanis S Coraline Taissa Harumi".

I believe the @@RANDOMNAME@@ macro, as well as picking from a set list, can also take its value from any "word" in @@LEADER@@'s name.
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M-101
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 9
Founded: Mar 02, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

ISSUE NO. 1446 Yet Another Issue About Periods

Postby M-101 » Mon Mar 22, 2021 9:05 pm

The Issue
Your niece has been berating your Secretary of State on her Twitcher account, accusing him of making her feel uneasy by his use of full stops in his text messages. She claims they indicate that the sender is annoyed at the recipient and that the full stop should no longer be considered as proper usage. Once a quiet chat has been had with the 55-year-old about why he’s texting your 16-year-old niece in the first place, a conversation begins about your niece’s ideas.

The Debate
1. Your niece DMs you, despite the fact that she’s only just across the room: smh, your messages are all so Formal And Proper... were basically having a conversation rn, so you should write like youre actually speaking out loud – add some *emphasis* and cut out those full stops, i mean, have you heard anyone speak every sentence with a flat inflection? while your at it, you should fr make everyone over 30 attend texting literacy class, yall gotta learn somehow


2. “I’ve never heard such nonsense,” proclaims Professor Phileas Ogaria, the nation’s foremost authority on punctuation. “Proper pedagogical procedures necessitate principles of punctuation, and every youth should be carefully considering how to conform correctly. If children cannot accurately use a semicolon by the time they leave kindergarten, then there’s no hope for them.”

3. “Ancient Maxtopia had a way around this problem,” states archaeologist Ed Cox, as he chisels away at your desk. “They used hieroglyphs to communicate the written word, and didn’t punctuate at all. Imagine if we adopted a similar pictorial script that portrays modern Comps life; there’d be no more arguments over whether the writing needs a semicolon or a colon, and the younger Comps will feel a lot less threatened.”



P.S: It is a possibility that the name Phileas Ograria and Ed Cox was a @@RANDOMNAME@@
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Trotterdam
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9236
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:49 pm

Trotterdam wrote:I think the difference between options 2 and 3 is compulsory vegetarianism (though I don't see why vegetarian nations couldn't have glow-in-the-dark chickens...).

EDIT: Then again, it might also be the No Zoos policy.
Now confirmed as Vegetarianism. I got it on a nation that doesn't have No Zoos.

(Guess we still need to see what happens on a nation with the latter but not the former.)

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Frieden-und Freudenland
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 2253
Founded: Jul 30, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Wed Mar 24, 2021 8:30 am

I was just trying to add a link to #1440 to a dispatch of mine ("My Issues") and realized that the link does not lead to the issue in the Spoiler Alert. It takes one to page 3, but #1440 is the first issue on page 4.
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Valentine Z
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10076
Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Wed Mar 24, 2021 9:43 am

Frieden-und Freudenland wrote:I was just trying to add a link to #1440 to a dispatch of mine ("My Issues") and realized that the link does not lead to the issue in the Spoiler Alert. It takes one to page 3, but #1440 is the first issue on page 4.

Yeah, I'm working on that one. Sadly, it was because of start=50 instead of start=75 in the URL so I'll fix that right away.

Sorry about that as well!


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If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
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Khariya
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Jan 18, 2020
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Khariya » Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm

#1447: The Lowest Form of Wit

The Issue

Rosalia Fallon, your Minister of Health, became a target of criticism when she responded to a political opponent’s colorful insults by saying “Maybe you should consider rinsing your dirty mouth with bleach. It might even help you get rid of that bad breath.” Unfortunately, some citizens took this as actual advice that this would work as a treatment for their own stinky exhalations, and have been hospitalized with painful injuries.

The Debate

1. “Look, it is not my problem that some people in this country aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer,” sneers Fallon, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “Sarcasm, people! It shouldn’t be so hard to understand. Even my 5-year-old niece got the joke. I guess the proles must be so adept at comprehending rhetorical devices because of our robustly funded education system, and you DON’T need to spend more on that. That was me being sarcastic again, in case you missed it. Yeesh.”

2. “Nonsense, people holding public office need to have full accountability for their statements,” says Agnes Mann, popping a handful of breath mints. “If the Health Minister herself comes up and says ‘use bleach for bad breath’, who am I to doubt her authority? I mean, can you imagine if a world leader was to suggest injecting bleach? Not that anyone but a blithering baby-brained wibbling idiot would ever suggest such a thing, but still, can you imagine the potential harm? We need to ban sarcasm and all forms of linguistic ambiguity from political discourse and censure this minister for jeopardizing our lives!”

3. “Banning sarcasm? No way! This actually gives me a great idea!” exclaims Dave Skinner, your Minister of Alternative Solutions, rubbing his hands excitedly. “If anything, we should encourage our party members to employ as much equivocation in their speeches as possible, so they have plausible deniability if a statement of theirs falls flat. Did you make an unfortunate remark about Bigtopians? Just say it was sarcasm, problem solved!”

Issue by The Unapologetic Feminists of Frieden-und Freudenland

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive


Some potential validities for this issue might be high Ignorance or low Cheerfulness.
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Jewspont
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 6
Founded: Jan 03, 2020
New York Times Democracy

Postby Jewspont » Thu Mar 25, 2021 2:50 pm

Two issues, one right after the other, without anybody commenting on them or anything! Huh!

#1448: A Seat Quite Vacant Is a Seat Distressed

The Issue

Just yesterday, Imogen Brooks — the elected representative for Upper @@ANIMAL@@ville — tragically died while giving a speech at a hospital construction site when an entire wall collapsed on top of her. Unfortunately, various laws passed in different eras have conflicting instructions in the event of a politician’s death, causing trepidation amongst the local voters.

The Debate

1. “The easiest solution would be for you to personally appoint an ‘interim representative’, someone to act in her stead — just until the next election,” posits Matt Hawkins, a devoted supporter of your party. “It wouldn’t be long — our elections are pretty regular, right? — and it would save the hassle and cost of holding a special election. As it happens, I know just the right candidate...”

2. “It seems to me that the person who was elected should have the right to pick their successor, if they are unable to finish their term,” declares Hiro Brooks, the son of the deceased representative. “Presumably, they would choose someone who was of like mind, and could be counted on to continue supporting their predecessor’s agenda. If the new person turns out to be a dud, they would surely be voted out at the next election. Just require all elected officials to write down their preferred replacement on some sort of notarized form, and the problem would be solved.”

3. “HELP, HELP, I’M BEING REPRESSED!” melodramatically screams Dennis Venkman, an independent candidate famously opposed to the formation of political parties. “Strange coroners sitting in offices distributing death certificates is no basis for a system of government! Just have a by-election, the same as any other proper democratic country. No one knows who’s the next candidate the people might want, so we’ll have to put it to the people to find out!”

4. “Actually, I know exactly who the people want,” states Engelbert Conway, the most recent opposition candidate for the seat. “Me! I had the next most votes, and in the event of an elected official’s untimely passing, the runner-up should be given the job. Surely, that’s the best way to respect the will of the people — or at least 37% of them.”

5. “Pffft. So she’s dead. That doesn’t affect me!” derides Kristy Kettering, who lives in a nearby district. “You always forget about us Lower @@ANIMAL@@ville folks. Those toffs from Upper @@ANIMAL@@ville get all the funding, and we get squat! They can do without an elected representative for a little while. That’ll teach them.”

Issue by The Player By The Name of SherpDaWerp

Edited by Pogaria


The dead politician's gender might not actually be random.
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TalAkMaChen
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 409
Founded: Sep 04, 2006
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby TalAkMaChen » Fri Mar 26, 2021 1:24 am

Small comment on #1433: option 1 has "recyclable organic @@currencyplural@@" and all names are random. I also had a female activist in option 2 but only one encounter so far. Just got a male activist, so gender there is random as well. ;)

Edit 2:
#1438 description has "Bikers for @@leader@@"
#1439 name in option 1 is random, the option 4 seems fixed; the currency is "1 to 100 @@currencyplural@@"
Also I suspect options 2+4 require some digital currency (TalAkMaChen has it as far as I recall)
Last edited by TalAkMaChen on Fri Mar 26, 2021 11:39 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Probably Not Japan
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Founded: Aug 26, 2020
Free-Market Paradise

Postby Probably Not Japan » Fri Mar 26, 2021 7:34 am

Darmen wrote:
Issue #1444: Trouble in Deed

The Issue
During a photo op in a fairly upscale neighborhood of Scott City, you notice a surprising number of abandoned houses dotting nearly every street. According to the painfully grinning woman whose baby you’re kissing, the properties are still owned by Darmeni expats who emigrated to various other countries, often decades ago.

The Debate
1. “Are these decrepit buildings a blight on the place? You betcha!” remarks the ever-smiling woman, who happens to be a City Councilor, wrestling your Minister of Public Relations over the baby. “It’s not just here, either. My colleagues tell me that cities across Darmen are dealing with this plague, and it’s getting in the way of the plans for our new megamall, dontcha know. Local governments need broad authority to step in and seize buildings that aren’t being used, so that they can be auctioned or demolished. Now can I have my baby back? I’ve got a hotdish in the oven.”

2. “You can’t do that!” screeches your rarely seen Minister of Sanity, crawling out of the woodwork of a nearby house. “Imagine what would happen if we let some mayor seize property just because it isn’t being used, especially if that property is owned by expats who might have dual citizenship! Do you want an international incident on our hands? The government needs to do things by the book, and not stir up any trouble. Instead, let’s try to contact every person that owns unused property here, and ask if they’d be willing to sell.”

3. “What happens in Darmen stays in Darmen!” declares vagrant Gertie du Pont, loading a bulging stack of boxes into a shopping cart. “As far as anyone’s concerned, the people owning these properties have ceased to exist. Us local folk could really use them houses for living, social gatherings, and steali- er, borrowing anything not nailed down. If the owners come back, you can just give the land back to them. What’ve you got to lose?”

Issue by The Lucky Endo Time of Cretox State
Edited by Pogaria


I suppose Scott City should be @@CAPITAL@@, since I got Nikkoi on that slot (which is my capital). Darmeni should be @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@, and Darmen should be @@NAME@@. Also, I got Ben Mann as the speaker on the third option.

Here's the full text of what I got.
Trouble in Deed
The Issue

During a photo op in a fairly upscale neighborhood of Nikkoi, you notice a surprising number of abandoned houses dotting nearly every street. According to the painfully grinning woman whose baby you’re kissing, the properties are still owned by Probably Not Japanian expats who emigrated to various other countries, often decades ago.
The Debate

“Are these decrepit buildings a blight on the place? You betcha!” remarks the ever-smiling woman, who happens to be a City Councilor, wrestling your Minister of Public Relations over the baby. “It’s not just here, either. My colleagues tell me that cities across Probably Not Japan are dealing with this plague, and it’s getting in the way of the plans for our new megamall, dontcha know. Local governments need broad authority to step in and seize buildings that aren’t being used, so that they can be auctioned or demolished. Now can I have my baby back? I’ve got a hotdish in the oven.”

“You can’t do that!” screeches your rarely seen Minister of Sanity, crawling out of the woodwork of a nearby house. “Imagine what would happen if we let some mayor seize property just because it isn’t being used, especially if that property is owned by expats who might have dual citizenship! Do you want an international incident on our hands? The government needs to do things by the book, and not stir up any trouble. Instead, let’s try to contact every person that owns unused property here, and ask if they’d be willing to sell.”

“What happens in Probably Not Japan stays in Probably Not Japan!” declares vagrant Ben Mann, loading a bulging stack of boxes into a shopping cart. “As far as anyone’s concerned, the people owning these properties have ceased to exist. Us local folk could really use them houses for living, social gatherings, and steali- er, borrowing anything not nailed down. If the owners come back, you can just give the land back to them. What’ve you got to lose?”

Issue by The Zombie Endo Time of Cretox State

Edited by Pogaria
Last edited by Probably Not Japan on Fri Mar 26, 2021 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Eshialand
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Founded: Apr 03, 2017
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Postby Eshialand » Fri Mar 26, 2021 6:23 pm

I can confirm that #1447's names aren't the same every time, but I don't know if they're gendered or not. The names I got, in order, were: Liara Henderson, Ryan Parke, and Al Vonnegut. I don't know if the genders are female-random-male or random-random-random though, but I'm leaning towards all random, since there's no reason why that wouldn't be the case.
Last edited by Eshialand on Fri Mar 26, 2021 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Probably Not Japan
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Posts: 9
Founded: Aug 26, 2020
Free-Market Paradise

Postby Probably Not Japan » Sun Mar 28, 2021 6:59 am

Issue#1448

A Seat Quite Vacant Is a Seat Distressed
The Issue

Just yesterday, Bianca Matsenjwa — the elected representative for Upper @@NATIONALANIMAL@@ville — tragically died while giving a speech at a hospital construction site when an entire wall collapsed on top of her. Unfortunately, various laws passed in different eras have conflicting instructions in the event of a politician’s death, causing trepidation amongst the local voters.
The Debate

“The easiest solution would be for you to personally appoint an ‘interim representative’, someone to act in her stead — just until the next election,” posits Gabriel Snape, a devoted supporter of your party. “It wouldn’t be long — our elections are pretty regular, right? — and it would save the hassle and cost of holding a special election. As it happens, I know just the right candidate...”

“It seems to me that the person who was elected should have the right to pick their successor, if they are unable to finish their term,” declares Ebenezer Matsenjwa, the son of the deceased representative. “Presumably, they would choose someone who was of like mind, and could be counted on to continue supporting their predecessor’s agenda. If the new person turns out to be a dud, they would surely be voted out at the next election. Just require all elected officials to write down their preferred replacement on some sort of notarized form, and the problem would be solved.”

“HELP, HELP, I’M BEING REPRESSED!” melodramatically screams Dennis Han, an independent candidate famously opposed to the formation of political parties. “Strange coroners sitting in offices distributing death certificates is no basis for a system of government! Just have a by-election, the same as any other proper democratic country. No one knows who’s the next candidate the people might want, so we’ll have to put it to the people to find out!”

“Actually, I know exactly who the people want,” states Alejandro Nygma, the most recent opposition candidate for the seat. “Me! I had the next most votes, and in the event of an elected official’s untimely passing, the runner-up should be given the job. Surely, that’s the best way to respect the will of the people — or at least 37% of them.”

“Pffft. So she’s dead. That doesn’t affect me!” derides Elena Underwood, who lives in a nearby district. “You always forget about us Lower Catville folks. Those toffs from Upper Catville get all the funding, and we get squat! They can do without an elected representative for a little while. That’ll teach them.”

Issue by The Player By The Name of SherpDaWerp

Edited by Pogaria


Judging from a previous report of the issue from Jewspont, I guess all of the names are @@RANDOMNAME@@ macros, except for the deceased politician's son's lastname.

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