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by The First Congratulatory Union » Wed Oct 07, 2020 5:56 pm
#1376: From East Lebatuck With Love [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
A few months have passed since the G20,000 Summit, where you agreed to station some of your nuclear weapons in Smalltopia to aid in their defense against the forces of communism.
The Issue
Today was supposed to be a calm day. The issues on your desk this morning were even more trivial than usual. Of course, that’s how it always goes. Your Minister of Intelligence, known only as ‘N’, suddenly bursts into your office with an armful of surveillance photos. “@@LEADER@@, we’ve discovered an urgent problem. The nearby island nation of San Vitenzo — a backward, communist hellhole — has suddenly become a buzzing hive of activity. East Lebatuck has covertly brought a shipment of nuclear missiles to the island and is setting them up as we speak. Yes, we put some of our own missiles in Smalltopia — but we’re the good guys! They have no right to threaten us! I’m sending in secret agent James Bont to deal with the situation. Of course, we will need to attack this problem on all fronts, so I have invited our colleagues from some of the... less interesting government ministries to discuss a few additional options.”
The Debate
1. Without any hesitation, Defense Minister Mack Rimera marches into your office and drops a stack of reports into your lap. “We can’t afford to let East Lebatuck put our citizens in mortal danger! Those commies only respect power and violence. If we send our warships to blockade San Vitenzo, this will allow us to project a show of force, while also preventing additional shipments of missiles or enemy troops from reaching the island. Do you agree?”
2. “Perhaps a calmer reply would produce better results,” suggests Minister of International Diplomacy Maureen Dusk, who walks in with the acoustic guitar that she is infamous for carrying around at all times. “The missiles are definitely a threat, but they’re not yet capable of firing them from San Vitenzo. We have a limited window of opportunity to solve things peacefully. What if we suggested some sort of diplomatic summit between our three nations? It couldn’t hurt to ask.”
by Valentine Z » Wed Oct 07, 2020 6:20 pm
#1391: The World Is Not Radioactive Enough [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
A few months have passed since the G20,000 Summit, where you agreed to station some of your nuclear weapons in San Vitenzo to aid in their defense against the forces of capitalist imperialism.
The Issue
Today was supposed to be a calm day. The issues on your desk this morning were even more trivial than usual. Of course, that’s how it always goes. Defense Minister Rolan Malinovich suddenly bursts into your office, closely followed by two other ministers who are engaged in a spirited debate. Malinovich quickly marches over to your desk and motions for the others to be silent. “Good morning, Comrade Leader. As per our agreement with San Vitenzo, we are in the process of installing a nuclear missile shield as a bulwark against the United Federation’s aggressions. Unfortunately, the capitalist pigs have spotted the missiles and are now demanding that we remove them.”
The Debate
1. Malinovich hands you a transcribed copy of the enemy’s demands before continuing. “You know as well as I do that the United Federation’s leadership are a bunch of spineless weasels who will back down when confronted with a superior fighting force like our own. Tell them to quit interfering, or face our wrath.”
2. “There’s no need to provoke them unnecessarily,” replies Minister of International Diplomacy Andrea Gramyki, who is tuning the guitar that she is infamous for carrying around at all times. “What if we were to propose some sort of negotiation between our government, the United Federation, and San Vitenzo? We don’t have to actually agree on anything; we just want to delay them long enough to install the missiles before the imperialists realize what’s really going on!”
3. “Maybe we should offer a metaphorical carrot instead of a stick?” suggests Weena Wampeter, one of your Co-Ministers of Totally Legal and Creative Solutions. “I’ve heard that the United Federation’s leader, President Ken J. Finnedy, is worried about his main opponent in their upcoming elections. If we were to discover some embarrassing revelations about this other candidate, and then offer the evidence to Finnedy, I think he would be more willing to turn a blind eye. Of course, all of this quid pro quo will require a few quid — as they say in Albionia — to help us find the most useful information.”
by New Saflon » Wed Oct 07, 2020 11:52 pm
by The First Congratulatory Union » Thu Oct 08, 2020 7:04 am
#1377: For @@LEADER@@’s Ears Only [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
Secret agent James Bont has been sent to San Vitenzo with orders to infiltrate the missile installation sites.
The Issue
As you are heading toward yet another meeting, you receive a phone call from N, your Minister of Intelligence, who has news from James Bont and needs to speak with you about his mission.
The Debate
1. “Good morning, boss,” proclaims the steady voice of your spy chief. “Bont reported that he was able to steal a missile technician’s uniform and security badge that may allow him to enter the enemy bases undetected. However, there’s been a small... complication. We believe that one or more enemy agents are aware of his presence. They’re probably too dangerous to ignore. Do you want to give Bont a free hand to neutralize the threat? A few bullets should take care of... wait, did you hear that clicking sound? I hope this phone isn’t bugged. Code Blue, @@LEADER@@.” N hangs up, leaving you bewildered.
2. After staring at your phone for a few seconds, you feel your right shoe vibrating as blue text starts scrolling across the toe: “Alternatively, if you’re uncomfortable with extrajudicial killings, you could order Bont to capture any enemy spies and hand them off to us for interrogation. It’s riskier than just shooting them — our enemies may have set up a trap that could result in Bont’s death — but we might be able to gain valuable intel or use prisoners as a negotiating tool.”
3. While still thinking it over, you’re suddenly interrupted by cooing coming from an open window. A carrier pigeon alights on your shoulder and presents a small note tied to its right leg: “There’s a third way of dealing with this. If you want, you could instruct Bont to simply ignore the enemy agents and focus on his primary mission. This might just be a diversion to waste our time and allow East Lebatuck to finish installing their missiles. Well, let me know of your decision by this evening. PS: This message will self-destruct in ten seconds.”
by 9003 » Thu Oct 08, 2020 8:12 am
The Story So Far
A few months have passed since the G20,000 Summit, where you agreed to station some of your nuclear weapons in Smalltopia to aid in their defense against the forces of communism.
The Issue
Today was supposed to be a calm day. The issues on your desk this morning were even more trivial than usual. Of course, that’s how it always goes. Your Minister of Intelligence, known only as ‘N’, suddenly bursts into your office with an armful of surveillance photos. “The Great Goblin, we’ve discovered an urgent problem. The nearby island nation of San Vitenzo — a backward, communist hellhole — has suddenly become a buzzing hive of activity. East Lebatuck has covertly brought a shipment of nuclear missiles to the island and is setting them up as we speak. Yes, we put some of our own missiles in Smalltopia — but we’re the good guys! They have no right to threaten us! I’m sending in secret agent James Bont to deal with the situation. Of course, we will need to attack this problem on all fronts, so I have invited our colleagues from some of the... less interesting government ministries to discuss a few additional options.”
The Debate
Without any hesitation, Defense Minister Mack Rimera marches into your office and drops a stack of reports into your lap. “We can’t afford to let East Lebatuck put our citizens in mortal danger! Those commies only respect power and violence. If we send our warships to blockade San Vitenzo, this will allow us to project a show of force, while also preventing additional shipments of missiles or enemy troops from reaching the island. Do you agree?”
Accept
“Perhaps a calmer reply would produce better results,” suggests Minister of International Diplomacy Maureen Dusk, who walks in with the acoustic guitar that she is infamous for carrying around at all times. “The missiles are definitely a threat, but they’re not yet capable of firing them from San Vitenzo. We have a limited window of opportunity to solve things peacefully. What if we suggested some sort of diplomatic summit between our three nations? It couldn’t hurt to ask.”
Accept
by 9003 » Thu Oct 08, 2020 8:51 am
The Story So Far
Secret agent James Bont has been sent to San Vitenzo with orders to infiltrate the missile installation sites.
The Issue
As you are heading toward yet another meeting, you receive a phone call from N, your Minister of Intelligence, who has news from James Bont and needs to speak with you about his mission.
The Debate
“Good morning, boss,” proclaims the steady voice of your spy chief. “Bont reported that he was able to steal a missile technician’s uniform and security badge that may allow him to enter the enemy bases undetected. However, there’s been a small... complication. We believe that one or more enemy agents are aware of his presence. They’re probably too dangerous to ignore. Do you want to give Bont a free hand to neutralize the threat? A few bullets should take care of... wait, did you hear that clicking sound? I hope this phone isn’t bugged. Code Blue, The Great Goblin.” N hangs up, leaving you bewildered.
Accept
After staring at your phone for a few seconds, you feel your right shoe vibrating as blue text starts scrolling across the toe: “Alternatively, if you’re uncomfortable with extrajudicial killings, you could order Bont to capture any enemy spies and hand them off to us for interrogation. It’s riskier than just shooting them — our enemies may have set up a trap that could result in Bont’s death — but we might be able to gain valuable intel or use prisoners as a negotiating tool.”
Accept
While still thinking it over, you’re suddenly interrupted by cooing coming from an open window. A carrier pigeon alights on your shoulder and presents a small note tied to its right leg: “There’s a third way of dealing with this. If you want, you could instruct Bont to simply ignore the enemy agents and focus on his primary mission. This might just be a diversion to waste our time and allow East Lebatuck to finish installing their missiles. Well, let me know of your decision by this evening. PS: This message will self-destruct in ten seconds.”
by The First Congratulatory Union » Thu Oct 08, 2020 9:47 am
by Lame Country » Thu Oct 08, 2020 1:05 pm
#1393
MADNESS
Authorization to Kill
Issue Series
“MADness”
The Story So Far
The United Federation has asked you to remove your nuclear missiles from San Vitenzo — but they’ll have to use more than words to stop @@NAME@@.
The Issue
The United Federation is not backing down. The people of San Vitenzo — and your troops stationed there — have woken up to find that their island is surrounded by a naval blockade.
The Debate
1. “Well, well, well! It looks like those weasels found their courage,” exclaims Defense Minister Rolan Malinovich, who is pouring something from a flask into his morning coffee. “Our supply ships with the remaining missiles and soldiers won’t be able to get through without a little bit of violence — but maybe that’s what we need right now. When our convoy approaches the blockade line, order the destroyers to open fire and clear a path through the enemy ships.”
2. “We can’t escalate the situation!” shouts Minister of International Diplomacy Andrea Gramyki, playing an anguished version of the ‘@@ANIMAL@@ Blues’ on her guitar. “San Vitenzo may be our ally, but we won’t benefit from getting into a shooting war over a small island with minimal resources. Have our ships perform maneuvers for a day or two to confuse the enemy, then order them to turn around. That should still be enough of a delay for our troops on the island to make some progress installing the first shipment of missiles.”
Issue by The Holy Empire of Pogaria
Edited by Pogaria
by The First Congratulatory Union » Thu Oct 08, 2020 2:08 pm
#1378: Authorization to Kill [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
The navy has been sent to blockade the nearby island of San Vitenzo, where East Lebatuck has been installing nuclear missiles.
The Issue
San Vitenzo is currently surrounded by a mighty armada of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ naval vessels. However, convoys of ships from East Lebatuck are quickly approaching your blockade line and are threatening to open fire unless you let them through.
The Debate
1. “We can’t let the commies intimidate us!” declares Defense Minister Mack Rimera, who is pouring something from a flask into his morning coffee. “If they think we’re weak, they’ll just continue trying to take advantage of us at every opportunity. Have our flagship fire a warning shot across their bows and order East Lebatuck’s ships to turn around. If the enemy doesn’t comply, open fire and unleash hell.”
2. TBD
3. “No! That could escalate to war — and it would all be our fault!” shouts Maureen Dusk, who had been plucking a few notes of ‘Born in @@NAME@@’ on her guitar. “Keep the blockade in place and demand that the enemy stay back, but order our navy to take no action unless they’re directly attacked. Stopping East Lebatuck’s cargo shipments isn’t worth our sailors’ lives.”
4. Might exist?
by 9003 » Thu Oct 08, 2020 3:11 pm
by Trotterdam » Thu Oct 08, 2020 4:06 pm
It's just a minor variant of option 1 for nations which haven't filled in the @@LEADER@@ field, which causes the effect line to use @@NAME@@ rather than @@LEADER@@.The First Congratulatory Union wrote:I'm also curious as to what the option 2 validity is
by The First Congratulatory Union » Thu Oct 08, 2020 5:56 pm
#1379: A View to a Thrill [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
East Lebatuck’s convoy confronted your naval blockade of San Vitenzo.
The Issue
The enemy ships have turned back, in compliance with your demands. However, your surveillance of the island now shows that the nuclear missiles that were already on San Vitenzo are almost ready for deployment.
The Debate
1. “They were just using the standoff as a delaying tactic!” yells Defense Minister Mack Rimera, throwing his notes across the room in a barely restrained fury. “While we were pointing our guns at each other, East Lebatuck was biding its time until their doomsday weapons were ready. We only have a few days before they are able to launch. It’s imperative that we send our air force to bomb the missile sites — and we must do it now!”
2. “Don’t forget that we still have James Bont over there,” reminds Intelligence Minister N, who had been whispering to a young woman in the corner. “My assistant, Ms. Evelyn Cashcent, tells me that Agent Bont has made significant progress at infiltrating the enemy bases. There’s a good chance that he will be able to sabotage the missile launch equipment, if those are your orders. The only downside is that we don’t know how long this might take.”
3. “It’s still not too late for negotiations,” claims Minister of International Diplomacy Maureen Dusk, playing an anguished version of the ‘Rogue Mule Blues’ on her guitar. “If there’s any possibility of a non-violent solution, we have to pursue it. However, if we’re going to have some sort of diplomatic summit to work out our differences, this is almost certainly our last opportunity. If we let it slip away... things could get rather grim.”
by Trotterdam » Thu Oct 08, 2020 7:34 pm
Huh. Has anyone chosen option 3 on that one yet?The First Congratulatory Union wrote:#1379: A View to a Thrill [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
by Jutsa » Fri Oct 09, 2020 8:25 am
by 9003 » Fri Oct 09, 2020 9:38 am
by The First Congratulatory Union » Fri Oct 09, 2020 10:25 am
#1385: Skycrash [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
You sent bombers to attack East Lebatuck’s missile sites.
The Issue
Your brave pilots made a valiant effort to take out the missile installations on San Vitenzo. Unfortunately, the enemy was prepared for this scenario. The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bombers were harassed by enemy anti-aircraft fire from the moment they entered San Vitenzan airspace. Your military analysts are now reporting that one of the aircraft has been shot down, and the pilot was captured.
The Debate
1. “What a disaster!” shouts Defense Minister Mack Rimera, now drinking directly from his unmarked flask. “Not only were our bombers unable to complete their mission, but they’re probably torturing that pilot as we speak! At least he reportedly put up a good fight before they were able to capture him. Well, screw it. We’re out of options. We must launch a full invasion of San Vitenzo.”
2. “Do you always let your... pistol do your thinking for you?” replies Maureen Dusk, whose guitar is uncharacteristically silent. “What if we were to offer a prisoner swap? We still have that East Lebatuckese spy we found wandering in the shopping district of The First Congratulatory Union City a while back. He didn’t seem to know much about anything, so it wouldn’t be a great loss. Let’s offer to trade him for our pilot. If we act fast enough, they might not be able to extract any classified military secrets.”
3. Before anyone else can speak, your rarely seen Minister of Mass Destruction, Dr. Helix Fenniker, climbs down a rope ladder that has just descended from the ceiling. “I couldn’t help overhearing that we have a belligerent enemy and a captured pilot. Allow me to introduce ‘ICE-X’ — my lab’s solution to both of those problems. This breakthrough bio-weapon destroys cell walls via a rapid crystallization process. Deployment is easy — we’ve already loaded the canisters into some modified cruise missiles. Our warships can fire them at the enemy bases with impunity! Of course, any ‘innocent’ civilians or animals that are exposed to the residue will experience catastrophic organ failure. But look on the bright side! Our pilot won’t be able to divulge any secrets, and most of the enemy troops will be eliminated!”
by Jutsa » Fri Oct 09, 2020 10:28 am
by Trotterdam » Fri Oct 09, 2020 10:31 am
Well. Good luck.The First Congratulatory Union wrote:Chose: Option 1.
Internal Numbering: 0, 1, 2.
Effect: The nation's mettle is about to be tested.
Patience. It's only been a day.Jutsa wrote:Might I also ask: Where are all the socialist chain issues? We started out with like three or four of them — where'd they all go?
by Lame Country » Fri Oct 09, 2020 1:37 pm
#1395
MADNESS
For @@LEADER@@’s Ears Only
Issue Series
“MADness”
The Story So Far
The vile capitalists of the United Federation attempted to blockade the ports of San Vitenzo to prevent your supply ships from getting through.
The Issue
Instead of sending the imperialist navy to a watery grave, you bravely decided to de-escalate the situation by ordering your navy to turn around. As you are heading toward a meeting to discuss your next steps, you receive a phone call from N, your Minister of Intelligence, who has news from Natasha Milanova and needs to speak with you about her mission.
The Debate
1. “Good morning, boss,” proclaims the steady voice of your spy chief. “Milanova reported that she was able to steal an officer’s uniform and security badge that should allow her to enter the high security areas of their naval base. However, there’s been a small... complication. We believe that one or more enemy agents are aware of her presence. They’re probably too dangerous to ignore. Do you want to give Milanova a free hand to neutralize the threat? A few bullets should take care of... wait, did you hear that clicking sound? I hope this phone isn’t bugged. Code Blue, @@LEADER@@.” N hangs up, leaving you bewildered.
2. After staring at your phone for a few seconds, you feel your right shoe vibrating as blue text starts scrolling across the toe: “Alternatively, if you’re uncomfortable with extrajudicial killings, you could order Milanova to capture any enemy spies and hand them off to us for interrogation. It’s riskier than just shooting them — our enemies may have set up a trap that could result in Milanova’s death — but we might be able to gain valuable intel or use prisoners as a negotiating tool.”
3. While still thinking it over, you’re suddenly interrupted by cooing coming from an open window. A carrier pigeon alights on your shoulder and presents a small note tied to its right leg: “There’s a third way of dealing with this. If you want, you could instruct Milanova to simply ignore the enemy agents and focus on her primary mission. This might just be a diversion to waste our time. Well, let me know of your decision by this evening. PS: This message will self-destruct in ten seconds.”
Issue by The Holy Empire of Pogaria
Edited by Pogaria
by Trotterdam » Fri Oct 09, 2020 2:19 pm
by 9003 » Fri Oct 09, 2020 2:52 pm
by The First Congratulatory Union » Fri Oct 09, 2020 4:00 pm
#1388: Tomorrow Never Arrives [Pogaria; ed: Pogaria]
The Story So Far
You have ordered an attack on East Lebatuck’s military bases in San Vitenzo.
The Issue
The enemy’s soldiers have suffered overwhelming casualties, thanks to your advanced military technology. Unfortunately, East Lebatuck seems to have interpreted your actions as an unforgivable assault upon their nation and its allies. Moments ago, all of the nuclear missiles on San Vitenzo were launched and appear to be headed at targets throughout The First Congratulatory Union.
The Debate
1. “HOLY VIOLET! GET TO THE BUNKER! RUN!” A flood of screaming people push you downstairs and through a long hallway, stumbling into the fallout shelter beneath your office. The door clanks shut as the last staff members sprint through the reinforced threshold. Your defense minister shambles over towards you, head in hands. “Well, we’re screwed. @@CAPITAL@@ is finished. I’m not even sure this bunker can withstand a direct hit. On the bright side, our own nuclear missiles are ready for launch. Which of East Lebatuck’s cities do you hate the most?” A nervous guffaw escapes from his lips.
2. “No... we can’t do that to the poor folks,” murmurs Maureen Dusk, devoid of guitar, her voice barely above a whisper. “East Lebatuck is filled with people like us. The oppressed, freedom-loving consumers won’t ever have a chance to rise up and overthrow the communist government if we wipe them from existence. Don’t retaliate, @@LEADER@@. The violence has to stop somewhere. By the way, it was an honor serving with you.” A single teardrop runs down her face.
by Pogaria » Fri Oct 09, 2020 5:05 pm
The First Congratulatory Union wrote:This is a freaking depressing issue chain. And I love it so much.
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