Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2020 5:43 pm
Good, I can finally have a link to the issue I wrote in my sig.
Because sometimes even national leaders just want to hang out
https://forum.nationstates.net/
#636: Going On The Cyber Offensive [Noahs Second Country; ed:Candlewshisper Archive]
#634: Bullet Time [Rubyna; ed:Candlewshisper Archive]
3. “Had an injury that wasn’t your fault?” interjects lawyer Harriet Wonka from the compensation claims firm SoSueThem. “We can represent you on a no-win, no-fee basis. Our... oh, sorry Leader, I thought you were the punter. Uh, injured claimant, I mean. While I’ve got you though, maybe you could look at some deregulation of my profession? The best way for you to create better safety standards is to empower lawyers in the noble crusade to promote medical accountability! Let the free market save the day!”
#1344: Ups and Downs
The Issue
Trampoline parks are springing up all over @@NAME@@, with legions of playful children of all ages leaping off raised platforms and bouncing off mats. Perhaps predictably, large numbers of injuries are occurring with a multitude of sprained ankles, a not insignificant number of broken limbs, and even a bizarre incident where two amorous braces-wearing teenagers became entangled and required urgent medical intervention.
The Debate
1. “One person per trampoline, no talking while jumping, land only on your feet, do not jump between trampolines, wall trampolines are for decorative purposes only, and the company is not liable for any injuries,” recites Kendra Wynne, CEO of Twist-and-Scream Jump Park. “That’s what it says in our three minute mandatory induction video, and on the waivers that we make all customers sign, and on the big signs above the steel-spiked climbing wall. We don’t need a nanny state telling people what they can and can’t do, and if people hurt themselves then it’s due to their own carelessness. Trampolining is actually great exercise for kids. In fact, you should subsidise schools who want to incorporate our play parks into their school PE lessons. It’ll be fun and educational! Er... funducational!”
2. “Nobody is trying to stop kids having fun,” snaps sour-faced parent Quincy Eko, pinning his four-year-old son’s arms down to stop him touching a nearby balloon. “There just ought to be more stringent regulations of these businesses, and no legal weight to waiving responsibility for children under their care with a disclaimer. Fine them for each injury that occurs under their watch, and our children will be safer.”
3. “Actually, stopping kids having fun sounds like quite a good idea,” observes algebra teacher Newt Onslaugh, decorating a pile of x hundred-question mathematics test papers with a total of (sin2(x) + cos2(x))(e2ln10)x red crosses. “Maybe if the government banned trampoline parks and replaced them with mathematics activity centres then these idiot children might be able to raise their academic achievement levels a little.”
Issue by The AI See You of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
Nah, this one makes sense.Juniria wrote:What the bleep? I have a feeling this was inspired by the unicycle one.
Flying Eagles wrote:I find it kinda cool that I got #1132, Gold Standard, only after saying yes to the Olympics
Juniria wrote:What the bleep? I have a feeling this was inspired by the unicycle one.#1344: Ups and Downs
The Issue
Trampoline parks are springing up all over @@NAME@@, with legions of playful children of all ages leaping off raised platforms and bouncing off mats. Perhaps predictably, large numbers of injuries are occurring with a multitude of sprained ankles, a not insignificant number of broken limbs, and even a bizarre incident where two amorous braces-wearing teenagers became entangled and required urgent medical intervention.
The Debate
1. “One person per trampoline, no talking while jumping, land only on your feet, do not jump between trampolines, wall trampolines are for decorative purposes only, and the company is not liable for any injuries,” recites Kendra Wynne, CEO of Twist-and-Scream Jump Park. “That’s what it says in our three minute mandatory induction video, and on the waivers that we make all customers sign, and on the big signs above the steel-spiked climbing wall. We don’t need a nanny state telling people what they can and can’t do, and if people hurt themselves then it’s due to their own carelessness. Trampolining is actually great exercise for kids. In fact, you should subsidise schools who want to incorporate our play parks into their school PE lessons. It’ll be fun and educational! Er... funducational!”
2. “Nobody is trying to stop kids having fun,” snaps sour-faced parent Quincy Eko, pinning his four-year-old son’s arms down to stop him touching a nearby balloon. “There just ought to be more stringent regulations of these businesses, and no legal weight to waiving responsibility for children under their care with a disclaimer. Fine them for each injury that occurs under their watch, and our children will be safer.”
3. “Actually, stopping kids having fun sounds like quite a good idea,” observes algebra teacher Newt Onslaugh, decorating a pile of x hundred-question mathematics test papers with a total of (sin2(x) + cos2(x))(e2ln10)x red crosses. “Maybe if the government banned trampoline parks and replaced them with mathematics activity centres then these idiot children might be able to raise their academic achievement levels a little.”
Issue by The AI See You of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
The Candy Of Bottles wrote:Just got Kitty Pence and Reginald Watson. Newt Onslaugh seems fixed. Hmm... NewtOn slaugh --> Newton Slaugh? NewtOns laugh --> Newtons Laugh? Newton's Laugh?
Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:It's not especially important, but in the table of contents, the editor of 634 is credited as "Candlewshisper Archive"…
Issue Master List 0800 – 0819
- Issue 0804: Changed description: which he subsequently did → which @@HE@@ subsequently did
Issue Master List 0820 – 0839
- Added space between editor’s name. ed:Editor → ed: Editor.
- Issue 0822: Changed description: The @@CAPITAL@@ Herald → The @@CAPITAL@@ Herald
- Issue 0822.2: How To Train Your Unicorn → How To Train Your Unicorn
- Issue 0822.2: to utilise more kids → to utilise more kids
- Issue 0828.3: Years of habeas corpus proceedings → Years of habeas corpus proceedings
- Issue 0831: Changed description: @@LEADER@@ Fan Club → @@LEADER@@ Fan Club
- Issue 0834.2: @@currency@@ → @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
- Issue 0836.5: reads Hugs Not Drugs. → reads Hugs Not Drugs.
Issue Master List 0840 – 0859
- Issue 0843.1: raising his eyebrow → raising @@HIS@@ eyebrow
- Issue 0849: Changed description: @@CURRENCY@@ → @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
- Issue 0849.3: bespectacled man → bespectacled @@MAN@@
- Issue 0849.3: his lap → @@HIS@@ lap
- Issue 0852.2: Renee Stevens → @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0853.2: World Travel Magazine → World Travel Magazine
- Issue 0858.4: Honour Judge @@FIRSTNAME_1@@ → Honour Judge @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@
Issue Master List 0860 – 0879
- Issue 0862.3: Nationalist Jiang Räikkönen → Nationalist @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0862.3: in front of him → in front of @@HIM@@
- Issue 0863.2: mean to say we as a nation, make → mean to say we as a nation, make
- Issue 0864: Changed description: sect Ultra-Violet has → sect Ultra-Violet has
- Issue 0864.3: "A tragedy, @@NAME@@," → "A tragedy, @@LEADER@@,"
- Issue 0865.4: Angry Taxpayers Federation → Angry Taxpayers Federation
- Issue 0877.1: Blue Eagle fighter → Blue @@ANIMAL@@ fighter
Issue Master List 0880 – 0899
- Issue 0881: Changed description: 500,000 sotas → 500,000 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
- Issue 0881.2: a billion sotas → a billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
- Issue 0882: Changed description: scandal du jour is a → scandal du jour is a
- Issue 0883: Changed description: Tyrannosaurus Rex → Tyrannosaurus Rex
- Issue 0897: Changed description: Lessons with Lucifer → Lessons with Lucifer
- Issue 0897.1: My God Loves Me → My God Loves Me
- Issue 0897.2: Lessons with Lucifer is all about teaching kids to have an open mind. It’s not devil-worship → Lessons with Lucifer is all about teaching kids to have an open mind. It’s not devil-worship
Issue Master List 0900 – 0919
- Issue 0908.2: @@LEADER@@ is Love, @@LEADER@@ is Life → @@LEADER@@ is Love, @@LEADER@@ is Life
- Issue 0912.3: taken it upon himself to → taken it upon @@HIM@@self to
- Issue 0913.1: Come now, Leader → Come now, @@LEADER@@
- Issue 0916: Changed description: the Batter Up! Baseball League playoffs → the Batter Up! Baseball League playoffs
- Issue 0916.3: throw in some real @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ → throw in some real @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
- Issue 0917.1: I have four boys → I have four @@BOYS@@
- Issue 0917.1: fortune in Dollars → fortune in @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
Issue Master List 0920 – 0939
- Issue 0921: Changed description: one million bits somewhere → one million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ somewhere
- Issue 0921.1: booms @@NAME@@'s overworked Chief of Police → booms @@CAPITAL@@'s overworked Chief of Police
- Issue 0921.2: she rummages through → @@SHE@@ rummages through
- Issue 0921.2: she storms out → @@HE@@ storms out
- Issue 0928: Changed description: to @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@, the first baby conceived by in vitro fertilisation in @@REGION@@. As Alejandro → to @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@, the first baby conceived by in vitro fertilisation in @@REGION@@. As @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@
- Issue 0928.5: calculations on her fingers. → calculations on @@HIS@@ fingers.
- Issue 0929: Changed description: Overnight, police in any of the states or regions → Overnight, police in @@CAPITAL@@ raided
- Issue 0930: Changed description: The @@CAPITAL@@ Times → The @@CAPITAL@@ Times
- Issue 0931.1: Reasoner → Reasoner
- Issue 0931.2: Reasoner → Reasoner
- Issue 0933.1: Planet of the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ → Planet of the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
- Issue 0933.4: Responsible Gun Owners Association → Responsible Gun Owners Association
Issue Master List 0940 – 0959
- Issue 0941.1: Eternity Is a Long Time or Channel Number 5: A Newswoman’s Perfume → Eternity Is a Long Time or Channel Number 5: A Newswoman’s Perfume
- Issue 0942.1: globe in his office → globe in @@HIS@@ office
- Issue 0946.3: banned from the Council Groves subway → banned from the @@CAPITAL@@ subway
- Issue 0946.4: holding her nose → holding @@HIS@@ nose
- Issue 0947.1: Eobard Howell → @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0948: Changed description: Women’s Problems Monthly → Women’s Problems Monthly
- Issue 0948.2: ensure neither gender → ensure neither gender
- Issue 0948.5: Desmond Kennedy → @@RANDOMMALENAME@@
- Issue 0950.2: Her verbal tirade is suddenly cut short as she → @@HIS@@ verbal tirade is suddenly cut short as @@HE@@
- Issue 0953.1: as he looks up → as @@HE@@ looks up
Issue Master List 0960 – 0979
- Issue 0962: Changed description: N’Ever Fres → N’Ever Fres
- Issue 0962.2: rants @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, the parent of a recently-diagnosed coeliac girl. → rants @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, the parent of @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME_2@@, a recently-diagnosed boy with coeliac disease.
- Issue 0962.3: If this man had a grain of sense, he’d realise → If this @@MAN_1@@ had a grain of sense, @@HE_1 @@’d realise
- Issue 0962.5: Look, @@FIRSTNAME_1@@ is a slice short of a loaf, → Look, that idiot is clearly a slice short of a loaf,
- Issue 0962.6: Look, @@FIRSTNAME_1@@ is a slice short of a loaf, → Look, that idiot is clearly a slice short of a loaf,
- Issue 0968: Changed description: contest @@REGION@@vision, the → contest @@REGION@@vision, the
- Issue 0968.1: Rebecca Long Karsprintian → @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ Karsprintian
- Issue 0968.1: and you know what those people think of us → and you know what those people think of us
- Issue 0968.2: crescendoes Gerald Sharp → crescendoes @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0968.3: that @@REGION@@vision always → that @@REGION@@vision always
- Issue 0968.4: like 60 Clock-ticks, or informative, like Will Zeke the Science Geek, then → like 60 Clock-ticks, or informative, like Will Zeke the Science Geek, then
- Issue 0969.3: as she stumbles → as @@HE@@ stumbles
- Issue 0971.5: he yells → @@HE@@ yells
- Issue 0974.1: @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ → @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0974.1: her soggy raincoat → @@HIS@@ soggy raincoat
Issue Master List 0980 – 0999
- Issue 0981.1: General Simpson → General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@
- Issue 0981.2: Anna Benteen → @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Banteen
- Issue 0981.2: her worry beads → @@HIS@@ worry beads
- Issue 0981.3: Earl Gruber → @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0981.3: his eyes → @@HIS@@ eyes
- Issue 0984.5: Ka-boom! → Ka-boom!
- Issue 0984.5: TransMorphers and Adolescent Monster Samurai Frogs → TransMorphers and Adolescent Monster Samurai Frogs
- Issue 0984.6: Ka-boom! → Ka-boom!
- Issue 0984.6: TransMorphers vs Capitalist @@ANIMAL@@ and Adolescent Monster Revolutionary Frogs → TransMorphers vs Capitalist @@ANIMAL@@ and Adolescent Monster Revolutionary Frogs
- Issue 0985: Changed description: Virtual Planet → Virtual Planet
- Issue 0985.3: Josh Ramirez → @@RANDOMNAME@@
- Issue 0992.5: Ludwig Freeman → @@RANDOMNAME@@
Issue Master List 1320 – 1339
- Added Issue 1320. Originally reported by Bears Armed.
- Added Issue 1321. Originally reported by TalAkMaChen.
- Added Issue 1322. Originally reported by Pangurstan.
- Added Issue 1323. Originally reported by The Candy of Bottles.
- Added Issue 1324. Originally reported by TalAkMaChen.
- Added Issue 1325. Originally reported by Sensorland.
- Added Issue 1326. Originally reported by Ssejekistan.
- Added Issue 1327. Originally reported by Australian rePublic, further contribution from TalAkMaChen.
Juniria wrote:3. “Actually, stopping kids having fun sounds like quite a good idea,” observes algebra teacher Newt Onslaugh, decorating a pile of x hundred-question mathematics test papers with a total of (sin2(x) + cos2(x))(e2ln10)x red crosses. “Maybe if the government banned trampoline parks and replaced them with mathematics activity centres then these idiot children might be able to raise their academic achievement levels a little.”
3. “Actually, stopping kids having fun sounds like quite a good idea,” observes algebra teacher Newt Onslaugh, decorating a pile of x hundred-question mathematics test papers with a total of (sin2(x) + cos2(x))(e2ln10)x red crosses. “Maybe if the government banned trampoline parks and replaced them with mathematics activity centres then these idiot children might be able to raise their academic achievement levels a little.”
Jutsa wrote:Oh, right, I forgot: at the top of section 1 of the directory of the list, we have 100 more issues than it currently says we have (well, technically the + there means we have exactly as many as there possibly are, but my point is it should probably be changed to 1346. )
#1345: To Each According to Whatever’s Left
The Issue
Multiple state warehouses that were supposed to be stacked high with sacks of freshly harvested crops were recently found to be empty, leaving many to speculate about bureaucratic mix-ups, corrupt black market reselling, or alien potato abductions. Investigations are ongoing, but in the meantime a lot of people are getting hungry.
1. “We need to immediately direct our workforce toward producing more food,” insists your Minister of Food Distribution, sitting in the corner and sharpening a sickle. “If we don’t want our citizens to starve, we must move them into agricultural communes and put every shoulder to the wheel, regardless of profession, age or ability. By sharing tools, grain and livestock we can offset this disaster as soon as possible. Sure, it’ll be hard manual work, but at least our comrades will be nourished.”
2. “We must assure our populace that everything is going to plan,” says your Minister of Propaganda, brushing dust from your desk into a jar of kvass. “Just keep the shelves stocked by using cheap fillers in our food for a while, and don’t let factory staff tell anyone. I’m not suggesting sawdust here; just add extra water, and bulk food with a little chalk or alum. Try some tea made with thrice-recycled leaves!” He presses the lukewarm cup into your hands.
3. “You know, I’ve heard from some East Lebatuckese pals that smoking helps people eat less,” whispers your brother, who smells subtly of burnt dignity. “Ergo, we wouldn’t have this problem if we legalized smoking and encouraged everyone to take up the habit. We could even add extra appetite suppressants and call them Comrade’s Choice.”
4. “The true socialist is independent,” shouts your Minister of Agriculture from outside your window, where he is hammering chicken mesh to a fencepost. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability. We should make everyone grow their own stinkin’ food. Good comrades don’t sponge off of the system, at others’ expense. We shouldn’t have to worry about freak logistics problems. If everyone rose or fell, ate or starved, alone and entirely on their own merits, we’d all be truly equal.”
Issue by The Planetary Alliance of Jutsa
Edited by The Free Joy State