NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Ssejekistan]

NO. 1282
Resting in Peace

The Issue

Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full, and many have taken to parking by the roadside.

The Debate

“Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents — for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile-up and five casualties,” reports patrol officer Sven Garrison. “While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for inconsiderate parking, even when no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we’ll end this problem once and for all.”

Accept

“What else can we do?” asks big rig driver Aziz Medina, who had been blocking your front door with his afternoon nap. “There’s a big shortage of parking spaces at designated rest areas, forcing us to park wherever we can. Prosecution will not solve this problem, more parking spaces for me and my colleagues will.”

Accept

“People should buy more local produce instead,” suggests Onya Baike, from the eco-advocate organisation Carbon Counts. “We propose that you should tax cargo-carrying road vehicles increasing amounts proportional to the fuel used in transportation. I’m sure rising costs create rising prices, which will change consumer behaviour, which will mean less haulage traffic on the road, which means no parking problems.”

Accept

“What if a parked truck didn’t block the road?” muses 8-year-old Felicity Stevens, playing with her toy cars. “Trucks should have fold-out ramps at the front and back of their trucks so cars can safely drive over them when they’re parked. Even if you’ve got lots of trucks parked back-to-back, you could link their ramps together and make a rooftop road!”

Accept


Issue by The Zombie Christmas of The Rhein States

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[TalAkMaChen]

#1282 Resting in Peace [The Rhein States, ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue

Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full, and many have taken to parking by the roadside.

The Debate

1. “Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents — for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile-up and five casualties,” reports patrol officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. “While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for inconsiderate parking, even when no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we’ll end this problem once and for all.”

2.“What else can we do?” asks big rig driver @@RANDOMNAME@@, who had been blocking your front door with @@HIS@@ afternoon nap. “There’s a big shortage of parking spaces at designated rest areas, forcing us to park wherever we can. Prosecution will not solve this problem, more parking spaces for me and my colleagues will.”

3. “People should buy more local produce instead,” suggests Onya Baike, from the eco-advocate organisation Carbon Counts. “We propose that you should tax cargo-carrying road vehicles increasing amounts proportional to the fuel used in transportation. I’m sure rising costs create rising prices, which will change consumer behaviour, which will mean less haulage traffic on the road, which means no parking problems.”

4. “What if a parked truck didn’t block the road?” muses 8-year-old @@RANDOMNAME@@, playing with @@HIS@@ toy cars. “Trucks should have fold-out ramps at the front and back of their trucks so cars can safely drive over them when they’re parked. Even if you’ve got lots of trucks parked back-to-back, you could link their ramps together and make a rooftop road!”

Issue by The Zombie Christmas of The Rhein States
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Note on names: I had 1+2 male, 3 the same as reported before (Onya Baike), 4 was female. Checking the draft there was a split for metricism policy active or not, this seems changed now to the eco-option 3. And a fourth option added.

[Jutsa]

*Goes back to April*

*Takes a deep breath*

Lets do this.

In the opening of 669, the second mention of the power company should be @@NAMEINITIALS@@G&E, not MG&E.

Surprised I got this already.

The minister's name is random (though probably always female), the secretary's name is fixed.

Fixed (in response to issue #1195. Yes this data's almost a hundred issues and over half a year old)

#1065 3:

Wow didn't even bother to update my own issue.

I have a report of my own too.

#220 Voter Apathy Rising but No One Cares

Added the wonderful option 2, as well as decapitalized a W. (was in Watchdog)

It's issue #1200 "Choose Your God Wisely".

"your vain assistant" is @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, your secretary is always "she". [choice 1] and [4] are @@RANDOMNAME@@s and the gender isn't fixed.

IDK how but I've updated this. Will skip the stuff I've added already but it's amusing me that I've updated _certain_ things.

Issue 1039 shows its name as Number one fan , but the name is actually "You've Got Mail"

Didn't even update it when it was my suggestion! Simply beautiful. Updated both the directory and the entry's title.

Take a moment to note I've removed a TBD? from issue #1020 cause idk why it was there.

No, I still have no clue how to unlock option 3. However, you currently don't mention its existance at all.

Also, you missed a few macros.

And a few italics! Updated my missing options list as well as #699's entry. Thanks Trot.

"Slaughterhouse Fifty" is in italics

Again. My issue. Didn't even italicize that. #1213.3's been fixed — or at least that part of it has. >.>

Option 5 appears identical to the listed option 4 (other than a fix to the italics), so I'm not sure because that's because the listed option 4 is misnumbered, or because there are two identical-looking options.

Updated my missing options list and the entry, and also fixed the italics. Pretty sure you've found this by now but updated just in case not.

NOTE: I'm still looking through mid May.

EDIT: Communist version can be found here.

Issue 1224: Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
On option 2 (for a socialist government), @@NAME@ instead of the name of the nation. As it appeared to me:

Thank you Countriopia! Would've been nice if that were in the spoiler thread, but Trot found and linked it. Besides, I've gotta look through that thread too. .w.

Also fixed De Beers.

"Dearborn" doesn't appear to be random, I think everything else is.

Fixed #1219. I swear the issues where Joy's an editor or author are the most enigmatic.

While option 2 had the red name as @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, this could be the same here.

Fortunately I had 39.3, but I fixed the name.

Issue 415, option 3 (valid for ??? nations. It's not "no sports" but something else, c.f the wording in option 2)

Oh thank god

That's one I can finally cross off of my list of known missing issue options. Bless you.

(found at NormanJackson which has a lot of various policies, but none that say "no professional sports", i.e. explain why instead of the professional team it got an amateuer team)

Mind if someone explains this validity to me? I'm afraid I'm in the dark on this one, myself. Course, "no professional sports" might be a flag that's not tracked as a policy.

I have confirmed that the names Plessy Ferguson and Scott Sanford in #1218 are not random, but the gender of the human who was injured is.

Fortunately didn't touch those... though idk why. At this point name-randomness is the most inconsistent and infuriating part of issue listkeeping and it's something I almost have gotten to the point of not caring abot. Almost.

I was checking the initial post here (from Jutsa, back in 2009) which contains a (or the?) list of random first and last names

I've honestly thought about just removing those. Again, random names are the most infuriating part of this, and even then there are bound to be irl references that happen to also be possible via random name generation.
(In fact I think something like that did happen at least once, and I forget but I think the random name was changed to a fixed one after that.)

#273 3/4 are both unavailable to nations with compulsory atheism.

Can confirm I updated this. I think this was when I last updated my list a few days back.

she honked at them so furiously

Can confirm I fixed that too. At least, I better have.

Issue #1170, option 1, valid for nations without guns, i.e. "Gun Control" policy.

Thanks, also updated this at the time. Glad I don't have to worry about that one!

I received this issue now with a new option

I was so happy to see 498 with a new option. That issue was in dire need of it. Was a huge pleasure to add it to my list last week.

“That sounds to me,” says another of your financial advisors who just happens to be walking past, “like a stellar reason to do away with the public transport system altogether. The only people who really lose out are the disabled, but there’s no production value to them anyway, so it’s win-win.”

Thank you! Updated this issue!
NOTE TO EDITORS: Is "another" the right word if option 2 is missing? And if not, has this been edited yet?

(I kinda miss that guy... he was very helpful for the short time he spent in the game before vanishing.)

Press f to pay respects to Arceus Domains. I too miss that guy, having forgotten about them for maybe a year and just now seeing that name again.

Another oldie with changed number of options, compared to Jutsa's list:
#189 has options 2/3 for nations with and without prisons (mutually exclusive)

Eheh, sorry for not adding that one, Trot. My mistake. <:)
Updated. Thanks to you too, Chen. Also, capitalized a W. What wackiness!
Also I just noticed the sick burn Trot gave me. Ironically that one was from before I started working (unless I accidentally skipped over it reading through from April).
Also pretty funny how I thanked CWA for that comment not knowing why he said that only to just now realize why he said that. Ah, however you guys put up with me.

Oh, by the way, I just had a quick look and you should take note of this. And there's been four pages since then...

And I'm aware this was back in June. I plan on getting to it, but at this point, you guys know me; you never know if/when I'll actually get to looking through the HUFOI thread.

Issue # 462 for the NS Index Wiki - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Option Number 2 has changed

Holy cow that's a big change. Updated it during my list update but I admit, I forgot to put the original in my personal document titled "old issue options".

---

Alrighty, that's as far as I had gotten (added 1239). Going to try to read every single post carefully from there on up. Note, this was from June 6th, and that was 8 pages ago.
And this doesn't even begin to go over what's been going on in HUFOI.

I've got a lot of catching up to do.

ed: P.S. This small portion of time took about an hour and a half.

[Zwangzug]

No professional sports is a policy that's tracked backstage, without necessarily a banner, as of Aprilish 2018.

[Jutsa]

Phew, thank you! For the longest time I thought that's what it was, and it looked like it was, but I wanted to be sure.

[TalAkMaChen]

#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One [Baggieland; ed: The Free Joy State]

The Issue

A minority population in South-West @@NAME@@, ardent followers of the Tranquility of Yellow, have proclaimed eight year old @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ as their new Great Advisor, regarded by Yellowites as the supreme spiritual authority. As followers prepare to pledge allegiance to the child, your inner circle worry that these people are too devoted to Yellowism and are undermining your authority.

The Debate

1. “These South-West @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have always been troublesome,” declares Head of Security @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ patrols the perimeter of your desk. “We should kidnap this @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ @@BOY_1@@ and keep @@HIM_1@@ hidden forever. We’ll secure @@HIM_1@@ where no one will ever find @@HIM_1@@. Then, we install our own ‘Great Advisor’ — a @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ loyal only to the state. Force these Yellowites to follow our chosen child deity, and if they refuse — shoot them!”

2. “They certainly are troublesome,” agrees General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, pushing your security chief out of the way with @@HIS@@ parade stick. “However, kidnapping a child seems a bit extreme, even for me! I suggest we incentivise a wave of devoted @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to move into the South-West region, until they dominate the region. The Yellowites may have their Great Advisor, but he will have to go to school with good @@DEMONYM@@ children and be taught our worldview from dedicated @@DEMONYM@@ teachers. Once @@HE_1@@ comes round to our way of life, the rest will follow.”

3. “I sense an opportunity here,” opines your Propaganda Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ trips up on the carpet, then glares at your interns. “Why don’t we make @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ your official, ahem, Great Advisor? With @@HIM_1@@ advising you — and a large team stage managing every word that comes out of @@HIS_1@@ mouth — the Yellowites will have to follow your every command without question and their troublesome behaviour will be a thing of the past. Not only that, but if anything ever goes wrong, we can blame it on the kid!”

4. “Can’t you leave us alone?” sighs @@RANDOMNAME@@, the religious leader of the Yellowite people. “For centuries we have followed Yellowism and heeded our Great Advisor. You can force @@HIM_1@@ to learn your language or speak your words, you can even kidnap @@HIM_1@@, but we will never bow to your demands or change who we are. Cut us, and we bleed yellow... perhaps not literally, but you get the point. Loosen your grip on the South-West, and let our people be free to follow our conscience!”

5. “Hello? What about asking me what I want?” pouts @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@, throwing the toys @@HE_1@@’s been playing with the whole time. “I don’t really want to be the Great Advisor, but my mum said I have to be. But it sounds so boring, listening to prayers and giving advice to old geezers. And, I don’t see why I should be @@LEADER@@’s lackey. If I’m that great, I should be able to do anything. And I want to just play with my friends. And stay up all night watching movies — oh, and make mum get me gallons of ice-cream. Just leave me alone and keep me out of your adult arguments.”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by The Free Joy State

Note on names: No name seems fixed, incl. the kid. Sooo many macros! However, is there a macro for boy/girl?
Major edit, Dec 4: I received this one again, this time with a girl. Apparently, there is a boy/girl macro similar to man/woman. All references to the child are marked with _1 for clarity.

cf. draft

[Trotterdam]

I think all of the remaining unreported issues are chain issues. The first chains from #70 4 and #196 5, the second chains from #577 2, and the third chains from #183 5. Of course, Jutsa should already know about that last one...

[Jutsa]

[The Rhein States]

#1282 Resting in Peace [The Rhein States, ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue

Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full, and many have taken to parking by the roadside.

The Debate

1. “Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents — for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile-up and five casualties,” reports patrol officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. “While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for inconsiderate parking, even when no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we’ll end this problem once and for all.”

2.“What else can we do?” asks big rig driver @@RANDOMNAME@@, who had been blocking your front door with @@HIS@@ afternoon nap. “There’s a big shortage of parking spaces at designated rest areas, forcing us to park wherever we can. Prosecution will not solve this problem, more parking spaces for me and my colleagues will.”

3. “People should buy more local produce instead,” suggests Onya Baike, from the eco-advocate organisation Carbon Counts. “We propose that you should tax cargo-carrying road vehicles increasing amounts proportional to the fuel used in transportation. I’m sure rising costs create rising prices, which will change consumer behaviour, which will mean less haulage traffic on the road, which means no parking problems.”

4. “What if a parked truck didn’t block the road?” muses 8-year-old @@RANDOMNAME@@, playing with @@HIS@@ toy cars. “Trucks should have fold-out ramps at the front and back of their trucks so cars can safely drive over them when they’re parked. Even if you’ve got lots of trucks parked back-to-back, you could link their ramps together and make a rooftop road!”

Issue by The Zombie Christmas of The Rhein States
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Note on names: I had 1+2 male, 3 the same as reported before (Onya Baike), 4 was female. Checking the draft there was a split for metricism policy active or not, this seems changed now to the eco-option 3. And a fourth option added.

The issue has been edited by CA quite a bit, so the original can't be used as a reference. There is no difference between male or female speakers in the issue, all are @@RANDOMNAME@@. Any further edits have not been discussed with me and, as I see it, have been minor. Furthermore, metricism split options are generally avoided unless there is no other way (in other words, have been slashed and turned into option 3 only)

[Zwangzug]

Doppelganger 213 has been adjusted slightly, thanks for (re) bringing it to our attention.

[The Rhein States]

Comrade, Please!
The Issue
Tensions within the Red Bloc reached new highs when the Premier of the People’s Republic of Núi Và Sông snubbed you at a recent congress by taking the very last biscuit on the plate. The cause of this bolshy behaviour? Your nation’s lukewarm support of Núi Và Sông’s increasingly combative and provocative rhetoric towards the United Federation following a tit-for-tat trade war.

The Debate
1. “Get with the program, Conrad von Hohenstaufen, these capitalist pig-dogs are our enemies!” bellows Premier Marjorie Chi Minh, spraying biscuit crumbs everywhere. “So what if that Paper Adler possesses one of the largest nuclear arsenals known to man; they’re nothing in the face of sanctions imposed by a unified Red Bloc. Are we spreading international socialism or are we having a tea party?”

2. "Listen to her go on,” sighs ambassador Silvio Roberts of East Lebatuck, handing you a slice of baklava. “Look, the fact is the United Federation won’t go down lightly. Don’t bother with Núi Và Sông’s rhetoric — instead, do what we did. Take a step back from pointless international confrontations, focus on developing socialism in your country and try to maintain economic solidarity solely among your allies. I’m not asking you to completely revise most of your founding ideology, but do consider whether it will be a safer option in the long run.”

3. "If... if I may make a suggestion?” quavers ambassador Archibald Zoidberg of Skandilund, who has apparently wandered in by accident. “This whole Red Bloc thing is doing nothing more than creating a belligerent group of warmongers. If you’re really interested in looking out for the working classes of the world, why not join us in our pact of nonaligned nations? We work with nations who are sick of getting pushed around by ideological power blocs. Sure, we might not be as cool as the bigger alliances — but we do have dress down Fridays!”

Issue by The United Socialist States of Caracasus

Edited by Altmer Dominion

[Altmer Dominion]

Hehehe, I'll never read the last line of Option 3 the same again -- Zoidberg's voice fits all too perfectly. A complete coincidence though, since only the first option's 'Chi Minh' is set in stone.

[Ssejekistan]

Issue NO. 1,287

Children of the Magna Carta

The Issue

A growing movement of children have petitioned the government to give them a voice in the nation’s parliament.

The Debate

1. “The youth of Ssejekistan feel disenfranchised from the institutions that make the decisions that affect their lives,” begins a young girl, who is immediately interrupted by one of her classmates. “We propose that Ssejekistan establish a youth parliament, with the power to submit bills for the consideration of the national parliament. This will ensure equal representation as well as a voice for today’s youth.”

2. “Bravo! These students represent the best and the brightest of our nation, and they’re just so cute too!” says @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Wonka, your Minister of Education as he wipes a tear from his eye. “However, these are their formative years, and they should be spent honing their intelligent little brains, not making potentially binding decisions for our nation. Instead, why not have schools appoint their own student governments? We’ll give the education budget a little boost to help in their creation.”

3. “Indeed, these fine youngsters are the pride of our nation,” begins @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of the Interior, as Wonka shoos the student delegates out. “But, not all of our youth are as eloquent and informed as those two delegates. I for one, am particularly wary of these so-called ‘young adults’ who have the power to influence the direction our country goes in at such a wee age! I urge you to raise the voting age by five years.”

4. “None of you really seem to appreciate the beauty of what we just witnessed,” declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Child Welfare. “The organization, the effort, and the care of those students coming together with a focused and compassionate vision of equality for our nation. It has me thinking... why not permanently appoint some children to your cabinet? Let’s give, say, a third of all positions to under-18s. Who is more sensitive, considerate, and goal-driven than they are? Certainly not our ineffectual, and frankly myopic parliament."

Issue by The Celestis Paradisi of Heavens Reach

Edited by Baggielan

I don't know whether the last name "Wonka" in option 2 is random or not, but it seems like a pop culture reference to me. I also don't know whether there are "boy" and "girl" macros.

[Trotterdam]

#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf

The Issue

Many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have long equated the autumn with colder temperatures, apple bobbing, pumpkin spice, and the aromatic tradition of burning fallen leaves to avoid doing yard work. Although the smoky scents of burning foliage are soothing to some, an uptick in the number of domestic fires caused by immolating leaf piles has lead to a growing call to ban the hallowed practice.

The Debate

1. "This year alone, @@NAME@@ has spent an exorbitant amount of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on fire damage caused by burning leaves," states Minister of Disasters, Bonnie Fyre. "We need to make it illegal for unlicensed persons to burn plant matter outside, to curtail these outrageous costs! I hate yard work as much as anyone, but I think we can all agree that having homes to live in is more important than a little added inconvenience."

2. "Not burning leaves during the fall is about the most un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ thing I can think of!" exclaims acclaimed singer-songwriter George Morris Jr. "When people think of autumn in @@NAME@@, they think of romance under the moonlit skies, as all the leaves on the trees are falling with the smoky scent carried on the breezes that blow! @@LEADER@@, I'm begging you — calling on your heartstrings that play soft and low — please don't ban this fine @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ tradition."

3. A bell rings and a man peddles through your door on a three-wheeled trike. "Greetings @@LEADER@@, my name is Si Call and I'm a biofuel man. I hear you're in a tight spot with this leaf business. Now, I'm in the business of sustainability, a business that relies on biomass such as your leaves. You see, only the freshest of leaves will do &#8212; the old leaves have too much lignin which makes it hard to extract the sugars. The only thing preventing us from plucking the freshest leaves in @@NAME@@ is that we don't own the land the leaves fall on. If you were to allow us to bypass those silly restrictions, why, we could just suck those leaves up the second they hit the ground! What do you say?"

4. "@@LEADER@@, you can't possibly be thinking of getting rid of these leaves. Are you?" questions your Minister of New-Growth Forests, Connie Fuhr. "We cannot underestimate the ecological importance dead leaves play in replenishing the nutrients in our soil! Ban burning leaves, but fine anyone who even thinks about doing yard work to get rid of those leaves!"

5. "Jeez, this all sounds like so much work," groans the boyfriend of your fourth cousin, thrice-removed, Vinnie 'Fun' Guy, who gives his occupation as 'waste management'. "These leaves causing problems? Why not just take out the source? Cut down a few trees, bada-bing bada-boom, no more leaves sticking their veins where they ain't wanted, causing honest folks to start fires. I know a guy who owes me. We'll take care of this problem for ya. Want us to make it look like an accident?"

Issue by Palos Heights
Edited by The Free Joy State

Names appear nonrandom. The draft thread confirms this.

[TalAkMaChen]

Names appear nonrandom. The draft thread confirms this.

Me, too. I got the same names today.

Issue NO. 1,287

Children of the Magna Carta

The Issue

A growing movement of children have petitioned the government to give them a voice in the nation’s parliament.

The Debate

1. “The youth of Ssejekistan feel disenfranchised from the institutions that make the decisions that affect their lives,” begins a young girl, who is immediately interrupted by one of her classmates. “We propose that Ssejekistan establish a youth parliament, with the power to submit bills for the consideration of the national parliament. This will ensure equal representation as well as a voice for today’s youth.”

2. “Bravo! These students represent the best and the brightest of our nation, and they’re just so cute too!” says @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your Minister of Education as @@HE@@ wipes a tear from @@HIS@@ eye. “However, these are their formative years, and they should be spent honing their intelligent little brains, not making potentially binding decisions for our nation. Instead, why not have schools appoint their own student governments? We’ll give the education budget a little boost to help in their creation.”

3. “Indeed, these fine youngsters are the pride of our nation,” begins @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of the Interior, as @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@ shoos the student delegates out. “But, not all of our youth are as eloquent and informed as those two delegates. I for one, am particularly wary of these so-called ‘young adults’ who have the power to influence the direction our country goes in at such a wee age! I urge you to raise the voting age by five years.”

4. “None of you really seem to appreciate the beauty of what we just witnessed,” declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Child Welfare. “The organization, the effort, and the care of those students coming together with a focused and compassionate vision of equality for our nation. It has me thinking... why not permanently appoint some children to your cabinet? Let’s give, say, a third of all positions to under-18s. Who is more sensitive, considerate, and goal-driven than they are? Certainly not our ineffectual, and frankly myopic parliament."

Issue by The Celestis Paradisi of Heavens Reach

Edited by Baggielan

I don't know whether the last name "Wonka" in option 2 is random or not, but it seems like a pop culture reference to me. I also don't know whether there are "boy" and "girl" macros.

I had a different name (and gender) in option 2, so edited it to "randomname_1" in options 2/3

[Valentine Z]

Issue Number 1289 - Cramping Our Style
Author: The Free Joy State; Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

I got this issue on Alanis Star! I tried my best to use both the issue draft thread (found here for this one), so... please try not to rail me too much on Macros.

This is from the latest draft. There seems to be a slight difference in the description.

---

[Description] When @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@ was given a prescription for the birth-control pill to treat a gynaecological condition, she was surprised when the only pharmacist in the remote village of @@ANIMAL@@-Upon-Wye refused to issue her prescription, instead lecturing her on wantonness, waywardness and waiting for marriage.

[option-0] "He had no right!" cries Miss @@RANDOMSURNAME_1@@, tearing leaflets on PMS into little strips. "Pharmacists don't know why my doctor prescribed this medication. I have been crippled by my cycle for years, and if Mr. @@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ had to suffer like me, he wouldn't have wanted a lecture -- he'd have wanted a bloody medal! He knew he was taking on a role that would require dispensing the Pill. He doesn't want to? Too bad! All pharmacists should dispense all prescriptions exactly as written, or face disciplinary actions. And can I get some chocolate in here?"
[effect] things are looking up for rheumy allergy patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication

[option-1] "Yes, I refused to give this woman the means to have consequence-free intercourse," drawls @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, shoving his Master's in pharmacy under your nose. "However, I did suggest non-medical alternatives for her professed condition and provided the address of a willing pharmacist, not thirty miles away, when the lady was... unenthusiastic. I'm a trained professional, not a walking dispenser. Pharmacists should be free to make recommendations and act within their conscience, as long as they also direct women to a less-encumbered alternative provider. Don't force me to choose my morals over my career!"
[effect] many pharmacists claim their morals forbid them to work late

[option-2] "@@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ does well, but goes not far enough for 'tis heresy to smite the womb with poisons," booms Fly-fornication Yoder, member of a black-clad order, as he hands you a leaflet entitled For Womb the Bell Tolls: Bigger, Better and More Blessed Breeding. "As saith the One Above: the female body is not to be permitted to take any substances that may poison it or inhibit its maternal purpose. Further, let all sinful hormonal machinations, and contraceptive devices designed to prevent the begetting of infants, be banned. Ladies can find relief from their ailments through prayer, fasting and bringing a child into the world within the bonds of consecrated wedlock!"
[effect] the standard cure for infertility-causing conditions is "go have a baby"
[validity] religion legal

[option-3] "Mr. @@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ isn't going far enough," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the '@@DEMONYM@@ Organisation for Moral Rectitude', passing out leaflets entitled The Pill and Prostitution: Causation or Correlation?. "The fact is, we're allowing young women to pump their bodies full of chemicals. Who knows what harm they could be doing to themselves: masculinisation of women, feminisation of men, girls becoming feminists. Not to mention declining morality. Allowing women to take the Pill is just bad news. The Pill should be banned from @@NAME@@, as a menace to public health. I'm sure there are natural supplements women could take to control their cycle."
[effect] doctors with dyed hair inform patients via video-link that they must not go against nature
[validity] religion discouraged or illegal

---

For preservation or comparison sake, here's the issue I got on Alanis Star, with the names and all untouched.

Description: When 25-year-old unemployed chicken sexer Kitty Savage was given a prescription for the birth-control pill to treat a gynaecological condition, she was surprised when the only pharmacist in the remote village of al-Zahawi-Over-Vale refused to issue her prescription, instead lecturing her on wantonness, waywardness and waiting for marriage.

[option-0] “He had no right!” cries Miss Savage, tearing leaflets on PMS into little strips. “Pharmacists don’t know why my doctor prescribed this medication. I have been crippled by my cycle for years, and if that man had had to suffer like me, he wouldn’t have wanted a lecture — he’d have wanted a bloody medal! Garrison knew he was taking on a role that would require dispensing the Pill. He doesn’t want to? Too bad! All pharmacists should dispense all prescriptions exactly as written, or face disciplinary actions. And can I get some chocolate in here?”

[option-1] “I cannot — in good conscience — provide the means for consequence-free intercourse,” drawls Reginald Garrison, shoving his Master’s in pharmacy under your nose. “However, I did suggest non-medical alternatives for her professed condition and provided the address of a willing pharmacist, not thirty miles away, when the lady was... unenthusiastic. I’m a trained professional, not a walking dispenser. Pharmacists should be free to refuse to dispense and make recommendations, as long as they also direct women to a morally unencumbered alternative provider. Don’t force me to choose my conscience over my career!”

[option-2] “Garrison does well, but goes not far enough for ‘tis heresy to smite the womb with poisons,” booms Increase Moore, member of an obscure black-clad order, as he hands you a leaflet entitled For Womb the Bell Tolls: Bigger, Better and More Blessed Breeding. “As saith the One Above: the female body is not to be permitted to take any substances that may poison it or inhibit its maternal purpose. Further, let all sinful hormonal machinations and contraceptive devices designed to prevent the begetting of infants be banned. Ladies can find relief from their ailments through prayer, fasting and bringing a child into the world within the bonds of consecrated wedlock!”

I didn't get Option-3 / 4th Option for Alanis Star - Religion is allowed in the nation.

[Bears Armed]

NO. 1'290

Why Didn’t the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?

The Issue

On a tight schedule, you’re walking from one meeting to another in a building a block away. Just as you reach the intersection you notice quite the commotion as an oncoming car slams into a red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ on the other side of the street.

The Debate

1. “What a coincidence, this is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” says ecology professor Hayley Wang, while discreetly sliding an empty animal cage out of view. “Habitat fragmentation, the process of the built environment splitting large areas of habitat into smaller pieces, is a blight that is checkering @@NAME@@. When roads are put through habitats, the native animal populations become disjointed and less resilient. You can lose the red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ in one of these fragments without noticing, but before long, it’s disappeared from 20 or 30 fragments, and become an endangered species. You need to establish wildlife corridors and animal crossings linking green spaces across @@NAME@@.”

2. As you rush to the other side of the road to make the meeting, Luke Cruz, host of Animal World, pops out of the bushes in the median. “Our cities have expanded too much. Our entire population could fit in an area half the size of @@CAPITAL@@. If we decreased our urban footprint, the problem would solve itself without having to build a bunch of bridges! Now, I’m sure not everyone will enjoy giving up their suburban McMansions for more modest city apartments, but I think when they see those little red-faced @@ANIMAL@@s thriving it will turn their frowns upside down.”

3. “Both of those solutions seem a bit extreme,” yells real estate developer Sasha Kirk from her SUV over the din of frustrated motorists now honking at you for blocking the road. “The red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ is doing fine, this whole thing is unnecessary environmental panic. Real estate in @@NAME@@ is at a premium already, let’s reduce barriers to development in existing parks and green spaces! Besides, I think the suburban environment is underappreciated habitat, lawns are green after all.”

Issue by The Nationstates Nation of SherpDaWerp
Edited by Ransium

[TalAkMaChen]

Issue Number 1289 - Cramping Our Style
Author: The Free Joy State; Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

I got this issue on Alanis Star! I tried my best to use both the issue draft thread (found here for this one), so... please try not to rail me too much on Macros.

This is from the latest draft. There seems to be a slight difference in the description.

---

[Description] When @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@ was given a prescription for the birth-control pill to treat a gynaecological condition, she was surprised when the only pharmacist in the remote village of @@ANIMAL@@-Upon-Wye refused to issue her prescription, instead lecturing her on wantonness, waywardness and waiting for marriage.

[option-0] "He had no right!" cries Miss @@RANDOMSURNAME_1@@, tearing leaflets on PMS into little strips. "Pharmacists don't know why my doctor prescribed this medication. I have been crippled by my cycle for years, and if Mr. @@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ had to suffer like me, he wouldn't have wanted a lecture -- he'd have wanted a bloody medal! He knew he was taking on a role that would require dispensing the Pill. He doesn't want to? Too bad! All pharmacists should dispense all prescriptions exactly as written, or face disciplinary actions. And can I get some chocolate in here?"
[effect] things are looking up for rheumy allergy patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication

[option-1] "Yes, I refused to give this woman the means to have consequence-free intercourse," drawls @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, shoving his Master's in pharmacy under your nose. "However, I did suggest non-medical alternatives for her professed condition and provided the address of a willing pharmacist, not thirty miles away, when the lady was... unenthusiastic. I'm a trained professional, not a walking dispenser. Pharmacists should be free to make recommendations and act within their conscience, as long as they also direct women to a less-encumbered alternative provider. Don't force me to choose my morals over my career!"
[effect] many pharmacists claim their morals forbid them to work late

[option-2] "@@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ does well, but goes not far enough for 'tis heresy to smite the womb with poisons," booms Fly-fornication Yoder, member of a black-clad order, as he hands you a leaflet entitled For Womb the Bell Tolls: Bigger, Better and More Blessed Breeding. "As saith the One Above: the female body is not to be permitted to take any substances that may poison it or inhibit its maternal purpose. Further, let all sinful hormonal machinations, and contraceptive devices designed to prevent the begetting of infants, be banned. Ladies can find relief from their ailments through prayer, fasting and bringing a child into the world within the bonds of consecrated wedlock!"
[effect] the standard cure for infertility-causing conditions is "go have a baby"
[validity] religion legal

[option-3] "Mr. @@RANDOMSURNAME_2@@ isn't going far enough," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the '@@DEMONYM@@ Organisation for Moral Rectitude', passing out leaflets entitled The Pill and Prostitution: Causation or Correlation?. "The fact is, we're allowing young women to pump their bodies full of chemicals. Who knows what harm they could be doing to themselves: masculinisation of women, feminisation of men, girls becoming feminists. Not to mention declining morality. Allowing women to take the Pill is just bad news. The Pill should be banned from @@NAME@@, as a menace to public health. I'm sure there are natural supplements women could take to control their cycle."
[effect] doctors with dyed hair inform patients via video-link that they must not go against nature
[validity] religion discouraged or illegal

---

For preservation or comparison sake, here's the issue I got on Alanis Star, with the names and all untouched.

Description: When 25-year-old unemployed chicken sexer Kitty Savage was given a prescription for the birth-control pill to treat a gynaecological condition, she was surprised when the only pharmacist in the remote village of al-Zahawi-Over-Vale refused to issue her prescription, instead lecturing her on wantonness, waywardness and waiting for marriage.

[option-0] “He had no right!” cries Miss Savage, tearing leaflets on PMS into little strips. “Pharmacists don’t know why my doctor prescribed this medication. I have been crippled by my cycle for years, and if that man had had to suffer like me, he wouldn’t have wanted a lecture — he’d have wanted a bloody medal! Garrison knew he was taking on a role that would require dispensing the Pill. He doesn’t want to? Too bad! All pharmacists should dispense all prescriptions exactly as written, or face disciplinary actions. And can I get some chocolate in here?”

[option-1] “I cannot — in good conscience — provide the means for consequence-free intercourse,” drawls Reginald Garrison, shoving his Master’s in pharmacy under your nose. “However, I did suggest non-medical alternatives for her professed condition and provided the address of a willing pharmacist, not thirty miles away, when the lady was... unenthusiastic. I’m a trained professional, not a walking dispenser. Pharmacists should be free to refuse to dispense and make recommendations, as long as they also direct women to a morally unencumbered alternative provider. Don’t force me to choose my conscience over my career!”

[option-2] “Garrison does well, but goes not far enough for ‘tis heresy to smite the womb with poisons,” booms Increase Moore, member of an obscure black-clad order, as he hands you a leaflet entitled For Womb the Bell Tolls: Bigger, Better and More Blessed Breeding. “As saith the One Above: the female body is not to be permitted to take any substances that may poison it or inhibit its maternal purpose. Further, let all sinful hormonal machinations and contraceptive devices designed to prevent the begetting of infants be banned. Ladies can find relief from their ailments through prayer, fasting and bringing a child into the world within the bonds of consecrated wedlock!”

I didn't get Option-3 / 4th Option for Alanis Star - Religion is allowed in the nation.

Here is optioin 4 text (found at War Dogs XI):
“Mr. @@RANDOMLASTNAME_2@@ isn’t going far enough,” says @@RANDOMNAME_3@@ of the ‘@@DEMONYM@@ Organisation for Moral Rectitude’, passing out leaflets entitled The Pill and Prostitution: Causation or Correlation? “The fact is, we’re allowing young women to pump their bodies full of chemicals. Who knows what long-term damage they are wreaking: masculinisation of women, feminisation of men, young girls becoming feminists. Not to mention declining morality. Allowing women to take the Pill is just bad news. The Pill should be banned in @@NAME@@, as a menace to public health. I’m sure there are natural supplements women could take to control their cycle.”

PS: In option 1 I added the color to the name, you overlooked that one. The place seems to be named @@RANDOMNAME@@-Over-Vale.

Edit: Italics for the leaflet title!

[TalAkMaChen]

NO. 1'290

Why Didn’t the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?

The Issue

On a tight schedule, you’re walking from one meeting to another in a building a block away. Just as you reach the intersection you notice quite the commotion as an oncoming car slams into a red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ on the other side of the street.

The Debate

1. “What a coincidence, this is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” says ecology professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, while discreetly sliding an empty animal cage out of view. “Habitat fragmentation, the process of the built environment splitting large areas of habitat into smaller pieces, is a blight that is checkering @@NAME@@. When roads are put through habitats, the native animal populations become disjointed and less resilient. You can lose the red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ in one of these fragments without noticing, but before long, it’s disappeared from 20 or 30 fragments, and become an endangered species. You need to establish wildlife corridors and animal crossings linking green spaces across @@NAME@@.”

2. As you rush to the other side of the road to make the meeting, @@RANDOMNAME@@, host of Animal World, pops out of the bushes in the median. “Our cities have expanded too much. Our entire population could fit in an area half the size of @@CAPITAL@@. If we decreased our urban footprint, the problem would solve itself without having to build a bunch of bridges! Now, I’m sure not everyone will enjoy giving up their suburban McMansions for more modest city apartments, but I think when they see those little red-faced @@ANIMAL@@s thriving it will turn their frowns upside down.”

3. “Both of those solutions seem a bit extreme,” yells real estate developer @@RANDOMNAME@@ from @@HIS@@ SUV over the din of frustrated motorists now honking at you for blocking the road. “The red-faced @@ANIMAL@@ is doing fine, this whole thing is unnecessary environmental panic. Real estate in @@NAME@@ is at a premium already, let’s reduce barriers to development in existing parks and green spaces! Besides, I think the suburban environment is underappreciated habitat, lawns are green after all.”

Issue by The Nationstates Nation of SherpDaWerp
Edited by Ransium

Names and genders are all random, I got the opposite (edited above).

[Valentine Z]

“Mr. @@RANDOMLASTNAME_2@@ isn’t going far enough,” says @@RANDOMNAME_3@@ of the ‘@@DEMONYM@@ Organisation for Moral Rectitude’, passing out leaflets entitled The Pill and Prostitution: Causation or Correlation? “The fact is, we’re allowing young women to pump their bodies full of chemicals. Who knows what long-term damage they are wreaking: masculinisation of women, feminisation of men, young girls becoming feminists. Not to mention declining morality. Allowing women to take the Pill is just bad news. The Pill should be banned in @@NAME@@, as a menace to public health. I’m sure there are natural supplements women could take to control their cycle.”

PS: In option 1 I added the color to the name, you overlooked that one. The place seems to be named @@RANDOMNAME@@-Over-Vale.

Ahh, I actually added that in inside. At least from Joy's draft thread. It was not just in Alanis Star because like I said, I didn't get it for that nation.

Also I did add the color into the name for Option 1, at least for the Garrison fellow. I just didn't touch Joy's draft thread to preserve it and all.

[Bears Armed]

NO. 1'291

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The Issue

You and your family are at a Maxxmas party held by your Minister of Mirth, Merriment and Income Taxation when your great-aunt — overcome by too much Maxxmas cheer — begins castigating your host for not decorating in traditional Maxxmas colours, lamenting “It’s like you don’t even understand the holiday!” Suddenly, you hear some sleigh bells jingling and ring-ting-tingling outside: a band of merry Maxxmas carollers!

The Debate

1. As the urchins polish off ‘O, Little Town of @@CAPITAL@@’, the diminutive leader of the group hobbles forward on a crutch. “Beggin’ yer leadership’s pardon, but may I say I feels so gratified to see you an’ yours all together. Whever a toff or an ’umble personage like me, Maxxmas is when fam’ly an’ friends share goodwill an’ ’appiness. Who needs posh gifts or a warm blanket — long as yer wiv fam’ly? You should tells people so, you know, in yer big Maxxmas speech.”

2. An urchin in a top hat and a slightly worn waistcoat steps forward. “But, as I say to me more hintimate friends, Maxxmas is a time for ’elpin’ them of lesser means than meself. And, @@LEADER@@, if someone of your quality was seen givin’ to good causes, your charitable nature would be an example to them that so esteem you.” He rattles a donation tin.

3. “Here, take it and go!” snaps the Minister of Big Business, dumping one @@CURRENCY@@ into the tin. “@@LEADER@@, darling, Maxxmas is a time for fabulous parties and finalising big plans. Talking of which, how about that investment in my department? Oh, I must have left the forecasts by the champagne fountain. Silly me!”

4. “I’ll tell you what Maxxmas is for,” laughs your brother, seizing the urchins’ donation tin and bolting the door. “Presents piled ten stories high, all with my name on them! Diamond-studded watches, cashmere suits, even a private helicopter! The one reason Maxxmas exists is to teach people that only present-buying is a true expression of love — an advertising campaign to remind them will get everyone shopping.”

5. “Talk about greed!” scoffs your uncle, who is currently hoarding a whole turkey for himself. “You don’t need presents; Maxxmas is all about the big family dinner. A good one heals fractured families — the art must be taught in schools: that moist roast turkey... and crispy potatoes... and dessert...” He keels over, saliva forming a puddle.

6.“Haven’t we forgotten that Maxxmas is a religious holiday?” screams your niece. “We should celebrate the way that the early Order of Maxx did: by gathering in sackcloth and ashes, holding hands and silently condemning all displays of gaudy commercialism, self-indulgence and violence.”

7. “Shh!” hisses your aunt, covering your uncle’s mouth with her hand. By her side sits a TV magazine with a series of films marked off: ‘It’s Too Soon for Maxxmas’, ‘I Can’t Wait for Maxxmas’, ‘It’s Finally Maxxmas’ and ‘Oh, Just Sod Off Maxxmas’. “This viewing gets better every year. This holiday would be far more restful if everyone stopped making a fuss and just grabbed a TV dinner and the remote.”

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State
Edited by Baggieland

[Trotterdam]

Did you check the internal numbering? The draft thread suggests probable variant options.

[Trotterdam]

#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers

The Issue

Though religious belief was classified as a mental disorder, it has proven resistant to treatment, leading to the overcrowding of many mental institutions. In response, you have been invited to visit the @@CAPITAL@@ Lunatic Asylum.

The Debate

1. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but we can try reasoning with these people," suggests nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@, sighing over an illegible chart. "Of course, we need more facilities and staff to handle all the patients, but our current treatment methods aren't working. Let's dissuade these patients from their religious convictions through rigorous education in the sciences, presenting them with rational proofs against the existence of gods. Equipped with knowledge and trained in critical thinking, they will come to see the light."

2. "The zealots aren't changing their minds because we've been too soft on them," rasps the asylum's director, appearing from behind a corner. "The government should also allow us to use 'enhanced' conversion techniques, if you know what I mean. Also, we must have funding and permission to research and employ powerful drugs that will facilitate a change of faith. Our conversion therapies will surely work then!"

3. "There is a reason why we decided to put them in hospitals," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a fervent atheist clinician. "Religion has brought nothing but suffering to the world. Just look at all of history for proof! Faith may make us feel secure, but overall, it's just bad. You can't reform the devout, so help humanity by letting them meet their maker. We'll all be in paradise then."

4. "Let my people go!" shrieks a straitjacketed patient from within a padded cell. "I'm sure my deity would not want us to be supported by the @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ of my nonbelieving brethren. Let us labor by the sweat of our brows and have gain from our toil. We are not crazy, well, except for the Violetists."

Issue by The Marsupial Illuminati
Edited by Zwangzug

[Bears Armed]

Did you check the internal numbering? The draft thread suggests probable variant options.

No, I didn't. Not sure that I know how to do so (or, if I'm told how, that I would be able to do so on these 'public' computers...), in fact.
When I post an issue here, you can take it that that's just the version one of my nations received.
I'll try to remember to add a suitable disclaimer in future.

[Trotterdam]

I think doing it on a public computer would be easier than doing it on a private mobile phone. It's a feature that pretty much all browsers for computers with an actual keyboard and mouse support, even if it's one most people rarely use.

The exact words vary by browser, but it's probably something like clicking "View -> Page Source" in the menu. Also try right-clicking on the buttons (anything that reads like "View Source" or "Inspect Element" is a good sign).