NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,261
CITY FINAL
SUNDAY OCTOBER 13, 2019

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
The Issue

Yesterday evening, talk radio pundit Kirby Freeman launched a scathing critique of your “ridiculously incompetent Transport Minister” and the minister’s “terrible mismanagement of timetables”. Unfortunately, said minister angrily phoned in to argue his case, and foolishly told the talkshow host that if he thought he could do better, he’d be welcome to try. Somewhat predictably, Freeman is now outside the parliament building, ready to give it a go.
The Debate

“Look at him strutting about, that know-it-all, trying to tell the public how my damn job should be done,” snarls your extremely experienced Transport Minister. “What the hell does he know about fuel logistics, or network maintenance, or sub-contract management? Absolutely jack nothing, that’s what! Broadcasters shouldn’t be allowed to offer unfounded opinions about things they know nothing about. Slap a fine on him for misleading the public and fomenting ignorance — that’ll teach him to mind his words.”
name="choice-0"

“That’s a little... extreme,” cautions one of the minister’s aides, serving up a tray of calming hot cocoas. “The truth is that a free media will always attract larger-than-life types to pontificate on whatever subject they want, and that’s a great thing. Sure, maybe this radio host is clueless, but we should always encourage lively discussion on our airwaves. Maybe instead what we need is a more managed media presence, with ministers always consulting with their teams before making radio appearances. If we’re more careful about what we say, we’ll avoid situations like this one.”
name="choice-1"

“Hey, let’s have a bit of fun with this...” suggests one of your grinning junior transport staffers. “Let’s let him into the building, and put him in charge of the department for a whole week, with everything broadcast live on air. Then, we pile him with jobs that he can screw up. Ask him whether the switchboard generator in Bedtown should be powered up at 215 or 230 megawatts. Probe him for specifics on the emerging empty boat situation. Ask him what the optimum running speed is for track temperature management. We make him look like a fool, and the public gets a better appreciation of how hard our job is.”
name="choice-2"

Issue by The Hidden Pirate Cove of Chan Island

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
Top

[Candlewhisper Archive]

name="choice-3"

Huh, interesting. I can't see any difference in the text from the choice-2 that I reported, and the effect line must also be the same since I haven't seen any other. Maybe it's for nations that already had vs didn't yet have the Corporal Punishment policy (which this option adds if you didn't have it yet)?

Yep, it's a stat doppelganger, as different mechanical effects are needed if you're introducing corporal punishment rather than just another instance of it.

[TalAkMaChen]

#1279 Crate Work, Plane and Simple [Candensia; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue

Officials from the tiny, allied nation of Prudenlund have requested that @@NAME@@ assist in a series of humanitarian aid airdrops to one of its distant territories. The target for the drops — a chain of sparsely-inhabited islands recently ravaged by storms — has been difficult for Prudenlundian authorities to reach, as their nation lacks sufficient transport assets.

(according to draft, only for nations without the "No Aircraft" policy)

The Debate

1. “We have everything ready to go, just nothing for all of it to go in,” moans the Prudenlundian Ambassador to @@NAME@@. “The island chain is too distant for our smaller aircraft, and sea delivery will take too long. That’s why we’d appreciate it if our friends in @@NAME@@ could spare a few military transport aircraft, and carry out the drops for us. We only really need the planes, but if @@NAME@@ would like to provide additional supplies to drop, soap or unwanted clothes or something, that’d be great too.”

2. “Look man, I’d be down with sendin’ a couple planes or somethin’, but y’all Prudenlund people obviously haven’t brought any gas money,” says a young, brutally frugal official from the finance ministry’s Fiscal Responsibility and Economic Excellence division. “And since y’all don’t have gas money, it’s gotta be a no on this whole airdrop thing. Ditto for all our other expensive and wasteful aid commitments elsewhere. Tell ya what though, I’ll drop a line to the World Assembly or somethin’, ask them to help out instead. Y’all got phone money?”

3. “Isn’t that island chain famous for its coffee plantations?” muses your Minister for Agriculture. “You know, they’re actually direct competitors in coffee exports, and the low strength of their currency is giving them a disproportionate market share. I suggest we deliver the aid, but contaminate the crates with fungus spores, to subtly sabotage their coffee production. We’ll look like we’re helping while covertly establishing a competitive advantage.”

Issue by The Royal Dominion of Candensia
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Edit: Draft for reference

[Candensia]

My thanks to CWA for the speedy publication.

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,251
CITY FINAL
MONDAY OCTOBER 14, 2019

The Making of a Mass Murderer
The Issue

Seemingly with nothing better to do with their time, the Ministry of Statistics has conducted a study profiling the most prolific Techolandian serial killers and murderers. They have determined that the vast majority of the perpetrators tend to be sexually frustrated single men.
The Debate

“The problem is that these unfortunate men are being denied entry into the sexual marketplace,” posits controversial University of Circuit City professor Peter Jordanson while stroking his goatee. “Women are humiliating these men with constant rejection. Is it any wonder that they snap? If you want to stop mass violence, we need to have government-arranged marriages and enforced monogamy, so that these men have loving wives who put out and take care of them. Do this, you’ll surely see murder rates drop.”
name="choice-0"

“You’re surely not going to listen to this misogynistic drivel, are you?” scoffs renowned feminist speaker Kellyanne Fils-Aimé. “It’s not women who are the problem, it’s men who think they are somehow owed sex! If you want this problem to go away, we need to start teaching our boys things like respect, consent, coping with rejection, and the inherent emotional immaturity of men. If men still can’t see the problem, well, there’s plenty of psychiatric institutions with available rooms.”
name="choice-1"

“I think maybe our report isn’t being taken as a whole,” drones Ministry Statistician Bharatendu May in a dull monotone. “Correlations with lack of sexual satisfaction exist, but there’s also low educational attainment, social isolation, childhood trauma, association with sexually deviant communities, lack of stable employment and the Hervey Cleckley ‘Mask of Sanity’ to consider. You know what would really help? More funding for the Ministry of Statistics, and a pay rise for your statisticians. I mean, sometimes, I get so frustrated about the lack of security in this lonely job. I know I should have studied harder, I just wanted to make mother proud but she always wanted more... always so much more...” He trails off and stares into space for a while.
name="choice-2"

“Looks like you have a problem with men with an urge to kill, and my special forces units have got a problem with low recruitment numbers,” states battlefield veteran Jabulani Snow, fingering what looks worryingly like a necklace of human ears. “It’s a shame to waste that potential with marriage and nut houses. Why not kill two cyborg dogs with one stone and conscript violent men into the military? That way, the only people they can kill and maim are terrorists and enemy soldiers, not innocent Techolanders.”
name="choice-3"

Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,280
CITY FINAL
TUESDAY OCTOBER 15, 2019

The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman
The Issue

On live TV yesterday, a seven-year-old girl was dangling and struggling to hold onto a sixth-floor balcony railing — as emergency services had been delayed by a stampede of wild cyborg dogs — only to be rescued by Charles Nimoy, an illegal immigrant, who heroically climbed up the side of the building and brought her safely to ground level.
The Debate

“Of course we’re grateful,” begins Luigi True, your Immigration Chief, as he slams the rule book on your desk. “However, illegal immigration is illegal immigration and we’re a nation of laws. Despite his good deed, I’m afraid that we have no choice but to deport him. Heroic acts will not get you any special privileges.”
name="choice-0"

“My PR senses are tingling!” declares Sarah Christmas, your Press Secretary, as she puts a comb through your hair. “We should give this Charles fellow legal status and an official presentation at your office. One good deed deserves another, so make an exception for him. In fact, why don’t you hand out medals at posh ceremonies for every caring citizen? The press coverage will do you wonders!”
name="choice-1"

“That brave man saved my daughter!” proclaims Alice Jele, the girl’s mother. “He absolutely must be given legal status. In fact, you should give citizenship to all illegal immigrants that are already here, as this incident proves that they aren’t all ‘bad people’. We should give them all the benefit of the doubt.”
name="choice-2"

“So, these immigrants seem pretty good at climbing then?” posits Don Quayle, your Employment Minister. “Why don’t we fast-track their citizenship applications and put them in jobs where climbing is required? There are window-cleaners, glaziers, tree-trimmers, roofers — they should be excellent at those kinds of jobs. Let’s face it, most Techolanders are scared of heights.”
name="choice-3"

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland

Edited by Baggieland

[TalAkMaChen]

#1280 The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman [Baggieland; ed: Baggieland]

The Issue

On live TV yesterday, a seven-year-old girl was dangling and struggling to hold onto a sixth-floor balcony railing — as emergency services had been delayed by a stampede of wild @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ — only to be rescued by @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@, an illegal immigrant, who heroically climbed up the side of the building and brought her safely to ground level.

The Debate

1. “Of course we’re grateful,” begins @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Immigration Chief, as @@HE@@ slams the rule book on your desk. “However, illegal immigration is illegal immigration and we’re a nation of laws. Despite his good deed, I’m afraid that we have no choice but to deport him. Heroic acts will not get you any special privileges.”

2. “My PR senses are tingling!” declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Press Secretary, as @@HE@@ puts a comb through your hair. “We should give this @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ fellow legal status and an official presentation at your office. One good deed deserves another, so make an exception for him. In fact, why don’t you hand out medals at posh ceremonies for every caring citizen? The press coverage will do you wonders!”

3. “That brave man saved my daughter!” proclaims @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the girl’s mother. “He absolutely must be given legal status. In fact, you should give citizenship to all illegal immigrants that are already here, as this incident proves that they aren’t all ‘bad people’. We should give them all the benefit of the doubt.”

4. “So, these immigrants seem pretty good at climbing then?” posits @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Employment Minister. “Why don’t we fast-track their citizenship applications and put them in jobs where climbing is required? There are window-cleaners, glaziers, tree-trimmers, roofers — they should be excellent at those kinds of jobs. Let’s face it, most @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are scared of heights.”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Baggieland

Edit: Draft for reference

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,253
CITY FINAL
THURSDAY OCTOBER 17, 2019

Build a Better Baby?
The Issue

Top fertility clinics in the United Federation — an ultra-capitalist nation that you nonetheless have historically amicable relations with — have recently announced a new service allowing parents to create so-called ‘designer babies’. This is something that is not currently offered by state-administered hospitals in Techolandia.
The Debate

“I honestly don’t see what the big deal is,” says Ambassador Preeti Poindexter, proudly showing you the ultrasound image of the designer pregnancy she purchased while posted to the United Federation. “I simply made sure that the little comrade will have the very best genetic make up that my partner and I could offer. That should be the right of every couple in our proud nation — boost the health budget so that everyone can choose to have the perfect baby!”
name="choice-0"

“This technology stands as a testament to the deep-seated moral corruption of the United Federation’s ruling class,” opines Paris Wessex, a senior member of the Party Committee on Ethics. “Notice how it effectively annihilates anyone who doesn’t conform to the capitalist ideal of optimally profitable workers? And who are we to say that the discarded embryos do not deserve an equal opportunity to be born and to flourish? Embryonic screening should be outlawed, and anyone who travels abroad to undergo these procedures should be duly prosecuted.”
name="choice-1"

“Optimal workers, you say?” inquires Woody Huxley, your minister of health. “That raises an intriguing idea: what if, rather than making genetic profiling freely available to all parents, we made it mandatory? Imagine, we could have a whole new generation of genetically-engineered workers that are ultra-productive and inclined to obedience to the state, with an enhanced ability to contribute to the greater good of Techolandia!”
name="choice-2"

Issue by The Hidden City of Hediacrana

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,244
CITY FINAL
FRIDAY OCTOBER 18, 2019

Mooning the Flag
The Issue

After their successful moon landing, Dàguó astronauts have removed your nation’s flag from the satellite’s rocky surface and replaced it with their own.
The Debate

“Damn Dàguó doofuses, dropping in where they’re not wanted!” complains border control officer Cooper Harris, attempting to find the landing site through a small telescope. “Give us the say-so and we’ll put out a warrant for these vandals! If Dàguó doesn’t extradite them, we’ll just have to prosecute them in absentia.”
name="choice-0"

“How can you expect one lonely flag to survive undefended?” wonders astronaut Jill Octavian. “We need a more permanent base on the moon to keep these Dàguó latecomers out. All it’ll take is a few asqueles, lots of oxygen, and an electric fence.”
name="choice-1"

“H-h-hold on, Leader,” stutters Ned Vangelis, your Minister of Cowardice. “Don’t we have more than enough problems to handle on our own planet? You should publicly congratulate Dàguó on their technological breakthroughs, and politely ask their ambassador for the flag back.”
name="choice-3"

Issue by The Card Farming Machine of Bormiar

Edited by Zwangzug

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,273
CITY FINAL
FRIDAY OCTOBER 18, 2019

Lessons in Politics
The Issue

The Politics Department at the University of Cyborg Dog City has come under criticism from opposition politicians because the programme is clearly and unashamedly biased in favour of you, Leader, and your political ideologies.
The Debate

“This is immoral! The university faculty is so biased, they may as well just call themselves your official fan club,” complains Opposition Leader Mamiko Räikkönen, quickly hiding a dartboard bearing your face behind her back. “Universities should have a balanced syllabus, not be indoctrinating young minds into some cult of personality. For the sake of democratic freedom, you must institute measures to ensure non-biased teaching in all universities, and political balance of opinion within teaching staff.”
name="choice-0"

“This is not about partisanship; it is about academic autonomy,” retorts Politics Professor Severus Wu, signing a copy of his latest book Why Räikkönen Smells of Fish. “We, as a faculty, just so happen to choose to support your politics. And we just so happen to attract a capable staff who are all like-minded. It is our absolute democratic right to set our own syllabus, without interference from government! You, being one of the wisest leaders that this nation has ever seen, must surely see this!”
name="choice-1"

“I have to say, you’re really popular with the politically enlightened Cyborg Dog City graduates, and that can only help at the polling station,” points out election campaign manager Ali Edwards. “Maybe you’d have an even stronger majority if we named that university a ‘flagship centre of education’, and put them in charge of setting the national university-level political syllabus.”
name="choice-2"

Issue by The AI See You of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by The Free Joy State

[The Free Joy State]

Techolandia, while I appreciate it can be confusing at the moment, have you considered searching for the issue title (in the search bar at the top of the thread) to see if it's already been posted, to prevent duplicating issues that have already been posted.

[Jutsa]

So I've got 45 issues to add, huh?

Challenge accepted.

[Jutsa]

Updated the directory, as well as NSI's list (well, saved a draft for it anyway).
Didn't have time to do the last dozen or so, sadly.

Issue # 462 for the NS Index Wiki - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Option Number 2 has changed from:

Updated! I remembered there being talk about this. (P.S. saw Fauxia's post, indeed @@MAN@@ not just woman)

In other news, #211 option 2 is only available to capitalist nations.

Socialists only get the two options then? Updated.

Finally, option 3!

#965 had been bugging me for a long time. Thank you. (updated my missing options list, don't worry)

Issue 271 has a total of 6 options, four of them mutually exclusive for nations with/without jails (1/2) and for guns/no guns (4/5), so each nation will only see four out of them, depending on their policies.

Holy crap — added option 2

Wanted to point out that Hediacrana's Build a Better Baby is beautiful, really glad it was added, and this makes it the first official binary issue in the game!
(well, technically 183 is now, but this is the first one to make another issue into a binary issue)

I'll be sure to read each and every one of these eventually, but alas, I'm once again strapped for time.
Hope to finish this list off before I pass it down.

P.S. I genuinely laughed and cried at some of these titles

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,272
CITY FINAL
TUESDAY OCTOBER 22, 2019

Old News
The Issue

Decades ago, Caesar Asquele was one of the most powerful government ministers in the country. Now the old man has taken to publicly ranting against your regime, criticising everything from your economic policies to how it is your fault that neighborhood children are running on his lawn.
The Debate

“Well, it was nice of him to weigh in,” shrugs cool young thing Lars Fils-Aimé, toying with the latest fashionable gadget. “We got to see how these geriatrics think. Clearly he’s completely disconnected from all reality, and still fighting rivalries against politicians who’ve been dead for a decade or more! I say you go on national television and challenge him to a debate. I hear he’s in the early stages of dementia, so it’ll be pretty easy for you to make him look a fool, while making it clear that you’re not afraid to hear criticism.”
name="choice-0"

“I think it would be a mistake to entirely dismiss the sage advice of the elderly,” cautions your octogenarian aunt, taking a break from criticising your ‘too modern’ hairstyle. “Your elders have many years of experience informing their decisions, and much of what they say is still very relevant. You ought to set up some kind of advisory board composed of former ministers and leaders like this gentleman, to guide you when you’re in a pickle.”
name="choice-1"

“Oh please, this should be easy,” smiles Rosalina May, a party strategist. “He had something like half a century or so working in politics? There must be at least one action or statement somewhere in his record that will have aged poorly. Give the green light, and we’ll dig up some dirt to bury his reputation.”
name="choice-2"

“That wasn’t just the cranky rant of a senile old man; it was a leadership challenge!” announces your Director of Ideological Purity. “Asquele was offering an alternative vision, with himself in charge! Let my department handle him, and I promise you’ll never hear from him again.”
name="choice-3"

Issue by The Hidden Pirate Cove of Chan Island

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
Top

[Hediacrana]

Wanted to point out that Hediacrana's Build a Better Baby is beautiful, really glad it was added, and this makes it the first official binary issue in the game!
(well, technically 183 is now, but this is the first one to make another issue into a binary issue)

Thanks for the kind words Glad to see you're back!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Took me a while to figure out what you meant by a binary issue. In my head a binary issue is one with two choices, or one that is about binary code or binary gender.

I'd call this one a "doppelganger issue", to go with the idea that we already had "doppelganger options".

[Trotterdam]

#1016 Breaking Upset

The Issue

While attending a community meeting in an impoverished neighborhood, you hear a commotion nearby. Just as you think you've seen it all, you find a man in his tighty-whities engulfed in flames outside his burning trailer. The cause was meth-making gone wrong.

The Debate

1. "I'm speechless, I truly am," states local state trooper @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Duturdte, as @@HE/SHE@@ twirls @@HIS/HER@@ revolver around @@HIS/HER@@ finger. "You want to know the worst part? Just last week the exact same thing happened, just with a different guy. They're a danger to the public and themselves. We must declare war on drugs; let me and my boys eliminate this problem once and for all."

3. "We can find them, and deliver punishment as we see fit, but it will solve nothing," retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a social worker. "What we need is social reform. These people need counseling and addiction programs. If we correct the undie lying - I mean, underlying causes of this, we may actually solve the problem, not add wood to the fire. So throw some funding to social services and it will all work out. Now, hold my jacket and clipboard while I go help this man."

4. "I has a much more betterer idea," mumbles the man who caused all this as he scratches what used to be his eyebrows. "Clearly I done messed up. But, if the gub'ment or whoever teach people like me how to make our product all proper like, we won't be getting into messes like this. Allow those expert fellas to teach us stuff on this and all will be good."

5. "To hell with them all!" proclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a right-wing radio talk-show host, as @@HE/SHE@@ puts her @@HIS/HER@@ around your shoulder. "These people are nothing but human garbage, and in this instance, a flaming pile thereof! Let them maim or kill themselves; if they all die off, there will be no one to make drugs."

Issue by The United Providences of Perland
Edited by Baggieland

There's apparently an option 2 somewhere. Wild guess: it's for nations that banned firearms from the police force.

[Jutsa]

I'd call this one a "doppelganger issue", to go with the idea that we already had "doppelganger options".

Agreed.

[Jutsa]

Finished the directory (and NSI list); guess 1274 is still missing, huh?

[Trotterdam]

Finished the directory (and NSI list); guess 1274 is still missing, huh?

I did give a hint on finding it:

Also note that there is now a followup issue to #70 4 and #196 5. I believe the author is The Marsupial Illuminati.

[Jutsa]

Added issues 1220—1229, as well as 998. Also added a few options and missing option validities, though again this is something I have to do a full sweep of at some point, going back months into the pages to scroll by reported issues.

Really liked a lot of these, and I was particularly happy to see both 998 and 498.3.

P.S. Also updated my other lists.

[Jutsa]

Added 1230-1239. Chan's still one of my favorite authors.

[Candensia]

You’re clearing the backlog quickly. We appreciate it, Jutsa!

[Marxist Germany]

I just got 1280, has it already been documented?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yep. Best way to check, incidentally, is to use the search box just above the thread on the left. Type the issue number in there, and your question is immediately answered.

1281, 1282 and 1283 remain unreported at present.