NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Furry Things]

Red Dead Representatives

The Issue
High-ranking state official Magnus Räikkönen recently invested a lot of money into a multi-million commission Information Technology company operating out of the United Federation, a notoriously capitalistic and wealthy nation. Varying socialists and revolutionaries are stating that this is a clear example of capitalist corruption within Furry Things.

The Debate

1. “Since when is it a bad thing,” ponders Räikkönen, “to make some business connections?” He pets the spotted feline curling up against him. “When in the Federation, do as the Federals do. It’s in the best interests of Furry Things to foster camaraderie with our overseas allies. After all, it doesn’t matter if a cat is black or white as long as it catches mice.”
   
2. “You, Zzyzx Wolfe, are too great to allow these bourgeois pigs to corrupt our magnificent socialist nation,” screams your biggest fan, barging into your office uninvited for the third time this week. “Furries put their trust in you to eliminate all of these enemies of the state and people! You must wield supreme control and oversight of all officials, in all branches, eliminating all who oppose you, your benevolent rule, and your beautiful nation! No one should invest in anything other than your rule.”
   
3. “This shows that our state has been deeply corrupted from the inside!” monotonously chant ten students clad in red bandanas who have suddenly run into your office. Their leader continues, “Socialism is about the rule of the workers, the common people, the proletariat! All who have any ties to bourgeois-reactionary groups must be disenfranchised and violently removed from power. We, the Red Guards of Furry Things, will ensure that every Furry is armed, revolutionary, and educated enough to understand how capitalist culture has stained even the most revolutionary of states. It is time to commence a Cultural Revolution!”

Issue by The Proletarian Dictatorship of Old Northwest
Edited by Zwangzug

[TalAkMaChen]

Red Dead Representatives

The Issue
High-ranking state official @@RANDOMNAME1@@ recently invested a lot of money into a multi-million @@CURRENCY@@ @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ company operating out of the United Federation, a notoriously capitalistic and wealthy nation. Varying socialists and revolutionaries are stating that this is a clear example of capitalist corruption within @@NAME@@.

The Debate

1. “Since when is it a bad thing,” ponders @@RANDOMLASTNAME1@@, “to make some business connections?” He pets the spotted feline curling up against him. “When in the Federation, do as the Federals do. It’s in the best interests of Furry Things to foster camaraderie with our overseas allies. After all, it doesn’t matter if a cat is black or white as long as it catches mice.”
   
2. “You, @@LEADER@@, are too great to allow these bourgeois pigs to corrupt our magnificent socialist nation,” screams your biggest fan, barging into your office uninvited for the third time this week. “@@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ put their trust in you to eliminate all of these enemies of the state and people! You must wield supreme control and oversight of all officials, in all branches, eliminating all who oppose you, your benevolent rule, and your beautiful nation! No one should invest in anything other than your rule.”
   
3. “This shows that our state has been deeply corrupted from the inside!” monotonously chant ten students clad in red bandanas who have suddenly run into your office. Their leader continues, “Socialism is about the rule of the workers, the common people, the proletariat! All who have any ties to bourgeois-reactionary groups must be disenfranchised and violently removed from power. We, the Red Guards of @@NAME@@, will ensure that every @@DEMONYM@@ is armed, revolutionary, and educated enough to understand how capitalist culture has stained even the most revolutionary of states. It is time to commence a Cultural Revolution!”

Issue by The Proletarian Dictatorship of Old Northwest
Edited by Zwangzug

I also got a male random name there, otherwise he/him would have to be the appropriate macros, too.

edit -- BTW: Why do we have this one three times now, Trott already reported it before you, Furry.

[Trotterdam]

The gender was random in the draft thread, so it's probably a coincidence that we're all getting men.

[Zwangzug]

I will confess I made a slight error with the macros in the original version, thank you all for not reporting it until after I had time to edit

[TalAkMaChen]

An old one, 304 had missing option 5 for Socialist nations/no private industries. Here it is:

“Are you trying to cripple our economy completely?” implores @@RANDOMNAME@@, Director of Proletariat Productivity Maximisation “If people have children, that’s their own lookout! The State didn’t cause the pregnancy, did it? All parental leave should be banned! We’re not heartless bastards, though. Of course momma can take a sick or vacation day, or maybe even two!”

[TalAkMaChen]

#1251: The Making of a Mass Murderer [Nation of Quebec; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue

Seemingly with nothing better to do with their time, the Ministry of Statistics has conducted a study profiling the most prolific @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ serial killers and murderers. They have determined that the vast majority of the perpetrators tend to be sexually frustrated single men.

The Debate

1. “The problem is that these unfortunate men are being denied entry into the sexual marketplace,” posits controversial University of @@CAPITAL@@ professor Peter Jordanson while stroking his goatee. “Women are humiliating these men with constant rejection. Is it any wonder that they snap? If you want to stop mass violence, we need to have government-arranged marriages and enforced monogamy, so that these men have loving wives who put out and take care of them. Do this, you’ll surely see murder rates drop.”

2. “You’re surely not going to listen to this misogynistic drivel, are you?” scoffs renowned feminist speaker @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@. “It’s not women who are the problem, it’s men who think they are somehow owed sex! If you want this problem to go away, we need to start teaching our boys things like respect, consent, coping with rejection, and the inherent emotional immaturity of men. If men still can’t see the problem, well, there’s plenty of psychiatric institutions with available rooms.”

3. “I think maybe our report isn’t being taken as a whole,” drones Ministry Statistician @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ in a dull monotone. “Correlations with lack of sexual satisfaction exist, but there’s also low educational attainment, social isolation, childhood trauma, association with sexually deviant communities, lack of stable employment and the Hervey Cleckley ‘Mask of Sanity’ to consider. You know what would really help? More funding for the Ministry of Statistics, and a pay rise for your statisticians. I mean, sometimes, I get so frustrated about the lack of security in this lonely job. I know I should have studied harder, I just wanted to make mother proud but she always wanted more... always so much more...” @@HE@@ trails off and stares into space for a while.

*4. "Looks like you have a problem with men with an urge to kill, and my special forces units have got a problem with low recruitment numbers," states battlefield veteran @@RANDOMNAME@@, fingering what looks worryingly like a necklace of human ears. "It's a shame to waste that potential with marriage and nut houses. Why not kill two @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with one stone and conscript violent men into the military? That way, the only people they can kill and maim are terrorists and enemy soldiers, not innocent @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@."
(option 4 only without Conscription policy)

Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

From the issue it seems plausible that option 1 is only for nations with Polygamy policy and it could well be that the speakers of 1+3 are male only.

Edit: Added option 4 (thanks Trotterdam), I got the professor's name again as "Peter Jordanson". Could be non-random? Option 3 had a "Nikita" but still with "He trails off...", so possibly also like in Trotterdams post, male-female-male(-female).

Edit 2: Thanks to CWA for confirming the name of option 1

Edit 3: Names are somewhat fixed, option 1 has Peter Jordanson, option 2 is a female speaker, option 3 a male. For option 4 I could not find enough samples to rule out either, so that remains random so far.

[Trotterdam]

From the issue it seems plausible that option 1 is only for nations with Polygamy policy

I see no such restriction. The option removes Polygamy when present, but it still makes sense even if Polygamy wasn't permitted (in which case it means stronger enforcement).

Though really, this is the best approach y'all could come up with for helping people get laid? (Admittedly, I rather doubt that helping people get laid would actually solve the problem, so a sane approach to doing so might be missing the point.)

and it could well be that the speakers of 1+3 are male only.

I suppose a female with a goatee is rather unlikely, but I don't see why option 3 needs to be gender-restricted.

[TalAkMaChen]

From the issue it seems plausible that option 1 is only for nations with Polygamy policy

I see no such restriction. The option removes Polygamy when present, but it still makes sense even if Polygamy wasn't permitted (in which case it means stronger enforcement).

Agreed, "enforcing monogamy" does not require previous polygamy.

and it could well be that the speakers of 1+3 are male only.

I suppose a female with a goatee is rather unlikely, but I don't see why option 3 needs to be gender-restricted.

Well, the issue is about statisticians finding out about "male sexual issues", to put it short. Speaker 3 seems to have such issues, no? He (or they) speak(s) about having such problems himself/themselves, so I'd say it's reasonable to have another male speaker there. Sadly, I could not find a draft topic to check that, so we have to wait for more nations having that issue, or some knowing people could comment on it.

[Trotterdam]

Well, the issue is about statisticians finding out about "male sexual issues", to put it short. Speaker 3 seems to have such issues, no?

He (or she)'s having mental issues, but they're with his (or her) mother. I hope that isn't sexual.

[Fauxia]

462.2 has been altered.

A man in yoga pants pauses stretching to remark: “Excuse me, do you see what I’ve got going on here? I can’t be walking this down unlit streets at night. I can barely do it in the daytime. Keeping the lights on at all times will make @@NAME@@ feel safe and welcoming for everyone, not just the heavily armed.” He adjusts his gym bag, which clanks.

I cannot say whether the gender is random, but I assume it is.

[Trotterdam]

#1251 4. "Looks like you have a problem with men with an urge to kill, and my special forces units have got a problem with low recruitment numbers," states battlefield veteran @@RANDOMNAME@@, fingering what looks worryingly like a necklace of human ears. "It's a shame to waste that potential with marriage and nut houses. Why not kill two @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with one stone and conscript violent men into the military? That way, the only people they can kill and maim are terrorists and enemy soldiers, not innocent @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@."

I can't identify an obvious validity on my end. It's not just "has a military", since BuccaRuu, TalAkMaChen's puppet that got the issue, has a Defense Forces rating of 1360.87 - not great (near the 50% mark in the world), but definitely not negative.

My names were male-female-male-female.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

The validity check is "has conscription". If you already have conscription, then there's no call to implement conscription.

[TalAkMaChen]

Today I got the issue myself and the first option's speaker, Peter Jordanson, was the same. I also added Trotterdam's option 4 to the initial report.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yeah, it's a Canadian reference from a Canadian author.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Peterson

[TalAkMaChen]

Amended, thanks.

[Trotterdam]

The validity check is "has conscription". If you already have conscription, then there's no call to implement conscription.

Ah, makes sense.

I have a harder time detecting lack-of-policy requirements than presence-of-policy requirements, especially on new issues, since far more nations don't have most policies than do. Conscription is actually one of the very few policies present on more than 50% of nations, so my data would have been sufficient to conclude the validity with high confidence, but it got swamped under a pile of false positives so I didn't notice.

[Trotterdam]

#1252 Ale to the Chief

The Issue

A local brewery provided the Mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City with 120 free kegs of their famous ale: @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@'s Blood — usually a year's supply — as has been the tradition for many years. However, the current mayor has consumed the lot in just two months and taxpayers are now being asked to replenish the provision.

The Debate

1. "I know this makes me look like a drunk, but I assure you I'm not," pleads Mayor @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, as she touches her nose with her finger to prove her point. "I host a lot of diplomatic parties and my guests expect a certain level of hospitality. Just last week, I was hosting the Smalltopian ambassador and his entourage, and those Smalltopians can drink! You must replenish the mayoral supply — think of the diplomatic embarrassment of dry events."

2. "We have to pay for their booze now?" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, a social activist, who is always scrutinising politicians' expenses. "What if she drinks the whole lot in another two months? Will the suffering taxpayer have to continue to fund Her Worship's excesses? If politicians can't go five minutes without a drink, then they're not fit for office. Ban all alcohol on government premises."

3. "Our @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@'s Blood is probably the finest brew in all of @@NAME@@," interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Head Taster at the brewery, as @@HE/SHE@@ takes a sip from your drink, then spits it back into the cup. "It's a pity that only this mayor gets to taste our tantalising tipple, and for free too! We could supply your office @@LEADER@@, and even the whole of parliament. All we ask in return is that you could meet with some of the industry bosses occasionally and give us a favourable hearing."

4. ???

5. "I have an idea," interjects a hobo, who's been listening in on your conversation from the bench outside your window. "Why doesn't the government provide free booze for everyone? That would be nice."

Issue by Baggieland
Edited by Baggieland

The draft thread suggests that the mayor is indeed always female (and the Smalltopian ambassador always male). There's no random first name to key the gender off, anyway.

[Baggieland]

Option 4 is a socialist doppelganger of option 3.

[Zadar B]

The Issue #1230
-
The quality of your meals has been quite lackluster lately. After some digging, it has been found that Tina Jackson, an immigrant chef in your household, no longer has access to ingredients from her home country, or any other country for that matter, thus depriving the Zadar Bian palate of the tasty wonders of world cuisine.
-

The Debate
-
#1 “It’s such a shame we can’t import anything from back home due to the autarky policy,” sighs your Maxtopian chef, Tina Jackson. “There is so much good stuff I can’t have nowadays. Like Snötballs, Barrybarf, and oh, what I wouldn’t give to have me some good roasted Maxtopian pecans again! Can you please allow us to order little things from abroad? I’d love to get a taste of home again, and I’m sure you’ll love it too.”

#2 “It’s a pity our foreign residents aren’t satisfied with our delicious, homegrown food,” remarks native Zadar Bian Master Chef Carmen Pound. “I must admit, when the autarky policy was first introduced, it was hard for me to source all of the best ingredients, but I soon figured out how to make do with what we have in Zadar B. You should fund some classes for the population teaching them how to cook with less. There are many appetizing dishes one can make with only Zadar Bian cabbage.”

#3 “Nein, ve must be able to accurately produce diese delectable foreign foods,” insists diminutive scientist Plänk Ton, poking an illegally imported hamburger in a vain attempt to discover its secret formula. “Ve must gather all ze ingredients unattainable in Zadar B from abroad so zat ve can grow dem hier in die Motherland. Zees von-time acqvisitions vill help us continue ze autarky. For exemple, die maxxberries required for zis sauce could be grown hier... in a greenhouse specifically tailored to match ze East Lebatuck climate! Ja?”

#4 “If they miss their native cuisine so much, then why don’t they just go home?” an old woman complains. “We don’t need any of their foreign muck which I bet tastes awful anyway! Importing food was a massive security risk, and now I think so is importing people. Send them all back to whatever war-torn hellhole they came from, and keep the doors shut!”
-
Issue by The Republic of Chan Island

Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Trotterdam]

Title?

[The Free Joy State]

Title?

#1230 -- "Home Hunger"

[Palacoufia]

I'm aware that this one is missing. This nation meets the criteria and I've just received the issue, so here's the text we've been looking for:

“Face facts, communism and fancy restaurants are ideologically incompatible,” asserts waiter Dixie Rifkin, spitting in a glass, then giving it a polish with a dirty rag. “You need food that reflects our great nation. This, for example, is ‘jellyfish with binoculars’, a dish from the revolution.” She drops a plate in front of you of gelatin chicken and two large shot glasses of illegally brewed vodka. “Restaurants should return to honest proletarian food, for the noble worker. No menus, one dish only, but served with two great things: alcohol and community. And yes, Leader, I’m aware you’ve banned alcohol. An honest error, I presume?”

Presumably, with macros:

“Face facts, communism and fancy restaurants are ideologically incompatible,” asserts waiter @@RANDOMNAME@@, spitting in a glass, then giving it a polish with a dirty rag. “You need food that reflects our great nation. This, for example, is ‘jellyfish with binoculars’, a dish from the revolution.” @@HE@@ drops a plate in front of you of gelatin chicken and two large shot glasses of illegally brewed vodka. “Restaurants should return to honest proletarian food, for the noble worker. No menus, one dish only, but served with two great things: alcohol and community. And yes, Leader, I’m aware you’ve banned alcohol. An honest error, I presume?”

[Trotterdam]

That one was reported last week. Jutsa's busy.

[TalAkMaChen]

462.2 has been altered.

A man in yoga pants pauses stretching to remark: “Excuse me, do you see what I’ve got going on here? I can’t be walking this down unlit streets at night. I can barely do it in the daytime. Keeping the lights on at all times will make @@NAME@@ feel safe and welcoming for everyone, not just the heavily armed.” He adjusts his gym bag, which clanks.

I cannot say whether the gender is random, but I assume it is.

It is, can also be phrased as

A @@MAN@@ in yoga pants pauses stretching to remark: “Excuse me, do you see what I’ve got going on here? I can’t be walking this down unlit streets at night. I can barely do it in the daytime. Keeping the lights on at all times will make @@NAME@@ feel safe and welcoming for everyone, not just the heavily armed.” @@HE@@ adjusts his gym bag, which clanks.

[TalAkMaChen]

Option 4 is a socialist doppelganger of option 3.

And here is its text to add to Trotterdam's report

“Our @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@’s Blood is probably the finest brew in all of @@NAME@@,” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Commissar at the state-run brewery, as @@HE@@ opens a bottle of the ale with a sickle. “It’s a pity that only this mayor gets to taste our tantalising tipple. We could supply your office, and even the whole of parliament. As a faithful cadre of your organisation, @@LEADER@@, in return, perhaps a senior position in the Party wouldn’t go amiss?”

(as encountered at War Dogs XXII)
PS, Trott: The effect lines are the same for options 3/4