NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Jutsa]

Oh! Thank you, uh, Twe America. Glad you're taking an interest!

Issue number 16's been around since... well, since NS was born.
Atm we're looking primarily for issues 1120 and later.
You can see the issue number in the upper right corner of the issue... somewhere.

[Minoa]

#1129: Behind the Red Curtain [Caracasus; ed:The Free Joy State]

The Issue
After the People’s Panel into Proletarian Procreation discovered that the vast majority of @@DEMONYM@@ women rated their marital activities as “meh”, “mediocre” or “soporific”, a meeting has been called to look into improving bedroom shenanigans across the nation.

The Debate
1. “Dear me, after a hard day’s work at the plant and then coming home to washing and cooking, the last thing on my mind is a bit of how’s your father,” exclaims exasperated riveter Yolanda Chandra, who appears so hard pressed for time that she’s folding laundry during the meeting. “Look, I thought this revolution was supposed to make us all equal — so why don’t you drag some of the men back home and get them to clean their own dirty clothes for once? While you’re at it, some communal launderettes and kitchens couldn’t hurt.”

2. “Marriage is a bourgeoisie concept, comrade,” claims Chuck Engels, discreetly leering at an attractive young undersecretary. “Is it any wonder that Yolanda’s husband can’t rock her world? They’ve been married so long there’s barely any spark left. Do away with the outdated notion of one person belonging to another, replacing possessive reactionary marriages with revolutionary free love, and we’ll soon put the lead back into people’s pencils.”

3. “It’s degrading and demeaning depictions of women that’s softening our collective resolve,” notes prudish political officer Comrade Poindexter. “Don’t let this fool palm you off here, @@LEADER@@. The solution is simple: get rid of pornography, clamp down on prostitution and promote healthy non-sexualised depictions of women! I’m sure that, without all those distractions at hand, people will rise to the occasion once more.”

Names underlined need verification on whether it is random or not.

[Aislam]

The Issue
A misunderstanding involving a 12-year-old boy, a plastic toy gun, and five heavily armed police officers has resulted in substantial public uproar. The major news networks are having a field day over-analyzing the manufacturing and selling of bright orange sci-fi inspired toy guns for children.
The Debate
1. “We’re raising a generation of natural born killers!” writes vocal party member Amanda Vajiralongkorn in her latest Barryblog post. “Next thing you know, they’ll want to play with real guns! When will it end? Remember, people don’t kill people, guns do! Even toy guns! We need to get anything that even remotely resembles a gun out of circulation!”

2. “Hey! That’s our jobs you’re talking about!” @@RANDOMNAME@@ , State Director of Toy Manufacture, waving around a realistic looking replica of an AK-47. “Banning our most popular toy lines would seriously damage our industry. I’d say the best way to handle this situation is a healthy fund allocation to toy production. If we were better resourced, we could up production and flood the nation with so many toy guns that no kid would even want one! Then we make them something better,” he says, letting out a long eerie laugh.

3. “Y’all gotta be kiddin’ me,” grumbles local gun enthusiast, @@RANDOMNAME@@ before spitting into a tin can near the doorway. “Plastic toy rayguns ain’t doin’ nobody no harm. When I was li’l we played with BB guns all th’ dad-gum time! Y’all wanna ban toy guns? Shoot, we should giv’em real guns! Make it legal, n’ all. I bet it’d even lower crime rates! Who’d wanna rob a house knowing little Tommy has a 9 mil?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer
1. Gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal.

[Techolandia]

« Back to Issues
1 ASQUELE

The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,110
CITY FINAL
MONDAY DECEMBER 17, 2018

Curtains for the Horrorshow
The Issue

After last week’s highly anticipated release of the new horror movie “Scary Dream on Fifth Street”, reports have been coming in that movie theaters across Circuit City have been allowing children as young as five to watch the film despite the recommendation of ratings boards that the film is suitable only for adults.
The Debate

name="choice-0" “Oh, the horror!” exclaims Malon Dahl, president of watchdog group Mothers For Kids’ Safeguarding. “The parts with the eating of the brains, the horrible mutilations, that policeman with liberal politics... it was so gut-churningly disgusting, even I stopped watching! These children will be scarred for life! It’s time to crack down on movie theaters that are harming our younger generation: everyone, without exception, must provide proof of their age, and any who allow children to watch films rated for adults should be fined and prosecuted!”

name="choice-1" Seven-year-old Ingrid Krugman has seen the movie in question and disagrees. “I liked the film. I especially enjoyed the part where the zombie tore off the man’s arms. My mommy says that because I’m a kid, I shouldn’t see this movie, but I think the ratings aren’t really rules. They’re just someone’s advice, right? Some of us children are really smart and are totally not as easy to influence as grown-ups think. And if you disagree, then... then... **** you, I’ll KILL YOU, you ****ING *********! RAAAAAARGH!” Security drags her away as she claws at their eyes.

name="choice-2" “Who needs these kinds of movies in the first place?” asks your grandmother, drinking tea and reminiscing about her younger years. “Back when I raised your parents we didn’t have so many scary movies, and look how they turned out. The people who make the movies in the first place should have to test them in front of a young audience, and if even one kid gets scared or upset, the film should be banned. We can’t have these awful films being seen by the public, can we?”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Australian rePublic]

The Fast and the Fossilized

The Issue
In the past few months, there have been a series of high-profile car accidents involving elderly citizens.
The Debate
“I’ve had it with the elderly!” roars angry motorist Warwick Davenport, whose car recently lost a wing mirror to a near-blind senior. “It’s high time the government did something about this! Make all the elderly citizens retake their driving tests every five years from age sixty, so that granddad doesn’t go killing someone his old eyes can’t even see!”
Accept
“Now you listen here, dearie,” interjects your aged grandmother, who has complained her way past your receptionists and guards. “I didn’t work my stockings off when I was younger just so I could have my rights taken away! Your grandfather fought in a war back in... in... or maybe he didn’t, I can’t remember. Anyway, you’ve got to show some respect for my generation! Do it for Granny, won’t you?”
Accept
“Oi, let me talk!” yells Dan Jerrus, a youth who recently drove his hatchback into the back of a sharply-braking nonagenarian’s camper van. “These old crones shouldn’t be allowed on the road, full stop. Just look what they did to my car! You should ban anyone over the age of fifty from driving. Leave the roads to responsible younger people.”
Accept
Dismiss This Issue
Issue by The Provincial People's Republic of Szargia
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Trotterdam]

#1130: Bright Orange Is the New Black[Ruben; ed:Aislam]

This is not #1130. This is #488.

[The Free Joy State]

*snip*

I'm pretty sure this has already been reported... awhile ago.

*checks*

Yep, it's already been reported.

I'm not sure Jutsa needs you to report every issue you receive, when they were reported here long ago. In fact, purely as an observer (and while it's great you're enthusiastic), it might mean the new ones get lost in the rush.

#1130: Bright Orange Is the New Black[Ruben; ed:Aislam]

This is not #1130. This is #488.

I can confirm that that is #488, which has had no recent changes.

[Jutsa]

and authored by someone I've never seen and edited by the poster.

Also, thanks for finding 1129, Minoa.

[The Free Joy State]

and authored by someone I've never seen and edited by the poster.

#488 ("Bright Orange is the New Black") was really written by Orvius and edited by Sleep.

[Jutsa]

Oh gosh, 1129 is good...

Added.

[USS Monitor]

#1130: Bright Orange Is the New Black[Ruben; ed:Aislam]
The Issue
A misunderstanding involving a 12-year-old boy, a plastic toy gun, and five heavily armed police officers has resulted in substantial public uproar. The major news networks are having a field day over-analyzing the manufacturing and selling of bright orange sci-fi inspired toy guns for children.
The Debate
1. “We’re raising a generation of natural born killers!” writes vocal party member Amanda Vajiralongkorn in her latest Barryblog post. “Next thing you know, they’ll want to play with real guns! When will it end? Remember, people don’t kill people, guns do! Even toy guns! We need to get anything that even remotely resembles a gun out of circulation!”

2. “Hey! That’s our jobs you’re talking about!” @@RANDOMNAME@@ , State Director of Toy Manufacture, waving around a realistic looking replica of an AK-47. “Banning our most popular toy lines would seriously damage our industry. I’d say the best way to handle this situation is a healthy fund allocation to toy production. If we were better resourced, we could up production and flood the nation with so many toy guns that no kid would even want one! Then we make them something better,” he says, letting out a long eerie laugh.

3. “Y’all gotta be kiddin’ me,” grumbles local gun enthusiast, @@RANDOMNAME@@ before spitting into a tin can near the doorway. “Plastic toy rayguns ain’t doin’ nobody no harm. When I was li’l we played with BB guns all th’ dad-gum time! Y’all wanna ban toy guns? Shoot, we should giv’em real guns! Make it legal, n’ all. I bet it’d even lower crime rates! Who’d wanna rob a house knowing little Tommy has a 9 mil?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer
1. Gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal.

Please don't post things that could be construed as you taking credit for someone else's work.

[Jutsa]

Updated my list to include 1112, 1122, and 1124. Aside from that list*, I think 1130+ is all we'll be looking for for a while. I could be wrong, though.

[Verdant Haven]

I can give you the missing option text for 1130 if you'd like, but I'm not sure I count as a wild report since I wrote the thing and received the issue automatically. Let me know!

[Jutsa]

Oh hey, you're more than welcome to share anything you like with us! Some authors chose to share, especially if the options are hard to find,
whilst others [such as myself] choose to leave secret until the community finds out.

Either way is appreciated.

[Aramanchovia]

1130

“This is no laughing matter” stammers the Shadow Secretary for Economics, Rex Iglesias, with a wild look in his eyes. “Sure, things recovered this time, but next time we might not be so lucky! Imagine – the whole Information Technology industry wiped out! Pensions gone! Cats and dogs living together! The state must seize control of the markets in order to stabilize and protect them. We can’t trust private industry not to muck it up again.”

Think that is the one you are missing. I also didn't get the last option that was previously reported.

[Verdant Haven]

Ding ding ding! That is the one ;-D

[Australian rePublic]

Australian rePublic

1 issue

« Back to Issues

1 DOLLARYDOO

The Canberra Times

VOL. 32 NO. 1,131

CITY FINAL

FRIDAY DECEMBER 21, 2018

Practise Safe Sects?

The Issue

Your niece Jyn, who reached the age of majority three weeks ago and left home the day afterwards, has finally written a letter: “Hello, blood relatives. I am safe and have found my real, spiritual family. The Society of Love are wonderful people who truly care about me. I have pledged one trillion years of loyal service and all my present and future possessions to them. If you love me, let me be happy and send me my stuff. Ta and that. Bye forever, Sister Sunny Sunshine Sunbeam.”

The Debate

“Jyn has been brainwashed!” sobs your sister. “She’s been spouting mystical gobbledegook, acting distant, even reading. Now she’s gone to one of these closed communities and changed her name? These happy-clappy guitar-wielding maniacs tell naïve teenagers that they could have unending happiness and wisdom and all that bullsh... -hickey, and the wide-eyed simpletons believe it. Now she wants to give up everything, even her dreams, to be a slave forever? You must break-up every cultic group that preys on young people. Drag our children home, if necessary!”

Accept

“Many insecure adolescents and young adults can be drawn to apparently friendly groups that seem to possess all the answers,” postulates your uncle and sociologist, Asok, the author of Cult Classics and Faustian Faiths. “Cults often employ ‘love bombing’, a technique where all cult members express constant affection towards a potential convert to snare them. Young people may be especially vulnerable to this, particularly if they come from troubled households. No, ahem, offence to your sister. Educate our young people to be aware of indoctrination techniques and signs, and teach them to think for themselves. Steel our youngsters against the cults in our midst.”

Accept

“Cult is a word that the unspiritual and cowards use to mean a different idea,” retorts your nephew, who’s changed lately, after looking up from the brown-covered italics-titled book he’s reading. “Sunny Sunshi... Jyn is a grown woman. Once someone’s old enough to choose their own faith, everyone should butt-out. In fact, it’s no-one’s business what any spiritually mature person believes. Someone who’s attained Truth should not be kept from their spiritual home, just because they’re a tiny thirteen months from the age of legal majority. Free supremely spiritual folks to follow our consciences. After all, there’s no ‘community’ without ‘unity’, no ‘community’ withou... why are you all staring at me?”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Festive Felicitations of The Free Joy State

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Armouria]

The Fairlyn Journal

VOL. 32 NO. 1,122 CITY FINAL
SUNDAY DECEMBER 23, 2018
Easter Egg: Just Say No to E


The Issue
Today got off to a poor start. You had a plan to grab lunch with Fairlyn’s mayor, Anton Gadsby, to talk about important topics such as urban growth. But to your horror and shock, this man was tripping on XTC this morning, and by noon nobody could find him!

The Debate
1) “A tragic loss that shouldn’t occur in this fair city,” mourns doctor Cathy Gratwick, filing through Gadsby’s clinical history. “Politicians dosing too highly on drugs such as MDMA is not only a way to bring about a fatality, but also distracts you folks from your important work! As a policy wonk without flaws, you must stand up to this display by disavowing any kind of drugs.”

Accept

2) “I think you should know that my pop would focus on our town most of all,” sobs Gadsby’s son, Barry. “Don’t think about him so much as what you could do to honor him: continuing to build and maintain a thriving city. That is what brought about a proud spirit in Dad.”

Accept

3) “Oh, look, focusing on Fairlyn again,” groans Patrick Picard, mayor of a tiny rural municipality. “Big woop. This big shot had it coming. Stop crying about him and start funding, in contrast, stuff that’s actually important. Such as, I don’t know, transportation to backwoods burgs.”

Accept

4) “You must call for a manhunt!” barks cop Harold Callahan, flashing a shiny star at you. “Our boss is too important an individual for us to abandon to who-knows-what shady mishap. But don’t worry, our policing can do this job. Or, as a backup plan, find his body anyway.”

Accept


Issue by The Loquacious Lipograms of Zwangzug
Edited by Zwangzug

[Bears Armed]

4) “You must call for a manhunt!” barks cop Harold Callahan, flashing a shiny star at you. “Our boss is too important an individual for us to abandon to who-knows-what shady mishap. But don’t worry, our policing can do this job. Or, as a backup plan, find his body anyway.”

Do the police really need @@LEADER@@'s orders to start a manhunt?!? Talk about over-centralisation and micro-management...

[Jutsa]

I should have known it was a Zwangzug edit, but I never would've thought it was a self-edit.

Will read and add both some time later.

[Verdant Haven]

4) “You must call for a manhunt!” barks cop Harold Callahan, flashing a shiny star at you. “Our boss is too important an individual for us to abandon to who-knows-what shady mishap. But don’t worry, our policing can do this job. Or, as a backup plan, find his body anyway.”

Do the police really need @@LEADER@@'s orders to start a manhunt?!? Talk about over-centralisation and micro-management...

I'd say the cops must ask for our boss' word to start a manhunt, as without it nobody can proceed, seek, or investigate!

Seriously though, there's some very stilted writing in this one, but it's hard as heck to write extended e-lipograms in English, so I can understand why!

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Rocky Road #1133

The Issue
Nearly two dozen sightseers were injured yesterday in a rockfall. Their tour bus, which had been travelling through a scenic mountainous region in northern The Candy Of Bottles, was struck by a large boulder as it tumbled down a steep slope. The accident has resulted in calls to protect roadways in areas prone to rockfalls.

The Debate
1.) “I just wanted to see the sights. Instead I got slammed by clastic sedimentary rocks!” exclaims rockfall survivor and geologist Tina Peña, cuts and bruises visible on her extremities. “After the accident, the first thing I did was get down on my hands and knees and thank my lucky stars. The next thing I did was wonder how The Candy Of Bottles could even allow something like this to occur! Motorists shouldn’t have to worry about conglomerates crashing into them! Protective roadside barriers and fences should be erected in areas where rockfalls are common.”

Accept

2.) “It was a tragedy, for sure, yet another example why safety should never be taken for granite,” states environmentalist Carmen Watson. “Constructing roadside barriers and fences just isn’t worth it, and not only because they’d break the bank. In doing their duty, they’d also mar some of the most beautiful roadside views in The Candy Of Bottles and disrupt local wildlife. Of course, people’s safety is important, so posting warning signs along the roadside is an appropriate measure to take. If a driver can’t spot a huge boulder coming at them, then maybe they shouldn’t be allowed on the roads in the first place.”

Accept

3.) “They say it takes millions of years for mountainous regions to form,” explains Gerald Davenport, CEO of one of the largest mining companies in The Candy Of Bottles. “If you allow us to perform mountaintop removal mining, rockfalls and the ugly, eroding mountains and cliffs responsible for causing them will be a thing of the past. Drivers will have peace of mind, certain that they will reach their destination in one piece. All the while, the economy will benefit from the minerals extracted from the excavation sites! I mean, talk about killing two birds with one stone!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Royal Dominion of Candensia

Edited by Nation of Quebec

macros untouched, any additional options are at the end.

[Candensia]

Thanks to NOQ for the festively-timed edit.

[Aramanchovia]

Rocky Road #1133

What I got for this one...

1. “I just wanted to see the sights. Instead I got slammed by clastic sedimentary rocks!” exclaims rockfall survivor and geologist Shelia O'Leary, cuts and bruises visible on her extremities. “After the accident, the first thing I did was get down on my hands and knees and thank my lucky stars. The next thing I did was wonder how Aramanchovia could even allow something like this to occur! Motorists shouldn’t have to worry about conglomerates crashing into them! Protective roadside barriers and fences should be erected in areas where rockfalls are common.”

2. “It was a tragedy, for sure, yet another example why safety should never be taken for granite,” states environmentalist Aria van de Berg. “Constructing roadside barriers and fences just isn’t worth it, and not only because they’d break the bank. In doing their duty, they’d also mar some of the most beautiful roadside views in Aramanchovia and disrupt local wildlife. Of course, people’s safety is important, so posting warning signs along the roadside is an appropriate measure to take. If a driver can’t spot a huge boulder coming at them, then maybe they shouldn’t be allowed on the roads in the first place.”

3. “They say it takes millions of years for mountainous regions to form,” explains Ed Cohen, CEO of one of the largest mining companies in Aramanchovia. “If you allow us to perform mountaintop removal mining, rockfalls and the ugly, eroding mountains and cliffs responsible for causing them will be a thing of the past. Drivers will have peace of mind, certain that they will reach their destination in one piece. All the while, the economy will benefit from the minerals extracted from the excavation sites! I mean, talk about killing two birds with one stone!”

[Furry Things]

Rocky Road #1133

The Issue
Nearly two dozen sightseers were injured yesterday in a rockfall. Their tour bus, which had been travelling through a scenic mountainous region in northern Furry Things, was struck by a large boulder as it tumbled down a steep slope. The accident has resulted in calls to protect roadways in areas prone to rockfalls.

The Debate
“I just wanted to see the sights. Instead I got slammed by clastic sedimentary rocks!” exclaims rockfall survivor and geologist Britney Campbell, cuts and bruises visible on her extremities. “After the accident, the first thing I did was get down on my hands and knees and thank my lucky stars. The next thing I did was wonder how Furry Things could even allow something like this to occur! Motorists shouldn’t have to worry about conglomerates crashing into them! Protective roadside barriers and fences should be erected in areas where rockfalls are common.”

Accept

“It was a tragedy, for sure, yet another example why safety should never be taken for granite,” states environmentalist Gene Holst. “Constructing roadside barriers and fences just isn’t worth it, and not only because they’d break the bank. In doing their duty, they’d also mar some of the most beautiful roadside views in Furry Things and disrupt local wildlife. Of course, people’s safety is important, so posting warning signs along the roadside is an appropriate measure to take. If a driver can’t spot a huge boulder coming at them, then maybe they shouldn’t be allowed on the roads in the first place.”

Accept

“It takes millions of years for mountains to form, but my department could have that range torn down in five years, tops,” notes Malon Peña, Director of the Department for Rare Earth Minerals Acquisition. “Simply re-allocate some explosives from our comrades in the armed forces and rockfalls will be a thing of the past, because there’ll be nothing for rocks to fall off of! Not to mention that Furry Thingsian industry would see an increase in productivity thanks to new sources of minerals. Why, I bet we could get the next five-year plan done in four!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Royal Dominion of Candensia

Edited by Nation of Quebec