NationStates

I think the condition listed for #2 is incorrect. I didn't get option 2, and my nation does not have the atheism policy. Perhaps it's tied to the Religiousness stat or similar.

Thanks; I think this is another instance of those "must lean towards being religious" stats that seem so simple, and yet so infuriating because you can never be certain and never exactly prove it.

Okay, gone ahead and changed it. The Minister of Equality in Some Body to Love now has the fixed name of Juan King.

1110: Curtains for the Horrorshow

The Issue
After last week’s highly anticipated release of the new horror movie “Scary Dream on Fifth Street”, reports have been coming in that movie theaters across Arazmaz have been allowing children as young as five to watch the film despite the recommendation of ratings boards that the film is suitable only for adults.

The Debate
“Oh, the horror!” exclaims Kellyanne Montgomery, president of watchdog group Mothers For Kids’ Safeguarding. “The parts with the eating of the brains, the horrible mutilations, that policeman with liberal politics... it was so gut-churningly disgusting, even I stopped watching! These children will be scarred for life! It’s time to crack down on movie theaters that are harming our younger generation: everyone, without exception, must provide proof of their age, and any who allow children to watch films rated for adults should be fined and prosecuted!”


Seven-year-old Darya Svensson has seen the movie in question and disagrees. “I liked the film. I especially enjoyed the part where the zombie tore off the man’s arms. My mommy says that because I’m a kid, I shouldn’t see this movie, but I think the ratings aren’t really rules. They’re just someone’s advice, right? Some of us children are really smart and are totally not as easy to influence as grown-ups think. And if you disagree, then... then... **** you, I’ll KILL YOU, you ****ING *********! RAAAAAARGH!” Security drags her away as she claws at their eyes.


“Who needs these kinds of movies in the first place?” asks your grandmother, drinking tea and reminiscing about her younger years. “Back when I raised your parents we didn’t have so many scary movies, and look how they turned out. The people who make the movies in the first place should have to test them in front of a young audience, and if even one kid gets scared or upset, the film should be banned. We can’t have these awful films being seen by the public, can we?”


Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Have another one too...

1111: A Call for Change

The Issue
Foreign tourists visiting your nation’s cities have frequently commented on the high number of vagrants, beggars and panhandlers, especially around the major attractions. Now that the world-renowned Fat Tyreman Travel Guide has felt the need to specifically write an article called “10 Ways to Dodge Beggars in Arazmaz”, it’s probably time you addressed this national embarrassment.

The Debate
“Get gone, scum!” commands a police patrolman, displacing a camp of itinerants from a historic park. He turns to you. “Boss, we need more leeway in how we persuade vagrants to move on. I’m not talking about extreme measures here, just judiciously applied threats of arrest, the occasional tap from a truncheon, and maybe a water cannon or two.”


“You think they want to beg?” complains homeless left-wing protest musician Billy Boast, as he tries to free himself from the policeman’s grip. “We, the poor, are being trodden down by the rich. All we want is our fair share! I’m not talking about a socialist revolution here, just a few million social housing units and enough money for the bare necessities of life!”


“The problem isn’t begging in general, but specifically beggars ruining the ambience of culturally significant sites,” observes Desmond Le Carré, from the Tourism Board. “Instead, subsidise construction of fences and walls around tourist attractions, so that only those that have an appropriately pricey entry ticket can enter the tourist areas. I’m not talking about defensive moats here, just some screening partitions to keep the riff-raff out.”


“Like that cartoon says: Hakuna Matata!” offers jovial beggar Tim Onn, with a little dance. “That means no worries, for the rest of your days! It’s not such a bad life out on the street, The Leader; you should try it for yourself. The open air, the sunshine, the refreshing rain... aaaaahhh! I’m not talking about making yourself homeless, but... hmm... actually, that IS what I’m talking about! To give you the chance to experience the wonderful world of wandering free, me and my buddies will trade possessions with you and your colleagues. Give me your house, your bank account, your jacket, your boots, your motorcyc... Sorry, wrong film. Give us all your stuff, and give the vagrant’s life a try. Hakuna Matata!”


Issue by The Eye of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Can't confirm if there are other options for either issue as I am on mobile.

Me again...

1093.3: “Nobody sends letters any more; what are you, a square?” taunts Aziz Chicago, the managing director of the Unicorn News Channel. “Everyone watches TV now. Just incentivize all channels to regularly show updates on new legislation. In fact, we could have our own weekly show, hosted by celebrities like what’s-his-name, Brian Janeway, and maybe even Renee Preisner. The people will love it, tuning in every week to watch Tomandellian Law News Live!”

I got 1110 on this puppet too and can confirm that the names in both option 1 and 2 appear to be random and not gender specific.

Both of these were awesome. Thank you, CWA.

Congrats on Sacara's first-ever issue draft* being accepted.

Many thanks for all these reports, Aramanchovia; you've been a huge help, and I thank you.

Aramanchovia wrote:the world-renowned Fat Tyreman Travel Guide

Love it!

^_^

#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@

The Issue

Since reproductive sex was banned, a vocal group of slightly twitchy people have formed. Calling themselves the Anti-Sex League, they have attracted members from across society into their ranks, including one of your aunts, two uncles and three senior Ministers. They have taken a lifelong vow of celibacy, claiming recreational sex is a needless distraction in the age of vats.

The Debate

1. "Recreational intercourse is a waste of energy that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ could spend productively," huffs Kellyanne Eko, the League's red sash tightly wound around her hips and swishing as she jogs ceaselessly on the spot. "With compulsory chemical castration the sex instinct would be eliminated. Then @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ would choose to attend community classes on woodwork and entomology, go on long nature hikes and take part in nonstop energetic sports to burn off excess tens... just because they're fun."

2. "This crazy broad may be onto something," mutters your Minister for the Propagation of Leader-Love. "Your every thought is of pleasing @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, @@LEADER@@. You would die for them. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ must learn that and think of nought but pleasing you, perhaps dying for your love. When @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ love another supplicant... citizen, they are cheating on you, breaking that exclusive, reciprocal bond with their leader. Should we applaud adulterers? No! Punish these ingrates who reject the purest love the world has ever known by having any 'relationships'."

3. "Is that the best you can do?" cackles the Minister of Machiavellianism, twirling his rather stylish pencil moustache. "Puh-lease! I could have coughed that up before breakfast. Picture this: with no contraception, these women get accidentally sprogged-up. We need, ahem, willing sacrifices to the gods or whatever we do human sacrifice for. Hey, if some sad cows don't want their brats sacrificed, they shouldn't have done the four-legged foxtrot."

4. "Why ban something that helps improve bonding?" asks Beth Lowe, your Minister of Misadventures, who looks a lot thicker at the waist than you remember. "Of course, no-one wants to bring children into the world viviparously. We're not sick! We... general, nonspecific people want to have children as nature intended, in a governmental vat. By distributing free contraception to all and permitting abortion, you'd enable people to enjoy an affectionate relationship with their partner without breaking the law."

5. "@@LEADER@@, you're not gonna listen to those repressed nutters in the Anti-Sex League, are you?" groans Jabulani Silk, author of sex-positive guide The Big Book of Bonking. "You should encourage @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to adopt a healthy attitude. Perhaps provide more breaks so couples who work different shifts can see each other. Nothing's too good for the nation's health."

6. Molly Bell, of the Anti-Pleasure League, opens Jabulani's book and hurls it across the room, making hand-gestures to ward-off evil. "All these people show an unnatural desire for selfish indulgence. Vacuous pleasure brings societies to their knees. And pleasure begins when coitus and its one purpose are separated. Ban the vats and restore the reproductive function. Teach that congress is a grave task to perpetuate the @@TYPE@@, and not even remotely fun!"

Issue by The Free Joy State
Edited by The Free Joy State

I'm reasonably certain all the names are random, but the genders warrant checking. Option 4 is almost certainly female, and I'm suspicious about option 1.

As for #1112, I suspect that one's for nations that drug their water supply...

I just...

I've genuinely been loving these new issues lately.

Adding it now.

*18 minutes later*

OK I was distracted with regional stuff but tbf most of that time was me figuring out criteria, names and italics. >_>

ed: Oh and FJS, would you be able to confirm any name randomness and option criteria..?

En masse macros for found issues incoming:

1110 (Curtains for the Horrorshow):
#1 -- @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@
#2 --@@RANDOMNAME@@

1111 (Call for Change)
Description -- 10 Ways to Dodge Beggars in @@CAPITAL@@
#2 -- fixed as Billy Boast
#3 -- @@RANDOMNAME@@
#4 -- fixed as Tim Onn

1113 (No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
#1 -- @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@
#2 -- no validity; @@RANDOMNAME@@
#3 -- validity: as in the original submission
#4 -- validity: no abortion; @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@
#5 -- @@RANDOMNAME@@
#6 -- @@RANDOMNAME@@

... Oh my, did I ever need this.

Thank you very much, FJS. All three were bad potatoes on my end.

I wasn't sure of the gender I got on my puppet nation for Option 1 in 1110, I have never heard the name Bajrakitiyabha before and didn't look it up. I did assume that one had to be female based on the name of the group but now realise I may have confused you there with my comment about not being gender specific (which was referring to option 2) - apologies for that.

Jutsa wrote:Congrats on Sacara's first-ever issue draft* being accepted.

Thanks, Jutsa.

Sacara wrote:

Jutsa wrote:Congrats on Sacara's first-ever issue draft* being accepted.

Thanks, Jutsa.

Cool! Congrats Sacara! Since I've been active in GI, I've come to especially enjoy your issues. Great that your first draft made it through!

Out of curiosity, when did you initially submit it?

1108 has... 6 options? O_o

It's a variant to option 1, apparently...

ed: I got "0" and "2" and "4" and "5", ftr

Jutsa wrote:1108 has... 6 options? O_o

Correct. The first two choices presented each have capitalist/socialist varients, while the third and fourth remain the same.

OK! So Valentine listed them as 1 3 4 and 5... which is the coding way.

Ok, adding it. >_>

Hediacrana wrote:Cool! Congrats Sacara! Since I've been active in GI, I've come to especially enjoy your issues. Great that your first draft made it through!

Out of curiosity, when did you initially submit it?

Thanks Hediacrana, you're awesome.

I submitted the draft on March 30th of this year.

Congratulations, Sacara! Yet another nice issue.

Now, to see if we can find 1109 and 1112...

Jutsa wrote:Congratulations, Sacara! Yet another nice issue.

Thank you Jutsa! My seventh accepted issue.

It looks like some of the wording for issue 323 and the text for 323.3 has changed slightly - you no longer get your advice on how to run the country from perverts. That's probably for the best.

After the abduction of a young blond girl made national headlines in Aramanchovia, the concerned parenting organization Mothers Against Youth Doing Stupid Stuff (MAYDSS) has raised concerns over the use of social networking sites by the nation’s teens.

“You know, there’s always a compromise,” says local birdwatcher Boutros Bourdain peering at you from a nearby tree. “As I see it, the best way to keep both sides of the argument happy is to remove all restrictions on what adults can view and increase restrictions on minors. But at the same time, lower the age of majority by a lot. What could possibly go wrong?”

Woo~ many thanks! Saved the old version and updated the list; onto NSI :3

« Back to Issues
1 ASQUELE

The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,114
CITY FINAL
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 24, 2018

Patriotism Flagging
The Issue

One afternoon, while taking a stroll through one of Circuit City’s more diverse neighborhoods, you notice that many houses are adorned by flags. However, they are all national flags of foreign countries, and not one house is flying the Techolandian flag.
The Debate

name="choice-0" “Imagine the disrespect it must take to do something like this,” resents Cortana Nelson, your bodyguard, while pacing up and down the sidewalk. “We are being generous enough to allow these people into our country, and they can’t even show their support by flying our flag? Despicable. You must ban the flying of any foreign national flag, and mandate that every Techolander graces their house with our great flag, the larger the better! This will show that their true allegiance is to our great Representative Democracy.”

name="choice-1" One of the residents, whose house is flying a Bigtopian flag, steps outside and joins in. “Just because I have a different flag, it doesn’t mean I don’t love Techolandia. Bigtopia will always have a special place in my heart; it’s where I was born and raised. Rather than cracking down on foreign flags, we need to celebrate them. You should hold a flag parade showcasing the many ethnic communities that make up Techolandia; it’s diversity at its finest!”

name="choice-2" “I’m telling you, it’s those darn immigrants,” quips Homer Torres, your paranoid Minister of the Homeland, who’s twitching and itching his hands furiously. “Without those folks here, we’d be much better off. You must stop any new people from entering our great nation and kick out the ones already here. Then, we’d be pure at last.”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara

Edited by Baggieland
Top