NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Trotterdam]

I wonder what the validity for that is, since Aramanchovia doesn't have the No Marriage policy (though it does have the No Sex policy... hmm, maybe I should bring that up).

I also don't really see the difference from option 1, since while that soldier doesn't mention marriage explicitly, he does call the woman his "beloved partner" and clearly implies she's someone he wants to stay with rather than someone he's helping on a one-off basis because he feels sorry for her (he could be lying about his motives, I guess, but it's not otherwise implied).

[Furry Things]

Issue #1050: Criminal Guns Soon To Be Shooting Banks

The Issue
A judge from Tinhampton recently promised significantly reduced jail time for criminals who volunteer to undergo surgical sterilization. Ten inmates have already agreed to go through with the procedure, and opponents are urging you to step in before more decide to go under the knife.

The Debate

1. “I don’t see a cause for concern here,” declares the infamous Judge Esma Wu, notorious for being tough on crime. “It is a fact that the children of criminals are very likely to become criminals themselves. I want to end the cycle of children being born in these despicable, horrible, and awful places. I want to put an end to the violence, theft, rape, and gangsta music in my community. Besides, it’s not as if I’m forcing them to do this; criminals make their own choices. And this is a choice that will benefit both the individual and society.”
2. “This almost certainly does force prisoners to undergo a procedure,” retorts Julius Egan, a former inmate turned masseuse. “The incarcerated will do everything they can to get out in the least amount of time, even if that means agreeing to a procedure they would never do otherwise. Do I have to explain why it’s wrong for the government to sterilize people? The judge probably isn’t even allowed to do this sort of thing, and if she is, it definitely should be illegal. What we need to do is give the incarcerated more choices in what they can do in prison, like maybe a good massage every once in a while.”
3. “The judge has somethin’ right!” grunts Bongani Wu, a warden at the Tinhampton Correctional Facility who speaks loudly to compensate for carrying a small stick. “We give too dang much freedom to them prisoners. What we need tuh do is take the whole choosing part out and sterilize all of ‘em. Once they commit a crime, they lose all them privileges, like the ability to get pregnant or say no.”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

I just got it today, so if one needs to compare names to determine Macros, here you go:

Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks

The Issue
A judge from Wolfsburg recently promised significantly reduced jail time for criminals who volunteer to undergo surgical sterilization. Ten inmates have already agreed to go through with the procedure, and opponents are urging you to step in before more decide to go under the knife.

The Debate

1. “I don’t see a cause for concern here,” declares the infamous Judge Anakin Jobrani, notorious for being tough on crime. “It is a fact that the children of criminals are very likely to become criminals themselves. I want to end the cycle of children being born in these despicable, horrible, and awful places. I want to put an end to the violence, theft, rape, and gangsta music in my community. Besides, it’s not as if I’m forcing them to do this; criminals make their own choices. And this is a choice that will benefit both the individual and society.”
   
2. “This almost certainly does force prisoners to undergo a procedure,” retorts Emma Quinn, a former inmate turned masseuse. “The incarcerated will do everything they can to get out in the least amount of time, even if that means agreeing to a procedure they would never do otherwise. Do I have to explain why it’s wrong for the government to sterilize people? The judge probably isn’t even allowed to do this sort of thing, and if he is, it definitely should be illegal. What we need to do is give the incarcerated more choices in what they can do in prison, like maybe a good massage every once in a while.”
   
3. “The judge has somethin’ right!” grunts Karl Jobrani, a warden at the Wolfsburg Correctional Facility who speaks loudly to compensate for carrying a small stick. “We give too dang much freedom to them prisoners. What we need tuh do is take the whole choosing part out and sterilize all of ‘em. Once they commit a crime, they lose all them privileges, like the ability to get pregnant or say no.”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

So, it appears the macros should be as follows:

Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks

The Issue
A judge from @@CAPITAL@@ recently promised significantly reduced jail time for criminals who volunteer to undergo surgical sterilization. Ten inmates have already agreed to go through with the procedure, and opponents are urging you to step in before more decide to go under the knife.

The Debate

1. “I don’t see a cause for concern here,” declares the infamous Judge @@RANDOMNAME@@, notorious for being tough on crime. “It is a fact that the children of criminals are very likely to become criminals themselves. I want to end the cycle of children being born in these despicable, horrible, and awful places. I want to put an end to the violence, theft, rape, and gangsta music in my community. Besides, it’s not as if I’m forcing them to do this; criminals make their own choices. And this is a choice that will benefit both the individual and society.”
   
2. “This almost certainly does force prisoners to undergo a procedure,” retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a former inmate turned masseuse. “The incarcerated will do everything they can to get out in the least amount of time, even if that means agreeing to a procedure they would never do otherwise. Do I have to explain why it’s wrong for the government to sterilize people? The judge probably isn’t even allowed to do this sort of thing, and if @@HE@@ is, it definitely should be illegal. What we need to do is give the incarcerated more choices in what they can do in prison, like maybe a good massage every once in a while.”
   
3. “The judge has somethin’ right!” grunts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a warden at the @@CAPITAL@@ Correctional Facility who speaks loudly to compensate for carrying a small stick. “We give too dang much freedom to them prisoners. What we need tuh do is take the whole choosing part out and sterilize all of ‘em. Once they commit a crime, they lose all them privileges, like the ability to get pregnant or say no.”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Techolandia]

“All of you are ignoring the big picture!” exclaims Marjorie Wessex, a legal consultant. “This clearly indicates that our judicial system is in need of a major overhaul. If we allow juries again, judicial oversight would be a thing of the past, and malicious malefactors like him would receive a fair trial and wouldn’t be knocking upon your door and threatening you in the hot light of morning.”

[Trotterdam]

#1054 Herbal Trouble

The Issue

Recent hospital records show that there has been a rise in the number of miscarriages in @@NAME@@. Experts say that this is because many women are terminating their unwanted pregnancies by using medicinal herbs like tansy or pennyroyal, which have abortifacient properties and are commonly grown as decorative plants in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ gardens.

The Debate

1. "This is a disgrace!" grunts vocal pro-life advocate Kayla Kenobi, flourishing a bunch of pennyroyal flowers in your face. "These murderous witches always find a back door to kill the poor babies that had the misfortune to be begotten on them! @@LEADER@@, we must ban the sale of the seeds of these accursed plants and immediately form a special police division to eradicate and burn them wherever they grow, salting the earth so they can never sprout again."

2. "Look at my flowers!" interjects Ophelia Richardson, an eccentric professor of horticulture from @@CAPITAL@@ University, dancing into your room with a basket of flowers. "There's rosemary; that's for remembering. Please remember, love. And there are tansies; they're for removing impurities. There's a daisy - for decorating gardens. How dare you kill flowers? Punish the women who illegally use them to induce abortions, but please let all flowers grow freely." She then puts an amorphophallus titanum on your desk, and leaves the room singing.

3. "I hope you realize that it is not safe to abort a child by using these plants," mutters Dr. Venus Yoo, a gynecologist from @@ANIMAL@@ Valley Hospital. "Let's admit it: people will always find ways to circumvent laws that restrict their freedoms. If women are going to have abortions anyway, wouldn't it be better if they had the chance to do so under the supervision of medical professionals? Think about how many lives would be saved if you at least allowed abortions for medical emergencies."

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland
Edited by The Free Joy State

While I highlighted a pronoun just in case, I think there's a fairly good chance it is in fact not random.

[The Free Joy State]

Macros:
#1053: "Some Enchanted Evening That Was"
1. Private @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@ Hammerstein
2. Major @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEMALE@@ Billis
3. Mary @@RANDOMSURNAME@@
4. is @@RANDOMNAME@@

Regarding #1054 "Herbal Trouble"
1. is @@RANDOMNAME@@
2. is Ophelia @@RANDOMSURNAME@@
3. is Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@

[Aramanchovia]

I'm on mobile and can't confirm the response numbers, but this is what I got for 1055.

1055: Fishy Predictions

The Issue
The Football Federation Global Cup tournament is in full swing and Aramanchovians everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the Porpoise, an “animal oracle” resident at Arazmaz Zoo. This purported precognitive has — so far — perfectly predicted the winner in every tournament fixture. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal tipped Aramanchovia to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

The Debate
“How dare that porpoise think that Aramanchovia could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness?” fumes Alejandro Ross, your most patriotic advisor. “There’s only one thing to do with this conniving cetacean: send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let’s all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight!”

“Sushi is fish, and not even from Dàguó, you ignoramus!” points out your pedantic secretary, ironically confusing sushi and sashimi. “Look, there’s so many of these animal oracles about that at least one of them was bound to have lucked into the right answers; that doesn’t give them any future predictive value. We should just be treating this as harmless fun. Maybe you could run a competition to see which Aramanchovian pet has the strongest ‘psychic abilities’ and award a prize for that.”

“Pepe has spoken, and we must not blame the messenger for the truths he brings,” declares General Leader, your Chief of Staff. “Real psychics and psychic animals do exist, and we’d be fools not to utilise them to our military advantage. For example, we could put the flags of our adversaries in Pepe’s pool to see who is plotting against us, and then preemptively bomb them. Our enemies won’t understand how we can anticipate their every move!”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Sacara]

I'm on mobile and can't confirm the response numbers, but this is what I got for 1055.

1055: Fishy Predictions

The Issue
The Football Federation Global Cup tournament is in full swing and Aramanchovians everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the Porpoise, an “animal oracle” resident at Arazmaz Zoo. This purported precognitive has — so far — perfectly predicted the winner in every tournament fixture. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal tipped Aramanchovia to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

The Debate
“How dare that porpoise think that Aramanchovia could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness?” fumes Alejandro Ross, your most patriotic advisor. “There’s only one thing to do with this conniving cetacean: send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let’s all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight!”

“Sushi is fish, and not even from Dàguó, you ignoramus!” points out your pedantic secretary, ironically confusing sushi and sashimi. “Look, there’s so many of these animal oracles about that at least one of them was bound to have lucked into the right answers; that doesn’t give them any future predictive value. We should just be treating this as harmless fun. Maybe you could run a competition to see which Aramanchovian pet has the strongest ‘psychic abilities’ and award a prize for that.”

“Pepe has spoken, and we must not blame the messenger for the truths he brings,” declares General Leader, your Chief of Staff. “Real psychics and psychic animals do exist, and we’d be fools not to utilise them to our military advantage. For example, we could put the flags of our adversaries in Pepe’s pool to see who is plotting against us, and then preemptively bomb them. Our enemies won’t understand how we can anticipate their every move!”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Its good to see that CWA is back.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I've been on holiday for a fortnight. Not expecting to catch up with all the GI drafts, but am back editing in full swing.

[Minoa]

#1054 Herbal Trouble

The Issue

Recent hospital records show that there has been a rise in the number of miscarriages in @@NAME@@. Experts say that this is because many women are terminating their unwanted pregnancies by using medicinal herbs like tansy or pennyroyal, which have abortifacient properties and are commonly grown as decorative plants in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ gardens.

The Debate

1. "This is a disgrace!" grunts vocal pro-life advocate Kayla Kenobi, flourishing a bunch of pennyroyal flowers in your face. "These murderous witches always find a back door to kill the poor babies that had the misfortune to be begotten on them! @@LEADER@@, we must ban the sale of the seeds of these accursed plants and immediately form a special police division to eradicate and burn them wherever they grow, salting the earth so they can never sprout again."

2. "Look at my flowers!" interjects Ophelia Richardson, an eccentric professor of horticulture from @@CAPITAL@@ University, dancing into your room with a basket of flowers. "There's rosemary; that's for remembering. Please remember, love. And there are tansies; they're for removing impurities. There's a daisy - for decorating gardens. How dare you kill flowers? Punish the women who illegally use them to induce abortions, but please let all flowers grow freely." She then puts an amorphophallus titanum on your desk, and leaves the room singing.

3. "I hope you realize that it is not safe to abort a child by using these plants," mutters Dr. Venus Yoo, a gynecologist from @@ANIMAL@@ Valley Hospital. "Let's admit it: people will always find ways to circumvent laws that restrict their freedoms. If women are going to have abortions anyway, wouldn't it be better if they had the chance to do so under the supervision of medical professionals? Think about how many lives would be saved if you at least allowed abortions for medical emergencies."

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland
Edited by The Free Joy State

While I highlighted a pronoun just in case, I think there's a fairly good chance it is in fact not random.

So far, I can only see the first name in option 2 being fixed, i.e. Ophelia.

[Fauxia]

Hamlet...

[Land Without Shrimp]

#1056 Time to Work?

The Issue

After a tired nurse working a hundred-hour week accidentally gave a series of injections to the wrong patient, there have been calls from some for a maximum number of hours someone can work in a week.

The Debate

1. “A rigidly-enforced Working Time Directive should cap anyone from working more than 74 hours 22 minutes per week, with no more than 11.75 hours per shift,” definitively states analyst Aldo Bannon, presenting you with a stack of hand-written calculations. “This will benefit safety, health, and quality of life, while also creating more jobs within the economy.”

2. “I wake, I work, I sleep,” sneers multi-millionaire entrepreneur Elaine Golightly, attempting to pour himself a cup of coffee from a decorative vase on your desk. “No-one forced me to do this except myself. Turns out though, pushing yourself harder makes you successful. Don’t close the door on opportunity by interfering with people’s working lives. It’s bad for business, and bad for the economy.”

3. “Let’s strike a reasonable middle ground!” proposes your hyperactive Employment Minister Jamil Morricone, striking a ‘middle ground pose’ that involves balancing on one leg while pointing rapidly in multiple directions. “We need a comprehensive review to identify professions where there is risk to the public from long hours, and then create tailored directives for each field of work, and then create allowances for longer weeks followed by time off, and limited opt out clauses for extenuating circumstances, and, and... that sounds fun! Let’s get started!” He skips off, giggling maniacally.

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Chan Island]

Shhh. It's unreported.

Not any more, it isn't...

Issue #1050: Criminal Guns Soon To Be Shooting Banks

The Issue
A judge from Tinhampton recently promised significantly reduced jail time for criminals who volunteer to undergo surgical sterilization. Ten inmates have already agreed to go through with the procedure, and opponents are urging you to step in before more decide to go under the knife.

The Debate

1. “I don’t see a cause for concern here,” declares the infamous Judge Esma Wu, notorious for being tough on crime. “It is a fact that the children of criminals are very likely to become criminals themselves. I want to end the cycle of children being born in these despicable, horrible, and awful places. I want to put an end to the violence, theft, rape, and gangsta music in my community. Besides, it’s not as if I’m forcing them to do this; criminals make their own choices. And this is a choice that will benefit both the individual and society.”
2. “This almost certainly does force prisoners to undergo a procedure,” retorts Julius Egan, a former inmate turned masseuse. “The incarcerated will do everything they can to get out in the least amount of time, even if that means agreeing to a procedure they would never do otherwise. Do I have to explain why it’s wrong for the government to sterilize people? The judge probably isn’t even allowed to do this sort of thing, and if she is, it definitely should be illegal. What we need to do is give the incarcerated more choices in what they can do in prison, like maybe a good massage every once in a while.”
3. “The judge has somethin’ right!” grunts Bongani Wu, a warden at the Tinhampton Correctional Facility who speaks loudly to compensate for carrying a small stick. “We give too dang much freedom to them prisoners. What we need tuh do is take the whole choosing part out and sterilize all of ‘em. Once they commit a crime, they lose all them privileges, like the ability to get pregnant or say no.”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

What is this? You take a 2 week break (well, not a total break) from GI and issue 1050 is sprung on you!

Well, no need to make much more fanfare, here's 1032.

So... That Worked

The Issue

Remember when the yokels in Cooper Goldsmith County seceded from the rest of the nation? Well, it turns out that the tiny new country is seeing massive economic growth and rapidly improving standards of living.

The Debate

“See, gov’mint can work fo’ folks around here!” says turnip-farmer-turned-president Cooper Goldsmith, who’s proud of his sophisticated accent. “But we could do betta. Y’all could sign a trade deal with us and exchange embassies. T’will ensure good relations between our good countries till the cows come home!”

Accept

“If this growth of theirs continues, then we might end up with a real problem on our hands,” ponders party loyalist Jessica Morricone. “After all, why would anybody stay on this side if the grass is so much greener over there? It’s time for an invasion. Never mind that they recently purchased some state of the art equipment - those bearded hillbillies will be no match for us!”

Accept

“Clearly, the answer lies in information!” pipes up spin doctor Morty Tan, tossing you a notebook full of obvious fabrications. “If the people of Chan Island believe these rebels are having a terrible time, then it won’t matter how prosperous they really are. Nothing like national pride on the cheap!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Republic of Chan Island

Edited by Zwangzug

[Hediacrana]

Issue #1058: LEEDing From Behind

The Issue

A new administrative building for the Environmental Department is under fire from watchdog groups. An investigation found — among other things — that valuable wetland was drained for the foundation, unsustainable materials were used during construction, and energy-inefficient methods were chosen for the mechanical systems.

The Debate

1. “The government needs to do better,” tuts Athena Hopkins, an activist protesting outside the department building. “All government agencies must be required to undergo an environmental impact assessment before any proposed action — building or otherwise. Not only do agencies need to report critical habitat affected as well as embodied energy costs for materials, et cetera; they must be required to follow the most environmentally friendly option possible. If even one thing is found out of place, a project shouldn’t be allowed to go through. The conservation benefits are certainly worth it in the end.”

2. “There’s no way that our government could afford the highest level of environmental certifications on every government building!” excitedly cautions Engelbert Perkins, the Treasury Minister. “However, I do realize the need for our nation to be environmentally responsible. Go through with mandating a permitting process, but only for non-government construction! Let us take over the process of awarding green certification so that we can charge fees for everyone. This will be great for our nation’s treasury and our environment!”

3. “There’s no reason to go through with this,” urges your Minister of Housing whilst urinating on a potted plant. “In fact, I say we teach these radical hippies a lesson. I have a list of the fragile habitats surrounding @@Capital@@, home to some useless endangered snail species that no one cares about except these annoying tree huggers. I’ve also got three orders filed for United Federation granite — I hear they recently opened up one of their national parks for mining. Just say the word, and these ecofascists will be living their worst nightmare. Maybe then they’ll get the message.”

Issue by The First Thalmor Reign of Altmer Dominion
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Isolation Sector 1]

Ousted Teacher Ousted

3.“This is yet another example of what harm religion does to our society,” says LGBTQ activist Ksenya Bautista, waving a rainbow flag. “Homosexuality shouldn’t be a taboo subject anymore. Children ought to be brought up knowing that sexual diversity is just something that exists in society and is completely normal. To help society move forward, we need to get rid of religious schooling and teach that people should love whoever and whatever they want.”

[Sapnu puas]

#1,061 (not edited)
Every Day I'm Muffling

After many days of loud and obnoxious cars speeding through the main streets of Russiaville, a bill that proposes a mandatory muffler muting for motor vehicles has been presented to you.

The Debate

Bella Boothroyd, a tired-looking single parent, pleads for change. “Have you ever tried sleeping while these high-speed hooligans are making noise through the night? It’s torture! Whenever they go by, my kids wake up crying, and I get zero rest! Make mufflers an absolute must...” She yawns loudly, then drops onto your floor, fast asleep.

Accept

Francisco Harel, a member of the feared but mostly harmless Rabid Komodo Dragons gang, pulls up in his beefed-up 4x4 diesel truck. “Hell, no! Can you really bring yourself to tame a beast like this with mufflers? Where’s your sense of fun? In fact, let’s make Sapnu puas the loudest nation in Forest, and subsidise great cool auto manufacturers making great cool cars.”

Accept

Looking a little nervous, environmentalist Leela O'Bannon whispers a few words in your ear. “I think we can do better than a few mufflers. Instead, we could insist that all engines should be fully electric - this will eliminate engine noise entirely. You’ll have to push this through quickly with an executive order though, or Big Oil lobbyists will surely shut it down. Green Power, Boggy B!” She salutes you and sidles away, checking to make sure she isn’t being followed.

Accept

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hey, Sapnu puas, who wrote that issue, you didn't say? Seems pretty weak to me!

I blame the editor, of course.

[Trotterdam]

Needs a followup where cars being too silent leads to more road accidents.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Needs a followup where cars being too silent leads to more road accidents.

Which could also follow from electric car activations too.

Thought about such a topic in the past, but I thought the main downside is that the reasonable solution used in real life is too obvious: put standards in place to have vehicles make a minimum amount of noise. http://uk.businessinsider.com/why-elect ... ure-2018-4

[Bears Armed Mission]

Needs a followup where cars being too silent leads to more road accidents.

Which could also follow from electric car activations too.

Thought about such a topic in the past, but I thought the main downside is that the reasonable solution used in real life is too obvious: put standards in place to have vehicles make a minimum amount of noise. http://uk.businessinsider.com/why-elect ... ure-2018-4

You could have options debating what sort of noise to have them emit: engine noises, [pre-recorded] spoken warnings of their presence, classical music, pop songs...
^_^

[Trotterdam]

You could have options debating what sort of noise to have them emit: engine noises, [pre-recorded] spoken warnings of their presence, classical music, pop songs...
^_^

Car noises that are as varied as ringtones?

Oh no.

(Engine noises would probably be best. Actual music would be distracting as people pay attention to the tune rather than where it's coming from, and having a bunch of cars each playing a different song at the same time would make a horrible cacophony.)

[Furry Things]

Issue #1058: LEEDing From Behind

The Issue

A new administrative building for the Environmental Department is under fire from watchdog groups. An investigation found — among other things — that valuable wetland was drained for the foundation, unsustainable materials were used during construction, and energy-inefficient methods were chosen for the mechanical systems.

The Debate

1. “The government needs to do better,” tuts Athena Hopkins, an activist protesting outside the department building. “All government agencies must be required to undergo an environmental impact assessment before any proposed action — building or otherwise. Not only do agencies need to report critical habitat affected as well as embodied energy costs for materials, et cetera; they must be required to follow the most environmentally friendly option possible. If even one thing is found out of place, a project shouldn’t be allowed to go through. The conservation benefits are certainly worth it in the end.”

2. “There’s no way that our government could afford the highest level of environmental certifications on every government building!” excitedly cautions Engelbert Perkins, the Treasury Minister. “However, I do realize the need for our nation to be environmentally responsible. Go through with mandating a permitting process, but only for non-government construction! Let us take over the process of awarding green certification so that we can charge fees for everyone. This will be great for our nation’s treasury and our environment!”

3. “There’s no reason to go through with this,” urges your Minister of Housing whilst urinating on a potted plant. “In fact, I say we teach these radical hippies a lesson. I have a list of the fragile habitats surrounding @@Capital@@, home to some useless endangered snail species that no one cares about except these annoying tree huggers. I’ve also got three orders filed for United Federation granite — I hear they recently opened up one of their national parks for mining. Just say the word, and these ecofascists will be living their worst nightmare. Maybe then they’ll get the message.”

Issue by The First Thalmor Reign of Altmer Dominion
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

For comparison's sake on Macros and such, here's what I got:

LEEDing From Behind

The Issue
A new administrative building for the Environmental Department is under fire from watchdog groups. An investigation found — among other things — that valuable wetland was drained for the foundation, unsustainable materials were used during construction, and energy-inefficient methods were chosen for the mechanical systems.

The Debate

1. “The government needs to do better,” tuts Aziz Caldwell^[1], an activist protesting outside the department building. “All government agencies must be required to undergo an environmental impact assessment before any proposed action — building or otherwise. Not only do agencies need to report critical habitat affected as well as embodied energy costs for materials, et cetera; they must be required to follow the most environmentally friendly option possible. If even one thing is found out of place, a project shouldn’t be allowed to go through. The conservation benefits are certainly worth it in the end.”
   
2. “There’s no way that our government could afford the highest level of environmental certifications on every government building!” excitedly cautions Fatima Holst^[2], the Treasury Minister. “However, I do realize the need for our nation to be environmentally responsible. Go through with mandating a permitting process, but only for non-government construction! Let us take over the process of awarding green certification so that we can charge fees for everyone. This will be great for our nation’s treasury and our environment!”
   
3. “There’s no reason to go through with this,” urges your Minister of Housing whilst urinating on a potted plant. “In fact, I say we teach these radical hippies a lesson. I have a list of the fragile habitats surrounding Wolfsburg^[3], home to some useless endangered snail species that no one cares about except these annoying tree huggers. I’ve also got three orders filed for United Federation granite — I hear they recently opened up one of their national parks for mining. Just say the word, and these ecofascists will be living their worst nightmare. Maybe then they’ll get the message.”

Issue by The First Thalmor Reign of Altmer Dominion
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

The Macros seem to be as follows:

1. @@RANDOMNAME@@
2. @@RANDOMNAME@@
3. @@CAPITAL@@

[Runegeist]

Issue #1059: Footing the Bill

The Issue

Despite spending copious amounts of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to turn the nation into a Calvinball powerhouse, @@NAME@@ finished in last place at the very next tournament. Some are now beginning to wonder if this money was well-spent.

The Debate

1. “Clearly we haven’t spent enough!” exclaims Paris Watterson, a Calvinball expert who reportedly has the world’s only complete set of time-fracture wickets. “What we need to do is build the newest, state-of-the-art academies in every city. Even successful Calvinball countries like Ausblic will be in awe of them! If we build world-class facilities with pitches for every season, fitness and rehab centres, and the finest Skandilundian-designed saunas, we will finally achieve our dream of Calvinball superiority! Double the funding!”

2. “So what have we spent this money on?” questions Woody Lincoln, the head coach of the highly successful Chagrin Marauders. “We relaid a few pitches, bought some new equipment and built a couple of training centres. Yet, our players did worse than last time! We need to make sure that any kid who displays any sporting aptitude doesn’t slip through the net. Force all children into mandatory attendance at these training centres. Their educational needs are secondary to our quest for Calvinball glory!”

3. “Our current crop of so-called ‘world-class’ players has clearly failed, despite all the money we threw at them,” opines Charles Serling, who grimaces every time he hears the official Calvinball song. “Forget about this rabble and instead transfer the funding to the professional development of our youngsters. We can create new youth clubs and leagues, and let’s just forget about all this ‘let’s turn @@NAME@@ into a Calvinball powerhouse’ nonsense. Encouraging kids to exercise and maintain good health is far more important than pursuing a hopeless dream. If the kids turn out to be world champions years down the line, then that’s just a bonus.”

4. “Listen,” states your younger brother, the glint in his eye indicating that he has just come up with another harebrained idea. “Everything we’ve tried hasn’t worked so far, so why not enact a program to kidnap all the best players and coaches from around the world? Bring them back to @@NAME@@ and force them at gunpoint to train and develop our athletes. All our players will then be able to improve their game from the skills and techniques of our kidnapees. Calvinball glory will soon be ours!”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland and The Holy Empire of Pogaria

Edited by Baggieland and Pogaria

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

I'm on mobile and can't confirm the response numbers, but this is what I got for 1055.

1055: Fishy Predictions

The Issue
The Football Federation Global Cup tournament is in full swing and Aramanchovians everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the Porpoise, an “animal oracle” resident at Arazmaz Zoo. This purported precognitive has — so far — perfectly predicted the winner in every tournament fixture. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal tipped Aramanchovia to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

The Debate
“How dare that porpoise think that Aramanchovia could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness?” fumes Alejandro Ross, your most patriotic advisor. “There’s only one thing to do with this conniving cetacean: send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let’s all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight!”

“Sushi is fish, and not even from Dàguó, you ignoramus!” points out your pedantic secretary, ironically confusing sushi and sashimi. “Look, there’s so many of these animal oracles about that at least one of them was bound to have lucked into the right answers; that doesn’t give them any future predictive value. We should just be treating this as harmless fun. Maybe you could run a competition to see which Aramanchovian pet has the strongest ‘psychic abilities’ and award a prize for that.”

“Pepe has spoken, and we must not blame the messenger for the truths he brings,” declares General Leader, your Chief of Staff. “Real psychics and psychic animals do exist, and we’d be fools not to utilise them to our military advantage. For example, we could put the flags of our adversaries in Pepe’s pool to see who is plotting against us, and then preemptively bomb them. Our enemies won’t understand how we can anticipate their every move!”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

My macros for 1055:

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The Issue:
The Football Federation Global Cup tournament is in full swing and Russians everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the Porpoise, an “animal oracle” resident at Tokyo Zoo. This purported precognitive has — so far — perfectly predicted the winner in every tournament fixture. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal tipped The Sakhalinsk Empire to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

Option 1: “How dare that porpoise think that The Sakhalinsk Empire could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness?” fumes Debra Kasher, your most patriotic advisor. “There’s only one thing to do with this conniving cetacean: send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let’s all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight!”

Option 2: “Sushi is fish, and not even from Dàguó, you ignoramus!” points out your pedantic secretary, ironically confusing sushi and sashimi. “Look, there’s so many of these animal oracles about that at least one of them was bound to have lucked into the right answers; that doesn’t give them any future predictive value. We should just be treating this as harmless fun. Maybe you could run a competition to see which Russian pet has the strongest ‘psychic abilities’ and award a prize for that.”

Option 3: “Pepe has spoken, and we must not blame the messenger for the truths he brings,” declares General Rhee, your Chief of Staff. “Real psychics and psychic animals do exist, and we’d be fools not to utilise them to our military advantage. For example, we could put the flags of our adversaries in Pepe’s pool to see who is plotting against us, and then preemptively bomb them. Our enemies won’t understand how we can anticipate their every move!”

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Thus, the macros:

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The Issue:
The Football Federation Global Cup tournament is in full swing and @@DEMONYM@@ everywhere have been delighted by the psychic abilities of Pepe the Porpoise, an “animal oracle” resident at @@CAPITAL@@ Zoo. This purported precognitive has — so far — perfectly predicted the winner in every tournament fixture. However, controversy arose yesterday when the animal tipped @@NAME@@ to lose against Skandilund in the quarter-final.

Option 1: “How dare that porpoise think that @@NAME@@ could possibly lose to a bunch of sauna-loving, herring-eating liberals who spend half the year in total sunlight and the other half in complete darkness?” fumes @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most patriotic advisor. “There’s only one thing to do with this conniving cetacean: send it to the nearest Dàguó restaurant and let’s all treat ourselves to some sushi tonight!”

Option 2: “Sushi is fish, and not even from Dàguó, you ignoramus!” points out your pedantic secretary, ironically confusing sushi and sashimi. “Look, there’s so many of these animal oracles about that at least one of them was bound to have lucked into the right answers; that doesn’t give them any future predictive value. We should just be treating this as harmless fun. Maybe you could run a competition to see which @@DEMONYM@@ pet has the strongest ‘psychic abilities’ and award a prize for that.”

Option 3: “Pepe has spoken, and we must not blame the messenger for the truths he brings,” declares General @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff. “Real psychics and psychic animals do exist, and we’d be fools not to utilise them to our military advantage. For example, we could put the flags of our adversaries in Pepe’s pool to see who is plotting against us, and then preemptively bomb them. Our enemies won’t understand how we can anticipate their every move!”

[Aramanchovia]

1057: Baby, It's Cold Outside

The Issue
This winter, harsh blizzards have hit the high-latitude regions of Aramanchovia. Many residents have contracted hypothermia while shovelling their sidewalks. The surviving citizens are begging you to lift the ban on clothes.

The Debate
1. Meteorologist Khethelo Ruiz shivers while predicting another snowstorm. “The Leader, you must r-r-relegalize clothing unless you want your people to fr-r-reeze. So many of us have already succumbed to hypothermia and the flu-u-u... achoo! And I’m afraid I’m next.”

2. Naked window washer Rebecca al-Assad grins as she flashes you. “Don’t listen to that fearmonger; nudity is the best thing you’ve done in years! I’ve always wanted to see my co-workers’ bodies, and that dream is now a reality thanks to you. If these people are too pathetic to survive the cold winters, then they can just migrate to the warmer parts of Aramanchovia and live with us. Sure, it might be a little crowded, but we will finally get to see if those frigid Aramanchovians are as beautiful as people say they are.”

3. Surfer Zack Frederickson bursts through your door, dripping with water and trailing seaweed. “Dude, you can’t just leave the colder parts of Aramanchovia unattended and expect everything to be fine! All you need to do is pump carbon dioxide stuff into the atmosphere and then we can have an endless summer. Like, some of those environment losers say it will cause pollution, but who would want to miss out on that heat?”

Issue by The Catholic Dictatorship of -WeedLand-
Edited by Zwangzug

On mobile, so I can't verify the response numbering is correct.

[Tinhampton]

Hey, Sapnu puas, who wrote that issue, you didn't say? Seems pretty weak to me!

I blame the editor, of course.

Sapnu puas, ed. CWA. I know, right?