NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

by **Chan Island** » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:53 am

Tinhampton wrote:
Issue #1048: Tatty Treaty Spat Turns Catty

The Issue
University scholars recently made headlines for their discovery that an antiquated treaty between the government and the native Violetstone tribe was never correctly translated into the tribe’s language. The treaty - in which the tribe agreed to give up a substantial portion of their native lands - used verb tenses which implied that the agreement was only temporary. Speakers have converged in your office from each of the four directions to give their opinion on the matter.

The Debate
Chief Sitting Cow, elected representative of the Violetstone tribe, paces in front of your desk indignantly. “All my ancestors have been cheated of our sacred land by your people. How are we supposed to thrive on tiny parcels of arid land like Spruce Ridge and Leaning Rock Reservations? I demand that all that was once ours is immediately returned to us, regardless of whether the land is privately or publicly owned. It is our heritage and birthright!”
“This simply cannot happen!” proclaims Roger Harper, your Minister of Housing and Development, after Chief Sitting Cow has returned to the sweat lodge that he constructed on your front lawn. “These people are laying claim to productive commercial and industrial zones, along with residential land that was settled by thousands of families. We cannot afford to give up these areas. So what if a few minorities get upset? We need to keep this land, for the prosperity of @@NAME@@!”
Your exasperated secretary hurries over to deliver a new folder of issues to you. “Obviously, we can’t just return the land; it’s too valuable to the country. But we can’t ignore these people either; they’re too large a percentage of our population to be disregarded.” Looking pensive, he pauses for a moment and readjusts his glasses. “How about we reimburse them another way? A lump sum of a few million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ should settle them down, right?”
“Listen to this codswallop!” grumbles your bigoted great-uncle while jotting down a series of misspelled racist slogans in a tattered notebook. “These leeches have contributed nothing worth having to our glorious @@TYPE@@! They’re lazy vagrants who create a burden on civilized society. All they do is take drugs and commit crimes. Why not just eject them from the country? Only our race is good enough for @@NAME@@!”
Issue by The Democratic Socialist States of Yahlia
Edited by Pogaria

I'm fairly certain Chief Sitting Cow is fixed, but not so sure on Roger Harper. Macros have been added where I am certain of their status as such.

Bloody 'ell, they come fast innit?

Not long to 1050, the mark where if nobody has yet reported 1032 I'll self-report.

by **Jutsa** » Thu Aug 16, 2018 6:29 am

awesome Chan; I really would like to see that. :lol:

I'ma quick see if one of my alts can get 1042, myself.
ed: Nope, but I'll keep searching to see if I can get a space program.

by **Hediacrana** » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:20 am

Issue #1049: Hard Times Ahead?

The Issue
Drew Peacock, your Minister for Party Solidarity, has been looking a bit listless lately. It turns out that his doctor has told him that the National Health Service refuses to fund his needed erectile dysfunction medications.

The Debate
1. “This is no laughing matter,” moans Minister Peacock. “These days I can barely raise even a smile when I’m with my girl, and it’s making our relationship difficult. Sexual health is part of overall wellbeing, and I feel that the NHS should be funding the necessary medications, as well as maybe offering sex counselors and libido clinics. I wouldn’t even mind if there was some sort of specialist on hand to show us where we’re going wrong.”

2. “Look, the NHS is having a hard time as it is,” complains general practitioner Dr. Roger Knott stiffly. “We’re not here to give leisure drugs for old men’s indoor sports. The health service should be focusing on dealing only with diseases and conditions that threaten life and limb. And that doesn’t count as a limb, no matter how proud the good Minister is of it. Okay, here’s the deal: let them have four pills per month each. That’s a reasonable level of healthcare balanced against a cost-effective prescribing.”

3. “Maybe you don’t need to be in such a hurry to see this as a problem,” interjects the minister’s wife Ivana Newlove, who has always kept her maiden name. “If the little fella doesn’t feel like getting up in the morning, then let him sleep! Drew is almost fifty, for goodness sake; it’s only natural that his love life is over. Respect mother nature, and also this tired mother-of-three, and instead ban these treatments.”

Issue by The Eye of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by The Free Joy State

Edits: formatting.

by **Sacara** » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:49 am

Hediacrana wrote:
Issue #1049: Hard Times Ahead?

The Issue
Drew Peacock, your Minister for Party Solidarity, has been looking a bit listless lately. It turns out that his doctor has told him that the National Health Service refuses to fund his needed erectile dysfunction medications.

The Debate
“This is no laughing matter,” moans Minister Peacock. “These days I can barely raise even a smile when I’m with my girl, and it’s making our relationship difficult. Sexual health is part of overall wellbeing, and I feel that the NHS should be funding the necessary medications, as well as maybe offering sex counselors and libido clinics. I wouldn’t even mind if there was some sort of specialist on hand to show us where we’re going wrong.”

“Look, the NHS is having a hard time as it is,” complains general practitioner Dr. Roger Knott stiffly. “We’re not here to give leisure drugs for old men’s indoor sports. The health service should be focusing on dealing only with diseases and conditions that threaten life and limb. And that doesn’t count as a limb, no matter how proud the good Minister is of it. Okay, here’s the deal: let them have four pills per month each. That’s a reasonable level of healthcare balanced against a cost-effective prescribing.”

“Maybe you don’t need to be in such a hurry to see this as a problem,” interjects the minister’s wife Ivana Newlove, who has always kept her maiden name. “If the little fella doesn’t feel like getting up in the morning, then let him sleep! Drew is almost fifty, for goodness sake; it’s only natural that his love life is over. Respect mother nature, and also this tired mother-of-three, and instead ban these treatments.”

Issue by The Eye of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by The Free Joy State

Edit: formatting.

by **Fauxia** » Sat Aug 18, 2018 8:25 am

CWA, CWA, CWA :roll:

by **Trotterdam** » Sat Aug 18, 2018 9:21 am

#1049 Hard Times Ahead?

The Issue

Drew Peacock, your Minister for Party Solidarity, has been looking a bit listless lately. It turns out that his doctor has told him that the National Health Service refuses to fund his needed erectile dysfunction medications.

The Debate

1. "This is no laughing matter," moans Minister Peacock. "These days I can barely raise even a smile when I'm with my girl, and it's making our relationship difficult. Sexual health is part of overall wellbeing, and I feel that the NHS should be funding the necessary medications, as well as maybe offering sex counselors and libido clinics. I wouldn't even mind if there was some sort of specialist on hand to show us where we're going wrong."

2. "Look, the NHS is having a hard time as it is," complains general practitioner Dr. Roger Knott stiffly. "We're not here to give leisure drugs for old men's indoor sports. The health service should be focusing on dealing only with diseases and conditions that threaten life and limb. And that doesn't count as a limb, no matter how proud the good Minister is of it. Okay, here's the deal: let them have four pills per month each. That's a reasonable level of healthcare balanced against a cost-effective prescribing."

3. "You got to look at the root problem here, and I'm not talking about the Minister's little thing here," observes visiting United Federation ambassador Ima Meanie. "I'm talking about your socialist medicine. Allow the free market to penetrate the stiff front erected by the communist healthcare entities! It'll be hard on our wallets, but we won't beat it by being soft! By removing medicine from the hands of the government elite, competition will drive down the prices of treatment and drugs, and as a nation I reckon you'll spend a smaller percentage of the national GDP on medical care. That's exactly what things are like in the good ole United Federation, right?"

4. "Maybe you don't need to be in such a hurry to see this as a problem," interjects the minister's wife Ivana Newlove, who has always kept her maiden name. "If the little fella doesn't feel like getting up in the morning, then let him sleep! Drew is almost fifty, for goodness sake; it's only natural that his love life is over. Respect mother nature, and also this tired mother-of-three, and instead ban these treatments."

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by The Free Joy State

None of the names are random.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an issue to dismiss.

EDIT: Also, look out for an option 5 for nations that banned marriage.

by **Divine Cervine** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 5:37 am

#1051: Take to the Skies [Splendania; ed: Frieden-und Freudenland]

by **Sacara** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 6:41 am

Divine Cervine wrote:#1051: Take to the Skies [Splendania; ed: Frieden-und Freudenland]

Take to the Skies

The Issue

The Maxtopian ambassador Luna Kasher was recently shipwrecked on her way to meet with you. Thankfully, your coast guard rescued her and brought her safely to your office. She is still angry, however, since she would have preferred to fly into your country if your aircraft ban hadn’t stopped her from doing so.

The Debate

1. “This is wholly unacceptable!” gargles Her Excellency as she wrings out her still-wet hair, dropping a little anchovy on your carpet. “Do you know how long it takes to get from Maxtopia to @@NAME@@ by boat? Five days! Forgive me, @@LEADER@@, but I don’t think it’s fair that you have a universal ban on aircraft. Might I propose that diplomatic and governmental aircraft be exempt from the ban? You know, you can keep the riff-raff out of the skies, but top-flight people like you and me should have top-flight privileges.”

2. “I’m inclined to agree with you, Your Excellency,” says Sean Rhee, your secretary who used to be an Air @@NAME@@ pilot, with a husky voice. “But I don’t think it goes far enough. I think we should unleash the freedom of the skies, unchain the passion of flying, and let all airplanes take us - and our ground-bound economy - to the clouds above!”

3. “Go fly a k-kite!” exclaims stuttering aviophobe Alfred Yeltsin, as he emerges from the lunch cart he snuck in on. “Our c-current system is j-just fine. The boat… the boat is the only sure way to get from point A to B safely and reliably - and if we need a b-bigger fleet, why not s-seize some of the n-navy ships and re-purpose them for p-public use?”

Issue by The Holy Kingdom of Splendania
Edited by Frieden-und Freudenland

Congratz FuF on his first published edit!

by **Fauxia** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 6:52 am

*Her first edit, and we can’t quite be sure it is. Probably though

by **Polyspectra** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 7:02 am

Awww yeah! I get to report something new!
Issue 1052!

I'll try to use the correct reformatting that I see in NS Index.
Also, here's my pics, so you can check it out, make sure I didn't screw anything up:

Issue as displayed:

Result (Choice 2):

Result Summary (Choice 2):

Image towards the top (3rd image) shows all the results, if you wanna double-check my summary, there. I did most of the calcs in my head, b/c didn't wanna take 5½evr skipping to calc program each time. Also, it's possible I may have made a typo or 2. But I hope this helped thoroughly report the new issue! :hug:

by **Sacara** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 7:52 am

Fauxia wrote:*Her first edit, and we can’t quite be sure it is. Probably though

Oops didn’t realize FuF was female. Sorry! And no other issue before that has her as an editor :rofl:

by **Hediacrana** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:02 am

Congrats, Splendania and FuF!

by **Tinhampton** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:35 am

Gaaah, I forgot for a moment that the Chief in #1048 was Sitting @@ANIMAL@@! (please accept my apologies for that one)

Polyspectra wrote:Awww yeah! I get to report something new!
Issue 1052!

Yes, but you didn't bother to tell us who wrote or edited that one, unless we've been thrown back to the good old days of 2002 when there was no need for either because Lord Max of Barry wrote everything. And I doubt that's the conclusion we're gonna reach today. edit: see below

by **Feria-Alkaline** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:35 am

NUMBER 1052

The Prisoners’ Dilemma

Your secretary wakes you with a phone call at three o’clock in the morning. “Sorry to wake you, @@LEADER@@, but we have a problem. The severe rainy season has overwhelmed flood defences in an isolated northern part of @@NATION@@. Our engineers say we have half an hour before a storm surge sweeps through the region. Almost everyone in the area has been evacuated, with the exception of the inmates and guards at the notorious Zetatraz prison. I’ve got two officers on the line. Shall I put them through?”

“We don’t have the manpower to evacuate the prison in an orderly fashion!” shouts Manuel Bullock over the sound of pouring rain. “You have to let us open the gates and give the prisoners a chance to get to high ground. Sure, some of these prisoners may be guilty of some serious offenses, but they’re still human beings and you cannot leave them to drown! Give the order; I’m sure we’ll be able to round them all up once the storm has passed.”

“Tell me you’re joking!” yells Sashona Haynes, as you hear the heavy clang of keys being turned in old locks. “Zetatraz holds the worst of the worst. Murderers, rapists and jaywalkers crammed into every cell. If we let these animals loose, we’re endangering every innocent person in the country. They had their chance to live productive, law-abiding lives and they blew it. Let the guards lock these thugs in and escape to safety.”

Issue by The United Socialist States of Caracasus

Edited by The Free Joy State

This is almost definitely a 2-option issue, as the beginning undertones.

This also reminds me that I really should get back into issue-writing. XD

by **Trotterdam** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:43 am

Sacara wrote:
Fauxia wrote:*Her first edit, and we can’t quite be sure it is. Probably though
Oops didn’t realize FuF was female. Sorry! And no other issue before that has her as an editor

Maybe #1050 does. We haven't seen it yet.

Well, haven't seen the finished version yet. We've seen the draft thread. It seems to have been rushed to publication rather quickly!

by **Sacara** » Mon Aug 20, 2018 10:29 am

Trotterdam wrote:Well, haven't seen the finished version yet. We've seen the draft thread. It seems to have been rushed to publication rather quickly!

Shhh. It's unreported.

by **Tinhampton** » Tue Aug 21, 2018 4:19 am

Sacara wrote:
Trotterdam wrote:Well, haven't seen the finished version yet. We've seen the draft thread. It seems to have been rushed to publication rather quickly!
Shhh. It's unreported.

Not any more, it isn't...

Issue #1050: Criminal Guns Soon To Be Shooting Banks

The Issue
A judge from Tinhampton recently promised significantly reduced jail time for criminals who volunteer to undergo surgical sterilization. Ten inmates have already agreed to go through with the procedure, and opponents are urging you to step in before more decide to go under the knife.

The Debate
“I don’t see a cause for concern here,” declares the infamous Judge Esma Wu, notorious for being tough on crime. “It is a fact that the children of criminals are very likely to become criminals themselves. I want to end the cycle of children being born in these despicable, horrible, and awful places. I want to put an end to the violence, theft, rape, and gangsta music in my community. Besides, it’s not as if I’m forcing them to do this; criminals make their own choices. And this is a choice that will benefit both the individual and society.”
“This almost certainly does force prisoners to undergo a procedure,” retorts Julius Egan, a former inmate turned masseuse. “The incarcerated will do everything they can to get out in the least amount of time, even if that means agreeing to a procedure they would never do otherwise. Do I have to explain why it’s wrong for the government to sterilize people? The judge probably isn’t even allowed to do this sort of thing, and if she is, it definitely should be illegal. What we need to do is give the incarcerated more choices in what they can do in prison, like maybe a good massage every once in a while.”
“The judge has somethin’ right!” grunts Bongani Wu, a warden at the Tinhampton Correctional Facility who speaks loudly to compensate for carrying a small stick. “We give too dang much freedom to them prisoners. What we need tuh do is take the whole choosing part out and sterilize all of ‘em. Once they commit a crime, they lose all them privileges, like the ability to get pregnant or say no.”
Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

by **Candensia** » Tue Aug 21, 2018 4:41 am

Congratz, Sacara! :lol:

by **Hediacrana** » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:53 am

Congratulations, Sacara! :clap:

Glad this one made it in.

I like what happened to the title, by the way.

by **Trotterdam** » Wed Aug 22, 2018 2:48 am

#1042 Failure to Launch

The Issue

The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency's newest rocket exploded shortly after takeoff, a tragedy many have attributed to the fact that its trajectory was plotted by slide rules and protractors.

The Debate

1. "Our space agency will fail spectacularly if we don't have advanced computing methods!" prognosticates frizzy-haired head of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency @@RANDOMNAME@@, shaking nervously as @@HE/SHE@@ tries to perform differential calculus on an abacus. "You can keep distracting gadgets away from the common folk, but if you want us to shoot for the moon, please let us use computers on the job!" A row of beads comes loose from the abacus, spilling everywhere.

2. Former computer manufacturer @@RANDOMNAME@@@ hastily trips over the strewn beads. "If you just legalise computers for the entire nation, not only can you help our rocket men, you can help the economy get back on track. I'm sure people will be thrilled to download the latest antivirus software!"

4. "If we want to keep our space program pure and full of national spirit, we need to find a solution other than electronics," complains emeritus professor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This is just a tragic symptom of our citizens' innumeracy. Ensure the next generation has strong mathematical aptitude, and we'll be charting fresh courses in no time."

Issue by The Sakhalinsk Empire
Edited by Zwangzug

by **Land Without Shrimp** » Wed Aug 22, 2018 5:54 am

1042 is a fantastic issue. I love that we have an issue addressing the nations that have a space program but no computers. :lol:

Congrats, The Sakhalinsk Empire

by **Furry Things** » Wed Aug 22, 2018 10:49 pm

#1052: The Prisoners’ Dilemma [Caracasus; ed: The Free Joy State]

The Issue
Your secretary wakes you with a phone call at three o’clock in the morning. “Sorry to wake you, @@LEADER@@, but we have a problem. The severe rainy season has overwhelmed flood defences in an isolated northern part of @@NAME@@. Our engineers say we have half an hour before a storm surge sweeps through the region. Almost everyone in the area has been evacuated, with the exception of the inmates and guards at the notorious Zetatraz prison. I’ve got two officers on the line. Shall I put them through?”

The Debate
1. “We don’t have the manpower to evacuate the prison in an orderly fashion!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@ over the sound of pouring rain. “You have to let us open the gates and give the prisoners a chance to get to high ground. Sure, some of these prisoners may be guilty of some serious offenses, but they’re still human beings and you cannot leave them to drown! Give the order; I’m sure we’ll be able to round them all up once the storm has passed.”

2. “Tell me you’re joking!” yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, as you hear the heavy clang of keys being turned in old locks. “Zetatraz holds the worst of the worst. Murderers, rapists and jaywalkers crammed into every cell. If we let these animals loose, we’re endangering every innocent person in the country. They had their chance to live productive, law-abiding lives and they blew it. Let the guards lock these thugs in and escape to safety.”

Guessing on the macros here. The first name was Larry Green and the second was Rosalia Murdoch for me.

by **The Sakhalinsk Empire** » Thu Aug 23, 2018 3:12 am

Land Without Shrimp wrote:1042 is a fantastic issue. I love that we have an issue addressing the nations that have a space program but no computers. Congrats, The Sakhalinsk Empire

Thank you very much! :blush:

by **Aramanchovia** » Sat Aug 25, 2018 5:57 am

#1053: Some Enchanted Evening That Was

The Issue
Amid the seemingly perpetual war raging in South Palisade, it appeared that your military personnel were making the most of the situation, and forming close — often physical — relationships with local women. Some even maintained a family off-base. With peace talks in the making, many people are debating the fate of these war brides and children.

The Debate
1: “We must get them back to Aramanchovia,” insists Private Dick Hammerstein, standing beside his long-time South Palisadian girlfriend as she cradles their infant son. “Have you seen what’s happened here? The entire country’s been destroyed, and who knows how long this peace agreement will last with those North Palisadians? I don’t want my family left behind when the bombs start falling again. It behoves our nation to create an exemption to the immigration ban, to allow our beloved partners and children into Aramanchovia. Do we not have a duty to care for the families of the people who sacrifice everything for its safety?”

2: “Do we not have a duty?” singsongs Major Themba Billis, who is rumoured to have fathered twenty-six illegitimate children in twenty-five countries. “I would say that clearly, we do not have a duty. There’s nothing like a dame, but if these harlots from other lands are stupid enough to believe that it’s love — let alone that love lasts longer than two minutes — that tells me all I need to know about their morals... It also tells me that we cannot allow such people into our country. Of course, our soldiers are upstanding persons of valour and, therefore, should give a financial remittance for any children begotten before they depart.”

4: “These people have consorted with the enemy?” gasps Minister of Defence Whoopi Hawkins, her left eyebrow springing upwards. “They’ve got to be carefully taught that any South Palisadian could be an enemy agent working for North Palisade; therefore, anyone found engaging in such illicit fraternisation shall be subject to court-martial and — when found guilty — execution for treachery.” Private Hammerstein and Major Billis fall menacingly under her gaze.

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State
Edited by Wyethalania

Seems there's at least one more possible option for this one.

by **Runegeist** » Sat Aug 25, 2018 10:42 am

Aramanchovia wrote:#1053: Some Enchanted Evening That Was

The Issue
Amid the seemingly perpetual war raging in South Palisade, it appeared that your military personnel were making the most of the situation, and forming close — often physical — relationships with local women. Some even maintained a family off-base. With peace talks in the making, many people are debating the fate of these war brides and children.

The Debate
1: “We must get them back to Aramanchovia,” insists Private Dick Hammerstein, standing beside his long-time South Palisadian girlfriend as she cradles their infant son. “Have you seen what’s happened here? The entire country’s been destroyed, and who knows how long this peace agreement will last with those North Palisadians? I don’t want my family left behind when the bombs start falling again. It behoves our nation to create an exemption to the immigration ban, to allow our beloved partners and children into Aramanchovia. Do we not have a duty to care for the families of the people who sacrifice everything for its safety?”

2: “Do we not have a duty?” singsongs Major Themba Billis, who is rumoured to have fathered twenty-six illegitimate children in twenty-five countries. “I would say that clearly, we do not have a duty. There’s nothing like a dame, but if these harlots from other lands are stupid enough to believe that it’s love — let alone that love lasts longer than two minutes — that tells me all I need to know about their morals... It also tells me that we cannot allow such people into our country. Of course, our soldiers are upstanding persons of valour and, therefore, should give a financial remittance for any children begotten before they depart.”

4: “These people have consorted with the enemy?” gasps Minister of Defence Whoopi Hawkins, her left eyebrow springing upwards. “They’ve got to be carefully taught that any South Palisadian could be an enemy agent working for North Palisade; therefore, anyone found engaging in such illicit fraternisation shall be subject to court-martial and — when found guilty — execution for treachery.” Private Hammerstein and Major Billis fall menacingly under her gaze.

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State
Edited by Wyethalania

Seems there's at least one more possible option for this one.

The third option showed up for my nation.

3. “Both these persons are disgusting,” sighs Mary Meier, Director of the Runegeistian Relationship Relational Service. “A relationship is built on long-term commitment and togetherness. Not picking a girl up because you’re sorry for her, and not what that pig was doing either! The compassionate thing is to allow people to bring their war spouses home, but only if they have had a marriage ceremony that is legally binding in Runegeist and have the certificate to prove it. Then you’ll know which people really want to build a life together from those who’ll just wash ‘em right outta their hair.”

NationStates Issues SPOILER ALERT

Issue #1051: Take to the Skies

Issue 1052

#1052: The Prisoners’ Dilemma

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