NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Jutsa]

The sad part is a) I'm vegetarian so I didn't even think about that and b) I thought I changed all names to be random.
ed: Forgot to mention, also updated.

[Jutsa]

Got 1,010...

#1010: What’s Got Into @@NAME@@? [Baggieland; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
A newly-imported brand of coffee from Macronesia has a rather funny name: W’ Ank. The implications of this ‘lost in translation’ event have been causing quite a stir.

The Debate
“Here, you must taste W’ Ank before passing judgement,” insists the Macronesian ambassador, pouring coffee into your mouth, leaving you to either spit out or swallow. “This drink very popular in my country, the beans are pressed between the buttocks of exotic maidens! Maybe name is a bit funny here in Jutsa, but this can be the learning moment for all. Instead of laughing, maybe be teaching Jutsae to learn about different cultures and be appreciating of our fine liquids. Now my friend, you want another W’ Ank? It’s the best!”

“That name is intentionally rude,” proclaims Tracy McBoatface, leader of morality group Mothers Into Nice Gentle Etiquette. “We cannot allow such vulgarity to exist within Jutsa. Can you imagine teenagers going to a coffee shop and asking for a… I shudder to think! You must force this distastefully-named product to be rebranded, and fine any organisation that puts offensive words in the public eye.”

“Hey, check out this picture I’ve got here,” proclaims your niece, who’s been chuckling to herself the whole time. “My friend, who is in Smalltopia, sent me this picture after she saw this sign in the window of a laundromat there. It says ‘drop your pants here’! You should make a law that states all businesses must have funny mistakes in their advertising. The laughter therapy will make Jutsa the happiest place in the world!”

Look out for option 4; nations without internet should get that.

[Trotterdam]

Look out for option 4; nations without internet should get that.

Looks like you already got the no-internet version, so it's possible that's the only one and the internet version wasn't kept ("my friend sent me" is equally applicable to email and snail mail).

You didn't report the option numbers. I thought you knew better than that...

[Jutsa]

oh wow.

I swear every time I report these I forget something. smh.

Updating now.

Ed: And updated! Checked internal numbering — 1, 2, and 3.
(well, 0 1 and 2)

[Jutsa]

Old 984.2 and 984.3:

*2. An intern apparently playing the part of 'unenthusiastic teenager' pokes the Minster with a smartphone, causing him to crumble to the floor in mock agony. The intern robotically states, "Alas. Poor Wakesword. I knew him well. I would have surely been willing to get interested in Wakesword if his word choice was easier. If only we could rework Wakesword so that it appealed to me, a disaffected teenager, and my social media habits." [Must have internet]

*3. An intern apparently playing the part of ‘unenthusiastic teenager’ pokes the Minster with a smartphone, causing him to crumble to the floor in mock agony. The intern robotically states, “Alas. Poor Wakesword. I knew him well. I would have surely been willing to get interested in Wakesword if his word choice was easier. If only we could rework Wakesword so that it appealed to me, a disaffected teenager, and my texting habits. [Must not have internet]

New 984.2 and 984.3:

*2. An intern apparently playing the part of ‘unenthusiastic teenager’ pokes the Minister with a smartphone, causing him to crumble to the floor in mock agony. The intern robotically states, “Alas. Poor Wakesword. I knew him well. I would have surely been willing to get interested in Wakesword if his word choice was easier. If only we could rework Wakesword so that it appealed to me, a disaffected teenager, and my social media habits.” [Must have internet]

*3. An intern apparently playing the part of ‘unenthusiastic teenager’ pokes the Minster with a rolled up comic book, causing him to crumble to the floor in mock agony. The intern robotically states, “Alas. Poor Wakesword. I knew him well. I would have surely been willing to get interested in Wakesword if his word choice was easier. If only we could rework Wakesword so that it appealed to me, a disaffected teenager, and my reading habits.” [Must not have internet]

[Singapore no2]

Finally! Someone other than me wrote about Macronesia.

[Chan Island]

 Woman’s Roll

The Issue

A survey by the socially conservative special interest group Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Ediblesfound that 14.3% of Australian husbands hate their wife’s cooking, with a further 28.6% secretly describing their wife as “just not a very good cook, really”. Lead researchers Peterson and Wason warn that bad food could cause marital discord, malnutrition and jaw strain due to excessive mastication.

The Debate

A researcher wheels in a television and turns it on, to reveal an anonymised male. “My mummy was the best cook,” sighs the voice, obscured by a synthesiser and sounding vaguely like a duck. “Filet of beef in peppercorn sauce and shepherd’s pie with braised lamb. My wife does make shepherd’s pie three times a week, but she uses beef, and sometimes tomatoes. Honest to Violet. I told her that my mummy said that’s more of a cottage pie, but she just... she keeps doing it. Steven Jot, send our wives to compulsory subsidised cookery classes, so they’ll learn to cook, just like our mummies used to. The men of Australian rePublic work hard all day. We deserve a decent meal.”

Accept

“Why can’t he make his own goddamn meals?” demands Whoopi Juran, of Stressed Wives Not-so-Anonymous, shoving the TV-trolley out of the door and sending it careening along a corridor and down a flight of stairs. “He sounds just like my Louis. Always whining. Look, Australian women are too busy to be farting around with all that gourmet manure. When I come home from work, I have kids to care for, the house to clean, and then I make a meal for five people. If His Highness helped me out, I’d get some me-time, and he might finally get a meal he’s happy with. Run a national campaign to tell husbands that they have an obligation to get off their butts and help their wives.”

Accept

“This sad attitude indicates a much deeper problem,” sighs chauvinist psychiatrist Chris Woolf, whose wife stands next to him, smiling unblinkingly and holding his half-eaten sandwich. “Women have lost the joy of service. Modern society tells women to distrust their head of household, which causes insecurity. Insecure women argue, which causes stress. Stressed women perform their functions haphazardly, if at all. Women would be happier, families would be more stable, if disobedient wives were returned to their naturally submissive state, through drugs, electroshock and frontal lobotomies as necessary. Remember, if a woman doesn’t live to serve her master, something is wrong psychologically.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

Edited by The Free Joy Stat

More like TFJS is on a roll! This is the 5th TFJS edit since the issue 1000.

[Tinhampton]

#1010: What’s Got Into @@NAME@@? [Baggieland; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

Tracy McBoatface

The name in this option is random, I can confirm. Presumably all others are fixed...

[Jutsa]

I even looked.... confound it why didn't I change it >.>
ed: nvm I did

I did forget to add the issue to Smalltopia's list though. :3

[Drasnia]

Here is my copy of #1009. It's actually titled "A Woman's Roll".

#1,009: A Woman's Roll [The Free Joy State; ed:The Free Joy State]

The Issue
A survey by the socially conservative special interest group Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Edibles found that 14.3% of @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ husbands hate their wife’s cooking, with a further 28.6% secretly describing their wife as “just not a very good cook, really”. Lead researchers Peterson and Wason warn that bad food could cause marital discord, malnutrition and jaw strain due to excessive mastication.

The Debate
1. A researcher wheels in a television and turns it on, to reveal an anonymised male. “My mummy was the best cook,” sighs the voice, obscured by a synthesiser and sounding vaguely like a duck. “Filet of beef in peppercorn sauce and shepherd’s pie with braised lamb. My wife does make shepherd’s pie three times a week, but she uses beef, and sometimes tomatoes. Honest to Violet. I told her that my mummy said that’s more of a cottage pie, but she just... she keeps doing it. King Rhodar, send our wives to compulsory subsidised cookery classes, so they’ll learn to cook, just like our mummies used to. The men of @@NAME@@ work hard all day. We deserve a decent meal.”

3. “Why can’t he make his own goddamn meals?” demands Michelle English, of Stressed Wives Not-so-Anonymous, shoving the TV-trolley out of the door and sending it careening along a corridor and down a flight of stairs. “He sounds just like my Dirk. Always whining. Look, @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ women are too busy to be farting around with all that gourmet manure. When I come home from work, I have kids to care for, the house to clean, and then I make a meal for five people. If His Highness helped me out, I’d get some me-time, and he might finally get a meal he’s happy with. Run a national campaign to tell husbands that they have an obligation to get off their butts and help their wives.”

4. “This sad attitude indicates a much deeper problem,” sighs chauvinist psychiatrist Tiberius Simpson, whose wife stands next to him, smiling unblinkingly and holding his half-eaten sandwich. “Women have lost the joy of service. Modern society tells women to distrust their head of household, which causes insecurity. Insecure women argue, which causes stress. Stressed women perform their functions haphazardly, if at all. Women would be happier, families would be more stable, if disobedient wives were returned to their naturally submissive state, through drugs, electroshock and frontal lobotomies as necessary. Remember, if a woman doesn’t live to serve her master, something is wrong psychologically.”

[Trotterdam]

#70 Purge the Infidels!

The Issue

The fanatical religious organization @@NAME@@'s Concerned Citizens for Our God has brought it to your attention that there are many non-believers in your nation, and that they think something should be done about this.

The Debate

2. "We already have an official religion," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the white cloaked spokesperson for @@NAME@@'s Concerned Citizens. "Why not enforce it? After all, the only way to Heaven is through Us and Our God. If they will not believe in Our Loving and Forgiving God, well, clearly they must be PUT TO DEATH."

3. "Put to death? Is this really the type of person you want to listen to?" says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Every day I thank God that I'm an agnostic and don't need to believe this nonsense. Religion shouldn't have anything to do with our government."

4. "They're right, religion shouldn't have a role in our government, but they don't go far enough," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ at a local AA (Atheists Anonymous) meeting. "Few things have caused more death and suffering in this world than religion. Just look at the Crusades and the Jihads throughout history! This should be treated like the mental disorder that it is. Remember, religion teaches intolerance, and we cannot accept that!"

5. "Oh Lord, please don't let our noble leader listen to these extremists!" prays your religious advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Religion is an important guiding force in peoples' lives, but we have no right to force it on people. Atheists, since they don't have a religion, are less ethical and their actions cost society more, so it's only fair that they should be taxed more heavily to make up the difference."

Issue by SalusaSecondus
Edited by Reploid Productions

The only textual changes I'm seeing are to the agnostic option, and a "correction" to the last option that still isn't actually correct. However, that doesn't explain the change in numbering. My best bet is that it's the "we already have an official religion part" that's tripping it.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Just to save too much confusion:

Options 1 and 2 are stat doppelgangers, with identical text but different stats executions. Basically the decision made has different effects depending on whether or not capital punishment was legal beforehand.

Said change has been live for 218 days.

[Jutsa]

Found half of the missing options in 788!

788.2:

“Excuse us, ‘Count’, but we were in the middle of a discussion of national importance!” fumes your Finance Minister, trying to shoo the miscreant away. “This just demonstrates the uncouth nature of conflicts being settled by two people waving big sticks at one another. We should ban dueling of any sort, have disputes once again settled via the legal process, return to our riveting discussion, and avoid entertaining this cretin.”

[Trotterdam]

Found half of the missing options in 788!

...But the current version in the spoiler thread doesn't list any missing options or variants?

[Jutsa]

Yeah sorry about that. Also I'm taking forever to get to actually updating anything because 1) tired and 2) been out.

There are a couple other listed issues without the variant options listed as TBD. Sorry about that.

[Fauxia]

All names in 1007 are random.

[Gandoor]

The first option in issue #1009 needs to be fixed, since it mistakenly still has what was displayed for Australian Republic when they reported the issue text instead of the proper macros of @@LEADER@@ and @@NAME@@. (What needs to be replaced is just 'Steven Jot' and 'Australian Republic').

[Techolandia]

Should 702.3 also have @@TYPE@@, like 702.4?

[Techolandia]

I figure that the more instances of new issues that you get, the more accurate you can make your list.



[spoiler=Issue #1009]« Back to Issues
1 CRYTOASKAL
The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,009
CITY FINAL
A Woman’s Roll
The Issue

A survey by the socially conservative special interest group Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Edibles found that 14.3% of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ husbands hate their wife’s cooking, with a further 28.6% secretly describing their wife as “just not a very good cook, really”. Lead researchers Peterson and Wason warn that bad food could cause marital discord, malnutrition and jaw strain due to excessive mastication.
The Debate

A researcher wheels in a television and turns it on, to reveal an anonymised male. “My mummy was the best cook,” sighs the voice, obscured by a synthesiser and sounding vaguely like a duck. “Filet of beef in peppercorn sauce and shepherd’s pie with braised lamb. My wife does make shepherd’s pie three times a week, but she uses beef, and sometimes tomatoes. Honest to Violet. I told her that my mummy said that’s more of a cottage pie, but she just... she keeps doing it. Leader, send our wives to compulsory subsidised cookery classes, so they’ll learn to cook, just like our mummies used to. The men of @@NAME@@ work hard all day. We deserve a decent meal.”

“Why can’t he make his own goddamn meals?” demands Rebecca Orbison, of Stressed Wives Not-so-Anonymous, shoving the TV-trolley out of the door and sending it careening along a corridor and down a flight of stairs. “He sounds just like my Gerald. Always whining. Look, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ women are too busy to be farting around with all that gourmet manure. When I come home from work, I have kids to care for, the house to clean, and then I make a meal for five people. If His Highness helped me out, I’d get some me-time, and he might finally get a meal he’s happy with. Run a national campaign to tell husbands that they have an obligation to get off their butts and help their wives.”

“This sad attitude indicates a much deeper problem,” sighs chauvinist psychiatrist Zeke Connery, whose wife stands next to him, smiling unblinkingly and holding his half-eaten sandwich. “Women have lost the joy of service. Modern society tells women to distrust their head of household, which causes insecurity. Insecure women argue, which causes stress. Stressed women perform their functions haphazardly, if at all. Women would be happier, families would be more stable, if disobedient wives were returned to their naturally submissive state, through drugs, electroshock and frontal lobotomies as necessary. Remember, if a woman doesn’t live to serve her master, something is wrong psychologically.”

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

Edited by The Free Joy State
Top[/spoiler]

[Jutsa]

Oh, dangit, wait, I just realized I copied the wrong option for 788...

CURSES! That's back on the list. I swear I was 100% disfunctional the past two days I just... rage.

Anyhow, back to the important part of getting myself back into Nationstates:

@My option: Dead.
@70: Updated!
@1007: Updated it earlier, just didn't feel like posting about it
@1009: Same as 1007
@702: Updated!
@1009 again: Normally yes, although tbh this is the fourth time this has been reported and I think I've got it all sorted out.

[Jutsa]

OMG! GUYS! GREAT NEWS!

I didn't actually answer the option!

Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for! Option...

1. “Hello, my name is Count Mount Crystal,” monologues the saber-brandishing hooligan, who seems rather familiar for some reason. “I was given a life sentence for false charges of high treason. I lost my wealth, property, and custody of my children while in prison. However, I managed to escape, and I am here to settle a score. Prepare to die!”

1. [...] while in prison.

*checks policies*
NO PRISONS

...

Welp ... off to Hufoi >.>

Ed: To clarify, the internal numbering was 0, not 1; just in case anyone thought I might have forgotten to subtract by 1, which I'm sure I've done before.

[Jutsa]

Alrighty, now we've got option 788.2.

2. “Hello, my name is Count Mount Crystal,” monologues the saber-brandishing hooligan, who seems rather familiar for some reason. “I was exiled for false charges of high treason. I lost my wealth, property, and custody of my children after I was forced to leave Jutsa. However, I managed to return, and I am here to settle a score. Prepare to die!”

ed: Note, we still need 788.5. I suspect you need the no sports policy, but now I'm really curious as to how on earth you'd get this option unless you kept onto the fencing issue, banned sports, and then answered it... I honestly have no idea.

[Feria-Alkaline]

Query - is there a reversal for 1009.3? Because if there is, I'm gonna do it for the meme, but I'd rather not sit with a misogynistic policy forever.

[Australian rePublic]

This Way’s Kinder

CONFIRMATION REQUIRED

The Issue

Hail to you! Hail Steven Jot! Patriotism and love for your government is (naturally) on the rise, and one of your closest advisors has suggested to you that Australian rePublic forms a youth organisation to teach the next generation to love you as much as this one does.

The Debate

“Think about it!” says sycophantic Party Coordinator Gary al-Assad, with remnants of silly string and party streamers on his dress uniform suggesting he has perhaps misunderstood his job title. He stands by you on the palace balcony, gesturing to indicate a group of serious-looking children saluting a giant flag. “The patriotism in these kids is admirable! Give them an official youth organisation in the name of our righteous ideology, and call it The Children Of Steven Jot! Teach them to sing songs, to swear allegiance to the flag, to camp in the wilderness, maybe how to clean and shoot a rifle. Who knows when a group of wonderfully fit, patriotic boys could come in handy?”

“Obviously managing the nation’s youth is sensible, but training and arming them sounds a little incautious,” suggests Security Director William Franklin. “Teach them to obey, for sure, but put them to work doing socially useful tasks instead: road building, stone breaking, window cleaning, that sort of thing. Childish high spirits are something to be broken, not encouraged.”

“What have the schools been teaching my son?” yells angry mother Lucy McDuck as she drags her spotty teenage sprog into your office. As your guards attempt to remove her, she employs some impressive ju-jitsu to send them flying. “He has turned into an obsessed robot, with more respect for Steven Jot than for his own parents! I will not let my son join an organisation for brainwashed punks! I will not let you do this to anybody’s children! We, the people, say no to state-directed youth organisations!”

Confirm Wait, no!

Issue by The Germanic Empire of Uberreichland

Edited by Candlewhisper Archiv

[Jutsa]

Naeh, 642 wasn't a missing one.

You can find my list of mission options/issues on the first page of this thread, Aussie, if you're interested.
Thank you for your report, regardless, though; better safe than sorry, usually. :3

ed: P.S. the format of 642 as listed is slightly off from the norm, so if anything this actually was helpful to me.