NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Fauxia]

I like the reference to a previous issue in 865

Reference? I didn't catch it.

2. "Terrorists! Terrorists everywhere!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a controversial and xenophobic politician, who inevitably tries to win every debate by claiming all opposing views equate to supporting terrorism. "Screen all teachers, headmasters, and aides for possible Violetist ties. Force the schools to adopt an unapologetic pro-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ curriculum. We all know these Violetists hate everything @@NAME@@ stands for! Anyone who disagrees is a terrorist-sympathizing, Violetist-loving, traitor!

“@@HE@@ was a hero and a true patriot!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the current head of @@NAME@@'s military. “Of course @@HE_1@@ should be presented with a state funeral and full honors! In fact, we should declare a week of mourning and erect a statue of @@HIM_1@@ in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Square. Damn the expense! Anyone who disagrees is a terrorist-sympathizing, @@NAME@@-hating traitor!”

[Jutsa]

I'd like to mention that we still, I think, need 324.3, 091.4, 114.2, 325.3, 502.3, 626.2, 717.3, 848.3, possibly 850.4, 851.4, 857.3, and possibly 858.5;
not to mention that we still need all of issues 870 and 871.
Edit: (tbf I imagine there won't be a huge portion of nations that'll get either of these two issues)

[Singapore no2]

Wow! That person seems to get around a whole lot (politically). I never noticed that, though I did feel a sense of déjà vu.

Thanks fauxia!

El. Psy. Kongroo.

I'd like to mention that we still, I think, need 324.3, 091.4, 114.2, 325.3, 502.3, 626.2, 717.3, 848.3, possibly 850.4, 851.4, 857.3, and possibly 858.5;
not to mention that we still need all of issues 870 and 871.
Edit: (tbf I imagine there won't be a huge portion of nations that'll get either of these two issues)

What would 850.4 be? An option for nations with guns to ban them?

Also, why is 870 not avaliable for more nations? Don't a lot of them have id chips?

[Sovereign Default]

Puppet of Singapore no2 here, I received Issue 870.

No, I'm not going to post it, I'll let others have fun finding it.

[Jutsa]

@850: “Legalising guns would be anarchy in the streets!” reminds the CEO of electronics giant Pear

State-run economic version of this, I'd imagine.

[Deutsches Ubereich]

Communist version of the first option of 626
“I wonder if you understand the implications of this technology,” whispers National Science Director Bill ‘Mind-Wizard’ Gibson, looking over the state-funded laboratory’s reports. “Virtual immortality. Sleeving. Backed-up mind-states. All we need is TONS of fundi- I mean, minimal funding. Oh and a license to cut up the brains of vict... uh... volunteers. We’ll not see results for some time, for sure, but the sooner you invest, the sooner we can usher in Reality 2.0.”

[The Candy Of Bottles]

#870- @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ Literally Exploding With Excitement

The Issue
For a time now, there have been rumours of citizens spontaneously exploding during moments of extreme happiness. You originally believed it to be either an urban myth or a metaphor, but you soon realised that it was no hoax after an ebullient health official combusted in front of you after a long-due promotion. As your security staff were about to hustle you away, your Minister of Information revealed the truth to you. It turns out that the subcutaneous identification chips implanted in Rainbow Ponies have a few technical glitches, and occasionally explode.

The Debate
“It seems that I failed to disclose the risks inherent in these chips,” admits Beverly Cox, the Minister of Information, who is examining a blueprint for the device. “While it may be tempting to do away with them, you must remember the purposes that they serve. These chips help to monitor our citizens, store health metadata and simplify bureaucratic processes, saving time and resources. We’ll just have to try to find a solution for the problem and hope that no more incidents happen in the meantime.”

Accept

“This cannot continue!” exclaims Minister for Health Frank Kim, still shell-shocked and viscera-splattered by the horrifying death of one of his best employees. “I was already against implanting electronic parts into our citizens for no good reason, but putting their lives on the line is going too far. We must remove all of these hazardous chips before any more lives are needlessly lost!”

Accept

“So you’re telling me that these chips explode when emotions flare?” inquires Liara Roberts, the Chief of Police. “There are many criminals still at large in our country, and they’re always one step ahead of us. If we were to damage their chips - perhaps by flooding the media with concepts that would shock normal folk but make criminals happy - we would be able to execute the criminals remotely and at no cost to the police. If there’s nothing left to arrest... then justice has been served, am I right?”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The UD Parliamentary Republic of Singapore no2

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Names left for reference, No gaps in source.

[Jutsa]

Sweet! Thank you both.

I take it the second option to 626 was added along with the fix to that issue's "claim vs. claims" thing.

[Bears Armed]

Issue 872

Party On, @@LEADER@@l!

The Issue
Satirists have begun to take advantage of easygoing ballot access rules in @@NAME@@. This became particularly obvious when the Society of Internationalist Liberal Localist Yuppies came within a hundred votes of winning a seat in parliament with a manifesto platform of “growing money on trees” and “popcorn for all”.

The Debate
1. “How could we let this happen?” gasps the barely-victorious mainstream candidate, trying to ignore her opponent gamboling in the background with a 2-foot-tall foam mobile phone. “This so-called political party is a direct result of how loose our ballot access restrictions have become! We need to crack down on parties that don’t have realistic positions!”
Accept
2. “Do we not have free speech?” questions Maxine Barrymore, the SILLY candidate, handing you an autographed copy of her book, Jessica in Government. “My party receives votes as a protest against the status quo and against politicians who don’t listen. If the government and mainstream parties were to pay attention to voters for once, then maybe we wouldn’t need to exist! You must give us more direct democracy - referenda, public consultations and the right to have petitions discussed by parliament. Until then, we will defend our right to protest!”

3. “You could learn a thing or two here!” exclaims comedian Jon Warden, handing you an aboriginal talking stick with ‘property of Lord Kettlenoggin’ written on it. “Spice up parliament by cracking a few jokes, dressing up in wacky ways, and capering a little. Don’t take politics or life so seriously - nothing is permanent.”

Issue by The Reasonably Friendly Guy of Fauxia
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

and

Issue 873

Terrified Testimony!

The Issue
A hung jury and subsequent mistrial was declared yesterday in the case of the murder of Rachel Swanson, the wife of writer and actor Dave Swanson. While the evidence seemed to clearly point to Swanson, the matter was muddled by the fact that he had been writing an exposé of Mendesmetetics, a dubious religious organization that he and his wife had recently left. Now prosecution, defense, and special interests have gathered in your office to loudly debate the ground rules for the retrial.

The Debate
1. “The behaviour the defense exhibited in the courtroom was obscene!” harrumphs prosecutor Mack McJoy, pounding his fist on your desk and sending stationary flying. “Instead of presenting a case, this hack of a lawyer simply resorted to fear-mongering about the horrors of Mendesmetetics. Three jurors apparently feigned illness for fear of reprisals from this wackadoo cult and my star witness refused to testify! If we are to maintain the integrity of the legal system, we must crack down on these dubious practices. Force witnesses to testify, make jury evasion a felony, and tighten the restrictions on what is and isn’t admissible in court!”

2. “You don’t understand,” explains defense attorney Jackie Cochran while stuffing newspaper into a pair of gloves. “Those jurors, along with everyone else in that room, had good reason to be afraid. This sinister cult doesn’t take kindly to those who betray them. I guarantee they have information on everyone who sat in that juror’s box. Representatives of Mendesmetetics were even sitting in the front row of the courtroom, staring down my witnesses! With the kind of resources they have at their disposal, I’m certain that these nutjobs killed Rachel Swanson and framed my client. If you want justice, you have to protect us from the real villains. Give round-the-clock security to witnesses, jurors, and lawyers, or you’ll be responsible for whatever happens!”

3. A dapper gentleman in a suit who you recognize as the head of your crime prevention task force taps you on the shoulder. “I think we can see the real issue here. Terrified juries? Witness intimidation? Fear of reprisal? This is all an impediment to swift and brut- I mean, fair justice. Simply do away with juries and bar the public and press from courtrooms, and we can make all of these problems disappear.”

Sorry, I seem to have not saved the author's & editor's names for #873.

I don't know whether any of the names (other than 'Lord Kettlenoggin', of course) are fixed rather than random, but suspect that to be the case for Maxine Barrymore in #872.

[Jutsa]

Thank you very much, Bears Armed! And congratulations to Fauxia.

We still need #871, and of course the author/editor of #873.

I'd like to also mention that I think it's possible that none of those names are random,
but I still wrote both of the Swansons and random with @@targets@@ - though I could be wrong.
I'm also not sure about Mac McJoy, but I put his name in as fixed, still.

I recognize Jackie Cochran as Johnnie Cochran in the O.J. Simpson trial, and Maxine Barrymore as... well, Max Barry.

However, I'm not sure if the first speaker is a fixed she or not, but I suspect not.

Final note: Adding that final cult to my list. >:3

[Nice-Things]

Issue 873

Issue by The United Socialist States of Euro-Asiata

Edited by Pogaria

Can confirm that names are not random.

[Jutsa]

Wow, all of them?

Thank you, Nice-Things. :3

[Jutsa]

Important update:

Added a joke [draft] section 0

Chan Island inspired me to do this. (he does have a lot of them, after all)

If you guys can think of any others, please feel free to post them.

[Jutsa]

Friendly reminder that I still could use 091.4, 114.2, 325.3, 502.3, 626.2, 717.3, 848.3, possibly 850.4, 851.4, 857.3, possibly 858.5, and all of 871~

Edit: also fixed a "candlehwisper" that was in both the directory and the listing.

[Fauxia]

So I know I wrote it, but I just received it again so I'm going to mention that all names in 872 are fixed

[Trotterdam]

For prisonless nations:

#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?

Citizens all over @@NAME@@ have been petitioning for firmer action on public graffiti.

The Debate

2. "It's a disgrace!" declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, middle class and proud of it. "I can't even go downtown without seeing these hideous eyesores debasing the streets! We need to arrest the scumbags at the root of this, force them to clean every bit of paint off every wall, and teach them a jolly good lesson! More policemen on the beat should do the ticket, even if it does require a slight augmentation in taxes!"

3. "I don't see what's so bad," comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous art critic. "This is urban art at its finest. It's vibrant, colorful, and simply reeks of culture! Just look at the form displayed in this string of racist expletives! Wonderful. Simply wonderful. I think we should really be encouraging these budding Rembrandts, not putting them down! I say we legalise it, in the name of culture!"

Issue by Gelvanie
Edited by Sirocco

[Jutsa]

Sweet! That's one less item on my list.

[Trotterdam]

Here be communists.

#303 Digital Revolution Requires Re-Evaluation

The Issue

Advances in the state of the art of television recording devices have brought the topic of sex and violence on late night television back to the table. Interested parties want to share their concerns.

The Debate

1. "I've had just about enough of this!" fulminates concerned parent @@RANDOMNAME@@, who seems purple with rage. "Our children's minds are being fed garbage on a daily basis by what they see on TV. Why just the other day I caught my kid watching a DVR recorded from a late-night cartoon where a clown beat a hooker to death with a vodka bottle! We need to stop the sex and violence on TV entirely, and limit the networks to decent family programming during daytime hours."

3. "Why should everyone else pay the price for bad parenting?" bellows fiercely independent broadcaster @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Central planning needs to get out of the business of designating what we can and cannot watch. Broadcasters should be state-funded, of course, but content should be determined by our own independent and neutral station directors. We serve the People, not the Government!"

5. "You know, this gave me a fantastic idea," declares one of your advisors, grinning broadly. "So if I got this straight, children will change their behavior according to what they're exposed to on TV. So what we should do is put subliminal messages about our government in every program on TV during kid's viewing hours. That way children will stop the violence AND they'll be more inclined to serve our government when they grow up. GENIUS!"

Issue by Coddiac
Edited by Frisbeeteria

[Jutsa]

Thank you!

[Sovereign Wilderness]

I just received issue 871: "It's Not Easy Being Red" ...

Was looking for info about it, and all I found on the forums was this thread asking for it. Must be pretty new.

What exactly do you require? The issue itself? (below) Stats about answering it? I'll wait to answer the issue...which is ok with me, as I'm very unsure whether to pick #1 or #5 -- I'm interested in getting my economic freedoms up, as I'm heading for Anarchy, so going Capitalist would obviously make sense, but I'd love to be able to do so by going with option 1 ...such indecision


The Issue

The National Collective of Door-to-door Insurance Sales Workers released a manifesto today demanding immediate economic reform - citing recent food and medicine shortages - and threatened to revolt if their demands were not met. As an emergency congress assembles, members of the party are taking to the floor to suggest what is to be done.
The Debate

“Power to the people!” shouts manifesto co-author Ed Matei while starting up the building’s backup generator as the electricity cuts off. “We need to form peaceful, voluntary workers’ co-operatives across Sovereign Wilderness. Now more than ever we need true socialism, not another oppressive, bureaucratic hierarchy. Picture it: as the means of production are placed into the workers’ hands, they’ll be able to decide for themselves what to produce, how what they produce is used, and when to show up for work. It’ll be wonderful!”

“Spies, saboteurs, and traitors are at the center of our economic woes,” declares Envar Smith, your mustachioed Minister of Anti-Revisionism, while attempting to drive a T-34 tank into the building. “Only a strong, centralized state can protect the revolution. We need more party control over factories, we need to forcibly collectivize all farmland, and we need to increase police funding to make sure it all gets done.”

“Full automation, Leader!” cackles your worryingly eccentric science advisor while working on plans for the latest spy satellite. “The people aren’t receiving enough food and medicine and whatnot due to our antiquated systems of distribution. If we automated these systems using my latest resource planning software, we could one-up those inefficient bureaucrats in Central Planning! Some of the robotic delivery technology that the simulation relies upon hasn’t been developed yet, but I’m sure with enough funding we can work through it within the next few weeks. Or months. Maybe a decade or two, actually.”

“Socialism in only one country is a failure!” proclaims bespectacled minister Leon Bone, stroking his goatee. “Only a global revolution can be truly successful. We must strengthen ties and form economic unions with other revolutionary nations, like East Lebatuck, to ensure that we can meet the basic needs of our people. We must also fund left-wing rebels abroad, and if it comes to it, we need to commit to war in order to propel the world into a new era of communism. We may become an international pariah, but what do we care of the opinions of capitalist pigs?”

“Maybe we’ve been heading in the wrong direction,” suggests Minister of Resource Allocation Wendy Han, nervously speaking at a low volume so that only you can hear her. “Our current system just can’t keep up with all of the 23 million people in the nation. A little bit of capitalism on the individual level wouldn’t be all that bad, as many of our allies could tell you. The Socialist Republic of Núi Và Sông even has a stock exchange! Besides, our government could still control many of the major industries. Now please don’t tell the other ministers that I suggested this.”

[Merconitonitopia]

Just the text from the issue, Comrade.

[Jutsa]

Oh oh oh! Thank you so much, MeRconitonitopia! We've been looking for this one for... like a week or something.

Yep, all we need is the issue, debate, name, aaand names. Could you supply the names of who wrote and edited this, off chance?

Edit: I'm actually like 99.99% sure who wrote it, but I have no idea who edited it.

[Pogaria]

but I have no idea who edited it.

Me. It's about time someone found it!

[Sovereign Wilderness]

"It's Not Easy Being Red"

Issue by The Eternal Halloween of The Grene Knyght

Edited by Pogaria

[Jutsa]

Many thanks, guys. :3

Pogaria, you're on a roll.