NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Arceus Domains]

Believe me, now that I've completely redone how the issues are set up in a post,
being 20 per post instead of however many will fit, I can add with so much more ease.

Also, thank you, Bob The Great Builder!

Edit: Keep an eye out for option 2! Lots of undiscovered options in these issues, my word.

Bob. The. Great. Builder, that's what I call a great name

It's ok! I'm glad to help, you know. Not to mention that you're doing a great job over here! I'll keep watching those hidden options and stuff. We are certainly going to catch'em all!

Edits: Typo fixing, that's it.

[The Candy Of Bottles]

852.2:

“Now, there isn’t any need for wasting the government’s time like that,” boasts the eccentric CEO of SlangoTech, Renee Stevens. “Our company has been working hard to build a new piece of technology that can alleviate all of your problems. In simple terms, it is a highly-advanced device that reads out speeches for the speaker, in their voice! All they need to do is stand there and make some nondescript mouth movements, and they’ll be absolutely fine. Now, about our payment plans...”

[Jutsa]

Many thanks! Now all we need are 848.3 and 851.4.
(Also, I swear there should be an 850.4, but I guess it's just not the case?)

[Drasnia]

#855: Thin Evidence [USS Monitor; ed:The Free Joy State]

The Issue
The spread of obesity in @@NAME@@ has fed a cottage industry of weight-loss gimmicks promising immediate results. After your Minister of Health was hospitalised with severe Vitamin B12 deficiency after she tried the @@ANIMAL@@ Beach Miracle Diet, officials are asking you to address the dangers of unhealthy fad diets.

The Debate
1. “A lot of these so-called ‘diets’ are invented by scam artists who don’t know anything about nutrition and don’t care about their customers’ health,” clamours Assistant Director of Public Health Cindy Holt, jabbing the air animatedly with a carrot. “We need tighter regulations to make sure only qualified dieticians can give dietary advice.”

2. “What are you talking about?” chortles @@ANIMAL@@ Beach Miracle Diet spokesperson Catherine Gratwick, as she languidly runs a bony hand through her fine hair. “Thanks to my miracle diet, hundreds of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have consciously uncoupled from their body mass. Now they’ve lost weight, look great, boosted their energy levels, and even improved their hearing! In fact, you should encourage our public-spirited endeavours with a small subsidy to help grow our small businesses. Just think how much nicer our beaches will be when they aren’t covered with fat people.”

3. “We would never have had this problem in the first place if we’d done a better job of educating our children about proper nutrition,” chirrups Ministry of Health Press Secretary Herschel Perez, passing around a ‘Get Well Soon’ card in the shape of a giant pink rabbit holding a heart. “We need to invest in rigorous culinary arts programs and nutrition science classes in all @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schools.”

4. “You’re all thinking too small,” exclaims your Minister of Health’s overzealous personal assistant Melania Watterson, as her colleagues exchange nervous glances. She pulls a wedge of colorful pamphlets out of her briefcase and passes them around the conference room. “You can give people all the information in the world, but some just don’t listen. The only way to be sure everyone eats healthy is for us to directly control everything they consume. Imagine: food served through government cafeterias, nothing but healthy meals and reasonable portion sizes. Think on it: no obesity and no poverty. Free and wholesome food for all, delivered by the government that cares.”

I don't remember what the original draft was called so I don't know if Catherine Gratwick in option 2 is an intentional nod or just some fantastic RNG.

[Jutsa]

All updated! Thank you, Drasnia.

Replaced every name and pronoun with macros, but I'll gladly change them in the event that any are actually fixed.

Also, congratulations to USS Monitor.

Final note: Keep an eye out for #853 and #854.

[Trotterdam]

Catherine Gratwick has to be fixed, it's a very common fixed name in the issuebase. I don't think Gratwick is even available as a random name?

[Jutsa]

Updated then.

[Drasnia]

Catherine Gratwick has to be fixed, it's a very common fixed name in the issuebase. I don't think Gratwick is even available as a random name?

Aye. I had assumed it was probably fixed.

[Jutsa]

I had no idea why it would be, though, since I didn't get the reference outside of the immortal cells of Ms. Gratwick.

[Drasnia]

I had no idea why it would be, though, since I didn't get the reference outside of the immortal cells of Ms. Gratwick.

Back before the editors had the ability to use @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ but they still needed a female name, Catherine Gratwick was hard-coded into the issue.

[Bears Armed]

I had no idea why it would be, though, since I didn't get the reference outside of the immortal cells of Ms. Gratwick.

Back before the editors had the ability to use @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ but they still needed a female name, Catherine Gratwick was hard-coded into the issue.

Also, she was traditionally regarded as Secretary-General of the NSUN WA: Don't ask me why, that goes back to before I got involved with NS...

[Fauxia]

Catherine Gratwick appears to be in six issues

[Luna Amore]

Catherine Gratwick appears to be in six issues

Looks to be fourteen.

[Jutsa]

I only counted fourteen... but then again, we have at least two issues that have not been reported, yet.
If they're hard to acquire, that'd explain why I haven't seen any new issues pop up lately.

[Trotterdam]

#853 Silence Is Golden

The Issue

During your trip to see the premiere of your sister's documentary on the Maxtopian Civil War, your viewing of the film was interrupted by glowing phone screens and obnoxious calls. As it turns out, other citizens often cite this as their biggest pet peeve.

The Debate

1. "Cinema is an art that requires the viewers' silence," begins pretentious movie critic @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE/SHE@@ uses @@HIS/HER@@ fingers to frame the composition of you at your desk. "If so much as one selfish person draws forth one of those devilish glowing rectangles, the audience as a whole breaks its suspension of disbelief! And, well, it's rude. I say we ban these devices in movie theaters. Kick the violators out for a start, and maybe fine them for a civil disturbance to get the message across."

2. "Why stop at movie theaters?" asks local snob @@RANDOMNAME@@, well known for hosting extravagant parties. "There's other places where cell phone usage is annoying or rude. In the courthouse, at school, during speeches, or when I'm trying to host a fancy dinner. In fact, @@NAME@@ ought to have a lesson in good manners. Force all citizens to undergo mandatory etiquette training and teach respectable cell phone usage in schools. Perhaps then we won't rank just below those boorish Tasmanians in World Travel Magazine."

3. "What is with all of you?" questions local teenager and film buff @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Screens can't possibly be that disruptive. You do know you can adjust the screen brightness on phones, right? Just, like, let people do what they want in the theater. In fact, maybe you should invest in infrastructure so we have better reception all over @@NAME@@."

Issue by Siarki
Edited by Nation of Quebec

Well hey, look! My family members are doing something other than giving me weird advice!

Namecheck:
1. Howard Kirk (male pronouns)
2. Michonne Rogers (no pronouns, but obviously female)
3. Tim @@CURRENCY@@ (no pronouns, but obviously male)
Probably all fully random, but these are the ones I got if anyone wants to confirm.

[USS Monitor]

I had no idea why it would be, though, since I didn't get the reference outside of the immortal cells of Ms. Gratwick.

She appears in multiple issues, in multiple roles. This one is referring back to her role as a ditzy supermodel in #101.

[Jutsa]

Omg how the heck did I forget to add 853?!? >_>

Thank you so much, Trotterdam - and sorry for my laziness this past weekend. ;-;
(the weird thing is that I thought I did it, but I might have instead just looked up Siarki to see if they had another issue[which they did] and then got distracted)

Also, thanks USSM.

Edit: updated. I'm also updating the nation list.

[Trotterdam]

#091 has seen an update for nations without cars, but unfortunately this was only reported in a screenshot, so I have to transcribe it by hand. I apologize if I made any typos here, but I did double-check.

Name, author, and editor aren't visible in the screenshot, but are probably unchanged.

The Issue

Secularists have been urging the government to impose corporation tax on religious organizations in @@NAME@@ for some time now, and the issue has finally made its way to the upper levels of the government.

The Debate

1. Self-appointed civil rights spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in limos tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."

2. Self-appointed civil rights spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in gilded carriages tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."

3. "Freedom of conscience is foremost among liberties," says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Churches have been exempted from taxation because it is wrong for the government to infringe on the right of people to worship as they please, and that includes charging them for the right to worship. Besides, churches are non-profit organizations that put all their funds back into the community."

4? [I suspect there is another option that's identical to 3 but with a different effect line, but I haven't confirmed it yet]

5. The Honorable @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Minding Other People's Business, has an idea: "This religion thing is such a great racket, why don't we make it a government monopoly? We'll ban all religions except @@FAITH@@, and make attendance and donations compulsory. I'll start writing the Holy Scriptures right away!"

...So, @@FAITH@@ didn't have any holy scriptures before? You're just making it up now? What? (Previously it was "the Church of @@NAME@@" rather than "@@FAITH@@".)

The difference between option 1 and 2 (and, if I'm right, 3 and 4) is whether you have banned cars. Other than that, the speaker in the first option got degendered from "spokesman" to "spokesperson", and "an income tax" has been changed to "corporation tax".

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Sorry Trotterdam, that was entirely me. I thought it'd be clever to push in the macro that didn't exist at that time, but didn't consider the option as a whole.

Amended this to: "I'll start writing a Holy Proclamation right away!"

Also, the degendering didn't happen on the edit: it's always been spokesperson. But yes, I added the option for carless nations.

Carless, as opposed to careless, like this editor.

[Jutsa]

That's strange! The list has it documented as spokesman.

I thank you two - on to updating! Now, all wee need are... uh...

091.4, 114.2, 324.3, 325.3, 502.3, 626.2, 717.3, 848.3, 851.4, and ... well, all of 854.

[Trotterdam]

I can further confirm that #850 has no communist option. A communist nation got this, internally numbered as "choice-2":

"Legalising guns would be anarchy in the streets!" reminds the CEO of electronics giant Pear. "However, 3D printers are quite versatile and useful. I hear some countries are using 3D printers to manufacture artificial organs. Imagine how many lives that would save! All it would take is some generous government funding, and some police oversight, to make sure that this technology is used to help people, not to kill them."

Absolutely nothing alluding to the CEO being persona non grata here. I guess Pear might be a foreign company, but still.

[Jutsa]

850's not the only one that could use a communist option - #837: Wag The Dog's last two options both seem like they should have an alternate version to them. >.>

[Jutsa]

Well, here's a stroke of good luck! It's a good thing I was paying attention to this option because I practically skipped everything else and have been actually dismissing issues recently, so... yeah.

I noticed this line in the fifth option for The Violet Mile: "used to use in the slaughterhouses, back before you put them out of work with those veggie-laws".

I wanted to check the list to see if that was added or not - sure enough, it wasn't.

Also, updating 091 now - I've been putting it on hold because I've been unprecedentedly busy. y.y

Edit: Nvm - apparently I already modified it.

[Fauxia]

Well look at this! I haven’t reported much of late, but here we go. Will get title in a sec.

After furtively photographing a massive military parade in Blackacre, your spies have returned with blurry daguerreotypes of the strangest of war machines. These include large bombs that can take to the air without any visible pilot, aircraft that have no propellers, and rifles that can fire many times without reloading. Concerned generals and army scientists have met to discuss the clear technological edge many nations seem to have over your own.

The Debate

1. “It’s quite obvious what the issue here is,” says Orson @@LASTNAME@@, famed designer of the Mk 1 @@ANIMAL@@, a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ironclad tank nicknamed the ‘sardine cooker’ by its crews. “We badly need more great minds in R&D, as it is quite clear that we are currently a little bit behind in war technology. If we can provide higher wages and more incentives for weapon designers and military research, I’m sure that in no time at all we’ll have our very own high tech armaments!”

2. “This is a clear indication that we should stick to the old ways,” counters retired General @@LASTNAME@@, by telegram. “If we add all these fancy new thingamajigs to our military, our soldiers will become soft! In fact, we should get rid of flying machines and armoured carriages, and focus on what really makes us powerful: spirit, courage, strength, and regiments of ten thousand men standing in a line firing muskets! Just like in the good old days.”

3. “Look, we need to modernise, but we don’t have the infrastructure or expertise to do so,” observes your Minister of Trade, trying unsuccessfully to program her VCR. “Let’s just import new weapons from higher tech nations and employ foreign troops to use them for us against our enemies.”

4. “Personally, I see this in a different way,” says a fashionable woman wearing a blue cashmere lounge suit and matching beret, who is lounging on your windowsill. “Instead of wasting money on an ineffective military, why don’t you shrink the army and spend that money on new ways for people to enjoy themselves: parties for all-comers, new cocktails, new nibbles, and so on. Heck, we should just forget about fighting wars, and focus on what really matters: being the go-to party nation of @@REGION@@.”

Issue by The Empire of Vlanlados
Edited by Candlehwisper Archive

[Drasnia]

Name?