NationStates

Drasnia wrote:I edited issues and all I got was this lousy thread.

Drasnia wrote:I was trialed for becoming an editor. Though I passed the trial, for other reasons, I was not able to join the team.

Drasnia wrote:BTW, if y'all didn't get the joke, my comment was an alteration of "I [insert action here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" joke.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:

Drasnia wrote:BTW, if y'all didn't get the joke, my comment was an alteration of "I [insert action here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" joke.

We back to explaining jokes again?

Gnejs wrote:I'm fairly certain we all got it.

Noahs Second Country wrote:The author of Issue 415 isn't credited with a badge...

Why?

The Issue

After lengthy political wrangling, a global treaty on reducing greenhouse gas emissions has been put on the table. World powers such as Brancaland, Blackacre and Dàguó have moved to ratify the treaty, and the heat is on for Pencil Sharpeners to make a decision.

The Debate

1. “Only through coordinated international action can we deal with the crisis of climate change,” preaches Gregory Dunn, who has spent the better part of a decade as Pencil Sharpeners’s lead negotiator for the treaty. “The emissions reduction targets in this treaty are achievable, and affordable. Leader, for our children’s future, we must ratify this treaty.”

2. “What mankind does has no bearing on whether the weather is warm,” rants Marin Little, a columnist at the think-tank Convenient Truths. “Ratifying this treaty would be economic suicide, and it’s well-known that the threats of so-called ‘climate change’ have been exaggerated by countries like Dàguó in order to cripple our economy. You must refuse to ratify this treaty!”

3. “You know, I was beginning to warm up to this treaty,” argues hot-headed environmentalist Shigeru Serling. “But then, I got to the proposed emissions reduction targets: they’re pathetic! We do need to set an international example, but not by ratifying this worthless treaty. Instead, we must pass national legislation that properly addresses the magnitude of our problem. Like, oh I don’t know, an eighty percent reduction of all emissions by next Tuesday.”

4. “All this has me thinking,” muses Kristen Bannon, an economics professor specializing in game theory, who is simultaneously playing chess with your aide. “The emissions reductions would impact our economy, but not ratifying the treaty would adversely affect our international reputation. I noticed that the compliance verification provisions are quite... lax. So let’s ratify, do some lip-service, and then forget about it. It’ll give us a competitive advantage.” With a flourish, she moves her queen across the chessboard, “Check and mate!”

Issue by The United Mangrove Archipelago of Ransium

Edited by Gnejs

1. "The government must put a stop to businesses discriminating against women when they apply for a job!" chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ferocious supporter of women's rights. "Did you know that on average men in @@NAME@@ earn four times the amount that women do for doing the same job?! For too long has the female race been discriminated against in our society due to their sex! We demand equal wages, equal opportunities, and equal respect for women and we demand them now!"
[effect: business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace]

2. "Hey, my business is treading a thin enough profit margin as it is," complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Heavy Lifting Incorporated. "Women just aren't as good as men at certain jobs, it's a probably proven fact! Take firefighting - if you were dying from smoke inhalation and collapsed on the floor unable to move, who would you prefer to attempt to rescue you? A man with superior muscular strength or some weakling female? Go on, you decide. Let the businesses decide what they pay and who they pay it to - after all, the economy depends on us."
[effect: women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job]

3. "Hah! Our society is getting far too soft!" rages @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch male chauvinist. "Whatever happened to the days when a man could go back home to find his good lady wife with his tea ready and his slippers warm? I've heard that some men even have to cook and clean for themselves! Let us return to the days when it was just the men who went out to bring home the bacon! A brand new golden age!"
[effect: women are seen and not heard]

4. "Personally I think things went wrong as soon as women got labelled as the 'fairer' sex," interrupts Catherine Gratwick, author of the best-selling novel 'Gynaecocracy For Beginners'. "We're strong, we're willing - and we're just plain better than men. See what a state the world is in when they're in charge? I propose that all the men should stay home and be househusbands whilst the women go out to work and earn the wage packet!"
[effect: it is mandatory for men to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic]

1. "The government must put a stop to businesses discriminating against women when they apply for a job!" chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ferocious supporter of women's rights. "Did you know that on average men in @@NAME@@ earn substantially more than women for doing the same job? For too long has the female race been discriminated against in our society due to their sex! We demand equal wages, equal opportunities, and equal respect for women, and we demand them now!"
[effect: business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace]

2. "Hey, my business is treading a thin enough profit margin as it is," complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Heavy Lifting Incorporated. "Women just aren't as good as men at certain jobs, it's a probably proven fact! Take firefighting - if you were dying from smoke inhalation and collapsed on the floor unable to move, who would you prefer to attempt to rescue you? A man with superior muscular strength or some weakling female? Go on, you decide. Let the businesses decide what they pay and who they pay it to - after all, the economy depends on us."
[effect: women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job]

3. "Hah! Our society is getting far too soft!" rages @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch male chauvinist. "Whatever happened to the days when a man could go back home to find his good lady wife with his tea ready and his slippers warm? I've heard that some men even have to cook and clean for themselves! We should be actively encouraging women to stay where they belong by making it expected that women get paid half what men do for the same job. After all, their poor brains are prone to overheating, so they're naturally less efficient in the workplace."
[effect: mostly women are seen and not heard]

4. "Personally I think things went wrong as soon as women got labelled as the 'fairer' sex," interrupts Catherine Gratwick, author of the best-selling novel 'Gynaecocracy For Beginners'. "We're strong, we're willing - and we're just plain better than men. See what a state the world is in when they're in charge? I propose that all jobs should preferentially be offered to women first, so that men are encouraged to stay at home and be househusbands."
[effect: men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic]

Lord Dominator wrote:#202 has received a second author, though I can't find any differences between the two on a casual glance.

#202: Guns Or Butter? [Roman Republics; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.

The Debate
1. "No one even thinks to look at us funny now," says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. "So think about how they'd act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We'd say jump, and they'd jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don't agree with me, consider this a coup."

2. "There's no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade," says noted economist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Besides, the military's been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won't make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!"

3. "The military is too powerful!" cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. "All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we're number one, and someone's gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!" Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

4. "Everyone's got it all wrong," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the @@NAME@@ Libertarian Party. "We need the military now to support our economy but we can't let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what's what! Everyone wins! As long it's in the corporations' best interests to protect the country though, I suppose..."

Guns Or Butter?
The Issue

After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.
The Debate

“No one even thinks to look at us funny now,” says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. “So think about how they’d act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We’d say jump, and they’d jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don’t agree with me, consider this a coup.”

“There’s no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade,” says noted economist William Contri. “Besides, the military’s been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won’t make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!”

“The military is too powerful!” cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. “All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we’re number one, and someone’s gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!” Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

“Everyone’s got it all wrong,” says Caesar Kent, leader of the Maljaratasian Libertarian Party. “We need the military now to support our economy but we can’t let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self-funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what’s what! Everyone wins! As long it’s in the corporations’ best interests to protect the country though, I suppose...”

Issue by Roman republics

Edited by Sirocco and Scolopendra

If there aren't any differences between the version seen in the list, and this one, then how did Scolopendra end up as a co-editor on it?
(This is Maljaratas if you were wondering)

The Issue

After numerous cases of brief delirium were reported in the countryside, local scientists and health officials have narrowed down the potential causes to a hallucinogenic toxin produced by a microbe that normally incubates within rabbits. Apparently, the close contact rural farmers had with tainted rabbit excrement resulted in their delusions. In response, several apoplectic and assertive citizens have accosted you while on your morning stroll to deal with the issue.

The Debate

1. “This is ridiculous,” shouts avid home gardener Alice Cheshire. “I can’t even tend my own flower beds without falling into a psychedelic trance! If I hallucinate one more rabbit wearing a waistcoat and a pocket watch, I’m gonna lose it. We must eradicate this menace, even if it means killing all the rabbits in Pencil Sharpeners! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

2. “Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let’s not be too hasty here,” interjects microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau. “This rabbit colon-based microbe gives us a rare and profitable opportunity to further both our understanding of biology and medicine. Throw a little funding our way, and we can trap some live specimens, analyze the microbe up close, and get all of Pencil Sharpeners hooked on it by Sunday.”

3. “You all keep missing the point! These aren’t just hallucinations caused by poop, they’re gifts from the Great Rabbit Goddess!” asserts escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Pencil-McGee wearing her ceremonial rabbit-patterned robe and bunny slippers. “Through consuming the rabbits’ sacred defecation, we are blessed with miraculous visions of the future! Heed my prophecies, and I’ll get Pencil Sharpeners on the right path in no time.” After swallowing a handful of rabbit droppings, she twitches awkwardly on the ground while sputtering ill-fated prognostications.

Issue by The Constitutional Monarchy of Wyethalania

Edited by Wyethalania

Down The Rabbit Hole
The Issue

After numerous cases of brief delirium were reported in the countryside, local scientists and health officials have narrowed down the potential causes to a hallucinogenic toxin produced by a microbe that normally incubates within rabbits. Apparently, the close contact rural farmers had with tainted rabbit excrement resulted in their delusions. In response, several apoplectic and assertive citizens have accosted you while on your morning stroll to deal with the issue.
The Debate

“This is ridiculous,” shouts avid home gardener Alice Cheshire. “I can’t even tend my own flower beds without falling into a psychedelic trance! If I hallucinate one more rabbit wearing a waistcoat and a pocket watch, I’m gonna lose it. We must eradicate this menace, even if it means killing all the rabbits in Lord Dominator! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let’s not be too hasty here,” interjects microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau. “This rabbit colon-based microbe gives us a rare and profitable opportunity to further both our understanding of biology and medicine. Throw a little funding our way, and we can trap some live specimens, analyze the microbe up close, and get all of Lord Dominator hooked on it by Sunday.”

“You all keep missing the point! These aren’t just hallucinations caused by poop, they’re gifts from the Great Rabbit Goddess!” asserts escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Llama-McGee wearing her ceremonial rabbit-patterned robe and bunny slippers. “Through consuming the rabbits’ sacred defecation, we are blessed with miraculous visions of the future! Heed my prophecies, and I’ll get Lord Dominator on the right path in no time.” After swallowing a handful of rabbit droppings, she twitches awkwardly on the ground while sputtering ill-fated prognostications.

Issue by The Constitutional Monarchy of Wyethalania

Edited by Wyethalania

Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
The Issue

When high-profile lesbian celebrity Ellen Lynch was asked to leave popular establishment The Thinking Machines City Diner, it was made clear to her that this was because she was dining with her lesbian partner. The restaurant owners refused to serve the homosexual couple, citing a conflict with their religious beliefs. This isn’t the first time something like this has been flagged by the press, but Lynch is keen to make some noise.
The Debate

“I have the right to my values!” shouts Layla Henderson, the diner owner. “My grandfather, who opened this restaurant 50 years ago, was a man of faith. This faith gave him his love of family values and family dining. He believed homosexuality to be degenerate and sinful! I’m not saying that these people can’t sin in their own homes, but must I sit there watching them commit unholy acts in my business? What about my freedom to express religious belief? What about my economic rights as a business owner?”

“We remain a minority whose voice never gets heard!” exclaims Ellen Lynch, on her nationally syndicated talk show. “It is my hope that the government enforces protection of LGBT individuals in these kinds of situations by forcing businesses to serve anyone, regardless of their sexuality. Religious bigotry has no place at our tables!”

The Deputy Mayor of Thinking Machines City, Tobias Parkarvarkar strides in, dashingly pink trench coat flapping in the breeze behind him. “The mayor won’t like this, but if we want Thinking Machines to be a prestigious and progressive nation on the world stage, we’ve got to go even further! To cater for... that is to protect the rights of the gay community, we should establish zones in each restaurant or other service industry venture that are reserved exclusively for gay and lesbian people. Think of our standing in the international gay community! Think of the tourism! We’d be a shining beacon for gay culture!”

Issue by The Super Gay Lovefest of Galway-Dublin

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:So, keeping you busy enough, Drasnia?