NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Gnejs]

I edited issues and all I got was this lousy thread.

At least you got the editoral credit! I should probably fix up that other one as well.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I was trialed for becoming an editor. Though I passed the trial, for other reasons, I was not able to join the team.

Shame, as we spent a lot of time working things out on this one, and you would have made a decent editor.

This was why Drasnia wasn't in the Issues Contest, of course: his trial was running from before the contest started. Ah well, c'est la vie.

[Drasnia]

BTW, if y'all didn't get the joke, my comment was an alteration of "I [insert action here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" joke.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

BTW, if y'all didn't get the joke, my comment was an alteration of "I [insert action here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" joke.

We back to explaining jokes again?

[Drasnia]

BTW, if y'all didn't get the joke, my comment was an alteration of "I [insert action here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" joke.

We back to explaining jokes again?

It seemed like people weren't getting it and made it look like I was complaining. I do have an odd and abstract sense of humor sometimes.

[Gnejs]

I'm fairly certain we all got it.

[Noahs Second Country]

I'm fairly certain we all got it.

Indeed.

[Maljaratas]

For Macro comparison:

All Shook Up
The Issue

Thousands of people were forcibly evacuated from a small town in North Maljaratas because of a predicted earthquake... which did not arrive. Weeks later, displaced residents are irate at the inconvenience.
The Debate

Dressed in several-day-old pajamas, angry retiree Grace Summers clambers over security to reach your desk. “I fled my home to avoid an earthquake, and I had to live in my sister-in-law’s house for weeks! I hate my sister-in-law! I demand an end to mandatory evacuations, and that the so-called ‘scientists’ be fined for making terrible predictions!”

“It’s not our fault,” sighs bedraggled geologist Emma Caesar, pushing her glasses back onto her nose. “The problem is that we’re poorly funded and under-equipped. All we can do is make best guesses most of the time, and that’s to predict big aftershocks after small earthquakes. What we need is a grid of networked seismographs at one-mile intervals all across Maljaratas, higher wages to attract the best and brightest into seismology, and warning klaxons to tell people when to evacuate. Why, we’ll be able to predict earthquakes just seconds after they happen!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone out of the house today!” cries full-time worrier Rosalina Hicks, adjusting a tight-fitting home-made protective bubble-wrap bodysuit. “If an earthquake was predicted but didn’t happen, who is to say it isn’t on its way? That town should never have been built in such an area of risk of quakes! We need to make sure all our population centers are in areas with no risk of earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, and landslides. I’m sure everyone would appreciate being safer!”

Issue by The Refugee Colony of Parat

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive and Drasnia

[NSC has way too many nations]

#636: Going on the Cyber Offensive [Noahs Second Country; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
A student was recently suspended by a school for posting negative comments about a fellow classmate on an online gossip column. The offensive message read “Sean’s dad is such a drunk, that he didn’t just lose his front door keys, he lost his whole front door... oh, and his house... and his job. Wow, sucks to be his son, huh?”. As both the suspended student’s parents are celebrities, there’s been a lot of media coverage of the incident, and now everybody is talking about it. Some are calling this harmless fun, while others are labelling it as cyberbullying. It seems like everybody wants to know where you stand on this.

The Debate
1. “This is a complete violation of my rights,” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the amateur columnist brat. “I can say what I want outside of school, as long as I like, don’t, like, harm anyone. Like, the whole free speech thing, you know. I wasn’t in school, so they can’t punish me. People just need to be allowed to say whatever. By the way, check out my latest roasting of this one geography teacher at my school who doesn’t take showers.”

2. “Schools need to be stricter,” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, worriedly looking around before nibbling on a bar of chocolate. “People used to use my name, but now I’m just ‘Ugly Fat-Face’. Please, make it stop! Schools should strictly punish students who say rude things online.”

3. “Kids these days, they’re geni.. geniei... uh... geniuses!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Solutions. “This is the best idea we’ve had in a while! With elections coming up, we can hire a few of these prodigies of the put-down, and pay them to work for us. The kids can, as they say, ‘roast’ the other politicians, and make you look great in comparison!”

Current context in the spoiler thread^

I just recieved the issue as this:
The Issue

A student was recently suspended by a school for posting negative comments about a fellow classmate on an online gossip column. The offensive message read “Mohammed’s dad is such a drunk, that he didn’t just lose his front door keys, he lost his whole front door... oh, and his house... and his job. Wow, sucks to be his son, huh?”. As both the suspended student’s parents are celebrities, there’s been a lot of media coverage of the incident, and now everybody is talking about it. Some are calling this harmless fun, while others are labelling it as cyberbullying. It seems like everybody wants to know where you stand on this.

The Debate

“This is a complete violation of my rights,” shouts Layla Barnes, the amateur columnist brat. “I can say what I want outside of school, as long as I like, don’t, like, harm anyone. Like, the whole free speech thing, you know. I wasn’t in school, so they can’t punish me. People just need to be allowed to say whatever. By the way, check out my latest roasting of this one geography teacher at my school who doesn’t take showers.”

Accept

“Schools need to be stricter,” whispers Sue-Ann Gonzalez, worriedly looking around before nibbling on a bar of chocolate. “People used to use my name, but now I’m just ‘Ugly Fat-Face’. Please, make it stop! Schools should strictly punish students who say rude things online.”

Accept

“Kids these days, they’re geni.. geniei... uh... geniuses!” exclaims Abraham Morricone, your Minister of Solutions. “This is the best idea we’ve had in a while! With elections coming up, we can hire a few of these prodigies of the put-down, and pay them to work for us. The kids can, as they say, ‘roast’ the other politicians, and make you look great in comparison!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Holy Second Best Zombies of Noahs Second Country

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

It looks like "Sean" is actually a macro.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

I think these are what the macros are:
All Shook Up
The Issue

Thousands of people were forcibly evacuated from a small town in North @@NAME@@ because of a predicted earthquake... which did not arrive. Weeks later, displaced residents are irate at the inconvenience.
The Debate

Dressed in several-day-old pajamas, angry retiree [@@RANDOMNAME@@ or @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ I'm not sure] clambers over security to reach your desk. “I fled my home to avoid an earthquake, and I had to live in my sister-in-law’s house for weeks! I hate my sister-in-law! I demand an end to mandatory evacuations, and that the so-called ‘scientists’ be fined for making terrible predictions!”

“It’s not our fault,” sighs bedraggled geologist @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, pushing her glasses back onto her nose. “The problem is that we’re poorly funded and under-equipped. All we can do is make best guesses most of the time, and that’s to predict big aftershocks after small earthquakes. What we need is a grid of networked seismographs at one-mile intervals all across @@NAME@@, higher wages to attract the best and brightest into seismology, and warning klaxons to tell people when to evacuate. Why, we’ll be able to predict earthquakes just seconds after they happen!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone out of the house today!” cries full-time worrier [@@RANDOMNAME@@ or @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ I'm not sure], adjusting a tight-fitting home-made protective bubble-wrap bodysuit. “If an earthquake was predicted but didn’t happen, who is to say it isn’t on its way? That town should never have been built in such an area of risk of quakes! We need to make sure all our population centers are in areas with no risk of earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, and landslides. I’m sure everyone would appreciate being safer!”

Issue by The Refugee Colony of Parat

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive and Drasnia

[Noahs Second Country]

The author of Issue 415 isn't credited with a badge...

Why?

[Luna Amore]

The author of Issue 415 isn't credited with a badge...

Why?

Probably CTE'd when it when it went in game.

*edit* and manually fixed.

[Pencil Sharpeners]

The Issue

After lengthy political wrangling, a global treaty on reducing greenhouse gas emissions has been put on the table. World powers such as Brancaland, Blackacre and Dàguó have moved to ratify the treaty, and the heat is on for Pencil Sharpeners to make a decision.

The Debate

1. “Only through coordinated international action can we deal with the crisis of climate change,” preaches Gregory Dunn, who has spent the better part of a decade as Pencil Sharpeners’s lead negotiator for the treaty. “The emissions reduction targets in this treaty are achievable, and affordable. Leader, for our children’s future, we must ratify this treaty.”

2. “What mankind does has no bearing on whether the weather is warm,” rants Marin Little, a columnist at the think-tank Convenient Truths. “Ratifying this treaty would be economic suicide, and it’s well-known that the threats of so-called ‘climate change’ have been exaggerated by countries like Dàguó in order to cripple our economy. You must refuse to ratify this treaty!”

3. “You know, I was beginning to warm up to this treaty,” argues hot-headed environmentalist Shigeru Serling. “But then, I got to the proposed emissions reduction targets: they’re pathetic! We do need to set an international example, but not by ratifying this worthless treaty. Instead, we must pass national legislation that properly addresses the magnitude of our problem. Like, oh I don’t know, an eighty percent reduction of all emissions by next Tuesday.”

4. “All this has me thinking,” muses Kristen Bannon, an economics professor specializing in game theory, who is simultaneously playing chess with your aide. “The emissions reductions would impact our economy, but not ratifying the treaty would adversely affect our international reputation. I noticed that the compliance verification provisions are quite... lax. So let’s ratify, do some lip-service, and then forget about it. It’ll give us a competitive advantage.” With a flourish, she moves her queen across the chessboard, “Check and mate!”

Issue by The United Mangrove Archipelago of Ransium

Edited by Gnejs

[Trotterdam]

#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities has been changed.

The old version (from this thread):

1. "The government must put a stop to businesses discriminating against women when they apply for a job!" chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ferocious supporter of women's rights. "Did you know that on average men in @@NAME@@ earn four times the amount that women do for doing the same job?! For too long has the female race been discriminated against in our society due to their sex! We demand equal wages, equal opportunities, and equal respect for women and we demand them now!"
[effect: business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace]

2. "Hey, my business is treading a thin enough profit margin as it is," complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Heavy Lifting Incorporated. "Women just aren't as good as men at certain jobs, it's a probably proven fact! Take firefighting - if you were dying from smoke inhalation and collapsed on the floor unable to move, who would you prefer to attempt to rescue you? A man with superior muscular strength or some weakling female? Go on, you decide. Let the businesses decide what they pay and who they pay it to - after all, the economy depends on us."
[effect: women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job]

3. "Hah! Our society is getting far too soft!" rages @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch male chauvinist. "Whatever happened to the days when a man could go back home to find his good lady wife with his tea ready and his slippers warm? I've heard that some men even have to cook and clean for themselves! Let us return to the days when it was just the men who went out to bring home the bacon! A brand new golden age!"
[effect: women are seen and not heard]

4. "Personally I think things went wrong as soon as women got labelled as the 'fairer' sex," interrupts Catherine Gratwick, author of the best-selling novel 'Gynaecocracy For Beginners'. "We're strong, we're willing - and we're just plain better than men. See what a state the world is in when they're in charge? I propose that all the men should stay home and be househusbands whilst the women go out to work and earn the wage packet!"
[effect: it is mandatory for men to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic]

The new version (just sighted on my puppet):

1. "The government must put a stop to businesses discriminating against women when they apply for a job!" chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ferocious supporter of women's rights. "Did you know that on average men in @@NAME@@ earn substantially more than women for doing the same job? For too long has the female race been discriminated against in our society due to their sex! We demand equal wages, equal opportunities, and equal respect for women, and we demand them now!"
[effect: business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace]

2. "Hey, my business is treading a thin enough profit margin as it is," complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Heavy Lifting Incorporated. "Women just aren't as good as men at certain jobs, it's a probably proven fact! Take firefighting - if you were dying from smoke inhalation and collapsed on the floor unable to move, who would you prefer to attempt to rescue you? A man with superior muscular strength or some weakling female? Go on, you decide. Let the businesses decide what they pay and who they pay it to - after all, the economy depends on us."
[effect: women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job]

3. "Hah! Our society is getting far too soft!" rages @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch male chauvinist. "Whatever happened to the days when a man could go back home to find his good lady wife with his tea ready and his slippers warm? I've heard that some men even have to cook and clean for themselves! We should be actively encouraging women to stay where they belong by making it expected that women get paid half what men do for the same job. After all, their poor brains are prone to overheating, so they're naturally less efficient in the workplace."
[effect: mostly women are seen and not heard]

4. "Personally I think things went wrong as soon as women got labelled as the 'fairer' sex," interrupts Catherine Gratwick, author of the best-selling novel 'Gynaecocracy For Beginners'. "We're strong, we're willing - and we're just plain better than men. See what a state the world is in when they're in charge? I propose that all jobs should preferentially be offered to women first, so that men are encouraged to stay at home and be househusbands."
[effect: men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic]

Option 1 has been slightly streamlined (and the explicit four-to-one ratio changed to just "substantially more"), while options 3 and 4 have been made more wishy-washy. Option 2 is unchanged.

Also, it is possible that the random names are gendered to accord with their positions, despite the lack of explicit descriptions, although I cannot confirm this. Catherine Gratwick is still Catherine Gratwick.

The author (Hammercrusher) and editor (Sirocco) have not been changed or had a co-author added, despite both nations not currently existing in the game.

Keep a lookout for #282, which I have good reason to believe has received a similar tweak.

[Lord Dominator]

#202 has received a second author, though I can't find any differences between the two on a casual glance.

#202: Guns Or Butter? [Roman Republics; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.

The Debate
1. "No one even thinks to look at us funny now," says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. "So think about how they'd act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We'd say jump, and they'd jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don't agree with me, consider this a coup."

2. "There's no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade," says noted economist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Besides, the military's been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won't make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!"

3. "The military is too powerful!" cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. "All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we're number one, and someone's gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!" Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

4. "Everyone's got it all wrong," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the @@NAME@@ Libertarian Party. "We need the military now to support our economy but we can't let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what's what! Everyone wins! As long it's in the corporations' best interests to protect the country though, I suppose..."

Guns Or Butter?
The Issue

After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.
The Debate

“No one even thinks to look at us funny now,” says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. “So think about how they’d act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We’d say jump, and they’d jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don’t agree with me, consider this a coup.”

“There’s no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade,” says noted economist William Contri. “Besides, the military’s been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won’t make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!”

“The military is too powerful!” cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. “All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we’re number one, and someone’s gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!” Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

“Everyone’s got it all wrong,” says Caesar Kent, leader of the Maljaratasian Libertarian Party. “We need the military now to support our economy but we can’t let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self-funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what’s what! Everyone wins! As long it’s in the corporations’ best interests to protect the country though, I suppose...”

Issue by Roman republics

Edited by Sirocco and Scolopendra

If there aren't any differences between the version seen in the list, and this one, then how did Scolopendra end up as a co-editor on it?

[Luna Amore]

#202 has received a second author, though I can't find any differences between the two on a casual glance.

#202: Guns Or Butter? [Roman Republics; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.

The Debate
1. "No one even thinks to look at us funny now," says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. "So think about how they'd act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We'd say jump, and they'd jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don't agree with me, consider this a coup."

2. "There's no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade," says noted economist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Besides, the military's been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won't make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!"

3. "The military is too powerful!" cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. "All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we're number one, and someone's gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!" Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

4. "Everyone's got it all wrong," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the @@NAME@@ Libertarian Party. "We need the military now to support our economy but we can't let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what's what! Everyone wins! As long it's in the corporations' best interests to protect the country though, I suppose..."

Guns Or Butter?
The Issue

After years of costly military build-up, the military now has a state of readiness capable of responding to all threats, both foreign and domestic. There is extensive debate among government officials, the military, and the average citizen over what, if anything, should be done with this powerful asset.
The Debate

“No one even thinks to look at us funny now,” says Field Marshall Lionel Mandrake as he taps a swagger stick against his hip. “So think about how they’d act when the military is in proper charge of the country? We’d say jump, and they’d jump, by jingo. Oh, and if you don’t agree with me, consider this a coup.”

“There’s no point in having a military this size when our closest adversary has a water pistol strapped to a scooter and calls it an armoured brigade,” says noted economist William Contri. “Besides, the military’s been getting uppity with all its funding anyway. Slash its budget, sell off its surplus, and put the money into tax relief and... of course... maintaining all those contractors. Sure, they won’t make tanks anymore but they can sure make plenty of commemorative plates with all that money!”

“The military is too powerful!” cries famous peacenik Elvis Gandhi, smelling of petrol and holding a Zippo in one hand. “All those tanks and bombs threaten us and the environment - we’re number one, and someone’s gonna try and take us down because of it! The people are tired of eating grass soup so the army can get another stealth ICBM launching flamethrower tank. Cut military funding and rebuild our schools, hospitals, welfare, and environment... or else!” Upon which he flips open the lid of the lighter threateningly.

“Everyone’s got it all wrong,” says Caesar Kent, leader of the Maljaratasian Libertarian Party. “We need the military now to support our economy but we can’t let it get out of control. I say we privatise it and divvy it up between several corporations, and make it self-funding... it sounds radical but taxes will drop, the people will be happy, and we get to keep our military strength to show Johnny Foreigner what’s what! Everyone wins! As long it’s in the corporations’ best interests to protect the country though, I suppose...”

Issue by Roman republics

Edited by Sirocco and Scolopendra

If there aren't any differences between the version seen in the list, and this one, then how did Scolopendra end up as a co-editor on it?
(This is Maljaratas if you were wondering)

Some issues had secondary editors that were only visible to the mods/IEs as code comments. When we got the ability to add multiple authors/editors, Lenyo went through and converted the comments into editor credits.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

#173 was re-edited by myself, in discussion with the team, as part of my ongoing review of policies in the game. I'm generally not adding an editor credit for myself for this work, as otherwise the net result would me claiming credit for about 75% of the issues of the game. I'm not running these edits, I'm just making minor changes.

One of the longstanding terrible policies has been one that flags that only men or only women are allowed to work in the nation. It was terrible because it was almost universally ignored by the narrative, with the presentation of options not changing, and the flag being very very rarely checked as a validity concern. There were two possible approaches - either changes to 90% of issues to make them compatible with that flag's narrative, or changing the issues that generate this flag, and purging that flag from the game.

There's been several hundred changes relating to policy flags since November, and the process is about one-third done. This has been one of the most visible ones, but this review is (very gradually) making the game more realistic, more consistent, more respectful of player choices in the narrative, and... more complicated. Doh.

[Pencil Sharpeners]

The Issue

After numerous cases of brief delirium were reported in the countryside, local scientists and health officials have narrowed down the potential causes to a hallucinogenic toxin produced by a microbe that normally incubates within rabbits. Apparently, the close contact rural farmers had with tainted rabbit excrement resulted in their delusions. In response, several apoplectic and assertive citizens have accosted you while on your morning stroll to deal with the issue.

The Debate

1. “This is ridiculous,” shouts avid home gardener Alice Cheshire. “I can’t even tend my own flower beds without falling into a psychedelic trance! If I hallucinate one more rabbit wearing a waistcoat and a pocket watch, I’m gonna lose it. We must eradicate this menace, even if it means killing all the rabbits in Pencil Sharpeners! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

2. “Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let’s not be too hasty here,” interjects microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau. “This rabbit colon-based microbe gives us a rare and profitable opportunity to further both our understanding of biology and medicine. Throw a little funding our way, and we can trap some live specimens, analyze the microbe up close, and get all of Pencil Sharpeners hooked on it by Sunday.”

3. “You all keep missing the point! These aren’t just hallucinations caused by poop, they’re gifts from the Great Rabbit Goddess!” asserts escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Pencil-McGee wearing her ceremonial rabbit-patterned robe and bunny slippers. “Through consuming the rabbits’ sacred defecation, we are blessed with miraculous visions of the future! Heed my prophecies, and I’ll get Pencil Sharpeners on the right path in no time.” After swallowing a handful of rabbit droppings, she twitches awkwardly on the ground while sputtering ill-fated prognostications.

Issue by The Constitutional Monarchy of Wyethalania

Edited by Wyethalania

[Divine Cervine]

Issue #677

Dial L for Loan

The Issue

After a recent unfortunate incident involving a foreign casino, a gambling addicted crime lord, and a secret agent that was a bit too confident in his poker playing abilities, the government is currently strapped for cash. Your Finance Minister has reminded you of a swathe of delinquent government loans made to a small nameless nation in your sphere of influence that could be called in to close the budget gap.

The Debate

1. “If they can’t pay up, why we’ll get a @@REGION@@ tribunal involved!” declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Finance Minister. “Start by removing their spendthrift leadership, and install a stooge, er... someone who understands the gravity of their international obligations. Next, forcibly privatize some of the most easily monetized state services. Why, I bet some of @@NAME@@’s businesses might even be interested in buying them.”


2. “How soft!” mutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the infamous ‘Loan and Pool Shark’ mercenaries, while menacingly holding a pool cue. “It’s time you went full repo man on these money squanderers and take what’s owed to you. They won’t dare to object to a few of their warships, crown jewels, or national treasures going to the cause.”


3. “A thousand pardons @@LEADER@@!” pleads the country’s ambassador, Owen Dett, while kissing your feet. “Although our nation is a mere insignificant speck of dirt compared to the might and majesty of your nation, we implore you to find it within your heart to forgive the debts of us, the most ‘umblest of nations.”

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island
Edited by Ransium

[Lord Dominator]

Down The Rabbit Hole
The Issue

After numerous cases of brief delirium were reported in the countryside, local scientists and health officials have narrowed down the potential causes to a hallucinogenic toxin produced by a microbe that normally incubates within rabbits. Apparently, the close contact rural farmers had with tainted rabbit excrement resulted in their delusions. In response, several apoplectic and assertive citizens have accosted you while on your morning stroll to deal with the issue.
The Debate

“This is ridiculous,” shouts avid home gardener Alice Cheshire. “I can’t even tend my own flower beds without falling into a psychedelic trance! If I hallucinate one more rabbit wearing a waistcoat and a pocket watch, I’m gonna lose it. We must eradicate this menace, even if it means killing all the rabbits in Lord Dominator! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let’s not be too hasty here,” interjects microbiologist and pharmaceutical spokeswoman Anita Plaseebeau. “This rabbit colon-based microbe gives us a rare and profitable opportunity to further both our understanding of biology and medicine. Throw a little funding our way, and we can trap some live specimens, analyze the microbe up close, and get all of Lord Dominator hooked on it by Sunday.”

“You all keep missing the point! These aren’t just hallucinations caused by poop, they’re gifts from the Great Rabbit Goddess!” asserts escaped mental patient and neopagan Sybil Llama-McGee wearing her ceremonial rabbit-patterned robe and bunny slippers. “Through consuming the rabbits’ sacred defecation, we are blessed with miraculous visions of the future! Heed my prophecies, and I’ll get Lord Dominator on the right path in no time.” After swallowing a handful of rabbit droppings, she twitches awkwardly on the ground while sputtering ill-fated prognostications.

Issue by The Constitutional Monarchy of Wyethalania

Edited by Wyethalania

[Thinking Machines]

Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
The Issue

When high-profile lesbian celebrity Ellen Lynch was asked to leave popular establishment The Thinking Machines City Diner, it was made clear to her that this was because she was dining with her lesbian partner. The restaurant owners refused to serve the homosexual couple, citing a conflict with their religious beliefs. This isn’t the first time something like this has been flagged by the press, but Lynch is keen to make some noise.
The Debate

“I have the right to my values!” shouts Layla Henderson, the diner owner. “My grandfather, who opened this restaurant 50 years ago, was a man of faith. This faith gave him his love of family values and family dining. He believed homosexuality to be degenerate and sinful! I’m not saying that these people can’t sin in their own homes, but must I sit there watching them commit unholy acts in my business? What about my freedom to express religious belief? What about my economic rights as a business owner?”

“We remain a minority whose voice never gets heard!” exclaims Ellen Lynch, on her nationally syndicated talk show. “It is my hope that the government enforces protection of LGBT individuals in these kinds of situations by forcing businesses to serve anyone, regardless of their sexuality. Religious bigotry has no place at our tables!”

The Deputy Mayor of Thinking Machines City, Tobias Parkarvarkar strides in, dashingly pink trench coat flapping in the breeze behind him. “The mayor won’t like this, but if we want Thinking Machines to be a prestigious and progressive nation on the world stage, we’ve got to go even further! To cater for... that is to protect the rights of the gay community, we should establish zones in each restaurant or other service industry venture that are reserved exclusively for gay and lesbian people. Think of our standing in the international gay community! Think of the tourism! We’d be a shining beacon for gay culture!”

Issue by The Super Gay Lovefest of Galway-Dublin

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Candlewhisper Archive]

So, keeping you busy enough, Drasnia?

[Trotterdam]

So form what I can tell, the names in #676 are all nonrandom, Alice Cheshire, Anita Plaseebeau, and Sybil @@ANIMAL@@-McGee.

This might have been more obvious if some didn't decide to have a national animal of "Pencil"...

[Drasnia]

So, keeping you busy enough, Drasnia?

Yup. Hopefully I get around to updating this by this weekend.

[Noahs Second Country]

The Issue

After a recent unfortunate incident involving a foreign casino, a gambling addicted crime lord, and a secret agent that was a bit too confident in his poker playing abilities, the government is currently strapped for cash. Your Finance Minister has reminded you of a swathe of delinquent government loans made to a small nameless nation in your sphere of influence that could be called in to close the budget gap.

The Debate

“If they can’t pay up, why we’ll get a Europeia tribunal involved!” declares Dick Bronte, your Finance Minister. “Start by removing their spendthrift leadership, and install a stooge, er... someone who understands the gravity of their international obligations. Next, forcibly privatize some of the most easily monetized state services. Why, I bet some of Noahs Second Country’s businesses might even be interested in buying them.”

Accept

“How soft!” mutters Katniss Hawkins, leader of the infamous ‘Loan and Pool Shark’ mercenaries, while menacingly holding a pool cue. “It’s time you went full repo man on these money squanderers and take what’s owed to you. They won’t dare to object to a few of their warships, crown jewels, or national treasures going to the cause.”

Accept

“A thousand pardons Leader!” pleads the country’s ambassador, Owen Dett, while kissing your feet. “Although our nation is a mere insignificant speck of dirt compared to the might and majesty of your nation, we implore you to find it within your heart to forgive the debts of us, the most ‘umblest of nations.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by Ransium