NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Trotterdam]

#423 option 3 is not accessible to nations with no military.

I discovered a new option for #20 "Gunman Kills Three," of all issues:

3. "Ban this. Ban that. You cannot ban your way to an answer,"

Just to be clear, does this mean that the former option 3 is now option 4? I would have expected this option to be added to the end, since all other options are banning one thing or another (guns or violent video games), so this option is an appropiate reponse.

Or did you not receive the video game option for some reason such as having already banned them?

The violent video game ban option is still there, and it is #4. It definitely makes more sense for it to be at the end, since the first two are just banning guns in various degrees rather than banning two different things.

So, about that.

#020 option 4 no longer wants to ban violent video games. (And, in the process, has been made less interesting, since now both option 3 and option 4 are just variants on self-defense.) It has been changed from:

4. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people," says NRA head honcho @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Is that what we want? Think, people. The answer isn't to ban guns. It's to crack down on those Hollywood movies and computer games that glamorize violence. They're the real criminals."

to:

4. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people," says NRA head honcho @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Is that what we want? Think, people. The answer isn't kung-fu and it definitely isn't banning guns. What you need to do is encourage us law-abiding folk to always carry a gun. Shoot first, ask questions later. That's what I always say."

This only makes the "ban this, ban that" even more out-of-place, but points for trying.

I can't confirm or deny if you got them all,

I choose to read that as "you've totally outsmarted us all, but we're too stubborn to admit it".

(You could always go and add a bunch new names so my list isn't up-to-date anymore.)

[Luna Amore]

#020 option 4 no longer wants to ban violent video games. (And, in the process, has been made less interesting, since now both option 3 and option 4 are just variants on self-defense.)

This only makes the "ban this, ban that" even more out-of-place, but points for trying.

The issue is more balanced now. Before you had restrict gun use, ban gun use, ban video games. In an issue about guns, there wasn't a pro-gun option. Not sure why you think 'ban this, ban that' is out of place. The two options before Spruce Tree deal with banning.

Since the change has been in game for a month, we have a complete picture on the new changes effects. Those tell a better story and highlight the need for the changes in my opinion.

Before the change #20 had:
- 28% dismissal rate
- 23% gap between the first and second most selected choices
- overall score was 78/100 which was in the bottom 50 of the game
- dismiss was the second most selected option

After the change:
- 10.4% dismissal rate
- 1% p-gap
- overall score of 93/100, 83rd in the game
- dismiss is the fourth most selected option

[Drawkland]

#020 option 4 no longer wants to ban violent video games. (And, in the process, has been made less interesting, since now both option 3 and option 4 are just variants on self-defense.)

This only makes the "ban this, ban that" even more out-of-place, but points for trying.

The issue is more balanced now. Before you had restrict gun use, ban gun use, ban video games. In an issue about guns, there wasn't a pro-gun option. Not sure why you think 'ban this, ban that' is out of place. The two options before Spruce Tree deal with banning.

Since the change has been in game for a month, we have a complete picture on the new changes effects. Those tell a better story and highlight the need for the changes in my opinion.

Before the change #20 had:
- 28% dismissal rate
- 23% gap between the first and second most selected choices
- overall score was 78/100 which was in the bottom 50 of the game
- dismiss was the second most selected option

After the change:
- 10.4% dismissal rate
- 1% p-gap
- overall score of 93/100, 83rd in the game
- dismiss is the fourth most selected option

I was one of the dismissers (dismissors?), but with the new option this will definitely change. Thanks for the change.

[Naasseners]

Issue #127 (Aging Concerns In @@NAME@@) has a new option. Or maybe not that new, but it's not listed yet.

3. “Well, you know, there is another way,” suggests Elena Popov, your sleaziest budget analyst. “To appease the elderly lobby, you could increase the pension fund by cutting the healthcare budget. That way higher death rates will compensate for the more generous pensions. In fact, with fewer pensioners to support, slashing healthcare could be the fastest way to build up a budget surplus.” She smiles menacingly.

...I didn't pick that one. Seems kind of odd addition, to be honest. #127 was already one of the few issues that I didn't have to dismiss with any of my puppets.

[Trotterdam]

I'm pretty sure that Fleur was in there before we added the new names to the list.

Ah, indeed.

I believe I meant to say the new name is Fahd, not Fleur. (Deleted the wrong one from my list when cross-comparing.)

Not sure why you think 'ban this, ban that' is out of place. The two options before Spruce Tree deal with banning.

Yeah, but they're banning the same thing, just in different degrees. It doesn't fit the "ban this, ban that" wording, which works better if people have been trying to ban all sorts of different things (such as guns and video games) but no-one has suggested a solution that isn't banning yet.

Issue #127 (Aging Concerns In @@NAME@@) has a new option. Or maybe not that new, but it's not listed yet.

3. “Well, you know, there is another way,” suggests Elena Popov, your sleaziest budget analyst. “To appease the elderly lobby, you could increase the pension fund by cutting the healthcare budget. That way higher death rates will compensate for the more generous pensions. In fact, with fewer pensioners to support, slashing healthcare could be the fastest way to build up a budget surplus.” She smiles menacingly.

...I didn't pick that one. Seems kind of odd addition, to be honest. #127 was already one of the few issues that I didn't have to dismiss with any of my puppets.

How have the previous options been affected by this?

The "keep/increase pensions, but compensate by increasing death rate" concept is shared with the previous option 3, even though the implementation is different:

3. "Woah, woah! Talk about hasty decisions here, man," says Kool Kal, one of your more hip advisors. "Just increase the working age to say... ninety-five years old? Then the number of people eligible for a pension is like, dramatically reduced, man. Why? It's 'cos most of them'll be like, six feet under, dude!" He high-fives you. "Funny, ain't it, man?"

[Naasseners]

How have the previous options been affected by this?

The "keep/increase pensions, but compensate by increasing death rate" concept is shared with the previous option 3, even though the implementation is different:

3. "Woah, woah! Talk about hasty decisions here, man," says Kool Kal, one of your more hip advisors. "Just increase the working age to say... ninety-five years old? Then the number of people eligible for a pension is like, dramatically reduced, man. Why? It's 'cos most of them'll be like, six feet under, dude!" He high-fives you. "Funny, ain't it, man?"

The new option got inserted between the old second and third options. So the new one is third, and the last two got bumped down by one.

On cursory glance, the other options were worded the same. ...but I didn't actually check if they remained exactly the same. My bad.

[Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan]

And #566 is now in the game:

Drive My Car

The Issue

While parking your car for a short press conference to pander to families in Kaiserstadt, you are besieged by citizens and cops fighting over parking tickets, of all things. All sides seem unusually passionate about the topic, and you are doing your best to calm down the angry crowd.
The Debate

“These deadbeats think that if they neglect to pay their tickets for a few months, we’ll just forget all about them,” rants Police Chief Marina King while pushing aside some irritated motorists. “Well they’re wrong. The government needs more severe penalties to make an example of these criminals. After all, mis-parked cars obstruct the normal flow of traffic and annoy everybody. Hike up the fines, even take cars away from people that refuse to pay for their crimes. Then punks will know to respect my authori-tay!”

“You know the real reason we have so many unpaid tickets? They are already too damn expensive!” fumes Prudence Cohen, one of the city’s poorest citizens. “How can someone who barely makes enough to eat possibly pay for a parking ticket? One ticket sets me back half a month and a rich guy only a minute. Tickets have to be proportional to people’s income. Then the punishment would actually fit the crime.”

“How about we, the citizens of Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan, finally get a break for once?” complains Zack Bergman while parking in a public fountain and splashing everyone nearby, yourself included. “It’s not fair to make my kids wait five minutes just to find an ‘acceptable’ place to park. Let’s just get rid of all of these silly tickets once and for all. After all, who’s to say where is or isn’t a logical place to park?”

Issue by: The Holy Empire of Louisadam
Editor: Lenyo

[Drasnia]

Issue #567:Syntax Destruction

The Issue

Your Minister for the Treasury, Allen Redbridge, has come under fire as market analysts and journalists complain that his predictions about the future of @@NAME@@’s economy are vague to the point of uselessness. His detractors are dubbing his avoidance of clear statements ‘Syntax Destruction’: the presentation of extremely long and obfuscated reports that have little real content.

The Debate

“I shouldn’t have to spend hours poring over reams of government documents for just one story!” complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, reporter for the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Enquirer, slamming a large stack of papers onto your desk. “Look at this! One thousand nine hundred eighty-four pages! What Minister Redbridge is doing is dishonest and despicable. You need to force him and those like him to use plain language and get to the point, so that the common people of @@NAME@@ will be able decipher what’s going on in the government.”

“It has been demonstrated,” Minister Allen Redbridge replies during an interview, “that markets affect an unexpected multitude of industries at even the slightest suspicion of an impending perturbation. Thus, it behooves those knowledgeable in its idiosyncrasies to uphold their responsibilities in defending such precipitous gateways to knowledge, and acting in such a manner of least reaction, to satisfy their due diligence to avoid creating a condition which could potentially upset the precarious balance between bears and bulls, be they platitudes, or omissions. Indeed, one who acts in contravention to the aforementioned manner also acts against their own best interests, and thereby undermines status as well as dispels their cloak of competence. Such a transgressor shall be dismissed by the knowledgeable majority, of course, thus not necessitating any external provocation.”

“Spoken or written words, delivered on matters of policy by person or persons within the government, hereafter referred to as a government commentary, constitute a legal statement,” explains prominent lawyer @@RANDOMNAME@@. “It is my professional opinion that a government commentary should use only legal terminology to ensure clarity of meaning.”

Issue by: Drasnia
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

Another issue of mine accepted!

[Australian rePublic]

While parking your car for a short press conference to pander to families in Canberra, you are besieged by citizens and cops fighting over parking tickets, of all things. All sides seem unusually passionate about the topic, and you are doing your best to calm down the angry crowd.

The Debate

“These deadbeats think that if they neglect to pay their tickets for a few months, we’ll just forget all about them,” rants Police Chief Margaret Le Chiffre while pushing aside some irritated motorists. “Well they’re wrong. The government needs more severe penalties to make an example of these criminals. After all, mis-parked cars obstruct the normal flow of traffic and annoy everybody. Hike up the fines, even take cars away from people that refuse to pay for their crimes. Then punks will know to respect my authori-tay!”

Accept“You know the real reason we have so many unpaid tickets? They are already too damn expensive!” fumes Sean May, one of the city’s poorest citizens. “How can someone who barely makes enough to eat possibly pay for a parking ticket? One ticket sets me back half a month and a rich guy only a minute. Tickets have to be proportional to people’s income. Then the punishment would actually fit the crime.”

Accept“How about we, the citizens of Australian Republic, finally get a break for once?” complains Sabrina Wall while parking in a public fountain and splashing everyone nearby, yourself included. “It’s not fair to make my kids wait five minutes just to find an ‘acceptable’ place to park. Let’s just get rid of all of these silly tickets once and for all. After all, who’s to say where is or isn’t a logical place to park?”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The Holy Empire of Louisadam
Editted By: Lenyo

[Australian rePublic]

FeAR, the Federation of Automobile Racing, has suggested to you that Australian Republic would be a great site for a World Championship F1 Grand Prix circuit. The only problem is that you don’t have a racetrack built.

The Debate

Alexis Lefévre, head of the Grand Prix governing body, suggests the construction of a new top end racing facility in largely uninhabited swampland in the east of your nation. “It’ll be a boost to tourism and the broader economy in Australian Republic, and it’ll bring this whole dreary swampland area to life!” He stubs out his cigar on a nearby swamp frog, to emphasise his point. “Now, if you have the time, I have some contracts for you to consider with regards to construction, event management, and security firms, all with reputable, established companies and firms that I can vouch for personally...”

Accept“I don’t see why we need an expensive new track wasting taxpayer money when we’ve already got a great ring road in Canberra,” says Mayor Calvin Putin, well-known to be a die-hard racing fan. “The city has a vibrant atmosphere and stunning architecture, compared to the blandness and soullessness of modern autodromes. You know where your heart lies: bring this event to the capital!”

Accept“Grand Prix racing is completely unrelated to what happens with road cars,” argues Ruri Hoshino, CEO of Kadai Engineering Automotive Firm Incorporated, “but sports car racing drives forward automotive technology. Say no to the Grand Prix, and instead let the World Sports Prototype Championship hold round the clock endurance races at a stadium that we’ll happily foot the bill for. All you need to do is repeal some crazy noise and air pollution laws. Sure, it may not be as glamorous, but it’ll let us show off our wares and will encourage engineering innovation.”

Accept“Why are these petrolheads so obsessed with auto racing anyway?” asks migraine-suffering riding enthusiast Daisy Washington, from the back of a stallion that has just evacuated manure onto the pavement. “It’s just noise, smelly fumes and testosterone! Ban motor racing, and invest that pot of money into equestrianism. It’s a genteel racing event for a civilised society.” Her horse glares at you threateningly, as if to support the argument.

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The Most Bodacious Republic of Montagna
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

[Araneidae]

#570 Clerical Errors

As the General Synod of @@FAITH@@ gathers in @@CAPITAL@@ for its quinquennial meeting, a group of reformist delegates has proposed an ordinance that would allow both men and women to serve as clerics. The proposal has significant support among @@FAITH@@'s more progressive adherents, but there is a strong opposition movement. The measure needs your backing if it is going to obtain the appropriate amount of support.

The Debate

1. “The times are changing, and @@FAITH@@ needs to change with them,” remarks progressive reformist leader Cooper Yeats, bringing out a copy of the Sacred Scriptures. “The Almighty said, ‘Let us make human beings in our image and likeness.’ And so they were created, male and female the Almighty created them.” He turns his head up from the text and looks you right in the eyes. “We’re all made equal, @@LEADER@@. That the clergy hierarchy has blocked change for so long is an injustice. We must insist that they permit ordination of both women and men. You know deep down in your soul that it’s the right thing to do.”

2. “The right thing to do, really?” rebuts Hope Smit, president of the Traditionalist League of @@FAITH@@. “For ages, our clergy has been just how it is now. This proposed change has nothing to do with doctrine and everything to do with the creep of secular values into @@FAITH@@.” She takes a deep breath and continues. “Women and men, you see, were both created in the divine image and were created as equals, yes. But the Almighty made us for different, complementary roles. The sexes were not, are not, and never will be interchangeable, and @@FAITH@@should acknowledge this eternal truth by rejecting this heretical proposal.”

3. “Science H Logic! Why is this the government’s concern?” complains science fiction author and well-known secularist Elaine Pong. “You have far more important things to do than to listen all day to debates on dogma and the merits and demerits of the sexual composition of their clergy. Frankly, the average @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ on the street doesn’t really care about this issue. If anything, you should cut all funding to @@FAITH@@. It’s a drain on the budget, and that’ll teach these superstitious bigots to stop bothering you with their trivial ecclesiastical disputes.”

Issue by: The Most Holy and Grand Empire of Christian Democrats
Editor: Nation of Quebec

[Trotterdam]

#569 Grand Prix De @@NAME@@?

The Issue

FeAR, the Federation of Automobile Racing, has suggested to you that @@NAME@@ would be a great site for a World Championship F1 Grand Prix circuit. The only problem is that you don't have a racetrack built.

The Debate

1. Alexis Lefévre, head of the Grand Prix governing body, suggests the construction of a new top end racing facility in largely uninhabited swampland in the east of your nation. "It'll be a boost to tourism and the broader economy in @@NAME@@, and it'll bring this whole dreary swampland area to life!" He stubs out his cigar on a nearby swamp frog, to emphasise his point. "Now, if you have the time, I have some contracts for you to consider with regards to construction, event management, and security firms, all with reputable, established companies and firms that I can vouch for personally..."

2. "I don't see why we need an expensive new track wasting taxpayer money when we've already got a great ring road in @@CAPITAL@@," says Mayor @@RANDOMNAME@@, well-known to be a die-hard racing fan. "The city has a vibrant atmosphere and stunning architecture, compared to the blandness and soullessness of modern autodromes. You know where your heart lies: bring this event to the capital!"

3. "Grand Prix racing is completely unrelated to what happens with road cars," argues Ruri Hoshino, CEO of Kadai Engineering Automotive Firm Incorporated, "but sports car racing drives forward automotive technology. Say no to the Grand Prix, and instead let the World Sports Prototype Championship hold round the clock endurance races at a stadium that we'll happily foot the bill for. All you need to do is repeal some crazy noise and air pollution laws. Sure, it may not be as glamorous, but it'll let us show off our wares and will encourage engineering innovation."

4. "Why are these petrolheads so obsessed with auto racing anyway?" asks migraine-suffering riding enthusiast @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, from the back of a stallion that has just evacuated manure onto the pavement. "It's just noise, smelly fumes and testosterone! Ban motor racing, and invest that pot of money into equestrianism. It's a genteel racing event for a civilised society." Her horse glares at you threateningly, as if to support the argument.

Issue by: Montagna
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

Alexis Lefévre and Ruri Hoshino are not random.

I don't know what happened to #568. (EDIT: Caught a few traces, it looks to be something about family feuds.)

I feel compelled to point out the effect lines for this issue, too:

#569 Grand Prix De @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. annual Formula One races bring the capital to a screeching halt
3. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
4. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls

*hugs*

[Australian rePublic]

Your Minister for the Treasury, Allen Redbridge, has come under fire as market analysts and journalists complain that his predictions about the future of Australian Republic’s economy are vague to the point of uselessness. His detractors are dubbing his avoidance of clear statements ‘Syntax Destruction’: the presentation of extremely long and obfuscated reports that have little real content.

The Debate

“I shouldn’t have to spend hours poring over reams of government documents for just one story!” complains Björk Hernandez, reporter for the Australian Enquirer, slamming a large stack of papers onto your desk. “Look at this! One thousand nine hundred eighty-four pages! What Minister Redbridge is doing is dishonest and despicable. You need to force him and those like him to use plain language and get to the point, so that the common people of Australian Republic will be able decipher what’s going on in the government.”

Accept

“It has been demonstrated,” Minister Allen Redbridge replies during an interview, “that markets affect an unexpected multitude of industries at even the slightest suspicion of an impending perturbation. Thus, it behooves those knowledgeable in its idiosyncrasies to uphold their responsibilities in defending such precipitous gateways to knowledge, and acting in such a manner of least reaction, to satisfy their due diligence to avoid creating a condition which could potentially upset the precarious balance between bears and bulls, be they platitudes, or omissions. Indeed, one who acts in contravention to the aforementioned manner also acts against their own best interests, and thereby undermines status as well as dispels their cloak of competence. Such a transgressor shall be dismissed by the knowledgeable majority, of course, thus not necessitating any external provocation.”

Accept

“Spoken or written words, delivered on matters of policy by person or persons within the government, hereafter referred to as a government commentary, constitute a legal statement,” explains prominent lawyer Sherlock Grossweiner. “It is my professional opinion that a government commentary should use only legal terminology to ensure clarity of meaning.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The International Spydom of Drasnia
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I feel compelled to point out the effect lines for this issue, too:

#569 Grand Prix De @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. annual Formula One races bring the capital to a screeching halt
3. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
4. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls

*hugs*

Had a feeling you'd like that line over in Equestria.

[Legalize Everything]

#571 Family Feud

In a backwoods part of @@NAME@@, two neighboring families who have been feuding for generations are continuing to commit acts of violence upon each other. Members of the Caphill family killed a beloved friend of the MacDoogle family, “Ol’ Man Jack”, after a dispute over a farm @@ANIMAL@@. In response, a group of MacDoogles raided the Caphill household and killed the three men responsible for Ol’ Man Jack’s murder. The case of the Caphill-MacDoogle feud has gained national media attention, and there are calls for you to step in.

The Debate

1. “THEY DONE STARTED IT!” thunders Young Man Jack, waving a pitchfork menacingly toward the Caphills. “They killed my friend! Now, lookie here @@LEADER@@, we done did what we knew was right and avenged ‘im. So why don’t you and the coppers just stay outta our affairs, ya hear?”

2. “Three of my boys are gone ‘cause of them. I thought I’d have their love till the end of my days, but it turns out there’s no love in this story, just tragedy,” weeps Anna Caphill, who has been alive for eighty years and has almost as many children. “ @@LEADER@@, I demand you take in the ones responsible for this and hang ‘em high, just like the good ‘ol days.”

3. “Now now, clearly the issue at hand goes back much further than this unfortunate incident,” quips Dr. Laurence Friar, one of @@NAME@@’s top psychiatrists as he scribbles on his notepad. “There are decades of resentment and misunderstanding to be worked out. It is obvious that these slack-jawed yokels need some therapy and reeducation in order to be integrated back into civilized society. If they don’t come willingly to their sessions, then the government can take their children away until they do. Give me some time, and some funding, and I’ll transform these backwoods delinquents into model citizens in no time.”

4. “Reminds me of a similar situation a few years back with the Jetter and Sharkley families,” recalls Ingrid Krupke, a cop from the west side of @@CAPITAL@@. “Tragic business, we had to end up relocating both families to opposite ends of the country. Just do the same with the Caphills and the MacWhoevers, and if they start up feuds with their new neighbors, I’m sure there’s some barren, uninhabited islands we can ship them off to.”

Issue by: The Federal Republic of Appalatchia
Editor: Nation of Quebec

[Appalatchia]

#571 Family Feud

In a backwoods part of @@NAME@@, two neighboring families who have been feuding for generations are continuing to commit acts of violence upon each other. Members of the Caphill family killed a beloved friend of the MacDoogle family, “Ol’ Man Jack”, after a dispute over a farm @@ANIMAL@@. In response, a group of MacDoogles raided the Caphill household and killed the three men responsible for Ol’ Man Jack’s murder. The case of the Caphill-MacDoogle feud has gained national media attention, and there are calls for you to step in.

The Debate

1. “THEY DONE STARTED IT!” thunders Young Man Jack, waving a pitchfork menacingly toward the Caphills. “They killed my friend! Now, lookie here @@LEADER@@, we done did what we knew was right and avenged ‘im. So why don’t you and the coppers just stay outta our affairs, ya hear?”

2. “Three of my boys are gone ‘cause of them. I thought I’d have their love till the end of my days, but it turns out there’s no love in this story, just tragedy,” weeps Anna Caphill, who has been alive for eighty years and has almost as many children. “ @@LEADER@@, I demand you take in the ones responsible for this and hang ‘em high, just like the good ‘ol days.”

3. “Now now, clearly the issue at hand goes back much further than this unfortunate incident,” quips Dr. Laurence Friar, one of @@NAME@@’s top psychiatrists as he scribbles on his notepad. “There are decades of resentment and misunderstanding to be worked out. It is obvious that these slack-jawed yokels need some therapy and reeducation in order to be integrated back into civilized society. If they don’t come willingly to their sessions, then the government can take their children away until they do. Give me some time, and some funding, and I’ll transform these backwoods delinquents into model citizens in no time.”

4. “Reminds me of a similar situation a few years back with the Jetter and Sharkley families,” recalls Ingrid Krupke, a cop from the west side of @@CAPITAL@@. “Tragic business, we had to end up relocating both families to opposite ends of the country. Just do the same with the Caphills and the MacWhoevers, and if they start up feuds with their new neighbors, I’m sure there’s some barren, uninhabited islands we can ship them off to.”

Issue by: The Federal Republic of Appalatchia
Editor: Nation of Quebec

Yay! My first issue. Well, I have many issues. But I meant in the NationStates sense.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

#571 Family Feud



Issue by: The Federal Republic of Appalatchia
Editor: Nation of Quebec

Yay! My first issue. Well, I have many issues. But I meant in the NationStates sense.

Welcome to the Issue Writer Family!

[Drasnia]

Just keep everything in the back room quiet. We don't want everybody to know about the bacon-wrapped strips of bacon, now do we?

[Christian Democrats]

Several of the old issues have been updated, and the new issues have been added. They include one that I wrote!!!

It was an addition

What's the option number?

I think it'll be a good idea to have the random names in a new thread so it's easier for people to report them, rather than this thread. There are many names that haven't been reported.

Is anybody who frequents this thread willing to track the random names?

You'll be paid heartily with a link in this topic.

Both of the above are still relevant.

[Conoistre]

572: Reading, Your Rights

Schools and public libraries have historically selected what books can be found on their respective properties, and many have taken this a step further, actively banning unsuitable books from being read under their roofs. A group of legally-minded high school students are challenging this practice, claiming that this is an infringement of their civil rights.

1. “My brain, my choice what to read!” exclaims 11-year-old prodigy Barack Nagasawa, waving a copy of the controversial novel Fifteen Shades of Violet. “How can we learn and be exposed to new ideas if not through the words of great authors and writers? People need books for thought like they need air to breathe. No authority, be they governmental, religious or corporate should be allowed to ban books for any reason. Now, if you could ask Teacher to return my copies of The Manual of Home-Made Explosives and Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience, that’d be great.”

2. A woman with a bright red face storms into your office with a toddler hanging off her leg. “Think of the children! Actually, think of the parents! How can we relax if our children are reading books about crime or sex or worst of all, liberal politics? If a library or school thinks a book shouldn’t be read, then we should show a little trust in their judgement. Now, my son is very advanced...” She pauses to stop the tyke picking his nose. “...and when he’s older, he can read more at home. But not at this age, and not without supervision!”

3. Online a guy with a unicorn pizza avatar named xChickSaitama93 sends you an Insta-Message, which pops up on your screen. “LOL. Y U need books NEway? Duz NE1 even reads those things anymor anyway. =S havnt picked 1 up since highschool ... you shud ban paper. #4ENVIROMENT yeh?”

^{Issue by: The Dictatorship of Gelimor
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive}

[Maljaratas]

Several of the old issues have been updated, and the new issues have been added. They include one that I wrote!!!

What's the option number?


Is anybody who frequents this thread willing to track the random names?

You'll be paid heartily with a link in this topic.

Both of the above are still relevant.

Apologies. The new option for "Object-Oreinted Programming" is now option 3, with the old option 3 now being number4.

[Australian rePublic]

Schools and public libraries have historically selected what books can be found on their respective properties, and many have taken this a step further, actively banning unsuitable books from being read under their roofs. A group of legally-minded high school students are challenging this practice, claiming that this is an infringement of their civil rights.

The Debate

“My brain, my choice what to read!” exclaims 11-year-old prodigy Winston Weaver, waving a copy of the controversial novel Fifteen Shades of Violet. “How can we learn and be exposed to new ideas if not through the words of great authors and writers? People need books for thought like they need air to breathe. No authority, be they governmental, religious or corporate should be allowed to ban books for any reason. Now, if you could ask Teacher to return my copies of The Manual of Home-Made Explosives and Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience, that’d be great.”

AcceptA woman with a bright red face storms into your office with a toddler hanging off her leg. “Think of the children! Actually, think of the parents! How can we relax if our children are reading books about crime or sex or worst of all, liberal politics? If a library or school thinks a book shouldn’t be read, then we should show a little trust in their judgement. Now, my son is very advanced...” She pauses to stop the tyke picking his nose. “...and when he’s older, he can read more at home. But not at this age, and not without supervision!”

AcceptOnline a guy with a unicorn pizza avatar named xChickSaitama93 sends you an Insta-Message, which pops up on your screen. “LOL. Y U need books NEway? Duz NE1 even reads those things anymor anyway. =S havnt picked 1 up since highschool ... you shud ban paper. #4ENVIROMENT yeh?”

Accept

[Barbarossistan]

And another new one, #574:


The Issue

Private space companies have expressed a desire to launch a space probe to the moon and other planets in the solar system. To avoid any legal entanglements, they have asked for permission from the government to launch.
The Debate

“The sooner we get off this rock, the better,” grimly predicts daredevil CEO Dick Benson, who recently broke the record for the world’s highest skydive. “We all know it’s a matter of time before we destroy this planet, and exploring the vastness of space is our only salvation. Private enterprise must be allowed to develop space technologies. I’d go so far as to subsidize private space companies to help them on the way to the stars. ‘Per pecunia ad astra’, as I always say.”

“Space shouldn’t be opened to corporations!” exclaims buxom BSA engineer turned beachwear model Ellen Janeway. “These companies just want to grab our heavenly bodies and make money from them. The stars themselves will be exploited and stripped bare! Only the government - by which I mean you - can be trusted to handle things properly.”

“Both sides have a point,” acknowledges your diplomatic Science Minister Bill deGrasse Hawking. “The free market must be allowed to operate, but with reasonable rules and regulations. The idea sounds daft, but an asteroid mining company should be subject to the same laws governing terrestrial mining companies. We should have some sort of prime directive that state what we can and can’t do up there. This needn’t cost us tax dollars either: just have the enterprises involved sign an agreement to abide by the rules, then let them go boldly where no corporation has gone before.”

“You’ve ruined this planet. Now you want to ruin outer space?” queries Gaia Peacedove, an eccentric environmentalist and host of the esoteric television show ‘Antiquated Aliens’, seen dressed in hemp fiber. “Cleanliness is next to godliness, after all. The Ancient Ones didn’t want us to come to them, they will come to us. Stop polluting space with your fancy-schmancy space probes and rockets! Ban all space exploration, and focus on protecting the environment. They will surely see this as a sign that we are ready for their arrival!”

Issue by: The People's Republic of New Birgland
Editor: Nation of Quebec

[Zwangzug]

#573 is mine! Edited by Nation of Quebec. For comparison, bare-bones draft here:

The Road To Blackacre Ends Here?

As the Blackacre Olympics approaches, your diplomatic advisors have questioned whether @@NATION@@’s athletes should travel to a country known for civil rights abuses. Activists and athletes alike are taking their marks in your mountainside chateau, ready and set to go on with the debate.

1. “You cannot deny us this opportunity after we’ve been training for years!” proclaims champion shotputter @@RANDOMNAME@@ while descending into a crouch. “By sending our finest athletes to Blackacre, we can show the world what @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are made of. Let’s show the world how much better our glorious @@TYPE@@ is. These fascist Blackacre weaklings will have no choice but to bow down before our athletic superiority. Give us a chance to succeed on the world stage, and we’ll make @@NATION@@ proud!”

2. “Have you seen what they do to — GAAAA!” shouts Foreign Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@, dodging a cast iron ball flying toward your desk. “...ahem, uh...wa-what they do to peaceful protestors? Attending these games would make a mockery of everything our great @@TYPE@@ stands for. For the sake of our values and everything that is good and decent in @@REGION@@, @@NATION@@ must boycott the games!”

3. A flurry of snow bursts through your door, followed by a cross-country skier. “Their internal politics are none of our business,” says National Sporting Committee President @@RANDOMNAME@@, as she stows her ski poles and rifle in a large hole in your desk. “Look, why not let our qualified athletes compete independently? That way, the government can officially disavow the games, while @@NATION@@ still unofficially kicks some backside in the field. Plus, this will make it easier for us to get around restrictions on, um, nutritional supplements. Yeah. Supplements.”

4. As soon as your aides close the door, it bursts open again as an upside down bobsled drifts into your chateau, stopping just before your priceless Maxtopian vase. Your aides turn around the bobsled, revealing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bobsled team, who came in last place at the previous Winter Olympics. “Yo, mon, what if @@NATION@@ hosted its own sporting competition for like-minded nations?” asks the captain of the team, @@RANDOMNAME@@, as the team steps up to lift the bobsled over their heads. “Our sportsmen and women deserve the chance to compete in these games, but most of us don’t feel comfortable in these tin-pot dictatorships. This way we all get to compete and we send a message to our enemies.” The bobsledders walk out of your office, as everyone in the room begins to slowly applaud the team.


Name 4 was "Tim Colbert," which is probably a new random last name. Name 1 was "Shiberu Scully," which may both be new?

[Australian rePublic]

Sick Days For Sick Waves

The Issue

At the height of an extremely hot summer along the Australian coastline, many workers have taken multiple ‘sick days’ to go to the beach and had the misfortune to run into their bosses, who have ‘taken work home’ to their seaside properties. Your chief employment analyst has estimated that the economic damage of the good weather has been significant, though he says he’ll get back to you on exact figures once he recovers from an unexpected bout of period cramps that are keeping him off work today.

The Debate

“We lost a whole summer!” says Ned Fellow, your Minister of Productivity, while adjusting his swimming costume. “We can’t just shut Australian Republic down whenever it’s a bit too hot - our economy would go broke. Of course there’s nothing wrong with bumming around the beach, but not while you’re being paid... How about we allow companies, rather than employees to decide when somebody is sick enough to stay home from work. That’ll put an end to their malingering tricks!”

Accept“I’m not a bludger because I take a few sickies,” complains William Zhimo, a surprisingly tanned data entry worker from his basement cubicle. “I mean cm’on, you can’t ‘spect us to work on bloody scortcha! Maybe you could make all places of work close down when the weather is really good, then we can go to the beach and not worry ‘bout it. I mean, what’s more important, a barbie and some beers with yer mates, or more bleedin’ work?”

Accept“Why can’t we just start working on beaches?” asks Buffy Rikkard, a bikini-clad beach beauty who persuaded your doorman to let her into the meeting. “I mean let people take the papers and printers and stuff to the beach and do the work there! Pay people for the work they do, not the hours they are in the office. Flexible workplaces are more productive, so you should be subsidising and encouraging with appropriate legislation.”

Accept“I don’t really understand what the attraction of sunny beaches is supposed to be,” notes dermatologist Dr. Gertie Scully, closing your blinds for you. ” People just need to be reminded that too much sunshine and beach-side indulgence can be bad for you. There’s skin cancer, sunburn and all sorts of nasty creatures, like sharks and jellyfish. Have you seen the size of their teeth? Sharks, I mean, not jellyfish. Here, look at this photo of this man whose skin fell off after he got stung. I’ve got that picture in a Public Health leaflet, you just need to distribute them...”

Accept

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Issue by: The Christmas Island Owners of Australian Republic
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive